Here we are...

Is it really 2 days before 2006?

No really, IS it?

I remember writing last year’s New Years post like it was just yesterday. The way time fly nowadays really make you stop and think about how short life is. How precious it is. How much time we waste on frivolous things. How little time we spend on this that really matter.

What did I do this year? How did time pass me by? What happened to March? September? June? Was I sleep? Where’d 2005 go?

Every year I feel the same way, with each new year rolling by faster and faster. The older I get, the less I worry about new years resolutions, and the more I worry about living each day to the fullest because now, years come and go so fast, I don’t have time to waste. Before I know it, my children will be married. If I’m not careful, I’ll be 60 still trying to fulfill my dream of recording my gospel CD.

Last year this time, I really was excited about 2005. I was confident that MIRACLES were gonna happen for me this year. I knew I’d meet my husband. I knew some major things were gonna take place this year, and I was so excited about 2005 that in Dec of ‘04 I would randomly scream with glee when no one was around just at the thought of this year.

Well now, this year’s about to end. 2005 has taken its course and all that was going to happen, happened. I must say, I did have a great year. I did experience many miracles. I did meet my husband, my soulmate, my Adam. And for all of this I’m grateful.

And as quick as I can blink my eye, I find myself at the end of a year again. My excited thoughts about 2005 last year are replaced this year with many unknowns, uncertainties, and less zeal. I began to wonder why.

Don't get me wrong, I’m still excited about being able to see another year. That’s a blessing no matter how you look at it. But what I find weird is that… while I’m in a much better position now than I was last year this time, and I mean in EVERY WAY… I’m not as excited about the 2006 as I was last year with 2005.

I guess lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my life. Since TG came into my life…things have been wonderfully bad…and perfectly chaotic. How can something so right be so hard? Don’t get me wrong, we’re not forcing “US”. We not trying to make something that shouldn’t happen, happen. When it’s just us…we’re fine, the world is wonderful, everything makes sense. The foundation is solid. It’s just the world around us that complicates our togetherness.

I feel like Romeo & Juliet in that respect. Not the whole family feud thing, but the whole… “we love each other but circumstances make it hard for us to be together” thing. Some days I just wanna quit. Some days he just wanna quit.

I guess I’m not as zealous about 2006 because while last year, I KNEW the good things that were gonna happen, this year I am completely lost. I have no clue what 2006 holds for me. For TG. For my parents. For my friends. God didn’t speak as clearly to me concerning that as He did coming into 2005. So I go in wondering…

This new year holds the answer to TG and my destiny. Will we quit? *shrug* Only God and time know the answer to that. I don’t know how I can be at peace and nervous at the same time…but I am. lol

*sidenote*
And ya’ll I know I l eave out so many details that it’s hard to follow TG and my crazy relationship. Lol One day we’re getting married, the next, we’re not together. Or so it seems. I apologize for not being as detailed as I should for you guys to understand why these drastic changes happen… but nevertheless I felt I should inform you that I’m aware how trifflin I am for leaving SO MUCH out. lol
*end sidenote*

Since this year began, I’ve had many financial problems as well…
more than I care to elaborate on. And while I make more this year than I did last year, I saved no more. I didn’t have as much fun spending what I didn’t save. And it made me no happier. Isn’t that something? It makes me wonder about this upcoming year. What unexpected thing are gonna come up next year that will put a hole in my savings? In my plans. In my life as i know it now. I pray nothing. But I know this year stuff came out the woodworks.

I guess overall what I’m saying is…

I was so excited about 2005 that I overestimated my own happiness in it. And while everything I hoped to happen, happened. It finished rather lackluster because I was overly excited about them.

It’s like everybody telling you how great and wonderful the ATL is… or NY is… or Cali is… (you get my point) and then you get there…and you’re like… is this it? Is this what everyone was so excited about? Is this what I was so excited about? I mean…it’s aaaaaaight… good even… but I was way too excited. I was expecting so much more. lol
Same kinda thing here.

Kinda goes back to what I was saying in This Post. Sometimes the most exciting thing is the imagination of it….the anticipation of it. The reality is nice, but never quite as good as you imagined.

I'm also saying that i think i'm a little more nervous this year because i have so much more at stake. Last year i was ready for a change. Mostly any change would have been good. lol. I had a blank slate last year.
I was excited about new things coming. But now they've came and I have what I want, and the unknown is not as welcomed because i don't know how it's going to disrupt my life. It's easy to risk it all when you have nothing. It's easy to roll with change when things are already bad. But now that things are good... I just want them to stay that way... understand? lol

I’m not trying to be melancholy. I’m in a peaceful place right now. It’s just that…honestly, I have no idea what 2006 holds for me. Which is exciting in a way…but very scary in many other ways. So as I say goodbye to 2005, I less zealously, but just as appreciatively await 2006 and all of its contents…and pray that next year this time, I can say that I LOVED EVERY MOMENT of the year…and mean it.

May your new year bring you the desires of your heart. May your heart be lead by a sound mind and spirit…and may your spirit be of Christ. :)

2005

Well i told Ms. not so CYMPLE that i was gonna steal it.... so here it goes. lol


MY BEST AND WORST OF 2005:

1) Was 2005 a good year for you?

it was the best of times… it was the worst of times.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?

hmmmm… Good question. I’m praying this moment comes Sunday. If my Christmas wish comes true… TG, I and the kids will be over my parent’s house celebrating and fellowhiping all together. My favorite people all under one roof. I know that’ll be my favorite moment.
My favorite moment thus far is the first time TG and I really looked at one another and proclaimed our love for each other. It was so fairy tale-ish. Awww… sniff sniff. I love that ole crazy man.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?

The day TG and I broke up. It was the worst 7 days of my life. lol (I didn’t think it was funny then)

4) Where were you when 2005 began?

Church. Then a house party…err gathering. (see here please)

5) Who were you with?

Family and Friends. Yet…alone still. Weird times.

6) Where will you be when 2005 ends?

AT church. Hopefully with my BABY. I would love to see my parents too. :)

7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends?

TG and/or Parents… and my church family.

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005?

I don’t do them. I strive to start afresh/anew with each new day. I don’t wait a whole year to try and get something right.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006?

Nope.

10) Did you fall in love in 2005?

boy DID i!! *looking googly eyed.* I’m in luuuuub.

11) If yes, with who?

Okay if you don’t know this. Leave now! lol Or just read any post since april this year. lol

12) If yes, do they know?

They betta. *wink*

13) Are you still in love with them?

Yup. Dangerously so. Nauseatingly so. lol

14) You regret it?

No. And if he knows whats good for him, he won’t make me.

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005?

Yup. I’m not sure how I can break up with folks I wasn’t going with…but I did. Lol (read here)

16) Did you make any new friends in 2005?

Not really. Besides TG and his family/friends. I haven’t been out to make new friends. *shrug*

17) Who are your favorite new friends?
see above answer

18) What was your favorite month of 2005?

July. It was hot and pretty. TG and I were still fresh and lovey dovey. Way before the drama, and money prollems. Before reality really hit. It's also my burfday month. AND…. It was just a good month. It doesn't need any more explanations. Hmph.

19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005?
No and I’m mad. *pouting*

20) How many different states have you traveled in 2005?

hmmmm… TO or THROUGH? Lol Okay, okay okay… To. Ummm.. 3.

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?
No. Thank you Jesus!

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?

Yup. Everyone I’ve ever loved/cared about run through my mind at LEAST once in a year….so I’ve thought about them and missed them.

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005?

uhh… dunno. Can’t really remember what I’ve seen. *Thinking hard.* I guess that means none of the movies I saw were really that good.

24) What was your favorite song from 2005?

well…. Good question. I think the album came out last year…but I heard it this year…so um... it’s Tye Tribbett’s “Everything medley”. Man his CD is off tha CHAIN!! (sample here)

25) What was your favorite album from 2005?

Besides the above? Okay... I know... it wasn’t from this year. Um okay… so from this year…. Hmmm… Canton Jones’s new CD…. Love Jones. It’s hotttt… (check it out)

26) How many concerts did you see in 2005?
None. But I was in 3.

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005?
no.

28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005?
nope.

29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2005?

Nope. Unless you count my motrin popping during that one week every month.

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
hmmmm…lemme think on it and get back to you.

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?

Dunno. It has to be a really good one cuz I haven’t found out about it yet.

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?

Not intentionally. There was a guy that I just didn’t have the heart to tell “u have NO chance with me” to. So I let him call and call and call. I feel bad cuz eventually he got the pic, but was mad I just wasn’t completely honest with him upfront. I’m sorry guy.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?
Yeah. I don’t care to elaborate.

36) How much money did you spend in 2005?
More than I had. On things I didn’t want to spend it on. But not nearly enough on things I desired.

37) What was your proudest moment of 2005?

Becoming "mommy 2" to two lil precious rugrats! lol I love those kids.

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?

didn’t really have one. YES! *praying i didn't jinx myself* ha.

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 what would it be?
The months prior to meeting TG. I'd prepare myself a little more. Pay off some bills, get some stuff in order, get as much sleep as possible...etc.

40) What are your plans for 2006?

Live well, Laugh often, Love a lot.

Suspicions Confirmed

well ya'll....

*i DO have tendonitis. ( in other words...Sway will not be bloggin til '06 unless i can remember pswd to audioblog) You wouldn't believe how painful this ish is to type. And i'm too hardheaded to peck, peck, peck, with just my left hand.

*TG and I are still confused about our marriage date although the wedding date is still standing strong for Sept.

*i am officially addicted to Orange Listerine

*i'll quietly admit...Raven Symone and I do kinda favor. ( i have better proof at home. I'll upload more recent pics of me. You'll see... it's freaky. I will discuss/dedicate a post to this alarming revelation in '06)

*Monday really does come right after Friday. (Saturday? Weekend? What's that?)

I'm weird.

Really weird.

And I don't wanna be. But being an only child kinda messed with my brain and enhanced my creativity/ imagination abilites.

I do retarded stuff so much I actually think it's normal behavior. I wish someone would have told me to stop sooner. I might not get the "girl u crazy" stares from TG so much. lol *shrug*

* Counting your anniversary by months is about the cheesiest thing a couple can do. (so i can't wait to hit the year mark in March cuz TG and I shole be dining out and splurging on cards ERRY month lol We so cheesy)

* Driving with a splint gives you sympathy "lane changes". Neegros act like they can't let a sista out or over usually. Unless it's a dude trying to holla at you THROUGH your rolled up window. Of course he let you out then... But anywho... neegros will see you trying to get in the lane and speed up so much they almost hit the back of the car in front of them. WTH? Is it really THAT serious? Anywho...since the wrist splint's been on, folks been having pity on my non-driving self and letting a sister out and ova. Thank yer. :)

* Green vitamins taste much better than red vitamins.

*I WILL be one of the millions of lazy, procrastinating, no saving, folks at the mall on DEC 24th trying to buy ERRY BODY's gift with a hun-ed(read: hundred) dollas. *smh*

*i'm really addicted to blogging cuz my wrist is hurting like a *insert appropriate bad word* and I'm still typin.

Aaaaaaaaaanywho

HAVE a WANDA-FUL HOLIDAY. holla atcha girl via email or comment section. I need a little love since i can't type no mo. *sniffle, sniffle* Guess I can catch up on my blog reading now. :)

Ouch

*yawn*
I’m convinced that there’s really no such thing as weekends. I could have sworn I was up at work just yesterday. Saturdays are a figment of my imagination. I mean really, the thought of an end to any work week is fantasy. It doesn’t end. Well not in my life anyways. A sista is busier during the supposed “weekend” than she is during the weekday. And of course the rainy weather didn’t make for much riding excitement. I wish I could have stayed in. But… you know how it is. I really can’t complain though… I got a lot done this weekend.

Friday: I don’t know WHY I was trying to be extra cute Friday. My radio station said it was 31 degrees right before I turned of my ignition and headed into the ole office in my blue jean mini skirt, tan suede boots, and white collared, eye-and-hook shirt. Um… it’s to cold to be exposing the legs… but anyone that knows me know that Sway is always backwards. I dress up on casual day…and straight bum out on business attire days. *smh* I got issues. I know. I’m aware. Now we can move on.

So… Friday I’m cute. Legs just freezing. Glad I’m in the heat of the office. But on the real…why is the office heater always set on hell? I mean it’s hotter in here than it is outside in the summer. Why? It’s sad I’m trying to drink milkshakes and smoothies just to keep cool in December. But I make it through. *whew* Get off work and head to TG’s.

Brotha had to give me my props cuz I was wearing those boots. It’s too bad my feet were hurting like a mug. Man. Anywho…we went to applebees and discussed some biznass. I must say, I feel better about things. Now, if we can just get through December with our head above water, I’m convinced all will be well.

Saturday I slept in. That’s not usual for me since usually I have dance and/or praise team rehearsal(s). Actually, I DID have those, but um… I played hookey. I needed sleep. And my bed was feeling sooooo good. So my radio alarm went off at 6am Saturday morning… I looked at the radio, turned the Christmas music off, and made some wonderful melodies with my snores.

I woke up refreshed. Partly because I was awakened by TG’s wonderful voice in my phone. He told me he covered for me since everyone was asking HIM where I was. I thanked him and stretched. Now that I was fully awake, I hated that I missed rehearsal. It would have been my only chance to see him that day. Again, he was off to play at a church in Columbus with his brother. I didn’t make such a big deal about him leaving since he’d be back that night. After we hung up, I realized that I was running a little late for my “girl’s outing at Golden Choral”. My stomach wasn’t happy that it was empty…so I picked up some speed as I jumped in the shower and managed to put something decent to wear together while watching Making the Band.

I finally make it to Golden Choral to see that only ONE of my friends is there on time. Don’t they know I like to be the one late? Ugh! So we’re waiting. And waiting… and waiting. Finally about an hour later, miss thang shows up talking about she’s sorry…she was still watching tv. Booooooooo! We’re all waiting on her before we eat. I’m ‘bout to pass out and she at home chillin. I could have strangled her!! But…I was too faint from lack of food…so I let it slide.

So were finally eating and I casually tell them that TG and I are thinking about getting married in January. Of course they had NO idea. I actually share more with you guys than I do with my real life friends, so they still thought we were waiting to the end of next year to maybe get engaged. lol

I probably should have waited until they were finished eating. Homegirl almost choked on her fish messing around with me. And it didn’t help that I caught them off guard. No warning…no serious tone. Just came on out and said it like I was asking for ketchup or something. Of course they had many many questions. But they were all excited and happy for me. Honestly, it’s at a point where I just don’t know whats going on with us anymore. Right now I have so much on my plate it’s like… if we do, we do. If not, keep it moving cuz I got a lot going on. lol We say the beginning of the year, but honestly who knows. *shrug*

*yawn* I’m tired of writing. *ouch* And my wrist hurt. I think I have tendonitis.*ouch* It’s been hurting for 2 weeks now. I’m finally taking TG and my parents advice and going to the doctor. I hate going to the doctor. Yuck. But it’s been two weeks of progressively worse wrist pain. I don’t even move it and it burns. So as much as I’d like to finish my weekend rundown… *ouch* I gotta go. *ouch*
Later.

Thanks…giving… thanks…part II

I figured I’d just briefly comment on my thanksgiving holiday. It’s not much to tell since I really didn’t do much. But I think that's what made it so nice. I had on Pajamas about 80% of my weekend. Spent a lot of time alone and thinking. It was good for me.

Anywho… a sista went to church on thanksgiving morning as usual. It’s amazing how people look at me funny when I say that. As if going to church to give God praise and thanks for all He’s done for me on the very day set aside to show gratitude is just the dumbest thing they’ve ever heard. If ever there was a day to go to church, surely Thanksgiving would be it. *shrug* But I digress.

So I went to church and enjoyed the service. We got out a little earlier than usual. I think it was because this was the first time that the FALCONS played on Thanksgiving. lol. So you know when church let out…all the men were honking their horns trying to tell their chatty wives to get their tails in the car.

My parents and I went to my grandmother’s house and stayed there until about halftime. It’s sad I’m measuring my day by the game. lol

Anywho… gramma was happy to see us. I saw a lot of my family…which isn’t really a big deal like it should be since they all live about 15 minutes from me and I see them all the time. But hey, it’s thanksgiving…and for that reason, it was a big deal. So we all hugged and smiled all funny at each other like we hadn’t seen each other in ages when really, I just saw them fools yesterday. *smh*

We made it home around 1. I got outta my church clothes and put on my pj’s. I had NO plans to go or do anything else that day except eat, sleep, and watch a little tv.

I must admit, I was a little sad cuz my baby and I weren’t together. He left Wednesday night to meet up with his brother so that their band could head to florida for a Thanksgiving Gospel Concert. I would have loved to go, but his group is all males, and their hotel rooms were already taken care of…meaning if I went, I’d have to sleep by myself, and pay for my room. Uh…that’s alright bruh, I’ll wait til you get back. *sigh* I might as well get used to it. My baby is a traveling musician… and pretty soon, I will be hitting the streets with my vocals too. I guess it’ll make us appreciate our alone time together even more. I can already tell that once we really start getting serious about our talents… we’ll be very busy traveling.

I think we should invest in him a better phone though. He got metro PCS…which if you’re in the A, you KNOW ain’t worth ish! So when he’s out of Atlanta, I can’t really keep in touch with him. I don’t like that. He bought a trac phone before he left, which made me happy, but I still didn’t wanna call. I’m funny like that. So on thanksgiving, I laid in bed with my remote in one hand, and my cordless in the other. Watching tv and waiting for him to call to tell me they made it to florida safely and to wish me a happy thanksgiving. I dozed off a few times, and everytime my phone rang, I was very disappointed cuz it wasn’t him. I hate being like that. Why didn’t I just call him and get it over with?? I’m so extra!

Anywho… I felt better when he finally called. Apparently they left later than initially planned and their day was thrown off. After he called, I laid in bed and smiled. I have so much to be thankful for. Even from last year, God has blessed me so much. I had a lot I could have done this year for the holiday. But I was content lying in bed with my remote and pajamas. I didn’t NEED to party with my friends. I didn't NEED to meet anyone. I didn’t NEED to be out and about. I didn't NEED to spend money to comfort me. I was fine with my life. With being alone. With silence. Cuz I knew that it was all by choice…and that my life is full and complete now. So different from how I was feeling last year.

Here’s last year’s thanksgiving post (CLICK HERE). lol I’m thankful that my prayers were heard.

Anyways TG got back on Saturday and I was so happy that I practically flew to his house and squeezed the mess outta him. Good thing he missed me just as much or I woulda looked real… psycho. lol Sunday we ate with my parents and had the “Thanksgiving” I wanted to have Thursday. I told him that come Christmas…we gonna be TOGETHER. I don’t wanna hear about any concerts or yada yada. I don’t care where we go or what we do, but we gotta be together.

Okay I’m done rambling… hope everyone else had a good thanksgiving holiday.

thanks...giving...thanks

I wanted to complain soooooooo bad. Ooooh you just don’t understand. I’ve been yearning to COMPLAIN for almost 2 weeks now!

Ugh… I gotta let it out. So much is goinz on. Everytime TG and I take a step in the right direction, it seems like something knocks us right back. I feel like I’m majoring in minors. Like…. I’m doing so much that nothing is getting done. We can’t just focus on one thing cuz EVERTHING'S all happening at once!! We wanna get married, we wanna move, we wanna transfer the kids up here, we wanna have a wedding, we wanna get ready for Christmas, he wanna change jobs, we wanna get our CD project started, he wanna get his family’s group back together, I wanna join his church and tell my pastor what’s going on, I wanna get a new car, we wanna save money so we can furnish our new place, buy the rings we want, have money for the kids move and yada yada yada, we wanna help out another ministry TG just started playing for, we wanna help the “EX” get her stuff together so that she won’t annoy us and do the crazy retarded mean things she’s been trying to do for the last 3 months, we wanna start ministering and walking in our calling, we wanna do so doggone much and ain’t NOTHING GETTING DONE!!!

We’re just running around talking about what we need to do and doing nothing. Majoring in minors… focusing on the little things…and getting nothing accomplished.

So we find ourselves stressed. The minute it seems we can finally focus one one thing and that particular thing is looking promising…something else falls completely apart and we must divert our attention to that until the next thing fall apart. *deep sigh* I JUST WANT PEACE.

Of course you’re probably looking at the screen like… “um… sway…. That’s called life, sweetheart.”

Being grown is SHOLE not like I pictured it to be growing up.

So I wanna complain about that. I wanna complain about my situation with my mom too. She and I have butting heads lately because she detests me spending the night with TG and it’s sooooooo hard for me not to just stay over on the weekends. So yeah… I’m so ready to leave…and I think she’s actually finally ready for me to leave. (haha) I never thought that day would come…but I think it’s here. So a sista TRYING to get all her ducks in a row ...

( sidenote: why do we say that? Are ducks really that hard to get in a row? They always look pretty straight to me…and it doesn’t seem all that hard…*shrug*)

...trying to make sure everything falls into place properly…so moms and i usually just fight…then I apologize cuz I know she gonna hold her ground til I do (my mom’s side of the family is stubborn). Then we make up and be cool until the next fight…which usually happens every other week.

Then my finances are…. Ahh… nevamind…that’ll take too long.

*sigh* Let’s just say I feel like mumbling…grumbling…and complaining.

But

I

Really

CAN'T.


Yesterday
5-ish
My house

TG: Man I’m full…yo’ mamma can throw DOWN!

Me: *laughing* Yeah, my momma’s no joke. I’mma be like her when I grow up.

TG: whew, I don’t even wanna drive home. I wish we drove your car so you can drive. Note to self: I GOTTA teach you how to drive a stick.

Me: Awww baby! Well lets go ahead and go before you get too sleepy. It’s already starting to rain. Lemme tell my folks we gone. *kissing TG’s forehead and running upstairs and almost knocking my dad down…who happened to be coming down the stairs as i headed up.*

Dad: Whoa …. you almost knocked me down.

Me: My fault. I was just finna tell ya’ll we leaving.

Dad: Oh… hold on…check this out. This is crazy I’ve never seen anything like this before. *coming down to the living room where TG and I was previously watching Players Club and changing it to the discovery channel*

We stood there appalled at what we saw. Frozen to our seats…we sadly looked at this little girl. I read the bottom of the screen…where the show’s title was displayed… “Born without a face”


I have NO reason to complain. I at least have a face. She has slits on her cheek that are supposed to be her ears. Her eyes are larger than anything on her…and they are located on each side of her nose. Her nose isn’t really there. It kinda looks like Michael Jackson’s. And I don’t remember seeing a mouth. It was worse than anything I’ve ever seen. Sort of like how a baby looks in it’s first 2 months in the womb… alienesque. Nothing was developed right…nothing in it’s proper place…

She can’t hear…talk, walk….and can barely move at all…yet I think I have a reason to complain?

There’s always someone worse off… Be thankful for life. If you have health and strength…what could we POSSIBLY complain about? I’ve learned. I no longer wish to complain.

There's no place like home...

Last Friday Night/ Saturday Morning
TG’s Place

“Miss Sue-quala…. Are you gonna spend the night with us and my daddy?”

“No baby girl, I’m going to my house. I’ll be back in the morning.”

“Well, how u getting home?” She asks loudly.

“I’m gonna drive.” I say as I play with her beaded hair.

“Miss Sue-quala… it’s late. Can we take you home?”

“Haha…awww that’s sweet babygirl, but naw I’m gonna….”

“Yes babygirl, we’re taking her home” TG chimes in after zooming by with a load full of clean clothes.

“Let daddy fold these clothes and ya’ll put on ya’ll coats so we can take her home”

I look at him from the living room sofa. He’s tired and I know it. He just drove back from getting them from Columbus and it’s now 2 am Saturday morning. Arguing with this man is like arguing with a rock. No matter how many good points I have, he still ain’t hearing it. I put up a small fight by strolling into the bedroom and joining him in his folding frenzie.

“Baby, I know you’re tired. I can drive myself. I’ll call u as soon as I get home.”

“Uh-uh” He shakes his head. “It’s late, and you look just as tired as I do. Besides, I’m already up. I’ll just take you home and come get you in the morning.”

“But baby, the kids already took their baths…and babygirl's already coughing. I don’t want her out in this wea...”

“Sway! If you fall asleep at the wheel, I would never forgive myself. Stop arguing with me. I’m taking you home. End of discussion”

_________________

9 am Saturday Morning
My Place


“There she is! Yay!” lil TG exclaims while climbing from the front seat to the back with babygirl.

“Hey lil TG!” I say while giving him a hug.

“ Is this where you live?”

“Yup” I said getting into MY car that they picked me up in.

“oh… It’s faaaaaar from us!” He exclaims!

“Yeah it is”

_____________

About 4pm Saturday afternoon
Just getting back from Burlington Coat factory


“My momma said that after December comes and goes away and the next month that comes… that next time in January, I'm gonna live with my daddy and I’m never going to Columbus again!”

“Oh really?” I question lil TG casually as we walk up the driveway.

“Yup” he hyperly chirps.

“And how do you feel about that?” I say

“Good! I like staying with my daddy”

“Well that’s good.” I smile, and put my hand on his head.

_____________

4:30ish Saturday afternoon
TG’s kitchen

“Baby I’m so tired. I'm about to drop! I need to take a nap. Come take a nap with me.”

I look at him as he stirs the cheese grits for lil TG. I know he’s tired. These chilluns of his are HYPER. He drove down and back from Columbus last night…then took me home. Then was up at 7 on a Saturday…drove BACK to get me…and have been luggin us around all day. This man is superman. I was actually a little tired myself. Babygirl wore me out!

“Alright…lemme check on babygirl and lil tg.” I warmly reply.

I dry my hands and head to the living room to check on the kids. Lil TG was watching cartoons and playing with the ball he won at Stevie B’s.

“Where’s babygirl?” I ask TJ.

He seemed startled. I guess the TV was kinda loud and I didn’t make much noise upon entering the room. He shrugged. I did a quick scan of the room… she wasn’t there.

“Babygirl?” I called… looking in the restroom, washroom and going back to the kitchen.

TG had vanished from the kitchen, grits still hot. I saw his bedroom door open and the blacklight on. I peep in to ask him if he’d seen babygirl.
She was asleep on my side of the bed. Man! No cuddling action today.

“Um…why is babygirl in our bed?” I whispered.

TG sleepily shrugged. He’d changed into some sweats and a wife beater.

“I’mma give lil TG these grits, then we’ll come back and figure out the sleeping arrangements.”

“Alright” I sigh.

Babygirl is smart. She knew what she was doing. She likes me… but she still wants to be the center of her daddy’s attention. I guess daddy was spending a little to much time with me. She wanted to make sure we didn’t get “too friendly” while she was there.

“Okay, lil TG’s all set. U wanna sleep next to babygirl or you want me to?”

I’ve seen how miss thang sleeps. I quickly blurted out “YOU!”

“I knew you’d say that” TG smirked.

He climbed in bed..then motioned me to snuggle up against him. I followes his instructions. I was thankful for his queen size bed. We all slept comfortably for a few hours.


Few hours later

“Daddy! Wake up! I feel better now.”

A groaning TG rolled away from me and told babygirl to use the restroom while he make her some grits.

Sensing that we were now awake, lil TJ comes in just as babygirl was crawling over us to get off the bed.

“Ya’ll all slept in here?” He questioned

“Yup” babygirl smiled.

“Where did sue-skwaylas sleep?” He asked.

“Right there” babygirl pointed, while holding her teddy bear. “And I slept over there. Daddy slept in the middle.”

“Oh” lil TG said as he and babygirl looked at me.

I wondered what they were thinking. This is the first time they’d ever seen me sleep there. This is the first time they’d ever seen TG and I openly affectionate towards each other. We usually don’t even hug when they are around.


Sunday Evening
TG’s car on the way to back to Columbus
(I was home)

“So, how do you like Miss Sway?”

“I like her. She’s nice” lil TG says nonchalantly.

“Well good.” TG smiles. Because she’s gonna be living with us when you come to live here next year.

Silence.

“Is that okay with you?” TG concernly questions.

Lil TG nods. “Yeah.”

“So what about mommy. Is she coming too?” He wonders after a few minutes of thinking.

“No. Mommy is staying down here. But you can see her whenever you like. Is that cool?”

“yeah” lil TG says.

“Just me, you, and su-skwaylas?” He asks again.

“Well babygirl too most likely”. TG says.

“Oh” lil TG laughs. “Okay that’s cool.”


And there you have it. Beginning next year… Sway will have her family... all living under one roof. I feel so blessed.

Must be bad...

It can’t be a good thing when your boss does not talk to you…and it is evident to other co-workers that she deliberately leave you out of conversations and never tell you what’s going on with work.

I mean it’s crazy. For some reason my “boss” and I do not have any words for each other. I don’t know what happened…how it started…why it started but it seems like something just changed and there’s so much tension between us. This is the same lady who PULLED strings to get me hired. I didn’t know her, but something about me she liked so much that she went to HER boss on my behalf to hire me. Well it shole ain’t like that now. Homegirl will call my co-worker, who arrives 30-45 minutes AFTER me everyday and leave her a voicemail saying that she’s out, or is having a doctor’s appointment, rather than to just call me. She leaves and tells her where she’s going…but u think homegirl even looks my way to let me know what’s up. I’m answering her line like… “uh…I think she’s here…hold on…" *running to boss’s desk and seeing she’s gone, then running to co-workers desk to find out that boss done left for the day*
SMH!
My co-worker like… “she’din ( read:didn’t) tell you? Umph. That’s crazy.”

It’s all good though. She can invite the entire office except me out on her lil long lunch breaks… and she can pretend I’m not here ALL day long. As long as on Fridays…I get my check… I’m cool. Enjoy ya’ll cheese sammiches. I’m good.


It’s bad when the highlight of your workday is going to the Seinfeld site and reading all of the episode guide summaries of each show.

I’m serious. That’s all I did for the ENTIRE DAY… except for the few minutes my coworker and I went down to the conference room to get cookies from the “Staples” fair we had. Yeah, my office is weird. We had reps from Staples come and show us their products and yada yada yada (told ya'll i was all into the seinfeld episodes.lol). You should have seen how happy a sista was when she came back from her staff meeting to find a new stapler sitting in her chair. She was HAPPY!! I’m all frolicking around the department showing off my new stapler. I have hit an all time LOW. You know u must be bored and have NO LIFE when you are excited about winning a stapler. *smh*


It’s bad when you’re so sleepy you resort to reading /focusing hard on a milk carton just to keep awake.

Ummm, guys... I never knew that milk needed to be shaken well. I figured it was like water…you just pour and voila! Yet it says right on the carton….shake well. *smh* all these years I’ve been doing it wrong. *blink, blink*

It must be bad to be known on a first name basis at a fast food joint.

Erry time I go to chickfila, my peoples be like… “hey Sway”! lol
I guess I gotta admit, I’m addicted to Chick fila’s chicken salad sandwiches.
In fact, I’m eating one now. And that’s crazy..cuz I actually started this post about a month ago. lol. And everytime I add something to my list, I’m eating a doggone Chickfila chicken salad sammich. And of course I’m real amped about it cuz didn’t even know they had it until a few months ago. My girl ordered a tray of it for our little lazy Saturday “girls day in”. It was cut up into lil triangles. I was all frowning up at it as I put it on my fruit plate…but one bite… (really that’s all it was…a bite and a half) and I was hooked. I know I had to eat about 30 of them thangs. Every since then… it’s been no stopping me. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. And you KNOW it’s bad when I can tell WHICH chickfila you bought my sammich from cuz they all taste different. lol I be all mad when my co-worker go to the Chickfila north of the BP on N. Druid Hills instead of the one by N. Dekalb Mall. Haha. It’s crazy.


Totally random but, I think I'm addicted to addictions.
I mean, I easily attach to things and make it my addiction until I literally make myself sick of it. I'll play a song over and over and over again for an entire month, then never wanna hear it again. EVER. I guess that's why i've never smoked. I was afraid i'd be hooked...and i really hate the smell of smoke, the darkening effect it has on your lips, and the fact that i'd actually stand out in 2 degree weather just to do it. It's.not.cute.
Anywho... here's a small list of my past/present addictions.

~ Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream
~ Grape Juicy Juice
~ Carmax
~ Teedra Moss, Dwele, and Syleena J CDs
~ Blogging
~ Vitamins. (okay i'll talk about this next time. you gonna think i'm weird)
~ Smelling new shower curtains and leather
~ Bigelow's Vanilla Caramel Tea
~ Oil of Olay

and lately i've been thinking about becoming addicted to Orange Listerine. It's still in the making though. lol

umm..

I'm still trying to figure out why it's 82 degrees in November?? TG and I went to the park saturday and almost burned alive with jeans and tennis shoes on. Everyone else was rocking flip flops...shorts and tees. You mean to tell me that thanksgiving is in a few weeks? Are you sure? Shoot, with this weather, we may just have a barbeque for Thanksgiving. lol. Fish fry or something...


So I'm really falling off on this whole blogging thing. It's almost been two years since I started. TWO YEARS! I feel like a vet. I'm kinda thinking that my time here is very limited. Although I'm addicted to it, the sheer joy of blogging has kinda left. I find myself not knowing what to talk about anymore...though there's SO MUCH to be said about my life right now. I know the end is near... so...i figured i'd at least give you guys a heads up. Anywho... I got work to do, so I'll be around later. :)

You know what...

I don’t feel like writing. AT. ALL. Yet, I'm weirdly drawn to and feel guilty about not blogging. I don’t know how it became something I MUST do in order to feel right, but it has…and I hate it. Cuz ya’ll I DON’T feel like writing.

So this morning after my daily email browsing and tea drinking, I browsed the net for some good articles to post about the origin of Halloween. I somehow manage to inform someone of the origin/merger of this day each year. I wanted to write about All Hollows Eve and Samhain and why people dress up their children like ghosts and demons, and dracula (who was a real person) and actually think it’s cute, with out realizing the meaning behind it all. And how human sacrifices were actually made…and the many heightened accounts of abducted children during this season which are believed to be because of the sacrificial rituals some cults practice...and how these accounts are as recent as the late 90’s. And how even though many Christians are now realizing how demonic Halloween is, they don’t realize that they are the cause of it becoming so big, and the reason there IS a Halloween. And I wanted to even put a mini paragraph in about the true meaning behind the jack-o-lantern, and bobbing for apples, and the whole Trick-or-treat bit. But this year it seems that I’m not going to be doing that. Cuz I don’t feel like writing. And even though copying and pasting is not technically writing… I don’t even feel like doing that either.

I really would have liked to share my weekend too, since it was unusual for me. For the first time since april, I didn’t see TG on friday night. I knew this was coming a few days before since he had informed me that Tuesday that he would be in the studio Friday night. I compensated by spending Tuesday and Wedesday at his place…hoping that by Friday, I’d be overflowing with TG and could get through the day without incedent. It didn’t happen. I still missed him. We weren’t supposed to see each other Saturday either. He had praise team rehearsal, I had dance. We would have missed each other by 15 minutes had he not called me while I was on my way to where he just left, and asked me to meet him at hardees. There in the parking lot on S.R. 85, he and I stood outside our running cars and hugged as if that was the last time we’d see each other. Onlookers at the red light gazed at us. Probably looking at us like I look at couples when one seems waaaaay to fly for the other. “How did she pull him”…I could imagine the ladies in the car in front of me think. Me with my dingy bandana on, some grey stretch dance pants, a white tee and some dingy tennis shoes looked in no way on the same level as Mr. GQ himself. All decked out with his navy blue slacks, dark stacy adams shoes, light blue button up shirt, and signature kangol, bling, and shades. I bet it was a sight to see. After our hug(s), we held hands as we ran off our list of “TO-DO’s” for the day. He was going out of town to play with his brothers band. And I was getting my hair done and spending some QT with moms. On the way to my rehearsal, I smelled my shirt. His scent was so strong I almost thought he was still with me. In actuality he was. Maybe not physically, but TG’s always here.
I would tell you about how we spent a little time together on Sunday at church. Then we came home and cuddled under the covers for a few hours… dozing off a few times…and waking up to one of us staring at the other. He said I look cute when I’m sleep. I can’t imagine what’s cute about watching someone snore and drool…but hey, who am I to judge his measure of cuteness. We got up around 3 and went to waffle house. Neither of us was really hungry, but for some non-hungry folks, our table sure was full of empty plates. He paid and we left. I felt sad because I knew this wasn’t one of those normal Sundays where we’d go back to his place and watch a movie while eating cookies-n-cream ice cream. I was going home and he was heading out again. This time to Columbus. His son got suspended from school last week because of his continuous misconduct. The principal wanted to meet with BOTH PARENTS this morning in order to put lil TG back in school. So again he goes away. His ex is not too happy about all of this. Of course she called TG last week and pretty much jumped down his throat. “If you were down here with your SON instead of up there in Atlanta playing with that GIRL then maybe he wouldn’t be doing so badly in school! Is she now more important than your children!!!??”
I know TG stills feels a tinge of guilt for leaving his children. Even though he knows she’s using them and his guilt to make him come back, it is still a soft spot. The man hates for his kids to be caught in the middle. Which unfortunately she keeps doing… putting them in the middle. To be honest, lil TG isn't really all that bad, he's a typical boy. All she gotta do is whip that butt. Tell him he BETTA stop acting out "OR ELSE" and i know lil man would stop acting so bad. But i guess it's easier to make an okay situation seem hopeless so that you can produce the results you want.... TG back with you. *sigh* I must admit, ole girl is on her job. I could write a novel about the daily drama with her… but honestly… *sigh* I don’t feel like writing.

If I did feel like writing, I’d probably tell you that out of my 3 best friends, I’m the only one not pregnant. I’m also the only one not married or engaged yet. It’s crazy how it kinda all worked out that 3 of us are getting married next year (one got married this year)… and 3 of us are having babies next year. I’m sure folks think that we’re competing and just wanna get married cause our friends are…but honestly, it just worked out that way. All of our situations are different. None of us are jealous of the other, but…it just so happens that we’re going through the marriage/baby stage together. Well…THEY are going through the baby stage. *smacking teeth* I’ve already got my hands full with the grown babies TG has. I love those two so much. They make me all warm and fuzzy inside. They were here last weekend with us. Babygirl really likes me. Lil TG likes me too, but you know how boys are. He’s not really all that affectionate with me. But babygirl…man, I have NO personal space or privacy when she’s around. She comes and jumps on my lap as soon as she sees me. She gets so close to my face sometimes I don’t wanna breath for fear she’ll smell the gummy bears on my breath and beg me for more candy she DOESN’T need. We were watching Spy Kids 3 last Saturday together while TG was getting their clothes ready for Church and babygirl hopped all over me and turned to me and said, "I like sitting close to you. You’re better than a chair." lol. I didn’t know how to respond to that…but it made me laugh. I’d go on and on about how she follows me everywhere I go...even if I’m going to the bathroom... and how she loves putting on my house shoes and jewelry and pretending she's me. I'd write about how she calls me “Sue-quayla” which is not exactly my name..but close enough. *smiling warmly* But ya’ll, I can’t get into that today, cuz honestly, I just DON’T FEEL like WRITING.

So I guess you’re just gonna have to wait until I do feel like writing…. Until next time.

HELP ME REACH MY GOAL!!

I know I’ve fallen off with my posts. For a while there… I was on a role. But life has a way of not slowing down long enough for me to sit and really think of something witty and interesting to write. Believe me… my life has enough twists, turns and funny moments to make this blog be a number one hit. However, my lack of story telling abilities coupled with my new busy work schedule has lead me to slack off….ALOT.

Hopefully next week I’ll be able to write more about what’s been going on. I know I paint a rose colored portrait of the love TG and I share…but trust me, every relationship has its rough spots. We DEFINITELY have been FIGHTING for US since day one…and we’re still fighting. Anywho….that’s not the reason I came on here today… *focus sway…focus*

I need your help. Yes you. *sticking index finger in your chest*

I need your support in a wonderful and very important event sponsored by the American Cancer Society. Please please PLEASE click on the link below and participate/read & pass on/donate in the event called Making Strides against Breast Cancer! Thanks in advance to all that help!

----------------->CLICK HERE<---------------


.

Alrighty then…

So Grayse tagged me to do a mime… and I haven’t done one in a while. So I figured it would be a great way to close out the week by spending the next few minutes of my ½ day of work…goofing off on my blog! Yay!

7 things I plan to do before I die:
Learn how to cook a goooood soul food meal from scratch and in less than an hour. (what? I’mma learn. You watch.)
*Hear my OWN music on the radio
*Pay off “The Woman”
*Learn sign language fluently
*Spend time in Ethiopia
*Write a book
*Marry TG have 2.5 children…and a dog…and get my darn house on the top of the hill…umm…with a white picket fence. lol


7 things I can do:
*Karate
*Find the silver lining in any cloud
*Eat waffles with my syrup, have coffee in my sugar, and grits in my jelly all at the same time
*Get what I want
*Pee standing up. (I’m a pro. *poppin’ collar*)
*Pop my jaw bone
*Learn any dance, song, speech, script…etc… in 20 minutes.

7 things I cannot do:
*Get ready in less than 30 minutes.
*Skate. (darn weak ankles)
*Successfully lie to my parents. (lawd knows I’ve tried)
*Take too much BS/drama
*Rap. (oooh… I gotta be the worse rapper EVER)
* Hmmmm…write a full post without using these “…”
*Hold a grudge.

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex:
*Assertiveness
*Transparent eyes (meaning…that when I look them in the eyes… I feel as if I can see right through them)
*Chivalry
*Ability to keep me smiling/laughing
*Voice tone/Diction/language (they ALL matter)
*Veins in the arms. (don’t ask me why that turns me on but it does. BAD)
*Their attraction to me. (what?…him liking me turns me on…lol)

7 things that I say most often:

“huh”
“say that one mo’ ‘gain”
“hey baby”
“I’m sleepy”
“allllll-righty then”
“night night”
“get’cho hand out my pocket!” (naw I’m kidding…sorry)
“ay, lemme call you right back”

7 celebrity crushes:
Terrence Howard… and I been on him waaaay before he started getting all this air time. In fact… I wrote a post in my other blog on March 02, 2004 about my celebrity crushes… I’ll just stick with those answers.
* Jalen Rose
* Jason Weaver ~uh...i'm not quite sure why i like him. just do. *shrug*
*Michael Jai White ~ lawd that man is fine. *fainting repeatedly*
* Morris Chestnut
* Jason George
* Mike Bibby
*Terrence Dashon Howard
*Khalil Kain

Sway's Garden

Did I ever mention how great TG is? *insert googly eyes and sigh* I know I talk a lot about our “issues” and his “baggage” and my “insecurities”. But… TG really IS a wonderful guy.

I think the last picture post I did was from all of the Birthday presents TG bought me….which was end of july. Well… I guess since I was so responsive, and because he loves me so much, TG has made it his mission to keep me with some fresh roses. Seriously, EVERY WEEK since the end of july, TG has bought me a dozen roses and a card...just because. Here are a few of my favorites from over the months. (I know, I lost 3908423432 cool points for taking pictures of my roses... and then to top it off, they probably all look alike. haha)

These were my very first roses from him


These were my favorite...and my co-workers favorite (haha)They bloomed so wonderfully...if you saw them in person, you'd understand what i meant. I had to take two pictures of it. lol



These are my "Spring" roses. They brightened up my day. You wouldn't believe the color from these roses...and the yellow vase made it even more spring-like.


These didn't bloom as well, but they were still pretty. I think this set was the first "red" roses I've gotten from him. I didn't mind since there were other colors in there too. lol


These are my "FALL" roses. My second favorite. The peach's and the whites were BEAUTIFUL. Of course he had to get a matching vase. haha. I currently have 3 orange vases, 2 yellow vases 3 clear vases, 1 blue and one red vase. *smh*



And here's my little desk "shrine" to everything TG. lol. Well...it's actually bigger now since i have more pics, more cards...and more flowers...but i took it last month...so...*shrug*.

It’s gotten to the point now that I had to actually tell him last week to STOP with the flowers. Lol. Not because I don’t like them. I REALLY do and I make sure he knows that with each new dozen roses/vase/card trio. BUT now its to the point where I’m like… hmmm… he’s dishing out a lot of unnecessary money and Lord knows we NEED ever nickel, dime, quarter we have. So last week I thanked him and told him… “baby, you’re too good to me. You don’t have to buy me anymore roses. He smiled and said okay….

Today, he got me these… lol

There's daisies, honeysuckles, sunflowers,purple daisies, purple pansies...and etc. They are beautiful...and they smell so fresh!


Awwww… the man just won’t stop. He’s obsessed with showering me with roses and cards. I love it… I really do. Even though I’m putting my foot down and forbidding him to buy me any flowers for at least a month. lol

Of course my co-workers are gonna be mad. I think they enjoy his display of love even more than I do. You should see them… every Friday or Monday, they come by my desk and gawk at the new ones I got. They compliment him on how he coordinates the roses with the vase. They smell them and “ahhhhhhh”. They gaze at me and tell me how lucky I am. One new woman doesn’t even know my name because she’s been calling me “Rose” since she got here. lol. He definitely has a fan base here at the job.

Everyday when my day gets stressful, I look up at the beautiful blossoming flowers he’s so graciously given me and I smile. I love him. I can hear him whispering to me as he always does,
“Baby, you deserve the best. And I’m gonna spend the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to give you just that.”

Just the little things like that makes him stand out over any man I’ve ever known. I can’t imagine what my life would be like with anyone else…and I don’t want to. All of my ex’s balled into one Super-Ex couldn’t even put a match to him. He does it for me. I got it bad. And it’s great to know that he got it just as bad. Even if he never buys me a rose again, I think I’ve had enough to last me a lifetime….and I’ll spend my life letting him know that. Today is one of those days I wish I would have given him the url to my blog. I’d let him know again that I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with him. Garden or no garden. Through sunshine or rain. I’m his. Wholly. Completely. Sincerely.

Progress

Work’s been getting in the way of my blogging. *hmph* Actually I’m not mad about that. I like it when I’m busy. Makes the days go by faster and the faster the week goes, the faster the weekends get here and I’m able to see my suave sexy papi for 3 days straight. *sigh* It is really getting exhausting living so far away from each other. Gas prices makes a sista think twice about seeing TG everyday during the week. Never has shacking up seemed so good. lol. So we on this whole… “I miss you”… “I miss you too” thang on the phone everyday…counting down the days, hours, minutes, seconds until we can see each other again like in highschool and carless. I usually go visit him so that our quality time can be maximized. I like our privacy. At my house...ain't none of that. So I usually make that long journey...and it's worth every second. But still, days like today, a sista wish she had her own place so he could be there when i got home. I hate that I still live with my parents. UGH! I’m a grown woman. A grown woman sneaking around with a grown man. NOT a good look. haha. I hate not being able to just be straight up with my folks and say "LISTEN … I’m going to spend the week/ weekend with my man so I won’t be home." But I guarantee the day those words come out of my mouth,my stuff will be on the side of the road along with my parental divorce papers. *smh* Being a PK (preacher’s kid) is hard. They don't take no junk. No matter how GROWN you are…you still gotta obey the rules. And Mrs. Warner ain't having no form of shackin while she's alive and well.

I know I know… the simple solution would be to get my own place. BUT…I didn’t wanna get my own place knowing that soon we’ll be married and would need to start looking for a bigger place together since the kids will prolly wanna come live here…and trust me, I just can't get the bigger place now and try to foot that bill by myself and still live comfortably…so I figure I’d just suck it up and save all the money I can now. I’ll just lie to the parents some more…and settle for seeing TG on the weekends. Just ain’t right…but I gotta do what I gotta do. *sigh* Anywho…that will be all over soon. Were finally on our way…

TG and I went to our first counseling session. *singing Hallelujah and exhaling*

It’s really happening!! *jumping up and down* I must say, I was a little more nervous than he was. Heck…I was still in dance practice 20 minutes AFTER we were supposed to start our meeting. TG had left praise team rehearsal promptly at 11:30am (our meeting time). He and Pastor talked until about 11:50 and realized that I wasn’t making any effort to try and sneak out of class to get to them. Pastor actually had to come IN the class like my daddy or something and motion me to GET MY TAIL in his office. I hung my head as if i was about to get in trouble, and drug my feet into his office. I was scurred. I was sweating buckets. Sure some of it was from all those doggone dance moves we were doing, but I know most of it was because it was really going down. We were really here… talking about marriage….with the Pastor. *temperature…rising…heartbeat…increasing*

I really didn’t know what to expect. Were we gonna have to take one of those… “how well do you know your mate” quizzes…and if we fail..be banned from our sessions until further notice? Was pastor gonna fire a bazillion questions at me about why I love him and why do we wanna get married? Was I gonna have to talk about my trust issues with men, and my past hurt from my ex fiancé? What are we gonna talk about for the next hour and a half????

My fears were quieted after Pastor just talked for a while and asked questions I knew answers to and was comfortable talking about. *sigh of relief* Really, he just set up talking points for TG and I to discuss on our own until the next session. (ie…money, credit, the EX, the kids, our fears, who’s church will we attend, the wedding date, learning how to be flexible, being spiritually grounded, balancing worlds and etc) We’ve actually talked about ALL of this already, so I felt good leaving Pastor's office knowing that TG and my communication skills with each other is on point. We’re ahead of the game! Yeah baby! *kissing TG’s picture*

Anyways… I had so much I wanted to talk about today, but work calls…so maybe later. Happy Hump Day!

Ain't this some BS!!!!

Please click on link and READ this

i don't care in what context he said this...the fact that he came up with this as a possible solution makes me wanna slap him, his mama, and his grandmama!

Anyways... besides that... i'm having a waaaaaaaaaandaful friday. I love the fall weather. It's not payday...but i'm still crunk. Grateful for another day... my health and peace of mind...friends and family... a job...and luxuries we rarely called luxury (ie..shelter, bed, food, running water, air condition ...etc.)

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!

Fruity Cars, Broken Weddings… uh switch that…

So I was hoping to come in today and tell you guys how TG and my first counseling session went… but…err.. we didn’t make it. Is that a bad sign?
Man, this weekend was crazy. It was a good crazy for the most part. TG and I got a taste of how it would be when we get married and start living together. The reason… well… I pretty much was stranded at his house while my car was being “fixed”. *sigh* Yeah right. Fixed nothing. No one knows what’s wrong with it. Every place I go, they put it on the diagnostic machine and tell me that I have a small leak. But NO ONE can find it…and no one knows why my “check engine light” is on. *sigh* I still can’t pass emissions and I have until Friday to get my tag. *panicking*
I took off last Friday and this Monday to ENSURE that I’d have enough time to get the car fixed and go get my emissions test. Yeah…that didn’t happen. I dished out all my money only to be told, “um, Ma’am…we can’t do anything with this car…you might wanna take this to the dealership.” Yuck! I hate it. It sucks! *throwing a tantrum* So now I have to plan to take the car to the dealership all early in the morning tomorrow… then wonder what they’ll find, how long I’ll be carless…and how much is all this gonna cost. I’m not excited AT.ALL.

So, we missed our counseling session cuz we had to go pick up my car all late from the shop way ‘cross town. We rescheduled it for this Saturday. *sigh* We’ll see.

Moving along….

I went to a gay wedding this weekend.

Okay wait… that didn’t come out right.

What I meant to say is… I went to a wedding of a gay err...reformed man. It was…INTERSTING to say the least. I was very amused. Dude was OBVIOUSLY “on the other team”. In fact…he’d said so many MANY times during his life. So it’s not speculation or rumors. He was gay and proud. Dude was flamboyant with it. But, he got saved…and says God showed him the err of his ways… NOW, he’s very much in love with his best friend…a 350+ pound diva who knew him in all his stages… straight, bi, gay, REALLY gay, and now…reformed straight. She’s always loved him and stuck by his side through it all. I guess once he got saved and changed teams again… he realized he was in love with her…so he and his best friend tied the knot. Nice concept. But VERY weird to see. Trust me.

It was the weirdest wedding I’ve EVER seen. Imagine all these guys with lip gloss and shiny nails walking down the aisle twisting harder than the heavy set masculine looking bridesmaids. *shuttering* It was funny. But I have to give it to the couple. They did seem to really be in love with each other. I’ve never heard anyone shout their vows as loud as he did. Even though he still had that “gay man lisp” (how come the effeminate ones all have that lisp and do that same head movement?) and his movements were still very suspect…He convinced me that he was FOR REAL for real about loving her and wanting her to be his wife. lol
I’m glad they at least trying to do right. It was really interesting.

What do ya’ll think about that? Do you think that openly gay men can change and be happy with a woman? Just curious.

Talk is talk... talk is cheap. Tell it to her...don't say it to me. ~ Missy

There has been talk.

Some talk.

More talk than I’d like.

Talk of us separating.

Every other week it’s something with TG. One week he makes plans for us to just go to the courthouse and get married that Friday… and the week after, he’s taking a step back to make sure this is the best thing for all of us. Some days he’s soooooo sure and soooooooo ready. Other days he claims to be, but I can see the uncertainty in his eyes. I mean, it’s never been a time where I questioned his love…and never been a time where we hated each other… There’s never been a time where he’s said he wants out… or a time where he thought twice about wanting to marry me. It’s just that… with all of the issues dealing with his kids and his ex….we both wonder if all of this is worth fighting for. We both wonder if we’re ready for all this NOW. We both wonder if we should just…separate for a while.

But then... we get together... he and I and the kids... and they draw cute pics of TG and I during church services...and write "I love Sway and Daddy" all over their papers... and he and i lock eyes and know...this is OUR family. We all fit. We all love each other. We all want it to work. We're at peace again. We know we'll be fine. We know they'll be fine. We know it'll all work out. And as the onlookers gaze at the 4 of us...all they can say is... "ya'll are such a cute family".
*proud smile*

So of course…there has been more talk.

A lot of talk.

Talk of us getting married. How can we toggle between getting married one week and calling the entire thing off the next is beyond me. Well actually... it IS me. lol. I'm the one always trying to take a break. Trying to make sure he's ready. Trying to tell him to weigh his options. Making him really think about if this is what he wants. Making sure this is really what I want. I guess i dont want to get hurt. I guess i want him to KNOW that he KNOWS. I don't want any surprises. But i'm done with that now. Enough is enough. I'm done..."what if"-ing. I'm ready. Not just to love him and be faithful to him...but i'm ready for it all. To be a mother of a 6 and 7 year old. To be a minister's wife. To be his partner in the music ministry. To be the daughter of a Bishop. To have 4 more siblings. To explain to all my male friends that they can no longer call me after 8. To refer to myself and my stuff as "US", "We" and "Ours". To deal with an ex wife that still wants TG back. I'm ready for it all.
And i know that he is too.

So ...
TG talked to his Pastor about how with each passing day it becomes harder and harder for us to function out of two different households. It's almost a NEED for us to go ahead and marry. It would be cheaper...easier to start the ministry God's placed in us, much more convenient for all of us...better for us morally, and it would solve alot concerning the children.
His Pastor suggested that we go through a month or two of intense counseling and let him marry us if we’re still ready after counseling. TG loved the idea. Me...*shrug* it's cool. My only gripe is that I know that even if his…err… OUR (still working on that "we/us/our" thing) Pastor marry us, we still wouldn’t have a wedding until MUCH later. I’m not sure how I feel about that yet. We’ve talked about that a lot too. And still there's no cut and dry answer. I'm ready to be married...but I'm still kinda old fashioned. I want to get MARRIED at my WEDDING. Not be married and then have a wedding later.

So...that's where we are. Decisions…decisions. Either way, we’re starting counseling next weekend. I’ll keep you posted.

So it's friday and I'm in agonizing pain because of the body cramps i'm having on account of my monthly visitor. I hate this because it's not just that my stomach hurts... no no no... that would be bearable...but i'm losing iron, which makes me sleepy and cold. My entire freaking BODY is in pain... even my knees and eyelashes (no seriously). I look like crap since i was late cuz i tried to sleep as long as possible since the pain kept waking me up during the night. I'm hungry cuz i haven't eaten anything cuz i'm too tired and in too much pain to get up and go find food. And i can't take my drugs until i eat. I mean you don't understand. I am DRAINED...like i just ran 10 marathons or something... I didn't even feel like sitting up this morning. It was WORK trying to get outta the doggone bed... and not to mention having to come to work and pretend to be happy and productive.So now u want me to read and type and answer questions and stuff. How about a NO!!!!! I HURT. Leeeeee me Lone!

Ok. Now that i'm done venting.

How is everyone this beautiful friday morning? :)

I'm Pregnant

*blink, blink*

I can’t believe this. So many questions…when did it happen? How is all this gonna work out? What is everyone gonna think…KNOWING about the celibacy thing we all are supposedly doing? What are the parents gonna say? What about everything? After finding out this shocking news I just stood there. I didn’t really know how to react. I mean I’m happy…but scared…worried…anxious…*sigh* man…I’m just confused.

I looked at her, took a deep breath and gave her a supportive hug. I know for my best friend, finding out she’s pregnant is devastating. Not for the obvious reasons of her not being ready to be a mother right now…or her not being married…but well…she’s starting seminary school in a week, and being unmarried and pregnant is NOT a good way to start off on the right foot. Plus she’s a minister and a mentor to the young teenage girls. What will they say when they find out? It has to be hard. The pressure to do right…and knowing that her slip up is going to be made public in less than 9 months is hard. Being so active in the church and having the same young people you told practice abstinence watch your belly grow can’t be easy. Yet… I know she’ll be fine.

It must have been hard to tell me. I hugged her because I understand. I hugged her because I felt her pain when I looked into her eyes. 2 years of celibacy with a guy she’s planning to marry and one slip up changed it all. I hugged her because I wanted to reassure her that I had her back. I hugged her because I wanted her to know that I would NEVER look down on her or treat her differently for what happened. I hugged her because I needed her to know that it’s okay...she's gonna be okay...they all will be okay. I hugged her because I wished everyday that someone would have hugged me 6 years ago when I was pregnant.

All I needed was a hug. A simple embrace. A shoulder to let my liquid emotions run down on. That would have helped me. I know it. Just to be able to tell someone and them not judge me. That would have maybe changed the outcome of things. It would have helped save a life. My baby’s life.
The guilt. The shame. The worry. The three major factors that took my baby’s life. You’d be amazed at the physical toll that worry can take on your body. *sigh*
I felt that no one would understand. I felt that my parents would kick me out and disown me. The perfect goody two shoes finally messed up. At 19, I saw the plus sign on a take home pregnancy test. I told my boyfriend of 2 months and we both knew what that meant. The pressure. The anxiety. I couldn’t eat… I couldn’t sleep. I worried constantly about how to tell everyone. I figured I’d have to move in with my boyfriend. Drop out of Emory and get a low paying job somewhere. I’d have to switch churches because I knew that mine would never let me live that down. I worried. I cried. I held it in. My belly grew… I wore girdles and baggier clothes. Till one day… my baby was gone. I felt horrible. The initial reality that your baby is gone is agony and it felt like a dagger in my heart…yet… as cruel as it seems…I also felt relieved. I hated that my baby was gone…but relieved that no one had to know. Grieving over a life that he/she was never able to start, yet glad that my life was no longer in immediate danger of ending. Sad that I’d always think about my baby and wish everyday that things would have went down differently, yet… happy that I wouldn’t have to pay for my one mistake. Little did I know… I'd pay for my mistake each and everyday. Constant reminders of the life that was almost here and suddenly gone, plague my thoughts so often I feel as if I’m constantly reliving those few months in ’99 over and over again. That’s plenty payback. Trust me. Worry… pressure…guilt…shame… killed my baby. I didn’t want that to happen to her.

Now she’s pregnant… and floods of memories come to my mind. My throat closed up and my eyes stung with tears. I didn’t know what to say to her although I knew EXACTLY how she felt.

So Sunday, outside of the church doors where she told me her news…. I just hugged her… and cried.

Tears flowed for the death of my child…and for the life of hers. Tears flowed for our shared hurt… and our shared strength. They flowed for our mutual excitement about the addition of this bundle of joy, and for the reality of the struggles with bringing another life into this cold, unfriendly world. I’m not sure how long we stood there embracing… sniffling…and crying…letting the sunlight wrap it’s arms around us and the serene sound of the September morning air whisper words of encouragement to us…. but… I do know that she NEEDED that hug. I hugged her because I needed her to know that it’s okay...she's gonna be okay...they all will be okay.... WE all will be okay.

Beautiful

Today is beautiful. I'm sleepy and tired, student loans pretty much takes my entire salary for the next 5 years, TG and my relationship has been through more turns than a six flags ride, I still haven’t moved into my own place, and this trick ankle I have has been bothering me for over a month…yet… TODAY is beautiful. Even if it was dark, dreary, cold, and rainy, it would STILL be beautiful.

Today is beautiful because I’m here to see it.

Today is beautiful because I have a place to call home, my stomach’s full, I know where my family is, and I’m even happy to know that my annoying co-worker is well. Life is about perspectives. I have so much to be thankful for. The things we take for granted each day. Life itself. Breathing. Seeing, Moving… it goes on. I’m just grateful to God for another day.

My weekend was turbulent, but as usual it ended well. Labor day was nice. TG came over for dinner and we ended up watching a few movies and calling it a night. My parents, TG, and I looked real nice around our table. He told me last night..(and again this morning) that he really felt at home with us. Everything just flowed. No tension, no akward silences. It felt like he’d been eating at our table for years. I pray that he WILL be eating at our table for years….and years…and years. It was very relaxing. It felt like he was family. Which was good in many ways… bad in two. lol. Everyone says that we look alike. When I met his family, I heard some of the women saying to each other, she already look like a G******. I look like I could be his sister honestly. Which was NOT really cool to SAY to me when we went to walmart together before dinner. I’ll admit…I was looking a little homely. I’ve had better days. My hair was air dried (read:poofy) and roughly managed with a headband. I had on some regular carpenter jeans and a black t-shirt, black flip flops. He let it be made known when we got in Walmart that I looked a hot mess. lol. Thanks TG. *eye roll* Anywho…he proceeded to make fun of me and tell me that if anyone asked, I was his sister. Of course that remark was followed by a punch in his left arm…and a long glaring stare. He thought it was hilarious and continued to call me his sister all throughout the day. *sigh* Men. At least he said he loved his sister. *shrug* I guess I can deal with that for a day.

Dinner was cool. Conversation was simple…just like we actually all WERE family and TG WAS my sibling. Moms decided she wanna crack on me and all. It was crazy. lol

TG: Man these beans are good. It has a little extra….extra zing in them.
Mom: Yeah, my special recipe. So TG, can u cook.
TG: Oh yeah. Both my grandmothers had me in the kitchen at 12 learning how to cook. I can throw down. I cook collards, cornbread from scratch, cabbage, etc….
Mom: *glancing at me* Well that’s good. It’ll definitely come in handy.
Me: *looking at my plate like…I can’t believe she just said that*

How DARE my momma say that. How she gone incenuate that I can’t cook? ME. Chef Swayzee… the master of the kitchen? Man, I don’t know WHY she playing. I’m the BOMB cereal maker and I can toast the heck outta some bread! lol

Naw…but for real it was all in good fun though I seemed to be the butt of everyone’s jokes. *shrug* At least my daddy was quiet. Maybe i'll make him a cake for his good behavior. lol It’s all good though… payback is a’coming for the rest! lol


Anywho… I hope all had a great holiday. And continue to pray for everyone affected by all the floods around the world. Pray for peace. Pray for direction from God. Pray that all will be well. God is still in control…and He still can change situations and circumstances! God Bless!

On Life...

Life sure is crazy these days. So much is going on. The world is just chaotic. Nothing seems to make sense. Nothing seems to be going right. Everything seems to be happening at once. The only thing that gives me peace is knowing that God is still in control of it all.

On Gas

I filled my tank up monday evening. I had no idea that things were as bad as they are. I've gotten about 475457 emails and 30984230943.5 phone calls telling me to make sure i fill my tank up today again because gas prices are going up to over $3 today because of Katrina. It's been said that the gas flow has pretty much stopped coming in to georgia...and that gas stations are actually SHUTTING DOWN here because they have ran out of gas. RAN OUT OF GAS???? Do you know what something like this could do to our economy if not rectified soon? *smh* Life is crazy. My boss just told me to leave and go get gas now cuz the lines are out of the door. I guess they anticipate it being even worse when people leave work today. This is crazy. And the sad part is... i'm so friggin broke right now i don't even have any money to fill up one of those cans so that I can have extra gas just in case. lol. So if i run out... i'm just stuck in the house. No work for me. That would really suck though. I hate not being able to go places. Especially now that we don't have cable. *shrug*

On Katrina
I feel so bad everytime there's a natural disaster and i know there are casualties/fatalities. But is it just me or has the last few years been even worse in the tornado/hurricane/tropical storm department? I mean last year and this year it seems like every week something is happening somewhere. And it's not just minor things. The WORLD MAPS have to be changed because the tsunami last year shifted the earth to the point that earth is no longer the same. That island is now underwater...heck under the MUD of the water. The earth is filling up with water and the plates have moved. Just like it was prophesized in revelations... the climate is gonna definitely be affected...*sigh*. And then not only that...but in the last 2 weeks Romania, Bulgaria, Switzerland, Nigeria and Austria have ALL had MAJOR floods. I mean floods that were just as bad as Katrina. So much is happening. I just pray that folks take heed and start seeking God. If all this is not motivation to re-evaluate your life and purpose for being here i don't know what is. Cancer, Diabetes, AIDS...all that u can help control/prevent...but a doggone tornado? A hurricane? A tsunami? *smh* What u gonna do? It's sad. All i know is that people should DEFINITELY adhere to evacuation warnings. I hate to know that someone didn't think it would be this bad and died. I hated seeing people on the roof of their houses hoping that someone will just happen to see them from a plane and save them. People lost everything they've ever had. Friends, family, houses, cars, jobs, food. EVERYTHING. We become so desensitized from seeing it all the time, but when you really stop to think about that. It's very heart wrenching. How will they survive? I think about if it was us in atlanta. My whole family is here... so it's not as if we can just go visit family in another state til the storms over. We'd all pack up...and scrape up money for a hotel. Then what? If the entire city is destroyed...we'd be jobless...homeless...foodless etc. All of us in poverty...in a state/city we know nothing about...trying to figure things out. That's deep. Keep everyone in your prayers. And if you were blessed to not directly be affected then you REALLY should be thanking God.

On war
*sigh* I can't even began to talk about this. Just pray. Pray hard. The way the futures looking... it doesn't look too good for our soldiers. And the way the world is going now... if you look at Revalations, you'll see and KNOW exactly what's going on and what's actually taking place. All i will say is this...China is making some serious moves. Their army is pretty much feared. Their presence in america is definitely felt since alot of our imported goods come from them. *sigh* Alot more is going on then we realize. We MUST pray.

On relationships
It's one thing to be in love and to know you're meant to be. It's another to get his ex-wife and kids to see that. Though the kiddies really like me and refer to me as "that nice lady"... ultimately all kids of divorce want their parents back together. Though TG's been divorced for over 3 years, this is the first time he's moved more than 5 miles away from them. Even after the divorce, he and his ex raised the children pretty much together. They lived in a small town and he only moved one street down. He loves his kids. He wants to take care of his kids. But last december, God told him to move to Atlanta and since then, he's been visiting them on the weekends. The problem is that the more that time passes by...the more they realize that daddy isn't coming home...and they get sad. They are starting to act out at school, grades are dropping...etc.
Since their birth, he's always been around them ...everyday. When he and his ex separated he was their primary caretaker. Now everything is different. They miss him...and he misses them back. He talks about it openly to me because it hurts him so much. He feels like he's a bad father for not being there 24/7. He knows that the only way his kids will be thier happiest is if he'd come back home. And I feel like a bad person for not wanting him to move back down to take care of them but i need him too. I feel wrong for wanting him to think of what it'll do to us if he moved. But...I still do. I mean, he knows that if he moves down, it'll be the end of us and that will tear both him and I apart. And if we are apart...knowing that we're soulmates...knowing that God has so much planned for us in ministry...we will never truly be completely happy again. No matter if we marry someone else. I need him just as much as the kids do...and the thing about it is... if he stays up here... they'll still have a dad. He'll still visit them. They'll still visit us. It could still work. But if he moves back down there with them...there's his ex. And no matter if they get together or not...there will be no more us. It wouldn't work. Just wouldn't.
So I think he should move them up here... that would be the best for us both. But...what about what's best for them? *sigh* Blended families are hard. Especially when daddy loves his kids so much that he'd sacrifice his own happiness for theirs... and i'd sacrifice my own happiness for his. Every situation is hard for someone. Every scenario is easier said than done. So...we're still seeking God as to what to do about his kids because we KNOW what God told us. We're still confident on our future. And neither of us is willing to give up on our love....but reality is...his kids are suffering right now...and there's no way we can be completely happy in our relationship knowing what they are going through. Keep us in your prayers as we go through this rough patch in our relationship.

I suddenly...

...have the urge to be incognito. I guess that’s kinda hard since my pictures have been plastered up here for the last year or so. *shrug* Maybe people will forget. With each passing day…my face will be harder and harder to remember. Was my hair black or brown? Did I have a gap? What about freckles? Were her eyebrows the same length? Who cares?

I really wanna talk. I have so much to say….but I don’t know where to start…or how to say it. My life is so great. Sure there’s room for improvement. Better job…more money…less hours….I could be a little slimmer in the mid section and bigger in the rear section. lol. My teeth could be a little whiter. My student loans could be a lot lower. I’d love to owe no debt to any credit cards and etc… *shrug* But reality is… there will be trials... there will be heartaches...there will be mountains...there will be rain. If everything and everyone was completely perfect all the time...then what would we need God for? So yes...there are still things I could complain about or be unhappy about but… I don’t complain. I'm not unhappy. I just…can’t be. I can’t be sad because I am SOOOOOOO happy with the way God is allowing me to flow right now. I’ve never had such a peace and a sense of contentment the way I do right now. Knowing that I’m moving in the right direction and staying in His will while also having the desires of my heart is the best feeling I've ever experienced. It’s an indescribable feeling. If drugs feel anything like this then I finally understand why people use them. I guess I can finally say that I not only understand but I KNOW what the scripture means when it says that “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7). So much has been thrown my way since I truly decided to live my life for God, but one thing I can say is that His word is true. Psalms 34:13 says “Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the LORD delivers him out of them all.” Indeed He has. The more I try to do right…the more evil seems to be present…the more drama seems to unfold…the more bills seem to pile up… the more things seem to go wrong. But what I now KNOW is that no matter what I go through…no matter what is thrown my way, as long as I keep praise on my lips and my eyes on God, He ALWAYS bring me out. He has never left me, never let me down, never forsaken me, never forgot about me. Everytime I have ever called on Him in sincerity, He’s always ALWAYS been right there.

Um…wow… I really wasn’t planning on going there. *shutting Bible and stepping down from pulpit* lol

It’s just so hard these days to contain what God is doing and has done in my life. Once I start thinking about His grace and goodness how can I NOT get happy? How can I NOT tell it?

Anyways… I know if I write anymore it’s gonna be a sermon. Haha. So I’ll just end this now. God Bless!

Know me

Got this a while back from tha kid... just now getting around to posting it. lol..

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey

Name: Sway
Birthday: July 30th
Birthplace: ATL, GA born and raised shawty
Current Location:Lithonia, GA
Eye Color:Light Brown
Hair Color:Black
Height:5'2
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: Earthling

The Shoes You Wore Today: Orangy thongs with a small orange and white flower
Your Weakness: Men and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice cream
Your Fears:Falling out of God's will...trying hard and failing...and letting down loved ones...
Your Perfect Pizza:Lots of sauce (why they skimpy on the sauce?) and lots of pepperoni burnt and crispy! Mmmmmm.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: to be successful in my relationships w/ TG, family, friends and co-workers...and save money
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: *smh*
Thoughts First Waking Up: Yay I'm alive! Thanks God.
Your Best Physical Feature: depends on who ya ask. Mostly i get, Eyes, Smile, and Skin tone
Your Bedtime: ideally it's 10:15....although since i met TG, it's been more like 12-1am
Your Most Missed Memory: Hearing my grandparents telling me how proud of me they were. (RIP)
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi.....shhhh don't tell nobody. u know the "A" is a coke city.
McDonalds or Burger King: hmmmmmmm... dunno. it's a tie. I like McD's fries, apple pie and big mac and BK's fish sammich, whopper and onion rings.
Single or Group Dates: single. I like one on one time more. although tonight we're going on a group date. *kicking rocks*
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: uh neither... how bout some homeade sweet tea? Thanks. *"this is it" and "folks" have some pretty good tea*
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla Ice cream.... chocolate cake.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino
Do you Smoke: nope
Do you Swear: not anymore
Do you Sing: yupper
Do you Shower Daily:yupper. Gotta smell good. It’s a must.
Have you Been in Love: yupper. Don’t u read my blog?? lol
Do you want to go to College: uh... sure. although i've been already...i kinda wanna go back. Work is boring!! lol
Do you want to get Married: *blank stare*
Do you belive in yourself: yupper. I just have a hard time believing in others.
Do you get Motion Sickness: yupper.. i can't read in the car without feeling nauseous
Do you think you are Attractive: who wouldn't? lol. naw.. for real..yeah i do aight for myself. :)
Are you a Health Freak: nope
Do you get along with your Parents: usually...until i do something contrary to what they like...then they get all crazy on me.
Do you like Thunderstorms: nope. i like heavy rain...but not thuderstorms...cuz it's lightening if it's thundering...and i hate lightening!!
Do you play an Instrument: yup. piano, drums, clarinet... and i'm learning how to play the acoustic guitar.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: nope...oh wait... i had wine friday at the bachelorette party. Dang. Well besides that...nope.
In the past month have you Smoked: nope. Ugh!
In the past month have you been on Drugs: does theraflu count?
In the past month have you gone on a Date: yupper
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yupper
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: heck no! Those things are mini heart attacks. sugared lard...ewww!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: yup
In the past month have you been on Stage: yup. What a great feeling.
In the past month have you been Dumped: nope. *whew*
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: uh...define skinny dippin? lol
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: yup. i manage to steal a pen almost every week. sorry ya'll.
Ever been Drunk:not for real for real. i've been nice though
Ever been called a Tease: yup. story of my life. i can't help cuz u expecting me to put out just cuz i said you were cute and winked at u.ugh!
Ever been Beaten up: almost. *shuttering*
Ever Shoplifted: nope. my momma would kill me.
How do you want to Die:um... well...i was kinda hoping that i didn't have to… so let’s pretend I won’t. k? thanks!
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: i'm not sure if i'll ever grow up any more than i already have…which isn’t saying much. lol But if i did... i'd say Happy.
What country would you most like to Visit: Ethiopia

In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: don't have one. As long as it's his natural eye color... i'm cool. Men with color contacts...NOT.FOR.ME!!!
Favourite Hair Color: something dark
Short or Long Hair: short is my preference...but i don't mind long if it looks nice
Height: taller than me
Weight: hmm...if i ask him for one of his t-shirts to wear, and it fits like i bought it at baby gap...then he's too small. If i can't buy his clothes at a department store...then he's too big.
Best Clothing Style: matching. that's all i ask. That and um...please don't wear those white tube socks all pulled up...or with church shoes. ugh!
Number of Drugs I have taken: none... except prescription.
Number of CDs I own: i dunno. 30???
Number of Piercings: I’m down to 4 now
Number of Tattoos: none…right now.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: don’t know. Everybody’s on that… “I don’t regret anything cuz it shaped who I am today” bit…but really…I could definitely be better which leads me to believe that some things i've done in my past may have shaped me below ideal so...maybe if some thangs didn’t happen… or DID happen I'd be a better kind of different... so um…I dunno. I’ll say 3.

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