Well, I had my heart set on writing today. About a bizillion topics swirled around in my head all day and I tried my hardest to work my tail off so that I'd have some free time to somehow transfer those thoughts and events to the blogworld. However, it is now 5:21 and I'm "officially" off work...even though I'm still here. I must really have a jones to write today if I, a.k.a. Miss jump.up.outta.my.seat.and.sprint.to.my.car.at.one.minute.til.5.....actually stayed late PURPOSEFULLY just to write something.
Of course now that the office is quiet and the only thing I can hear is the sound of my nails (which are in dire need of a manicure...any investors??? lol) tapping on my keyboard, I can't really focus on ANY of the things I wanted to share earlier.
But I will say this ...
I shared once that I honestly think that the best part of an event is the time leading up to it. When I said it, I really wanted somehow for my theory to be proven wrong...but since then, my life has been filled with nothing BUT experiences that support this theory. It's like... in relationships... the best part about it is the beginning...when you're not sure if he's gonna call and then he does, and ya'll talk, and ya'll go out... and nothing has been made official. Ya'll just kicking it. You feeling butterflies wondering where this will lead... and wondering if he's thinking about you as much as you're thinking about him. Ya know? That time. In my experience, that's the best time ever. After ya'll kiss, or touch, or sex or whatever it is ya'll do, for some reason, things change... and the climax is never long enough. The whole relationship seems to just dwindle right down. Just as fast as you caught feelings... you all eventually stop sexing...or touching.. or kissing... or going out... or even calling. Before you know it... you guys are strangers again. That bell curve effect i guess. Like a roller coaster you know... it takes you a long time to get up there... then once you're up.... you come down so fast, you don't even know what happened. It sucks. Forget a bell curve... I need a plateau or something. Something that has a long steady high point. Something that doesn't taper off too fast. This bell curve stuff is depressing. Almost like something someone told me when I was young that messed me up for a long time. They were saying that as soon as you're born, you're on the path to death. You're dying daily....with each passing moment putting you closer and closer to the small amount of allotted time you have here on earth. That thing can mess with a doggone 7 year old. I was depressed for a whole week on that ish. You ever seen a depressed 7 year old? Huh? That ish ain't normal.
Anyway... i'm kinda starting to feel like that with relationships. As soon as you meet someone, and ya'll start on that road....you're only getting closer to the end. So for me, it's easier to slow the initial process down. I figure that if we don't date, then we can't break up! lol. Okay, okay. I know I can't live my life like that...but i'm so tired of these month or two month pseudo-relationships. I'm tired of liking someone and them telling me they like me... and we're kicking it hard...then a month or two later... we start tapering off and after about 3 months, we aren't even friends anymore though NOTHING has really happened or changed. That bothers me. I'm tired of it. I mean, I do realize ... even though it's very pessimistic in nature... that EVERY relationship i (and you) will be in for my (your) entire life will fail/dwindle/come to an end except for one (and with the divorce rates as it is, that ONE isn't even guaranteed anymore). We never look at it that way, but it's true. We will separate from every single relationship we ever have except one. And the more people you date, the more depressing and eerie that statistic seems . (ie. date 40 people in your life... only have 1 work out.... or date 39474 people, but only have one work. lol) I dunno. With stats like that, after around the 15th person i date, i'm gonna start wondering if something's wrong with me. Then after the 30th person, I'm gonna start really thinking something's wrong. It's like, dating is designed to make you feel like sh** (excuse my french). Because your self-esteem goes down with each passing person. I dunno. I worry too much. Wait.... i take that back. I'm not really worried about finding that one. I know he's out there. I'm not worried about getting married because I know I will. I guess my thing is that I'm just ready for it to happen. Anxious, i guess. I'm still young... i know. But, I'm just tired of meeting, liking, and then eventually not talking to someone. That whole dating thing is so tired now. I'm tired of that. It's an emotional roller coaster and I'm just ready to call it a day. Ya know? *sigh* Well, I have no IDEA where all this came from... it was definitely not one of those BIZILLION things in my head today. lol. Oh well... i guess it was in there somewhere since it's out now. Anywho... I'm tired... and I am SOOO tired of being in this office. Yuck. Gone.
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