Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Hmmm...

It's a good thing I'm not a gambling woman! I thought that the work load would lighten up as the week progressed. I was wrong. VERY wrong. I have more work today than I did monday....and though they don't know it yet, I'm taking friday off...so next monday will be even more hectic. It's probably just as well... if I had free time on my hands, I still would probably have nothing to write about.
As of today, the "Bimp" craze hasn't exactly panned out too tough. My friends called him last thursday and told him that I liked him. Of course they couldn't wait to call me back like we were in 3rd grade to tell me that he was feeling me too. From what I can make out between the two of them giggling, squeeling, and talking over each other....they gave him my number and he was supposed to call me monday since that is when he was getting back in town. Of course it is now WEDNESDAY and I haven't heard from him. I didn't know how to react when they told me all of this. I was initially shocked b/c I had no idea why they called me in the middle of the day at work screaming in my ear. When my brain finally registered a couple of shouted words, I became happy b/c my feelings were being reciprocated... and then I felt... angry. Very angry b/c my friends don't listen to me. I mean, I'm glad he likes me but, what if he didn't? What if they just went and played Matchmaker without my permission and it blew up in all of our faces? And even now, the fact that he hasn't used my number lets me know that maybe he wasn't all too excited about calling me in the first place. So now what? I will face him tonight at Bible Study for the first time since this fiasco started. I hate when ppl know that I like them. It feels weird... and what's even worse is the fact that my nosey friends all know what is going on and will be eyeing both of us the entire night! So I don't know. I don't exactly have anything wonderful to write about today. Maybe tomorrow huh? Til then....

*dubie dubie*

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Another Busy Day

I thought that I would have some time to write yesterday and today, but we just started a new research project and adding that on to my already busy day, I haven't had much time for blogging. However, tomorrow may be a lighter work day, so hopefully I'll be able to spend a little more time blogging. Until then..... read one of my older posts

Friday, March 26, 2004

Matchmakers...

I’ve mentioned before that I am the only person I know whose flying solo these days. While loneliness often visits my house…I am not unhappy or depressed. I am willing to be patient if in return my reward is a guy worth my time and love. I am waiting for Mr. Forever. Screw Mr. Right, as much as I change and ppl in general change…who’s to say that he will always be Mr. Right for me? So I wait.

Unfortunately my friends are not really as patient as I am and sometimes they seem to want me to be with someone more than I want to be with someone. They are really into group dating… and since we are all really close friends, all hang out with each other all the time and all attend the same church (it’s kinda freaky… freaky weird not freaky nasty…) we all usually go out together… I feel like we are the Ethnic version of Friends. Everyone is hooked up with one another… well everyone but me. I did like a member of our group once (BJ), but I KNEW he wasn’t interested in me…and the more I got to know him and become his friend…the more I realized that we REALLY would not mesh too well. We are just too different. The only thing we DO have in common is Church and Friends. Besides his roommate liked me and I made the fatal mistake of actually going on a few dates with him… Big mistake…

lesson learned~ NEVER go out on a date with the roommate of a guy you like. ESPECIALLY if you don’t actually LIKE the roommate!!!

Anywho… The “single ppl” in the group started dating someone in the group…and IF they dated outside the group, their “friend” is automatically propeled into the group and we just accept them like one of our own…and even when it doesn’t work out between the two of them…they still join our church and circle of friends and begin the dating ritual just like the original members. I am the only one of my friends (both guys and girls) that hasn’t dated someone already there…or brought someone to the church…so I get left out of a lot of “group date nights”. I also get left out of many “would-be-funny-if-I-knew-what-the-heck-ya’ll-were-talkin’-‘bout” conversations. Because of this, my female friends REALLY wanna hook me up with somebody. Like I’ve said, everyone else is already in a relationship, and the only single guy that’s worth anything was BJ… so I was in a dilemma. That is until Bimp showed up.

I’ve been on many blind dates… and some not so blind dates w/ppl I KNEW I didn’t like but went out with to appease my friends. All were terrible. It’s gotten so bad now that anytime I say that someone looks decent, they immediately rush to try and plot how to “hook me up”. I mean, I am perfectly capable of attracting my own set of suitors. The problem isn’t that I can’t find a man. I literally get a couple of offers a day from awe struck men. The problem is that none of them are men that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. While I can sometimes tell that with only one date, others may take me a few months to realize. Either way, I am still left single and waiting. As I’ve said before, I’m fine with that as long as I know that when I finally do date someone seriously, it’ll be someone who is really in the running to become my husband.

Anyways, there’s this guy, Bimp, who just moved from Chicago 8 months ago and he just happened to buy a house in BJ’s neighborhood. So being the kind of charismatic, fiery, net worker he is, BJ befriended Bimp and convinced him to come to and join our church. I’m not quite sure how long Bimp has been at our church, but I remember seeing him in the crowd while I was in the choir stand as early as December. He and I would exchange stares every once in a while, but I thought nothing of it since all my “taken” girlfriends used to giggle about how dreamy he was and how they felt like they were betraying their man when locking eyes with Bimp. He’s the only guy that every one of us agreed on as being extremely attractive. Well Wednesday night at Bible Study, he came over to my girls and I and he began to give us all nice little “Church Hugs”. Being the bubbly, silly females we are, we couldn’t help but giggle after he left about how sexy he was and how we were “melting” when he hugged us. I felt like I was in elementary school again. Anyway, to make a long story short, I called my friend AW on the way home from Bible study to ask her if she knew anything about Bimp. I told her that I was only being nosey so don’t read into it too much and Puh-lease don’t try to hook me up. Well you all can guess what happened next. Unfortunately I have to get back to work so I’ll finish Monday.

*Dubie Dubie*

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Adrienne

It's amazing how you can feel like you know everything there is to know about someone without ever meeting them. This is how I felt about Adrienne. I saw her picture for the first time on monday. Her eyes were a wonderful shade of brown. They were as deep as the ocean and sparkled more than moonlight on a lost wave. She epitomized femininity. Her pictures oozed grace. You could tell that she was among people like Grace Kelly and Jackie Onasis. Her charm left you feeling like you were in the presence of an angel.
As I looked over her pictures, I saw many excerpts from her life. I saw her as a young debutant, full of fire and life, ready to take the world by force with her southern hospitality. I saw her as a supportive wife to her hard working husband who was one of the pioneers for quality of life research in cancer patients. I saw her as a loving mother, who helped all 3 of her children accomplish their life long dreams. I saw her as a comforting friend, whose words and faith could put a smile on the grumpiest and most depressed spirit. I saw her as a progressive career woman, who fought for her cause and gave her all in each endeavor and project she worked with. I also saw her as a cancer survivor, who exibited so much strength, joy, and love you would think that she had never had a hard day in her life.
Adrienne is the role model I never met.

As I sat down at her memorial service. I began to listen to all that was said about her and how much she contributed to today's research and thus our knowledge about cancer. Unfortunately succumbing to kidney cancer herself, Adrienne's legacy will forever live on. Her dedication to helping "cancer survivors" through emotional support and research serves as inspiration to me. I've always realized how important my job here at American Cancer Society is, but Adrienne put things into perspective for me. It's not about a 8:30 to 5, or how much work they pile on me... or even the 2-3 hour traffic I sit in each day b/c of work. It's about the lives I touch....the families I can help...the survivors who need us.
Adrienne touched my life even though we never met....
When my day comes, I hope that someone will be able to say the same about me.

R.I.P.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

He Said She Said

My good friend OS sent this to me and since i have no time to write anything....here goes.


HE SAID-SHE SAID

He said . . . I don't now why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said . . ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . . ......Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . ....... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . . I would but you're never there.

He said . . . Why did the man cross the road?
She said . . . He heard the chicken was a slut.

He said . . ...... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said .. . . They don't have time to.

He said . . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said ...... . . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said ...... . . They already have boyfriends.

She said...What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?
He said . . . A widow.

He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Friday, March 19, 2004

Life without Christ is like you Breathin to Death

A good friend of mine KLC wrote this on his page and it stuck with me. I mean, there are so many "Dead Men Walking" in this world. So many people have yet to find even one purpose for their life. They're just here. Breathin... but dead.

Rather we believe it or not, we all have eternal life... the question is WHERE are we going to spend it. Many people don't like to entertain the idea of Heaven because that means that you also have to recognize that there is also a Hell. However, no matter whether you BELIEVE or not, I feel that we all will have our place in one or the other. My point is that whatever we do...or don't do here...will determine our destination. Without God, there is no real life. I think the Old Testament refers to these type of people as "Dry Bones." If you know anything about dry bones... under the smallest amount of pressure they crumble and become dust. They have no water...and water IS the key to life. How many references does the Bible have to God being the "Living Water"... and us "thirsting" after Him? This just goes to show that with out the true Living Water (God), what normally has life and is fully of energy is now brittle, dry, and will eventually crumble and die. So choose ye this day Life.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

10 things you'd hate about me....

1. i like to chew and pop my chewing gum really loud. i know it's annoying... but it's sooooo much fun!!

2. i'm very indecisive when it comes to making up my mind about what to eat. If you're hungry and don't have a place in mind yet...i am NOT the person you wanna be around.

3. i sing continuously. i can't help it. it is like breathing for me. most of the time i don't even know i'm singing. (it's a good thing i am easy on the ears huh??)

4. i don't call people. It's not a good habit to have when your friends live hundreds of miles away... but I am terrible at keeping in touch with ppl. If you don't call me and keep up with me...I'll just kinda forget about you. I know, I know...it's sad. I gotta do better.

5. If you drive anything bigger than a car and try to pass me, I will speed up b/c I hate not being able to see past/over/around what's directly in front of me.

6. I love to pout. And will pout as much as I can when I'm not happy. (lol) I'm not really a cryer or a whiner...but I will sit there and say absolutely nothing for a long long time... I am the QUEEN of the "gloomy face". Hey...it works...so why quit?

7. I am moody. EVERYONE that know me (including myself...i just starting admitting this on 3/01/04) will attest to the fact that I AM MOODY. I can go from super happy, to super upset, to super sad, to super non-chalant, to super excited, to super silly, to super serious in a matter of hours!! NO, I'm not BI-POLAR.. lol I just change moods easily. Certain situations and thoughts bring out different emotions, which change my mood. I could be sad b/c my food sucked, then i go outside and see a rainbow, which makes me think about sunshine and good times and all of a sudden, I'm happy again. It's one of those things my friends get used to after a while.

8. i hate being ignored. if i am talking to you... and you are not giving me your undivided attention, i will get upset and tell you a little somethin. I'll say it nicely, but i'll cut ya...trust me. (lol)

9. I LOVE to listen to classical and gospel music and have forced many friends to endure it while riding with me. So if either genre don't agree with you...you probably won't like me to much b/c i blast it super loud and listen to it ALL the TIME.

10. I snore. Yeah i said it. I SNORE!!! (ducking so my head can't connect with a tomato or stone) From what I've been told, it isn't obnoxious...but it is noticeable and it can keep you up if you aren't already sleep. And it is also continuous. (hahaha) Sorry to all that have shared a room with me and I laughed when you told me that I snored. Now, it's official. Too many ppl have confirmed it.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

10 things I hate about you...

hmmm. i'm bored. i was sick yesterday so i stayed home. *looking around to make sure no one's watching* Okay honestly, i wasn't sick. I was fine! I just didn't wanna be here at work... so I took a day off. It was sooooooo beautiful outside and it was a much need vacation from work. anywho. i thought i'd list some of my pet peeves... since i have nothing else to do.

1. ppl keeping their blinkers on too long. if you've changed lanes...or never plan to change lanes....turn it off!!!

2. radio stations going on commercial break all at the same time. Ugghhh

3. people that inhale really deep...like smokers.... for some reason I hate the way it sounds and i will literally go insane if you don't "exhale" in the same manner you "inhaled"... it's like someone scratching their nails against as chalkboard to me.

4. ppl that call me all the time, but never have anything to talk about. why are you calling me?? if you have nothing to say then don't call...i WONT make up any conversation. We'll just sit there until i get super mad and then i'll say I gotta go and hang up.

5. ppl who i went to high school with but wasn't really all that cool with, but then they act all fake like we were best friends when i see them in the mall, or store, or wherever and try to exchange numbers and swear that we should keep in touch. okay...why? all the ppl i was close to in high school i am already "in touch" with. Why start pretending to care now? Just say hi, let me say hi...and keep moving. If you must say more...just ask how i'm doing and let me do the same...there doesn't need to be any hugging and kissing and jumping up and down like you were just reunited with your long lost twin. ugh... fakers!!

6. Men who look or try to talk to me WHILE they are WITH their girlfriend/wife/baby's mother. Okay, why would I want your raggedy self when you trying to holla at me while your girl is right there? If you don't respect her...why should I even believe that you would respect me? Ugh.

7. ppl who mess with my personal belongings and swear they didn't even though it is all out of order and they are the only ones that could have done it. I know i have cool things and sometimes they call your name...but please...if you read it, wear it, touch it, try it, spray it, use it....put it back!!!

8. ppl who just stare for no reason. okay, i know we've all got caught staring at someone for whatever reason... but we've all learned that this is very embarrassing and uncomfortable. So please ppl....stop staring at me!! Not only does it make me super self conscious, but it makes YOU look weird too. Ladies no, i'm not flossin, no it isn't a push up or padded bra, no, i'm not just an armpiece...and yes...it's my real hair, yes it's my real eye color, yes, i am aware of how i look, thanks for being so awed by me... now stop staring!!!(lol) guys...no, i am not ethiopian, no i didn't wear this just for you, yes, i'm with him, yes i just walked by you without giving you the eye, yes, i do jiggle naturally when i walk. now stop staring!!! (lol)

9. ppl who try to race me when we are at a red light only to get in front of me and drive slow!! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT... these ppl should be put in Jail!! Uggh.

and

10. If you say that you are gonna do something, like...call, write, take me out, buy me something, etc... then please, please do it. Be about your word. If I can't trust your word then what can i trust? There's nothing worse than not being dependable/reliable.

okay that's it for now. bye. :)

Friday, March 12, 2004

Perfect Chaos

Perfect:
God. He is soooo wonderful. There is no fault in Him. Everything about God is perfect.

Chaos:
Choir rehearsal last night. Wow... I'm glad I'm not the choir director...i think i would have exploded. it is amazing how all these "grown folks" make more noise and act a hot mess more than the children! we stayed in rehearsal for 3 hours going over about 4 songs!!!
count it.. 3 HOURS for four songs!! now that just ain't right is it? ...and they weren't new songs either. but that's how long it took her to calm us down, get us to focus, and help us all to blend. now that's chaos!


Perfect:
the weather is so nice today. i look outside and marvel at how clear and blue the sky is... the trees waving in the wind. my mom always say they are praising God through dance. i just thank God for ability to enjoy such weather through all my senses. and it's friday too!! what a good day to get off work and play! ahhhh... i'm loving it.

Chaos:
my desk. (lol) a tornado could have very well hit my desk and i wouldn't have been able to tell the difference. i'm usually a very organized person, however this week has been trying. i've been busy with meetings, conference calls, deadline oriented projects , and of course...my regular work!! Needless to say, the bigger the desk, the bigger the mess...and trust me, my desk is huge!!

Perfect:
my inner peace. yesterday, this would have been under chaos...but like the songwriter so eloquently sings "weeping may endure for a night, but JOY cometh in the morning!!" How many know that wthose words are so true. I feel so revived and joyful. I am excited about my future and what God is doing in my life... and I am excited that God is hearing my "midnight" prayers! He has given me so much peace.

Chaos:
my outer appearance (lol) Okay, I feel good today, but I really didn't feel like dressing up as usual. I am sitting at work looking straight homely today. (lol) I have my hair down and straight back, a white t-shirt (i had a turquoise pullover fleece on top earlier, but i got hot) , jeans, and some white nikes. Nothing spectacular and stunning. My co workers had previously named me "Ms. BRC- fashion model"....they claim that I am always wearing something different and beautiful... I don't see anything spectacular about it...but hey, I wont argue with them. It is a good thing no one's here today... otherwise my fashion card might have been revoked!! (lol)

Perfect:
The fact that I can think of more perfect things in my life than chaotic things. I could go on and on about what's perfect in my eyes... but i gotta work... so see ya. :)

Thursday, March 11, 2004

I didn't know i was so transparent....

My eyes are now puffy b/c I just cried for the last 15 minutes in the bathroom. I have never been one who could lie really well or wear the "poker face". My entire life, I've been told that my eyes tell my entire story. I never knew how true that was. One of best friends AW just wrote me a letter. We have been thick as thieves since may 2002 and this is the first time she's ever said or written anything like this to me. Lately I haven't been my usual bubbly "all smiles" self. Most ppl that know me or have ever talked with me say that I am always happy and always so upbeat and positive. Well something changed. These last few months I have been craving...feening even for that special someone. I am ready for marriage. I am ready for love to find me. I don't know what brought on this sudden surge for the "married" life, but my heart has literally been aching for companionship. There are many guys that would love to fill that space...but I KNOW in my heart that they aren't the ones. I'm only seeking the "right one" not "just any one". I'm tired of dating. I'm tired of relationships with guys that are cute, and say the right things, but are not what I KNOW God wants for me as a Husband. I'm ready for my Husband. And though I would have never admitted that in a million years to anyone... my eyes did. This is what my best friend just sent me via email....

" Good Morning,

Well I just wanted to send you a letter of encourgment. I realize that at the beging of the year you rededicated your life to God, Praise God! and I am now seeing the fruit of that by just seeing that you are comming to bible study every week. One thing I see about you is that you are not happy, you have a low self esteem, and that you want a relationship badly. I can understand a lot of what you feel because i have been there all of my life, so that is why I can identify with what you are going through.

Well if no one ever tells you this I want to be the first to tell you that you are very beautiful, not just the outter but also the inner. I don't know where you developed a low self esteem from, but you are very attractive. if I was a man I would date you, lol. Anyway, when I got serious about God good men would never approach me, and if they did they were hood and not willing to come to my level, and all they wanted to talk about is sex. So I would think that I was ugly and fat, and nobody wanted me.What God revealed to me was that he was reserving me for somebody special, and that I was poluted enough from my past, and If I got involved with anybody else I would be very polouted and i would not be ready for marriage. And seeing that I was about to get married I relize the importance of being purified by God,and I think that is why me and LaRay are doing well now becuase we both let God purify us and still is puryfing us during our breakup.Also God need me to get close to him and really know his ways. I had to make a decision Life or death. I had to cut off friends, music, family, and etc. I did all of this becuase I wanted to get closer to God. I am telling you this beucase you have such a BIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG heart which is good becuase the kigdom needs that, especially after talking to somebody like me, who is harsh.

I believe that God want to use you becuase there is so much in you. One thing I know is that you have so much love for people and my God I yern for that. I love you and I am your friend I am not a church friend........... you can talk to me about anything, I have touched every aspect of life. I am seeing the growth in you and I am enjoying observing that. Remeber you are a beautiful person inside and out. Don't lay down your cross for nobody, don't put nothing before Christ. Let God use you.

This is going to be a magnaimous year, meaning God is going to be very generous this year to his people, so take advantage of this year. Remeber I love you and I hate to see the inner you hurt.

Love you,
AW "


I read this letter and for a minute I just stared blankly at the screen telling myself that she is wrong...and wanting to be mad at her for telling me that I'm not happy and that I have low self esteem and that I want a relationship badly. I mean, she doesn't know how I feel. I wanted to write her back and correct her. I wanted so bad to convince her and myself that this letter meant nothing... but the longer I stared at the screen... the more I felt the sting of tears rushing to my eyes and the more I blinked to hold them back, the more they forced their way through the cracks. She is WAY more right than wrong. I don't have LOW self esteem... but it isn't where it should be. I was in a very verbally abusive relationship and I am still rising above that. I know I'm beautiful and I know I'm blessed. It's just that sometimes, I get a little down when ppl don't see my true essence. And no... I'm not really happy. Okay, let me rephrase that... I am very happy with my life. I am grateful for it, happy that I have parents that love and support me, friends that really care, a good job, many of lifes pleasures and etc. But it is no secret that there is a part of me that is missing. I yearn to receive and give my love to some deserving guy. I do. But I've never been one to dwell on that. I've always tried to be "successfully single." And it was easy when I had friends that were trying that "successfully single" bit with me. But the tables changed for them. All 5 of my close girlfriends... the only females I really associate with are in real, deep, meaningful relationships. I am the ONLY one single. And to hear them constantly talking about what their great guy did for them or how much they are in love and etc... it just enhances my feeling of lonliness. I AM happy for them. In no way am I jealous or hating... (well maybe a little on valentines day lol) But when they are all talking about their "guy" and going out on double and triple dates... I feel left out and utterly alone. And that is what I mean by I'm not happy. I feel like my friends are on a different level and this "successfully single" road is starting to get hard for me. I think that is when my sadness and hurt really started to show. It was easier to hide when no one was talking about relationships because none of us had one. But now that it's ALWAYS the topic of conversation with them... not only do i feel left out and uncomfortable, but I feel sad b/c I don't have my special guy to share ALL of my love with. I hate to suck the life out of any room, any body, and anything positive...so I try to focus on the happy part of me... however, when talking about relationships...they are gonna always see that hurt inner me that longs to be with her future husband. That is something that has always been there... but covered up when the focus wasn't on men...and relationships.
What I've learned:
Only God can stop the hurt. Only God can give me peace. When I'm focused on Him, there is no void. When I'm praising God, I could care less if I'm single or married. God fills that space better than anyone or thing could. So until my change come, my goal is to Seek the Kingdom of God and all of it's righteousness...THEN...all of the desires of my heart will be added unto me.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Speak those things that are NOT as though they ARE..

As usual...i have so much i wanna say.... and i literally think about things and say, "I can't wait to put that in my blog"... yet, I don't even know where to begin... And even if I found a starting point, I doubt i would be able to end it... God has really been dealing with me concerning my life these past few weeks. I've been a "church goer" and a "do gooder" my entire life... but the consistency was never there. I could never stay on track for long. Somehow, when the Sunday morning hymns, prayers, praise, and Word faded... and I was back in my natural environment with my clubbin friends, freaky boyfriend, and gossiping co-workers... I became a chameleon...and before I know it, everything I said I'd stop on Sunday, I was back doing on tuesday! I pray that this change is genuine.

I was watching "Praise the Lord" on the Christian channel last night and Paula White was on preaching and she really touched my heart. The problem with so many of us is that our mouths get us into trouble.
Do you know that life and death is in the power of your tongue (Prov. 18:21)? Our tongue is the most powerful weapon you can ever imagine. The Bible says that Satan is the "prince of the air" (Ephesians 2:2)... he's IN the AIR....which is why trouble seems to always find us...even when we want to do good. If you do nothing at all... evil will prevail in your life.

Ever notice how much easier it is for babies/children/teenagers to pick up your bad habits than your good habits? Ever notice how much easier it is for us to curse someone out, get mad, fight, gossip, be rude, mean, and indignant, than it is for us to turn the other cheek, encourage others, hold our tongue, smile in the face of our enemies, show humility (humbleness), and be nice? We have to make a CONSCIOUS EFFORT to serve God. So when we speak words of love, encouragement, and life into the air, we are actually breaking the power of satan by splitting the air. We are breaking through his forces while also exhibiting faith and acknowledging the power of God with our mouths.

Do you really realize the power of speech? How many times have you started believing stuff because you've heard it so much? How many people go to therapy each year to "talk" about their problems and are "cured"? How many times do we act on what is said, or heard. How many times have we missed our blessings because of what we said...then believed it? We say what we think, and we also start to think what we say.... so make sure that your words are chosen right. Not only can we stop our blessings (and our life) by our own tongue...
* "you're killing me..."
* "you're talking me to death.."
* "i don't believe it..."
* "i wish i were dead..."
* "there's no hope"
* "i can't do it..."
...but we can also add blessings to our life by speaking those things that are not (or are) as though they are...
* "I WILL do all things through Christ that stregnthens me ( Phil. 4:13)"
* "I WILL prosper and be in health, even as my soul prosper (3 John 2:1)"
* "I AM of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar person." 1Peter 2:9
* "I AM somebody."
*"I WILL find the love of my life."
* "I WILL make a difference."

Speak things into existence. For those who believe in the Bible, take a minute to reflect on how Genesis records the beginning of life and the earth. God spoke and things happened.
When you put forth speech, you are setting things up in the spiritual world whether good or bad. And remember... we shall be judged on every idle word we speak (Matthew 12:36). So speak life... speak encouragement... speak peace....speak love... speak the Word of God. And it Shall come to pass, and you Shall be Blessed.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Think on these things.

I have a lot to say, but I really have so many other things to do today that I can't start on everything I want to talk about. But... I do have something I just have to leave you with. We spend so much of our time thinking about what others will do, think, and say....how others affect us, treat us, hurt us, love us....and why it's that way. I've spent so many days thinking about "what" and so many night's wondering and crying about "why". We spend majority of our alone time in thought. Thoughts that will never be known to anyone else in this world if we so choose. Our thoughts are intimate...they belong to us and no one else... yet it is the most powerful force known b/c it is from thoughts that our actions are usually manifested. So I charge you...and myself... to embrace the teachings of Paul...so that we all may know a better world.


"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."
~ Philippians 4:8

Monday, March 01, 2004

The latter will be greater than the past....

My weekend was cool. I spent my entire saturday with AM. I went to help him clean his apartment. *what a task!!* AM is not the neatest guy i know. There's nothing "metrosexual" about him. lol And I love that!! He's truly 100% guy! Of course I was hating this on saturday, when I was cleaning this "100% guy's" dirty bedroom, closet, and bathroom. YUCK! I hope that he keeps it clean. I'd be upset to see it in the condition it was before we started cleaning. Anyway, I was in a kind of funky mood saturday. I was sad about my grandparents, and I had a lot of other things on my mind and I was acting pretty weird...i must admit. I think he got mad at me b/c I wouldn't tell him what was up with me. By the end of the night I tried to muster up some happy thoughts so that I wouldn't be such a party pooper. But I never seemed to recover.
Despite my funky 'tude... He treated me to the movies. We went to see "The Passion of the Christ" and I must say, it was TRULY profound. To know the story, to believe in the story, and to see the story unfold before your very eyes is truly different. I cried all the way home after that movie. I couldn't stop saying "thank you, Jesus!" It really made me think about my life and how I sit here and complain about all of this petty stuff...when Jesus DIED for ME. I mean really, He died so that each of us can have a right to eternal life in the Kingdom of God and here I am blowing it on things like lust, and swearing, and fornication, and gossip, and hatred, and etc... It's crazy. It put a lot of things in perspective. I am really glad AM and I saw this movie together. He was touched too. We decided that we were going to rededicate our lives to Christ. I am really excited b/c I know this is where I need to be. And I'm glad that we are both on the one accord in our decision. It makes things between us much more smooth.
Sunday I went to my late "gramma's" church b/c my dad was invited over for family and friends day to preach. The pastor there invited us just like last year, to keep my gramma's memory alive on family and friends day. Since it was so close to her homegoing, he thought it would be a good idea to start this annual memorial service. My dad preached on being "in the place of God" and I sung "They'll know we are Christians, by our love" I think it was a wonderful service... even though I may be bias. Either way, this weekend was truly moving...and I hope it's the start of a new and wonderful chapter in my life.

*singing*
~ Your latter will be greater than your past/ And you will be blessed - more than you can ask/ Despite all that has been done/ The best is yet to come/ And the latter will be greater than the rest.

Intentional

Look at me being all intentional and stuff! lol I WILLED myself to remember and write in this blog before the year was out.  So proud that t...