Dwele “Mahogany”
Did I tell you how crazy the weather change makes me? I mean… cool weather automatically elicits thoughts of love and all things “couple”. I daydream about cuddling up with a significant other and drinking hot chocolate w/ whipped cream while watching some chick flick by the warm fireplace. (Yeah…I know…I watch WAAAY too many movies. lol ) Anywho… these last few weeks have made me realize that I’m not the only one craving to cuddle with a warm body this winter. I’ve been wanting to write about all of these ex’s that’s been coming back into my life…but it seems to me that Nick has already beat me to the punch. lol I guess ’tis the season to backtrack… dust off that old black book and began making your calls.
Though most of my ex’s and I don’t talk anymore, the fact remains that… with the exception of 2 ex’s… I’m on speaking terms with all of them. I guess this makes it even more reasonable that they would actually try me once again. Most of my ex’s and I broke up and still remained cordial and pretty good friends considering. I like it that way. I hate to burn bridges because you never know what the future holds or when you may need them for something. So I make sure I don’t do people dirty. You won’t catch me behind some tire slashing, window breaking, car door keying shananigans. Lol So in their defense, I’m guessing they got bored/lonely/whatever…and decided that since I’m always cordial, they’d try to explore old avenues.
KS
Okay… I’ve been meaning to talk about him forever. This cat seems to just pop up ever 6 months or so. Lol. Well I think the last thing I wrote about him was that he called me out of the blue one day to say he was thinking of me. This was like… mid august. Okay so that really made my day because remember back around Mother’s day when I saw him, I deemed him “the finest man alive”!! lol Anywho… a few weeks ago around 2 in the morning… he calls.
Me: *in my sleepy/groggy/why in the HECK are you calling this late voice* Hello?
KS: Hey baby
Me: *trying to look at the caller ID with my blind self to figure out why this guy is calling me baby* Hey. Err.. may I ask who’s calling?
KS: It’s me baby, K****.
Me: *excited, confused, and mad that it’s 2 in the morning* Hey! What’s up?
KS: You sleep?
Me: *thinking: Negro don’t i SOUND sleep?* Yeah.
KS: Aight I’ll let you go. I just wanted to hear your voice that’s all.
Me: uh…
KS: What, you shocked cuz I be thinking about you? Yeah girl, I think about you all the time. I just never call. I miss you.
Me: *thinking: Whatever. You must want some* Hmmm.. okay.
KS: Well, I’ll holla at you tomorrow okay?
Me: *thinking: you called me at 2 just to say hi and that you’ll call tomorrow??* Okay, bye
KS: Bye baby.
So since then, he’s been calling me. We don’t talk much, but we talk often. He’ll call to say hi or see how I’m doing. Tell me he miss me and that he really does respect how I broke up with him last year. He claims he’d love to make it up to me one day. I always dodge the hints though. Lol. I usually just change the subject. Last week he finally got bold and stopped beating around the bush. I guess since I talked to him when he called, he figured that I was still feeling him. lol So we talking.. and he just bursts out with “So Sway, you said when you broke up with me that maybe the timing was off… and I’ve been thinking, since I still feel the same way about you as I did the first day we met, I think we should try to start something up again.”
So I’m trying to figure out what to say. To be honest with you. KS and I had a great relationship while together. The problem was that after a while, we didn’t see each other…and I’ll be honest with you. I need attention. If you with me, then um… not seeing you for 2 months is UNACCEPTABLE! lol. So, I thought about it for a moment. I started reminiscing about last year this time and how he and I would go out Tongue~n~Groove on Wednesday nights and salsa dance until our feet turned red. And I began to remember how fun it was to cuddle inside his place after running in from the cold outdoors…and for a minute, I was tempted to try again. But before the words could come out, I began to remember how much I HATE backtracking. I also remembered that though the memories of us are great, my feelings for him have changed. He’s cute, but I’m not feeling him like that anymore. So much time has passed and I’m a different person than I was when I was with him. Plus, there’s someone in my life right now that honestly, I’d much rather see where that leads than to go back to something I’ve already experienced. So I told him that I’d pass on his offer. We chatted for about 3 minutes after that…and I haven’t heard from him since.
DW
I’ve known DW since band camp our 8th grade year of highschool. He and I were thick as thieves all through school and even after we went off to college. The year I graduated from college and broke up with my fiancé of 4 years… I had this sudden urge to just go BUCK.WILD!! I really did lose my doggone mind. For real. But anyway, DW came back from school that summer and we decided to hook up for ole times sake. Make a long story short, for the first time in our platonic friendship, we…err… I saw him and wanted to be more than friends. (DW had expressed his attraction to me looooong before that year, but I wasn’t feeling it. ) Well finally it hit me. So we decided to take the friendship to another level. We kicked it for about 6 months and then we decided that this “relationship” stuff was a little more than we could chew. He was working full time and going to school full time and he had a singing group that took all of his free time. I was working full time myself and volunteering at a children shelter and I was trying to get my singing career together at that time…so we just found it to be too hard to have a real relationship. Well… we both agreed that it was best to stay friends…but I think what he really meant was that he wanted to keep having sex, but without the commitment. I wasn’t feeling that. If we’re friends…then that’s all we are. I don’t do the “friends with benefits” thing. Commit… or hey find someone else to do the biznass with. Anyway… he tried me once after we decided to be friends and I shut him down. A week after that I never heard from him again. b Until this weekend that is. Almost what…2 years later. He calls outta the blue. Saturday night I’m chillin and my phone rings.
He says hey and I’m like…”hey”. I knew his voice instantly. We’d been friends for 11 years. He asks how I’ve been and tried to make small talk to figure out if I was mad at him or not. Lol As usual, I remained very calm and polite. So he figured it would be a good time to tell me that so much has happened to him in the last 2 years and that he wanted to come by and talk to me face to face. I agreed. I wasn’t doing anything but reading, so I figured, why not. About 20 min. later, he’s at my door. I let him in…we exchange hugs as if the 2 years of us not speaking never went by. He began to tell me everything that’s happened to him and blah blah blah. After he finished, I couldn’t help but wonder why after all this time he wanted to get back in touch with me. But even more.. I wanted to know why he stopped calling. I hate not knowing things. I could understand if we had a fight… or if he got another girlfriend or something, but one day we were laughing on the phone and the next, I never hear from him again. That's just crazy. I thought it was the fact that I wasn’t giving it up to him anymore, but I knew in my heart that wasn’t it. That’s not him. So I asked. He gave me some long winded answer about his feelings and how confused he was and etc. I’m still trying to figure out how he ended up with the last words of his speech being. “So Swayla, I’m too old for games, I’m ready to settle down…and you’re the only one I can think of that would make me happy forever. So you wanna give US another shot?”
*sigh* What is it about me that make men not talk to my behind for months or years at a time, then come back and pretty much claim me as their wife? (Example One: Click here)
Now, DW wasn’t asking to marry me…but still, how you gonna completely remove yourself from my life, then come back and expect me to have just been waiting on you all this time? Do they not realize that though I’m not the prettiest, or finest, or smartest ….I CAN brawl with the best of them? I got enough going on to attract a few men. So I don't wait on or for anyone! I dunno. Ex’s are a trip.
There were 3 more ex’s that called me within the last month, but my fingers hurt and I’m tired of typing. It’s just funny how everyone calls at the same time, wanting the same thing. It’s also funny how I don’t want any of them. I don’t like backtracking. It’s messy to me. I like to look forward. Start fresh. Do something new. Oh…maybe tomorrow I’ll tell you a little about this young man that I’m hoping will keep me warm this winter. :) Until then… Gone.
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