Well... today's the day. Those of us who went to early voting and figured that the 3-6 hour wait to EARLY VOTE was ridiculous and that we might as well have waited until the day of...well...the time is here. I couldn't believe the lines this morning at the schools I pass on the way to work. I don't think I've EVER seen this many people voting. I guess that's one good thing Bush did: he got the people to exercise their voting rights. (lol)
Anywho.....I figured I'd just pitter pat on the computer for a minute since the ole office is pretty empty right now. I guess everyone is stuck in the lines at the polls. Which is good for me because it gives me a chance to talk about some very important issues in my life. Like um...
Did I tell you that I'm in love? Yup, ya girl is HEAD OVER HEELS in love. I'm in love with the grape flavored Juicy Juice. OH.MY.GOODNESS. that juice is SOOOOOOO friggin good. I'm talking about I love it so much I wanna marry it and have its children. (okay, maybe not) But Grape Juicy Juice is the BEST thing since sliced bread. Like for real. I think I've gone through 3 big bottles of it just this week. lol. It's crazy.
Oh yeah, speaking of crazy, this feels like a good time to tell you about my neighbor. Man, where do i begin with him. *sigh* Aight.
I got this neighbor who, if you ask my dad, has ALWAYS been one egg short of a dozen. However, in the last year or so, this brotha has completely lost his mind. I mean, I don't think he's crazy like he's gonna become a serial killer or anything...but he's crazy enough for my parents and our other neighbors to all get together in my back yard and just watch him with awed eyes for an hour. lol.
It all started when my neighbor got caught in a tornado. I have no idea where he was...but last year he was actually in the EYE of a tornado. He explained, "yeah man, (talking to my daddy) I saw all these here trees being uprooted and roofs being torn off of houses and my ole truck was picked up and tossed way yonder, but err-uh, Gawd spared me. And I know that he spared me fo a reason"
So of course being the kind of people we are, my family was very happy to hear that Mr. Neighbor got saved and that he dedicated his life to God. Aight... so at first it just seemed like he was really "zealous" for God. You know the type. The newcomers that go out of their way to let you know that they are saved? He started walking up and down the street preaching err... no... SHOUTING the word of God. At first it was maybe once a week. Then it progressed to every day. Then it progressed to everyday all day. He'd start before the sun came up and he'd put on this LONG black coat (like Neo from the matrix) and this black felt tip hat and he had a cane and he'd walk up and down our street ALL day, from like, 4am. to around midnight...shouting. I guess his route got too short for him because after a while, he started going up to this little country church down the street from our neighborhood. He'd go there around 6am-ish and he'd pray really loud in front of this church. And he'd kiss the ground and jump up and down and do all kind of things. Okay...so we was like...aight..if the man wanna praise God at 6 in the morning in front of this old, all white church then hey...let him. But the old white people was scared of him. So they called the cops on him. The cops warned him about being on their private property...but everyday he'd return. So they finally locked him up for like a day. Anywho...that was just the beginning. Not crazy right?
So about a few weeks later, he figures he'd just stay in the neighborhood. So again, he's praying outside.. loud. Real loud. Surprisingly no one complained...even though I know it was keeping everyone up, cuz it was keepin me up. lol. Then one night around 11pm. I hear this noise. I'm like WTH? It sounded like someone was ringing some church bells. So I'm laying in my bed like...there IS no church close enough to me for me to hear banging this loud and clear. And besides, it's 11 PM. So after about 10 straight minutes of this, I'm like dang...this is annoying, so i turn my fan on high, put some cotton balls in my ear and went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and all was pretty quiet on the western front. So I asked my parents about it and they said they didn't hear anything. So the next evening when I came home, my mom was like, "ya'll neighbor is crazy". lol. So I laughed because my dad has been saying that for years. But this time, well....my mom was serious. So I asked her why she said that. She was like... "I don't know WHAT that man doing back there in the back yard, but he's been beating on something ALL DAY LONG. It sounds like he's hitting metal or something. I don't know what he doing, but i was to scared to go back there to find out."
Not long after she said this, here he go again. Beating and beating and beating. We sat in the kitchen for a good 30 minutes listening to him bang on what seemed like metal. Finally I got tired of listening and turned on the television. So this goes on for about a month. Everyday, he bangs on this thing in the backyard. Sometimes in the 3 in the morning... sometimes at 3 in the afternoon. Well we finally got tired of it and decided to confront him about it because NONE of us was getting any sleep. And the noise was so friggin annoying. So my dad goes over to the neighbr's backyard where he was still beating on something... and he stayed for about an hour, then came back. So of course me and my mom are all eager to see what he said. This is my dad's account of what happened.
Dad: Hey *insert name* What's goin on man?
Neighbor: Hey Chuck. How you doin man.
Dad: Well not to good *insert name* I came over to see what all this noise is.
Neighbor: I know man, I know. I'm sorry man. But I gotta do this. Man, people are out to get me.
Dad: *looking confused* People?
Neighbor: Yeah. Every since that house burnt down over yonder, people have been tapping my phones, shooting at my house, and you seen them unmarked cars coming down our street man, man I know they just coming 'round here watching me.
Dad: *trying not to laugh*
Neighbor: I beat on this pole as a warning. I want to let everybody know that they shooting at me. They trying to kill me. I need some help man. I don't know who to trust....I
Dad: Hey, Hey, so why don't you just call the police? If "they" are shooting at you...then why don't you just call the police.
Neighbor: Man, the police are in on it too. And Rick. I think Rick is heading all this up. You know he used to work for the CIA.
(sidenote: Rick is our 80 year old other neighbor...who's a retired policeman and can hardly talk let alone head up a conspiracy against crazy man here)
Dad: Well man, I don't know what to tell you, but you gotta stop all this banging. You keeping me and my family up with all that.
Neighbor: yeah, my wife says the same thing. *sigh* But she don't understand. They ain't tryin to kill HER! *haaaaaaa. classic.* They shoot at ME everyday!
Dad: Well man, where's the bullet holes man.
Neighbor: *pointing at absolutely NOTHING but the wood on his house* Right here and right here. Don't you see how they've almost shot a hole straight through the back of my house? They shoot at me everyday man. I gotta let people know. I gotta beat on this pole. My life depends on it.
Dad: Man, i'own see NOTHIN! *getting a little freaked out by our neighbor*
Neighbor: You don't see that?
Dad: No.
Neighbor: *pausing..contemplating* Um... come in my house for a minute. I wanna show you something.
Dad: *pausing...contemplating on going in this crazy man's house* Uh for what?
Neighbor: *walking towards the front of the house* I want to show you something amazing.
Dad: *reluctantly following* Alright.
Neighbor: *pointing at brick fireplace in their house* So, do you see that?
Dad: What? The fireplace?
Neighbor: Naw man, right there. You don't see that face staring back at us? Those eyes follow me all day long.
Dad: *thinking WTH?* Naw man. I don't see it.
Neighbor: What about the Cross right there? Or the angel right over there? You see that right?
Dad: Naw.
Neighbor: Hmph. My wife doesn't either. I don't know why.
Dad: *trying hard not to laugh and call him crazy in his face* Me neither man, but i'mma get on back to da house. I just stopped by to ask you not to beat that pole anymore. You gotta find another way to work that out.
So that's that. And actually since that day, I only heard him beat the pole once. So that's progress right? Well in that aspect. But NOW this man is outside in the front yard. Screaming at the top of his lungs. Why you ask? Welp. He says that the AIRPLANES are out to get him now. *sigh*
*sidenote*
So, with the exception of my college years and the 2 years after college, I've lived in the same house with my folks for most of my childhood years. Our neighbors moved in about three years after us... so they've been there for more than 10 years as well. Now one of the FIRST things I've noticed about our neighborhood is that airplanes are ALWAYS flying around our house. This isn't some new phenomenon. I remember counting airplanes for fun as a youngin (yes, that's just ONE of the signs of a lonely only child). They just fly over our house. No biggie. But ALL of a sudden.... they are OUT TO GET HIM!!
So now, everyday, he's out side walking around his house with his hands up crying and looking up to the sky sreaming "WHY! WHY GOD! WHY! WHY ARE THEY FLYING SO LOW!" lol.
It's sad really. We've also caught him outside saying other phrases like... "WHAT! WHAT GOD! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME! WHAT IS IT! WHAT IS IT!" lol. I think he said this one first after throwing those big orange cones..you know, the ones that are used when they are working on the street...yeah those... well he was throwing them at the Bellsouth truck that came to work on the phone lines around our house. According to my mom. Our neighbor came out and started screaming in the front yard. The Bell South man got freaked and started packing up. So the neighbor threw the cones at the back of the truck as it was leaving. Then continued to ask God "What does he want". Why ...you ask? *shrug* Beats me. The man has lost it. Those kinda questions should be asked in the privacy of your own home... or if you just GOTTA be outside, then at least use your "indoor" voice for the neighbor's sake. lol
Whew... i know it was long...but i had to get it off my chest. I feel bad for his wife and children. They know he crazy. lol. Oh well. I guess crazy people need love to. Anywho... i gotta do some work now... so i'll writel later. Gone.
"Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."
~Abraham Lincoln
No comments:
Post a Comment