Detoxification

Friday Feb 11th, 2005
12:32pm

“…so, I have about 3-5 bowel movements a day Sway. It’s great. I think you should try it.”

“Uh…yeah. Sounds great!” I managed to say while carefully picking at my Oriental Chicken Salad that suddenly didn’t seem so appetizing.

I glanced quickly up at him. His smooth handsome face showed no traces of discomfort at all. He was hurriedly scarfing down his blackened tilapia sandwich like he hadn’t had a meal in years. Those beautiful bright eyes of his were fixated on his plate. I doubt he noticed how uncomfortable I was talking about his feces on our Applebee’s lunch date.

“Yeah Sway, I mean…I consider myself a pretty ‘regular’ guy ya know, but now…it seems to just…ease on out. I don’t have to strain or anything. It’s amazing. I just sit down and it just oozes out. *biting into sandwich and picking up a fry.* Not like diarrhea or anything. *chomp chomp* It’s nice and firm…but soft enough to come on out with no effort.”

I looked at him for a long time…I would have never imagined a guy like him being single. Strong jaw bone, nice soft pink lips..thick shiny jet black hair, which perfectly compliments his fair complexioned skin. Not a blemish or flaw in sight. Yet..he’s single. I looked out the window every once in a while zoning out and coming back on certain words like…black stool and diarrhea. After this conversation, I realized WHY women may not be necessarily knocking his door down. lol I mean, poop on the first date MIGHT not really be a great icebreaker. I honestly couldn’t believe that my dating life had come to this. I mean I felt flattered *sorta* that he felt comfortable enough to share that with me. I’ve known him long enough to know that he doesn’t share that stuff like that with everyone all the time, yet I still couldn’t bring myself to think that this date went well. Until later.

*Flashback*

About a month ago, one of my good friends Vee…jokingly titled me “The most dating-ness (yes she actually used this non-word) woman on earth”. *whew* I mean that’s quite a major statement. I mean... ON EARTH??? More than J. Lo? More than Halle? Shoot...more than LaQuandisha down the street? Dang... i felt BAD. Though we laughed it off or whatnot…I was kinda hurt about it. What was she trying to say? What does she mean? As I went home, I pondered why she would say something like that. She’s never seen me with any guys before. I mean sure, I’ve brought a few guys to church…but I’ve also brought a few girls…and the guys I did bring I made clear to my meddling, matchmaking friends that the guy and I were NOT dating. So….why does she think I date a lot? Apparently, a lot of people do. It’s funny to hear about what you are and aren’t doing from other people. True enough…I have a lot of male associates that i chat or hang with erry so often. But I’m not dating any of them. Well…not until last month.

After her comment…I began to think.
My momma always say “If you wanna change someone, start complimenting them on what you WANT them to be instead of what they are because you wouldn’t believe how far people will go to try and fulfill that which you’ve said.”
She’s right. I’ve tried it so many times. Call someone the sweetest person you’ve ever met a few times…and voila…you’ll see them change in front of you. It's amazing how they’ll do their best to keep up that reputation YOU built for them. lol.
Anyways… I found myself kinda falling into that trap. Shoot…everyone already think I’m just out dating up a storm. Might as well try it out. And with that… the dating began.

So I began dating. My little black book was in full effect. Dinner dates on random Tuesdays, movies on Sundays, Fridays I’m having lunch with one, dinner with another, and a late night visit to the salsa club with the last one. I was all dated out. I must admit. I had fun. lol I never thought I’d be the kind of person to just casually date for the sake of dating. But I did it...just to do it really. Of course nothing major ever popped of. An occasional kiss on the lips…a hug or a hand hold from one or two. But everyone understood that it was a DATE…not a RELATIONSHIP. We were just hanging.

*Flashfoward*
It was all good...until my aformentioned friday lunch date with a really nice, really attractive, really good friend of mine at applebees. The minute he began his whole detoxification/bowel movement spill I began to realize many many things:

1. How extremely ANTI-first date I am. While a few years back, I thrived on first dates...the lightness of it…the butterflies and anticipation of what’s to come, the “getting-to-know-you” questions…the “good behavior” they seemed to portray. I loved it. But now, it's soooo friggin old! I hate having to tell the same story to a million people who will forget about me AND my sto ry by the weekend. I wish I could just skip the entire intro. And don't even get me started on how fake that entire first date seems. Ugh. Just show me the real you...bump that other stuff.

2. I NEED meaningful deep rooted relationships. I mean..I REALLY need it. Yes…this past month has been fun. Different people bringing out different sides of me. Different experiences, dating tactics, conversations, vibes, etc. It was all great. There was never a dull moment. But the fact still remained that when I went home, there was no one there to ask me how my day was. I had no one to call and say, “you know what…I love you”…there was no one to buy a nice sweater for when the Rich’s men’s store had a sale. I still felt empty. And though I was very upfront about what my interpretation of a DATE and DATING is… many of my male associates /friends STILL had an issue with me going out with other people. *aught…before you say ANYTHING…* The problem with this is that, it wasn’t like they were mad because they wanted to be exclusive with me. Most of them are talking to someone else or are dating other people too. They just wanted ME to be theirs exclusively while they do what they do! lol. Men! *rolling eyes*
and

3. Mr. Poop guy had a point. I really do need to try detoxification. Maybe not in the sense he was referring to, but nevertheless… our lunch date was not in vain.

I gave him a hug and told him to call me later. As I walked to my car, I couldn’t help but think about how corrupt my life had become. Why was I having these unfruitful...unsatisfying pseudo relationships with these guys I KNOW i could never be serious about? How could I be preparing myself for my Mr. Forever if I'm always out with Mr. SpaceFiller and Mr. BethereifI'mbored? I needed detoxifying. I needed to get these toxins out of my system. I need to get the s*** out of my life. I really did. The benefits are impeccable. I know it is..cuz I sorta listened to Mr. Poop's hour spill on it. He claimed that he takes a few pills everyday (while increasing dosage until desired effect is seen) and within 2 days, he saw changes in his breathing, skin, bowel movements and etc. He said at first, he got these terrible pains in his stomach..and soon after that…he was in the bathroom getting rid of the “excess”. lol. After a while, it became easier and he was feeling better.

So, with his advice…I began my own detox program. I began taking my daily doses of the Word, and Prayer, and Praise. As the days and weeks went by...I increased my dosage. Soon after, its magic started working down inside of me…and soon after that, I started feeling a rumbling down on the inside of me that I just couldn’t shake loose. A pain in my heart began to form. I could no longer continue on the same way i had been in months before. I knew that those pains were gonna soon be followed by a sudden rush to release the "excess". And before I knew it…

Sunday Feb 13th
10:45pm Choc’s apartment

Chocolate Tease: What’s wrong Sway. You haven’t been yourself today. You’ve barely said anything to me since dinner.
Me: I’m sorry. Just got a lot on my mind.
Chocolate Tease: Liiiike????
Me: Um…chocolate tease, you’re a great guy. But I just can’t see you in this capacity anymore.
Chocolate Tease: *sigh* I knew this was coming…
Me: I knew it was coming too…but I had no idea it would be tonight. But for some reason, I just can’t hold this anymore. I really like you Choc. A LOT. But, we’re on two different paths in our spiritual life…and being with someone who I’m spiritually compatible with is just as important to me as being with someone who I’m physically compatible with…

Wed Feb 16th
3:30pm. Celly Rings

Kev: What it is Kay Sway?
Me: Hey Kev.
Kev: What’s da deal fo tonight?
Me: Um…I got Bible Study.
Kev: oh. *teeth smack* Well…how bout you skip it and come through here so we can go to James’ thang tonight?
Me: Or…you can just skip it and come with me to Bible Study…
Kev: hahaha. Girl you trippin.
Me: silent
Kev: so what’s up? U coming through?
Me: Um…Kev, listen… I don’t think we should kick it anymore. I know we’re not in a serious relationship or anything, but the type of friendship we have isn’t exactly platonic either. And while I’ve had a great time going out with you, I can’t do this anymore. I need more.

And just like that, I got rid of all of the good, but unfruitful relationships/friendships in my life. I found myself telling EVERY SINGLE “guy friends/associates” that I found myself calling to take me out when I felt lonely or whom I found myself becoming “more than a friend” with although no commitment had ever been made…that I no longer desired to casually date them. I dropped my security nets. I released my safety guys and now, I’m finding myself truly single for the first time in my life. There is no one to call now, which really did cramp my stomach up once I realized what I had done. For a split second, I almost called chocolate tease and said “ um…I was just kidding.” lol. But I didn’t. I need this. If I’m ever gonna completely trust God in this area of my life…I gotta let go of the “side guys”….the “safe guys”…and the “alternates”.
I had to let go of some girlfriends whom I never thought I’d say goodbye too. I found myself giving up just being out and about for the sake of being out and about. The word says to stand still and KNOW that I am God. And honestly…it’s HARD to hear God’s voice when you’re out doing your thang all the time. People were so surprised to see me HOME on a friday night. lol. Actually, I couldn't believe I was home on a friday night. lol But, I had to detox ya’ll. I had to let go of those unfruitful relationships. I found myself successfully letting go of the issues I had about being alone. Because ...in reality, I’m NOT alone. Me and God make the majority in EVERY situation. So, I had my movement. I let it go. And don’t you know I feel SOOO much better. I feel lighter. And more free. And the benefit is great. My skin is clearing up… not my physical skin…but my spiritual skin…ie. my attitude. I find myself apologizing to people I’ve done wrong to in the past, and I’m checking myself more. I'm finding myself being truthful about my feelings (not just the good ones but all of ‘em). I find that I can hear from God much better with a clean heart, clearer skin, and an open ear. I think we all should try detoxing.

Thanks lunch date. I think that was the best date I’ve ever had. We should definitely do that again.