A P.I.M.P. ( peek into my past).....
There were many signs. Red Flags! Flashing lights. But I didn’t pay them any attention.
I really want to say that I got caught up…… I was vulnerable…… I was attention deprived……I was insecure and needy. I was 22. He was 38. But while all that may be true… there’s no excuse. I was just naïve. Too naïve. I didn’t realize how much my compassion for others could actually put my own life in danger.
“Opportunity only knocks once” I would hear people say about once or twice a week. I’d shake my head and say, “yes, sir (or ma’am), I know.” And politely excuse myself to a quiet place and sip on a saucer of soothing peppermint tea to rest my overused vocal chords.
My entire life I’ve been singing. From the time I was 3, every idle moment of my life has been spent mindlessly singing some tune I probably heard on the radio minutes before. Singing is my heart. It’s my passion. So I guess was hard for people to grasp reality which was that I was perfectly okay singing at small gigs like weddings or church services…or doing back-up for various artist instead of trying my hand at my own solo career. I’ve been performing all over the place since I was about 10 and have had more offers than I care to recall to sign to labels, work with producers and songwriters and begin my career. But yet… I always politely refused. I always said that I wasn't ready, but I'd look them up when I was. Why..you ask? Because I HATED the BIZNASS side of singing. *still do really* The music industry is crazy! It’s definitely a dog eat dog world out there. And I’ve never been dumb. I’ve watched True Hollywood story on E! I see what happens to some of the folks who get screwed over. Plus, I don’t consider myself a particularly saavy busness person. Sure, I know some thangs…but I would never sit here and act as if I could go up in the record company and run thangs on the biznass side like Ray did. So instead of getting screwed…or caught up in all the drama of music. I figured I’d just stick to the poorer…but purer side of music.
Well…about July of 2002 I had a change of heart. My failed relationship with my ex-fiance, my recent graduation from college and jobless status, and my accruing student loans all started me to thinking about taking a chance on the unknown. I needed money. I needed a change. I needed to do something that made me happy. So I told myself that the NEXT opportunity to jump start my career I’d take.
That decision changed my life forever. Hindsight really IS 20/20. Gaaahlee. If only I paid attention to the red flags. *smh*
christmas day
Church parking lot
Trey: whuddup sis?
Me: Treeeeeeeeeey! *hugging him and smiling*
Trey: Hey, I-I-I-I- got a proposition for you? (he stutters when he’s excited. lol)
Me: Oh yeah? What’s da deal?
Trey: W-w-well… I know you were telling me a few months back that you gonna gone and try to do this sangin thang.
Me: Yeah man, I got to now. I think I’m finally ready.
Trey: Aight well um, yeah, I met this man who’s been in the game for a minute now. He’s worked with some real big artist. He said he just moved back to the A and is looking for some fresh talent.
Me: For real?
Trey: Y-y-yeah. I told ‘em ‘bout you. He ask me who you sound like…and I-I-I-I said you don’t sound like anybody. You got a style all your own. So he asked me for your number. But I told him I’d check with you first.
Me: *hyped* Okay Okay! Yeah definitely. I gotta see what he talking ‘bout cuz you KNOW I’m only trying to sing gospel. You told’em that right?
Trey: Yeah girl, you know I got yo back. Aight. I’mma talk to him tomorrow, so he should be calling soon.
Me: Good looking out bro. *hug* Aight I’ll holla atcha Sunday.
Trey: aight
And so… the nightmare begin.
Stalker called me a few days later and we immediately clicked. Him trying to impress me with the people he’s worked with, wrote songs for, and yada yada yada. Me trying to impress him with my knowledge of music, my voice, and my strong desire to sing. He was definitely talking right. He gave me his testimony of how God changed him and took him out of the R&B industry to start his ministry in Contemporary Gospel. He sounded focused. He had a vision. He was professional. And best of all… He LOVED my voice. He planned to have our first practice and studio visit in a month. He said he had 3 additional singers and Trey, (who was a lyricist/rapper). After discussing business and our lives for about an hour, he ended the conversation with, okay, I’ll speak with you tomorrow. *blink,blink* Huh? Why do we need to speak tomorrow?
Of course I wasn’t thinking that then, I was too excited to finally be getting on the right track. I said okay and hung up. As promised, he called me the next day….and the next, and the next. Our conversation was just that good. We often spoke about life, about songs, about the ministry, about God and etc. It was perfectly harmless…so I thought. The flags were there… I just didn’t notice. For 3 weeks this man called me everyday, week after week our conversation delving more an more into our personal lives. Until finally, the first flashing light came.
Stalker: So Sway, tell me, what is a beautiful woman like you doing being single?
Me: *flattered- it’s been a long time since someone had called me beautiful* Well…I got out of a very traumatic relationship last year and I’m just not ready to go down that road again.
Stalker: Well I’ll be honest with you, whoever gets to be your husband is a very lucky man.
Me: Thanks…… *all of a sudden hitting me* Wait…err….how do you know I’m beautiful? *he and I never met. We only talked via phone. Our first meeting wouldn’t be for another week.*
Stalker: Well after engaging in so many wonderful conversations with you, I was curious, so I asked Trey what you looked like. After his description of you, I HAD to see you. So I begged him to show me a picture. Man…you’re beeuuuuutiful. *flashing lights, flashing lights*
Me: *stupid* Thanks. *blushing*
And so our conversations continued. He’d compliment me on everything! My voice, my opinions, my zeal for God, my looks, my maturity at 22....it didn't matter. He noticed and remembered EVERYTHING i said. And I’d blush and be excited about someone actually “getting” me.
He was already smitten and we never even met.
Feb 2nd…Studio…8pm.
Stalker obviously favored me more than the others. He had written 14 songs already and 6 of them required a "lead soloist". Of those 6, 4 of them he wanted me to lead. And ONE SONG he wrote SPECIFICALLY for me. I knew then that he was feeling me. Okay...you KNOW when someone is feeling you. You just get that vibe. Trey wasn’t at practice that night… so I felt a little uncomfortable being there with him and the other singers. The other 2 girls were nosebleeds...and it got worse once he announced that I would be the "featured soloist".
Sidenote:
*Nosebleed (n.)– a person whose so into themselves /stuck on themselves that they position their head HIGH in the air as would someone who is desperately trying to stop a .......yup, nosebleed.*
After recording, he asked me if I would take him home. He claimed that during his move, he lost everything....including his car. Being the kinda woman I was, I cheerfully said sure and took him home. Upon getting there… he asked me to sit tight…he was gonna run in and get something. I agreed. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next…
To be continued…
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