Like so many people, I was one of millions who sat in front of the TV and radio in disbelief yesterday evening. I couldn't believe that MJ passed away. Usher called me around 6:25 ish to tell me to turn to CNN. I almost didn't because I was rushing to choir and dance rehearsals. As I clicked my remote, a wave of shock came over me as I watched them tell me that everyone's favorite entertainer was dead.
It affected me deeply. I rushed to my car and sped to my rehearsals while listening to all the people on the radio talk about how deeply it affect them too. MJ had that kind of effect. His music spoke to the masses.
I remember a few years back one of the stations did a tribute to Michael and my dad and I were watching it. We were watching how people were falling out and crying at his concerts. They loooooved some Michael. My dad turned to me and said, "I wonder how crazy things would be when Michael dies. These people are cutting up over his hat, his socks, his voice....what would happen when he finally goes?"
We didn't know that the day would come so fast.
I felt kinda crazy for crying the way I did yesterday. I mean, I don't personally know him, yet I'm really broken up about it. Shocked by it. It's not as if he was going to live forever, it's just....death is so sudden and final. Waking up and having no clue that today will be your last day on earth. It's an awful awful thing. I just pray for his soul and his family. He will definitely be missed.
All of this death has really made me appreciate each and every day God allows me to see and complete. What a blessing it is to be alive. Oftentimes we get so consumed in our everyday problems that we forget that being alive to have problems is a blessing. I vow to take time each day to appreciate my life and view it as another blessing that the Lord has given me.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Tuesday News
HURTING
Ouch! My arms are aching like nobody's business. I just started back working out because I'm gaining weight again. :( I hate gaining weight. Every time my clothes start snugging up on me, I get depressed and eat more. Then of course I find myself in a vicious cycle of weight gain, depression and over eating. ENOUGH! I got my big booty off the couch yesterday and blasted some music. I was doing a lot of lunges and arm weight stuff yesterday. I definitely feel it in my thighs and arms. I realized that I am definitely out of shape. I was dancing to some of my favorite songs and was very winded by the time they went off. I gotta fix that PRONTO because I just joined the Dance Ministry at Church. I haven't danced in like what... 4 years?? I'm a little nervous about my stamina. At least I'm working on it though.
CELEBRATING
So last Friday Usher and I went to his parent's house to celebrate Father's day a little early. As usual, his parents greeted me as I tried my best to keep my distance from Cody, the familywolf dog. Given my many dreams about being bitten on the hand....you can say that I'm really not too fond of dogs any more. Dinner was great. Usher's sister, Stacey and her boyfriend, Earl brought some takeout from JJ's rib shack and it was slammin! After dinner, I helped the ladies clean up while Usher and his dad went out to play with Cody. Earl looked out the kitchen window as Cody bit Usher on his hand. Uh-huh. I knew that big azz fox dog bite. Last time we were over there Usher gonna bring the dog up to me and tell me to give me his hand so he can show me that the dog wouldn't bite me.
Me: He got teeth?
Usher: yeah...but..
Me: Then he bites. I'm not giving you my hand.
Usher: Come on Sway, trust me. This will help you get over your fear of dogs! Don't you trust me?
Me: I trust you babe. It's dogs I don't trust.
And for good reason too. I exchanged a knowing glance at Usher when he came in the house talking about, "I can't believe Cody BIT me!"
Anywho...the rest of the night was marked by a few games of Dominos and gift giving all while watching Harlem Nights. By the time we left, I was too tired! But on Saturday, I was up bright and early with my mom doing more Father's day shopping for my dad.
We ended up buying him 3 suits (with shirts and ties) and some cologne. Needless to say, he had a great Father's day.
ANTICIPATING
So my birthday is about a month away and already, I'm making plans. My parents and I are supposed to be going to our favorite east coast beach the week before my birthday. Coincidentally, this is the same week Usher's daughter will be in town to visit. I've asked them to come along so I can have all of my "family" with me that week. He wants to go, and told me he'd get back with me by weeks end to say yea or nay depending on if he thinks he can come up with the money for a trip like that. Hopefully he can cuz I really would like for them to go too.
My birthday weekend will be spent with friends. We're going to some cabins in North Carolina to just chill out, have a few mixed drinks...hike maybe...do some girl talking and just enjoying each other's company. I'm excited be able to spend the weekend with all my girls since a couple live out of state, but are meeting us there. It's going to either be a GREAT weekend...or something straight out of a scary movie. 6 girls alone in a cabin.... uh... let's hope for the best. :)
Ouch! My arms are aching like nobody's business. I just started back working out because I'm gaining weight again. :( I hate gaining weight. Every time my clothes start snugging up on me, I get depressed and eat more. Then of course I find myself in a vicious cycle of weight gain, depression and over eating. ENOUGH! I got my big booty off the couch yesterday and blasted some music. I was doing a lot of lunges and arm weight stuff yesterday. I definitely feel it in my thighs and arms. I realized that I am definitely out of shape. I was dancing to some of my favorite songs and was very winded by the time they went off. I gotta fix that PRONTO because I just joined the Dance Ministry at Church. I haven't danced in like what... 4 years?? I'm a little nervous about my stamina. At least I'm working on it though.
CELEBRATING
So last Friday Usher and I went to his parent's house to celebrate Father's day a little early. As usual, his parents greeted me as I tried my best to keep my distance from Cody, the family
Me: He got teeth?
Usher: yeah...but..
Me: Then he bites. I'm not giving you my hand.
Usher: Come on Sway, trust me. This will help you get over your fear of dogs! Don't you trust me?
Me: I trust you babe. It's dogs I don't trust.
And for good reason too. I exchanged a knowing glance at Usher when he came in the house talking about, "I can't believe Cody BIT me!"
Anywho...the rest of the night was marked by a few games of Dominos and gift giving all while watching Harlem Nights. By the time we left, I was too tired! But on Saturday, I was up bright and early with my mom doing more Father's day shopping for my dad.
We ended up buying him 3 suits (with shirts and ties) and some cologne. Needless to say, he had a great Father's day.
ANTICIPATING
So my birthday is about a month away and already, I'm making plans. My parents and I are supposed to be going to our favorite east coast beach the week before my birthday. Coincidentally, this is the same week Usher's daughter will be in town to visit. I've asked them to come along so I can have all of my "family" with me that week. He wants to go, and told me he'd get back with me by weeks end to say yea or nay depending on if he thinks he can come up with the money for a trip like that. Hopefully he can cuz I really would like for them to go too.
My birthday weekend will be spent with friends. We're going to some cabins in North Carolina to just chill out, have a few mixed drinks...hike maybe...do some girl talking and just enjoying each other's company. I'm excited be able to spend the weekend with all my girls since a couple live out of state, but are meeting us there. It's going to either be a GREAT weekend...or something straight out of a scary movie. 6 girls alone in a cabin.... uh... let's hope for the best. :)
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Chit Chat
TIMING
As soon as I got into my comfy bed and pulled the covers over me, my alarm clock went off and I realized I was dreaming.
It's weird to dream about going to sleep a minute before your alarm goes off. Talk about waking up with an attitude. I was all like...Man, really??
Apparently I was feeling tired in my dream and was excited about hitting the sheets...only to find that in reality, my day was just beginning.
Such is my life. My timing is always off. That's one of those things I have to work on.
IDOLING
Today is the first day of registration for American Id.ol. I've been going back and forth in my mind about going. I ran it by Usher and he was all for it. I ran it by my parents and they thought I was joking.
Mom: Yeah okay... and I'll take off work and do the first shift of waiting for ya. *wink*
She's never liked AI. My mom is one of those super religious folks that don't listen to anything but Gospel. The fact that AI contestants sing secular songs has caused her to frequently tell me how she doesn't think Christians should go on the show. *eye roll*
Even after that, I still thought alot about it. This would be my last year to try out. But for real, how am I gonna take off for 3 days??? Before I knew it, today was here and I found myself sitting here at my desk instead of having the kahunas and drive to go see what I can make happen.
Watch next year I'm going to really wanna go and be too old for the show. :(
STALKING
So I never did find Mr. Moore on facebook. :(
I looked everywhere. Maybe he's too busy for all that. I guess it was for the best. I would have hate to see what I would have been compelled to do if I found him. I'd probably be on his page everyday soaking up all the information I could find. I guess it may be time to officially give up my crush on him. I never see him anymore and I don't know where to begin looking...so I'm kinda left high and dry. I need a new crush. It's sad that I haven't found anyone worth looking at lately. Either I'm becoming too picky, or I'm not getting out enough. Probably the latter. I have to work on that too.
OVER-REACTING?
Usher and I have a bad habit of dreaming out loud. We were watching Pursuit of Happyness again on TV Saturday and started talking about what we'd do if we had a happy ending like that. I said, "You know, you're life story would be pretty good. Who would you get to play you?"
So we're talking about that and of course he throws out Boris Kod.joe, Terre.nce H.oward, Will Smi.th...you know all these buff-type pretty guys.
Then he says "I think Keys.hia Cole, San.aa Latha.n or Laur.en L.ondon could play my ex wife."
So I'm like cool.
"And for you Sway....uh maybe Jen.nifer Hu.dson."
HUH???
Maybe I over-reacted but I was NOT pleased that he just compared his ex to San.aa Latha.n and me to Je.nnifer Hu.dson. My entire mood changed.
Do I look like Jenni.fer Hudso.n??
Not that she's unattractive...but I just don't see me looking anything like her. Does he think I look like her? Really?
I totally didn't want to play anymore. :(
As soon as I got into my comfy bed and pulled the covers over me, my alarm clock went off and I realized I was dreaming.
It's weird to dream about going to sleep a minute before your alarm goes off. Talk about waking up with an attitude. I was all like...Man, really??
Apparently I was feeling tired in my dream and was excited about hitting the sheets...only to find that in reality, my day was just beginning.
Such is my life. My timing is always off. That's one of those things I have to work on.
IDOLING
Today is the first day of registration for American Id.ol. I've been going back and forth in my mind about going. I ran it by Usher and he was all for it. I ran it by my parents and they thought I was joking.
Mom: Yeah okay... and I'll take off work and do the first shift of waiting for ya. *wink*
She's never liked AI. My mom is one of those super religious folks that don't listen to anything but Gospel. The fact that AI contestants sing secular songs has caused her to frequently tell me how she doesn't think Christians should go on the show. *eye roll*
Even after that, I still thought alot about it. This would be my last year to try out. But for real, how am I gonna take off for 3 days??? Before I knew it, today was here and I found myself sitting here at my desk instead of having the kahunas and drive to go see what I can make happen.
Watch next year I'm going to really wanna go and be too old for the show. :(
STALKING
So I never did find Mr. Moore on facebook. :(
I looked everywhere. Maybe he's too busy for all that. I guess it was for the best. I would have hate to see what I would have been compelled to do if I found him. I'd probably be on his page everyday soaking up all the information I could find. I guess it may be time to officially give up my crush on him. I never see him anymore and I don't know where to begin looking...so I'm kinda left high and dry. I need a new crush. It's sad that I haven't found anyone worth looking at lately. Either I'm becoming too picky, or I'm not getting out enough. Probably the latter. I have to work on that too.
OVER-REACTING?
Usher and I have a bad habit of dreaming out loud. We were watching Pursuit of Happyness again on TV Saturday and started talking about what we'd do if we had a happy ending like that. I said, "You know, you're life story would be pretty good. Who would you get to play you?"
So we're talking about that and of course he throws out Boris Kod.joe, Terre.nce H.oward, Will Smi.th...you know all these buff-type pretty guys.
Then he says "I think Keys.hia Cole, San.aa Latha.n or Laur.en L.ondon could play my ex wife."
So I'm like cool.
"And for you Sway....uh maybe Jen.nifer Hu.dson."
HUH???
Maybe I over-reacted but I was NOT pleased that he just compared his ex to San.aa Latha.n and me to Je.nnifer Hu.dson. My entire mood changed.
Do I look like Jenni.fer Hudso.n??
Not that she's unattractive...but I just don't see me looking anything like her. Does he think I look like her? Really?
I totally didn't want to play anymore. :(
Friday, June 05, 2009
When love comes around...
...it definitely does knock you down!
Ahh that Ke.ri. She sure knows how to write a song. I remember when we were kids in the M to M program (did anyone else have that?) at Henderson Mill Elementary school. She and her 2 sisters would get on about 3 stops after mine. We had assigned seats on the bus and Ke.ri and some girl named Chi-Chi sat behind me. Every morning I'd put my head on the window and try to sleep until the bumpy ride caused my head to hit the metal part of the window and I'd wake up. All the while, Ke.ri and Chi-Chi would be chatting about the lyrics to whatever song they were trying to write. In the afternoons, they'd actually sing it.
May I just say that their song was the most ridiculous crap I've ever heard! lol It was so silly that I still remember parts of it. But that was years ago! Now... I'm definitely seeing how far a dream, persistence, practice, and patience can go.
I'm amazed at how far she's come. We went to Elementary, High School and College together. The whole while, she followed her dream...kept on trying...kept on pushing. I'm proud of her. This is something she's been doing forever...and to finally have the recognition she deserves is great.
I've been thinking alot about that lately. I've known soooo many stars before they were stars. You would believe who I've lived by, worked with, went to school with, Church with. I've seen it happen for a lot of folks and it got me to thinking....
Why have I never tried to pursue my calling?
From a young age I've been told that I have a wonderful gift. I've been called a songstress....a psalmist...a girl with the voice of an angel. Yet, I don't see it.
Okay, sure I know that I'm pretty good at it. But there are sooooo many great singers out there. Everyone knows someone that can sing. To me, it's a dime a dozen. What's so great about me or my voice?
These thoughts, along with my natural disposition to run like hell away from the spotlight, has caused me to not even try to pursue a singing career.
As I think about my life and how long I've been singing, how many opportunities that have presented itself, how many times I could have pushed a little harder, I began to realize how afraid I am to fail.
Being good at something makes me feel wonderful. Singing is the one thing I've always had. It's the one thing that has brought me comfort when everything else is wrong, is gone, is criticized, changed...etc.
What would happen if the world didn't like my voice as much as my Church members and school mates....and family?
That would crush me.
I realized that the reason I won't try is because I'm not strong enough to hear that my best isn't good enough.
Maybe that's my problem.
Fear will get you nowhere and that's exactly where I've been going.
Maybe it's time for me to at least try. Would hate to watch my life pass me by without at least trying to see where my gift would make room for me. If I fail, then at least I tried. But not trying is the real crime. Especially after seeing so many success stories around me. I gotta get motivated.
I may just try out for American Idol this year. lol
Ahh that Ke.ri. She sure knows how to write a song. I remember when we were kids in the M to M program (did anyone else have that?) at Henderson Mill Elementary school. She and her 2 sisters would get on about 3 stops after mine. We had assigned seats on the bus and Ke.ri and some girl named Chi-Chi sat behind me. Every morning I'd put my head on the window and try to sleep until the bumpy ride caused my head to hit the metal part of the window and I'd wake up. All the while, Ke.ri and Chi-Chi would be chatting about the lyrics to whatever song they were trying to write. In the afternoons, they'd actually sing it.
May I just say that their song was the most ridiculous crap I've ever heard! lol It was so silly that I still remember parts of it. But that was years ago! Now... I'm definitely seeing how far a dream, persistence, practice, and patience can go.
I'm amazed at how far she's come. We went to Elementary, High School and College together. The whole while, she followed her dream...kept on trying...kept on pushing. I'm proud of her. This is something she's been doing forever...and to finally have the recognition she deserves is great.
I've been thinking alot about that lately. I've known soooo many stars before they were stars. You would believe who I've lived by, worked with, went to school with, Church with. I've seen it happen for a lot of folks and it got me to thinking....
Why have I never tried to pursue my calling?
From a young age I've been told that I have a wonderful gift. I've been called a songstress....a psalmist...a girl with the voice of an angel. Yet, I don't see it.
Okay, sure I know that I'm pretty good at it. But there are sooooo many great singers out there. Everyone knows someone that can sing. To me, it's a dime a dozen. What's so great about me or my voice?
These thoughts, along with my natural disposition to run like hell away from the spotlight, has caused me to not even try to pursue a singing career.
As I think about my life and how long I've been singing, how many opportunities that have presented itself, how many times I could have pushed a little harder, I began to realize how afraid I am to fail.
Being good at something makes me feel wonderful. Singing is the one thing I've always had. It's the one thing that has brought me comfort when everything else is wrong, is gone, is criticized, changed...etc.
What would happen if the world didn't like my voice as much as my Church members and school mates....and family?
That would crush me.
I realized that the reason I won't try is because I'm not strong enough to hear that my best isn't good enough.
Maybe that's my problem.
Fear will get you nowhere and that's exactly where I've been going.
Maybe it's time for me to at least try. Would hate to watch my life pass me by without at least trying to see where my gift would make room for me. If I fail, then at least I tried. But not trying is the real crime. Especially after seeing so many success stories around me. I gotta get motivated.
I may just try out for American Idol this year. lol
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Quicksand
My alarm went off way too early this morning.
As I groaned and pulled myself out of the comfort of my bed, I realized how bad I need a vacation.
You ever have that dreadful feeling that you've somehow managed to get yourself stuck in quicksand?
Well that's me. For the last year or so. The more I try to make things happen and will positive things to come my way, the more feel like I'm sinking in muck and heaviness that is quicksand.
I was watching TV earlier this week and someone said something like: There is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. I just don't know if it's a rainbow or a train!
I'm totally feeling that. I have no idea whether this light I see in the distance is for my benefit or demise. I've been pushing toward this imaginary day when I'm finally where I want to be. Hope forces me to keep pushing...looking for the slightest breather...the smallest indication of progress. Yet when I seem to get closer, I find it only to be a floating mirage.
Sometimes I do wonder if this light I'm heading towards is a train wreck waiting to happen. I'm wondering if my struggle to make it out is only succeeding in sinking me faster. Am I actually running towards my failure?
I dunno. I'm to crazily optimistic to actually believe that. I always feel that things are going to get better. I guess I feel a little deflated because it's taking a rather long time to do so.
Plus the more I want things to change, the less they seem to. The more effort I put into it, the less results I see.
I feel like the person flailing their arms and legs around in an attempt to stay afloat, but only managing to speedily drown. If only they wouldn't have panicked...
if only they tried floating...
Maybe I'm doing too much. Trying too hard. Wanting things too bad. Maybe I should chill out and float. Maybe then, I'll have a fighting chance to be rescued from my quicksand.
As I groaned and pulled myself out of the comfort of my bed, I realized how bad I need a vacation.
You ever have that dreadful feeling that you've somehow managed to get yourself stuck in quicksand?
Well that's me. For the last year or so. The more I try to make things happen and will positive things to come my way, the more feel like I'm sinking in muck and heaviness that is quicksand.
I was watching TV earlier this week and someone said something like: There is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. I just don't know if it's a rainbow or a train!
I'm totally feeling that. I have no idea whether this light I see in the distance is for my benefit or demise. I've been pushing toward this imaginary day when I'm finally where I want to be. Hope forces me to keep pushing...looking for the slightest breather...the smallest indication of progress. Yet when I seem to get closer, I find it only to be a floating mirage.
Sometimes I do wonder if this light I'm heading towards is a train wreck waiting to happen. I'm wondering if my struggle to make it out is only succeeding in sinking me faster. Am I actually running towards my failure?
I dunno. I'm to crazily optimistic to actually believe that. I always feel that things are going to get better. I guess I feel a little deflated because it's taking a rather long time to do so.
Plus the more I want things to change, the less they seem to. The more effort I put into it, the less results I see.
I feel like the person flailing their arms and legs around in an attempt to stay afloat, but only managing to speedily drown. If only they wouldn't have panicked...
if only they tried floating...
Maybe I'm doing too much. Trying too hard. Wanting things too bad. Maybe I should chill out and float. Maybe then, I'll have a fighting chance to be rescued from my quicksand.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Munchin
It's a little after 1pm and I'm eating a Kielbasa with cheese at my desk. I usually watch Tyra in the breakroom during lunch, but today I figured I'd dive in and see what happens when the cursor and white space fill my computer screen.
(10 minutes later)
Yeah...so I don't know where to begin.
Hmmmm.
My dad's birthday is tomorrow. Hooray! I love my dad. :)
It's kinda scary though when you see your folks getting older. I mean.... it's better to see them getting old because that means there still alive...but you know what I mean.
They've been very forgetful lately. I'm not used to that. Especially with my dad. He's always been a real sharp one. He could see, hear, and remember almost everything.
Now is a different story. He can't see worth crap, yet he refuses to get glasses. I have to repeat myself alot when we talk...and he'll swear up and down that it wasn't him that took cheetos out of the cabinet although I saw him do it. I hate what getting older does to you. And he's in total denial about it. I hope it doesn't get worse.
*now eating strawberries and sipping on my apple juicy juice*
I'm bored. :(
Maybe I should go check my facebook. I'm sooooo addicted to facebook. Sort of how like I was addicted to Myspace....and Blackplanet before that. lol I don't know why I love it so much. Prolly cuz I'm nosey and I like to be a voyer. Peeping into the lives of folks I know and love....or have lost touch with...or think I know but don't. Either way, facebook has been highly entertaining to me. I've found (or rather most have found me) so many folks from my past on there it's crazy! My prom dates, girls from my youth church choir, people I met in summer camp, elementary school classmates, people who I randomly have met over the years and have lost touch with, ex boyfriends...everyone is on that thing! lol
Oooh you know what.... I should straight look for my old bus crush!!! Hellooooo Mr. Moore! I'm such a stalker. lol Wait...i can't even remember how to spell his first name. I haven't been on that bus in months. Dang...maybe I'll sift through my old posts to see how he spells his name. That outta take the rest of my lunch. YES! I'll let you know if I find him. lol
(10 minutes later)
Yeah...so I don't know where to begin.
Hmmmm.
My dad's birthday is tomorrow. Hooray! I love my dad. :)
It's kinda scary though when you see your folks getting older. I mean.... it's better to see them getting old because that means there still alive...but you know what I mean.
They've been very forgetful lately. I'm not used to that. Especially with my dad. He's always been a real sharp one. He could see, hear, and remember almost everything.
Now is a different story. He can't see worth crap, yet he refuses to get glasses. I have to repeat myself alot when we talk...and he'll swear up and down that it wasn't him that took cheetos out of the cabinet although I saw him do it. I hate what getting older does to you. And he's in total denial about it. I hope it doesn't get worse.
*now eating strawberries and sipping on my apple juicy juice*
I'm bored. :(
Maybe I should go check my facebook. I'm sooooo addicted to facebook. Sort of how like I was addicted to Myspace....and Blackplanet before that. lol I don't know why I love it so much. Prolly cuz I'm nosey and I like to be a voyer. Peeping into the lives of folks I know and love....or have lost touch with...or think I know but don't. Either way, facebook has been highly entertaining to me. I've found (or rather most have found me) so many folks from my past on there it's crazy! My prom dates, girls from my youth church choir, people I met in summer camp, elementary school classmates, people who I randomly have met over the years and have lost touch with, ex boyfriends...everyone is on that thing! lol
Oooh you know what.... I should straight look for my old bus crush!!! Hellooooo Mr. Moore! I'm such a stalker. lol Wait...i can't even remember how to spell his first name. I haven't been on that bus in months. Dang...maybe I'll sift through my old posts to see how he spells his name. That outta take the rest of my lunch. YES! I'll let you know if I find him. lol
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Testing, Testing, 1....2
Is this blog still here?
Really?....
An old friend of mine emailed me yesterday to ask me why I stopped blogging.
It took me a good 8 minutes to come up with an answer.
I've asked myself that a few times this year. I've changed my work schedule so that I'm working 10 hour days, 4 days a week....so there's AMPLE opportunities for me to write to my heart's content...yet....
I don't write.
Lord knows there's been enough happenings to fill my blog on a monthly, weekly, heck daily basis...yet...
I don't write.
I figured that maybe I'm just too lazy to continue. I'm not a natural writer, so blogging takes extra effort on my part. Making sure things make sense. Struggling to find words that match my emotions. Trying to accurately depict the picture I'd like to paint. Yawn. It's really hard work for me. But is that really the reason...
I don't write?
I figured I come test the waters out here. See if my mojo will come back. Maybe if I wander around here from time to time, i'll start getting back in the groove. So this is my first attempt at getting myself back into the habit of writing.
Only time will tell.
Really?....
An old friend of mine emailed me yesterday to ask me why I stopped blogging.
It took me a good 8 minutes to come up with an answer.
I've asked myself that a few times this year. I've changed my work schedule so that I'm working 10 hour days, 4 days a week....so there's AMPLE opportunities for me to write to my heart's content...yet....
I don't write.
Lord knows there's been enough happenings to fill my blog on a monthly, weekly, heck daily basis...yet...
I don't write.
I figured that maybe I'm just too lazy to continue. I'm not a natural writer, so blogging takes extra effort on my part. Making sure things make sense. Struggling to find words that match my emotions. Trying to accurately depict the picture I'd like to paint. Yawn. It's really hard work for me. But is that really the reason...
I don't write?
I figured I come test the waters out here. See if my mojo will come back. Maybe if I wander around here from time to time, i'll start getting back in the groove. So this is my first attempt at getting myself back into the habit of writing.
Only time will tell.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Happy New Year!!!
Wow what a ride!
As I look back over 2008, a flood of emotions readily surface. It's been a heck of a year. But isn't that every year for me? lol I was lucky in love this year. Usher and I got back together around valentine's day last year and have been enjoying each other's company ever since. Our relationship itself this time around has been better. Of course I've had my complaints. Times where I wonder why I ever told him I'd date him again. But honestly we've been really good together. I've changed a bit with him... and he's changed a bit with me. I'd never admit it and I doubt he'd admit it either. But it is what it is. Hopefully 2009 will bring us even closer together.
As wonderful as it's been being with Usher, it's been one heck of a journey financially. I'm sure almost everyone has a similar story about the wallet strain. Nevertheless, we made it through with God's help and I'm optimistic about His continued assistance.
I've never been big on Resolutions. I've always felt that if you're gonna do it, DO IT. But this year, I really feel like I should have a plan. Hopefully I can hold myself accountable this way. So without any further ado...
MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
1. Eat less sweets. Yeah I know what you're saying. That's a sucky resolution. But for me... this is serious business! I have gained all the weight back that I lost a year ago and it sucks! I know it's because of my addiction to sweets. So I figure I'd be more conscious about my dessert intake. I guess I can't indulge as much as I like. Hopefully this will have a dramatic effect on my weight and health. Diabetes runs in my family and I'm not trying to get it!
2. Grow a butt. Squats are my new best friend these days. I need a butt stat! I'm tired of waiting to get enough money to buy one, so I figured I'd just sculpt one. Wish me luck!
3. Buy a meal for a stranger. My late Bishop once told a story in his sermon about how he was in line one day and just randomly told the cashier that he wanted to buy the meal of the person behind him. He said other stuff after that, but I thought that was such a cool thing to do. Just a random act of kindness. Something to put a smile on someone's face and make their day. I know I'd love if some random person bought my meal for me. Hopefully, it'll become one of my monthly rituals.
4. Get my teeth surgery. I really really REALLY wanna get these friggin retainers out of my mouth. I'm almost 30 and I look about 14 with this ish on my teeth. I need to just suck it up...pay the $1000 for the surgery...stay drugged up on meds for a while...and voila...I can get my retainers out. I keep telling myself it's just a small little nerve muscle that they have to snip in my mouth and thats it! I'm scared though. This year I have to suck it up. Retainers at 30 is not cute!
5. Move out for good. There's no way I can keep my sanity while living with my folks another year. I love them dearly, but I gotta go! And I don't wanna come back unless to visit. The financial climate in my environment is quite chilly, but I gotta make something happen.
Well...those are the ones I'll start with. Wish me luck!
As I look back over 2008, a flood of emotions readily surface. It's been a heck of a year. But isn't that every year for me? lol I was lucky in love this year. Usher and I got back together around valentine's day last year and have been enjoying each other's company ever since. Our relationship itself this time around has been better. Of course I've had my complaints. Times where I wonder why I ever told him I'd date him again. But honestly we've been really good together. I've changed a bit with him... and he's changed a bit with me. I'd never admit it and I doubt he'd admit it either. But it is what it is. Hopefully 2009 will bring us even closer together.
As wonderful as it's been being with Usher, it's been one heck of a journey financially. I'm sure almost everyone has a similar story about the wallet strain. Nevertheless, we made it through with God's help and I'm optimistic about His continued assistance.
I've never been big on Resolutions. I've always felt that if you're gonna do it, DO IT. But this year, I really feel like I should have a plan. Hopefully I can hold myself accountable this way. So without any further ado...
MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
1. Eat less sweets. Yeah I know what you're saying. That's a sucky resolution. But for me... this is serious business! I have gained all the weight back that I lost a year ago and it sucks! I know it's because of my addiction to sweets. So I figure I'd be more conscious about my dessert intake. I guess I can't indulge as much as I like. Hopefully this will have a dramatic effect on my weight and health. Diabetes runs in my family and I'm not trying to get it!
2. Grow a butt. Squats are my new best friend these days. I need a butt stat! I'm tired of waiting to get enough money to buy one, so I figured I'd just sculpt one. Wish me luck!
3. Buy a meal for a stranger. My late Bishop once told a story in his sermon about how he was in line one day and just randomly told the cashier that he wanted to buy the meal of the person behind him. He said other stuff after that, but I thought that was such a cool thing to do. Just a random act of kindness. Something to put a smile on someone's face and make their day. I know I'd love if some random person bought my meal for me. Hopefully, it'll become one of my monthly rituals.
4. Get my teeth surgery. I really really REALLY wanna get these friggin retainers out of my mouth. I'm almost 30 and I look about 14 with this ish on my teeth. I need to just suck it up...pay the $1000 for the surgery...stay drugged up on meds for a while...and voila...I can get my retainers out. I keep telling myself it's just a small little nerve muscle that they have to snip in my mouth and thats it! I'm scared though. This year I have to suck it up. Retainers at 30 is not cute!
5. Move out for good. There's no way I can keep my sanity while living with my folks another year. I love them dearly, but I gotta go! And I don't wanna come back unless to visit. The financial climate in my environment is quite chilly, but I gotta make something happen.
Well...those are the ones I'll start with. Wish me luck!
Monday, December 01, 2008
What in the heck did I just do??
I almost forgot my password to blogspot. I used to log in so much that it would just keep me logged in. Nowadays my presence around here is scarce. Today I found a reason to write. :)
In the past 5 years, I've told no one in my "real" life the URL to this blog. It was my fear that one day while perusing the web, they'd stumble upon my blog and be pissed at the things I've said about them, or things I've withheld from them. I've always thought it to be a dangerous thing to know every real thought that goes through someone elses head. I'd definitely not want to know everything someone thought about me at all times. *shuddering* I know i've done some crazy stuff. I'm sure their perception of me at one point had to be negative.
Nevertheless, Saturday night I did the unthinkable and wrote down the url to this blog for 5 of my friends.
*hyperventilating*
Oh Gosh! What have I done. lol
My first thought was to rush through my blog and hope nothing horrible was in here. If so, I would promptly delete or change it. But after a few minutes I began to relax. Pandora's box has been opened and now I'll have to deal with them knowing it all! No need to try and change anything. My thoughts are my thoughts. Our friendship should be able to withstand the tales of this blog. lol It's really not that bad anyways. I have a knack for overreacting. :)
So...to my friends whom I've let into my world of words.... WELCOME! WELCOME! WELCOME! *waving*
This could actually be interesting if you guys really read it. I'd love to know how the "real" Sway and the "blog" Sway differ.
In the past 5 years, I've told no one in my "real" life the URL to this blog. It was my fear that one day while perusing the web, they'd stumble upon my blog and be pissed at the things I've said about them, or things I've withheld from them. I've always thought it to be a dangerous thing to know every real thought that goes through someone elses head. I'd definitely not want to know everything someone thought about me at all times. *shuddering* I know i've done some crazy stuff. I'm sure their perception of me at one point had to be negative.
Nevertheless, Saturday night I did the unthinkable and wrote down the url to this blog for 5 of my friends.
*hyperventilating*
Oh Gosh! What have I done. lol
My first thought was to rush through my blog and hope nothing horrible was in here. If so, I would promptly delete or change it. But after a few minutes I began to relax. Pandora's box has been opened and now I'll have to deal with them knowing it all! No need to try and change anything. My thoughts are my thoughts. Our friendship should be able to withstand the tales of this blog. lol It's really not that bad anyways. I have a knack for overreacting. :)
So...to my friends whom I've let into my world of words.... WELCOME! WELCOME! WELCOME! *waving*
This could actually be interesting if you guys really read it. I'd love to know how the "real" Sway and the "blog" Sway differ.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Unplugged
So much has been going on with me.
But somewhere down the line, I've lost the desire to write. The desire to share. The desire to be transparent.
I feel as if I will one day look back and regret not writing down the events of this past month. Not sharing my feelings and vivid accounts. Memories are sometimes biased. Sometimes they aren't as accurate as one wants to believe. I'm a testament to that as I try recalling moments I've had in the past few years I've written in this blog. During the times when I'm bored, I'll click on a link to 2004 and think to myself, "Did I really feel like that?" or "I totally forgot about that!"
I hope this blogging funk will end soon.
I guess we'll see.
But somewhere down the line, I've lost the desire to write. The desire to share. The desire to be transparent.
I feel as if I will one day look back and regret not writing down the events of this past month. Not sharing my feelings and vivid accounts. Memories are sometimes biased. Sometimes they aren't as accurate as one wants to believe. I'm a testament to that as I try recalling moments I've had in the past few years I've written in this blog. During the times when I'm bored, I'll click on a link to 2004 and think to myself, "Did I really feel like that?" or "I totally forgot about that!"
I hope this blogging funk will end soon.
I guess we'll see.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
He looks like me...
I am so overwhelmed and elated that I was apart of history.
Our new president looks like me. Isn't that something?!?
I have no words right now.
God is good.
Our new president looks like me. Isn't that something?!?
I have no words right now.
God is good.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Purpose
“Maybe you’re there for that reason.”
Those words hung in the air like a Cumulus on an otherwise cloudless day. She was so right. I was made to be the way I am because of the role I’d play in the lives of my parents. No one else could be my mom’s daughter but me.
For the last 3 years, my coworker and I have had daily vent sessions about everything under the sun. I’ve confided in my co-worker about almost everything. I’ve listened to her rant and rave about her daughters and husband. Her mom and siblings. Even our boss and coworkers. And I’ve quietly listened…sometimes lending advice about situations that I was all too familiar with. And likewise, she’s been there to hear me out with my situations. My boyfriends, my best friends and especially my parents.
Yesterday as I sat in the break room with her eating lunch, the conversation somehow came to my parents. Before I knew it, I was in full rant mode about my folks and how I feel caught between the two. My dad vents to me about my mom…and likewise. Not that she’s a bad person, but she seriously lacks communication skills and what I would consider normal human interaction skills. She means well, but never does well when it comes to relationships with anyone. And over the years, it has taken a tremendous toll on my dad and I. Him more so than me…of course, since he married to her and all. But it’s a tough situation to be in. To love someone who has this problem that I honestly don’t think can ever be fixed. She unintentionally embarrasses us almost everywhere we go. She’s controlling and bossy. Closed minded and stuck in her ways. Every conversation will usually lead to an argument and she will always take things too far and hurt your feelings.
Yet…she’s really the sweetest person I’ve ever met. She’s giving and loving. She’s always there to listen and give wise advice. She’s constantly trying to find ways to help others…and have done so on countless occasions. She’s really quite fragile, despite her hard exterior. Never understanding why people dislike her before she even speaks to them.
How can that be? I mean she genuinely doesn’t mean to be this brash, harsh person I described earlier, but her efforts to change only yields minuscule results. It’s something dad and I have learned to live with over the years.
It was the only reason I had to get my own place. My parents have a 4 bedroom / 2.5 bath house with a fully furnished basement and a garage. Huge back yard and plenty of room since it’s just the 3 of us. But my mom’s personality made the house feel as if we’re all stuck in a small elevator together.
I never knew how much it affected my dad until I moved back home. The relief on his face was evident. It was almost like he was saying “thanks for coming back and sharing some of the load with me”. I often wonder why I was the one who became my mother’s daughter. But the more I think about it, the more I realized that God made me just the way I am, to compliment the way she is.
I totally believe that God knew that any other kind of personality would not do. HE gave me some extra doses of patience and love to be able to handle these situations without flying off the handle at her or leaving and never coming back. I always wondered why my life took the turns they did…and why no matter how hard I’ve tried to get away, I just couldn't leave my parents. It’s like I’m magnetically drawn to be close to them…and I hated it for a while…but…
Maybe I’m there for a reason.
Maybe I’m the mediator.
The one who understands them both and gives them each reason to continue to stay together.
Maybe I help share my dad’s load.
Maybe I’m there to be my mom’s friend and counselor.
I’m definitely there for a reason.
I know it’s going to be tough when I move out for good next year.
Friday, October 10, 2008
A best friend
I wish I had a best friend.
Someone with whom I could share my most private thoughts without being judged, or given advise.
A human version of this blog.
A soundboard that I can just throw ideas off of without seeing a scrunched face or a raised eyebrow.
My friends are wonderful people. They really are. But i've noticed when I'm having a difficult moment in life, they are not who I turn to. I don't feel comfortable sharing EVERYTHING with them. Especially right when i'm in the middle of whatever i'm in the middle of.
Today that makes me sad.
I'm not sure why I don't trust them with my secrets. They've never given me a reason to think that they can't handle what I tell them. And Lord knows they drop their bombs on me all the time. So why can't I reciprocate?
Someone with whom I could share my most private thoughts without being judged, or given advise.
A human version of this blog.
A soundboard that I can just throw ideas off of without seeing a scrunched face or a raised eyebrow.
My friends are wonderful people. They really are. But i've noticed when I'm having a difficult moment in life, they are not who I turn to. I don't feel comfortable sharing EVERYTHING with them. Especially right when i'm in the middle of whatever i'm in the middle of.
Today that makes me sad.
I'm not sure why I don't trust them with my secrets. They've never given me a reason to think that they can't handle what I tell them. And Lord knows they drop their bombs on me all the time. So why can't I reciprocate?
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Tuesday's Thoughts
So here we are.
On the last day of September.
How in the heck did we get so far down in the year? It seems that the longer I live, the faster time goes. Pretty soon it'll be Thanksgiving, Christmas then 2009!!
I'm honestly looking forward to the remainder of the year. Always hoping that latter will be greater than the former. I'm grateful that Usher is still at his job and I can finally focus on my bills full force now. I still haven't learned how to just be a girlfriend. I always go to wife mode. Always wanting to help a little more than I should. It's not right, but it's okay. I am who I am. When I truly get disgusted with myself for investing in people who can quickly leave...I'll change.
I have no idea what our plans are for thanksgiving. Christmas is going to be phenomenal! We're attempting to go to the mountains again. This time, we booked one HUGE cabin. 3 stories. 3 decks. Basketball court. 5 Jacuzzis. Pool and Ping Pong table. Play room for the kids. Enough rooms for 30 people to comfortably sleep. It sounds really great. And we're actually going to be ON the mountain this time instead of near.
I hate that Usher doesn't want to go this year. :( I took it kinda hard. It'll be our first Christmas apart and I got used to spending holidays with him. So that's the only bummer part. But we'll only be there for about 3 days...so I'll manage. lol
Anways...I didn't really want to write much today. Just thought I'd allow myself the satisfaction of pecking on a few keys so that everyone around will think I'm working super hard today.
Which I am actually. Have been alot lately. Things are kinda changing here. There's less people now, so I'm getting more work. Plus, it's been a more strict environment with the economy the way it is. Everyone's afraid of losing their job and are trying to be more productive.
I've been thinking alot lately about going back to school. Lord knows I need to. It's just that there's no way I can or want to take out anymore student loans. After pricing different schools yesterday, I don't think I'm quite ready to commit to paying out of pocket.
Hopefully if Usher and my mother keep their jobs...and I can keep mine. I'll be able to enroll in a Masters program next fall.
Keep me in prayer!
On the last day of September.
How in the heck did we get so far down in the year? It seems that the longer I live, the faster time goes. Pretty soon it'll be Thanksgiving, Christmas then 2009!!
I'm honestly looking forward to the remainder of the year. Always hoping that latter will be greater than the former. I'm grateful that Usher is still at his job and I can finally focus on my bills full force now. I still haven't learned how to just be a girlfriend. I always go to wife mode. Always wanting to help a little more than I should. It's not right, but it's okay. I am who I am. When I truly get disgusted with myself for investing in people who can quickly leave...I'll change.
I have no idea what our plans are for thanksgiving. Christmas is going to be phenomenal! We're attempting to go to the mountains again. This time, we booked one HUGE cabin. 3 stories. 3 decks. Basketball court. 5 Jacuzzis. Pool and Ping Pong table. Play room for the kids. Enough rooms for 30 people to comfortably sleep. It sounds really great. And we're actually going to be ON the mountain this time instead of near.
I hate that Usher doesn't want to go this year. :( I took it kinda hard. It'll be our first Christmas apart and I got used to spending holidays with him. So that's the only bummer part. But we'll only be there for about 3 days...so I'll manage. lol
Anways...I didn't really want to write much today. Just thought I'd allow myself the satisfaction of pecking on a few keys so that everyone around will think I'm working super hard today.
Which I am actually. Have been alot lately. Things are kinda changing here. There's less people now, so I'm getting more work. Plus, it's been a more strict environment with the economy the way it is. Everyone's afraid of losing their job and are trying to be more productive.
I've been thinking alot lately about going back to school. Lord knows I need to. It's just that there's no way I can or want to take out anymore student loans. After pricing different schools yesterday, I don't think I'm quite ready to commit to paying out of pocket.
Hopefully if Usher and my mother keep their jobs...and I can keep mine. I'll be able to enroll in a Masters program next fall.
Keep me in prayer!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The Little Things
I've been taking this week to clean out my work inbox. I've been here for quite a while so I have an obscene amount of mail in my inbox. So I decided to go through them all, one-by-one and either delete, put into proper folder or let stay. I came across one and thought I'd share. I have no idea how true it is, but message was loud and clear. Sometimes the smallest things can save your life... or make your day...or save your relationship. It reminds me that not all detours and delays are for your destruction. You may have already seen this forward...but it just helps me put things in perspective when I get so engrossed in the bigger things.
As you might know, the head of a company survived 9-11
because his son started kindergarten.
Another fellow was alive because it was
His turn to bring donuts.
One woman was late because her
Alarm clock didn't go off in time.
One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike
Because of an auto accident.
One of them
Missed his bus.
One spilled food on her clothes and had to take
Time to change.
One's
Car wouldn't start.
One went back to
Answer the telephone .
One had a child that dawdled
And didn't get ready as soon as he should have.
One couldn't
Get a taxi.
The one that struck me was the man
Who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,
Took the various means to get to work
But before he got there, he developed
a blister on his foot.
He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
That is why he is alive today.
Now when I am
Stuck in traffic ,
Miss an elevator,
Turn back to answer a ringing telephone ...
All the little things that annoy me.
I think to myself,
This is exactly where
God wants me to be at this very moment ...
Next time your morning seems to be going wrong ,
The children are slow getting dressed,
You can't seem to find the car keys,
You hit every traffic light,
Don't get mad or frustrated;
God is at work watching over you.
May God continue to bless you
With all those annoying little things
And may you remember their possible purpose.
regards
david obeng
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Bankrupt
Have you ever felt happy and sad at the same time?
It seems crazy to me, yet I honestly feel both right now.
It's like, I'm sooo excited about the fall, about Usher's job, about the fact that things are looking up... but at the same time, every time things finally look up, the underlying issues that broke us up the first time are still there.
I took a class last week called Crucial Conversations. It talked all about how to have effective and result-filled conversations without attacking, sugar coating, avoiding, or frustrating you or the person you're talking with. All while I was in the class I was thinking how wonderful it will be to finally use these methods with Usher and my mom. I seem to have the same conversation with them over and over again. With my mom, I'm always trying to find a way to tell her to stop smothering me and let me live my life AND learn how to handle your money. With Usher, I'm always trying to find a way to tell him that he needs to put forth more of an effort in our relationship...emotionally, physically, financially...etc.
In the past, none of these conversations ended well. With Usher they've always escalated into full blown arguments and showdowns about everything BUT what I wanted us to focus on. With my mom, I always back down and never get out the meat of my argument for fear of hurting her feelings.
I decided that Saturday would be a good day to casually talk about Usher and my issues and hopefully resolve them once and for all.
It so didn't happen that way.
I'm so tired of arguing with him because nothing is changing except for his disdain over our arguments and my disdain over his unwillingness to do his part.
It's almost like... I know deep down that we're not right for each other, but I can't let go because I'm not ready to. I feel like I've invested too much to just cut my losses and go. And I know that's not a good enough reason to stay in a relationship. If anyone else was in my shoes, I'd promptly advise them to just get out! I'd know exactly what the answer is for them....but here I am not doing what I know I should. Making things worse by investing even more. Prolonging the inevitable.
That makes me sad.
I've known since I met him that he wouldn't change, and it has never been my idea to make him. I just thought that with time, his word would finally kick in. I thought that with time, my acceptance of him would be better. I thought that with time, we'd finally find our rhythm. And while certainly, we're much better than we were, we're no where near where a relationship built on communication, trust, mutual acceptance and understanding should be.
Times like this, I hate being in love.
I don't doubt that he loves me too. I know that if I waited around long enough, he'd marry me.
But why would I get married to someone that I can't even resolve issues with now?
*sigh*
I know what I have to do.
I just don't know when I'll get the balls to do it.
Or even if I ever will.
It seems crazy to me, yet I honestly feel both right now.
It's like, I'm sooo excited about the fall, about Usher's job, about the fact that things are looking up... but at the same time, every time things finally look up, the underlying issues that broke us up the first time are still there.
I took a class last week called Crucial Conversations. It talked all about how to have effective and result-filled conversations without attacking, sugar coating, avoiding, or frustrating you or the person you're talking with. All while I was in the class I was thinking how wonderful it will be to finally use these methods with Usher and my mom. I seem to have the same conversation with them over and over again. With my mom, I'm always trying to find a way to tell her to stop smothering me and let me live my life AND learn how to handle your money. With Usher, I'm always trying to find a way to tell him that he needs to put forth more of an effort in our relationship...emotionally, physically, financially...etc.
In the past, none of these conversations ended well. With Usher they've always escalated into full blown arguments and showdowns about everything BUT what I wanted us to focus on. With my mom, I always back down and never get out the meat of my argument for fear of hurting her feelings.
I decided that Saturday would be a good day to casually talk about Usher and my issues and hopefully resolve them once and for all.
It so didn't happen that way.
I'm so tired of arguing with him because nothing is changing except for his disdain over our arguments and my disdain over his unwillingness to do his part.
It's almost like... I know deep down that we're not right for each other, but I can't let go because I'm not ready to. I feel like I've invested too much to just cut my losses and go. And I know that's not a good enough reason to stay in a relationship. If anyone else was in my shoes, I'd promptly advise them to just get out! I'd know exactly what the answer is for them....but here I am not doing what I know I should. Making things worse by investing even more. Prolonging the inevitable.
That makes me sad.
I've known since I met him that he wouldn't change, and it has never been my idea to make him. I just thought that with time, his word would finally kick in. I thought that with time, my acceptance of him would be better. I thought that with time, we'd finally find our rhythm. And while certainly, we're much better than we were, we're no where near where a relationship built on communication, trust, mutual acceptance and understanding should be.
Times like this, I hate being in love.
I don't doubt that he loves me too. I know that if I waited around long enough, he'd marry me.
But why would I get married to someone that I can't even resolve issues with now?
*sigh*
I know what I have to do.
I just don't know when I'll get the balls to do it.
Or even if I ever will.
Friday, September 19, 2008
What's watching me
I've been in a training class all week. So today's been busier than I'd like my Fridays to be. However, I've been itching to blog comment on all the stuff I've seen over the last month or so and I realize that if I don't at least try to put it on here now, I never will. So here's my quick and dirty on some of my thoughts about what I've seen on t.v.
1. During the H. Clint.on's speech at the DNC, she listed all of these things she was proud to be, but none of them was a wife. Hmmmm. Bill come get your wife please.
2. And while I was watching the speech, I notice that her tanner/bronzer/whatever melanin challenged folks use to give their skin a less pale look/ stopped right above her blouse collar and it was quite distracting to see the contrast of stark white skin. I could hardly focus on her speech. Although she got my attention with "No way, no how, No McLame...errr Cain."
3. I love Michelle. Her hair was incredible. I mean that's not why I love her, but I just really enjoyed her speech.
4. Malia's lip gloss was poppin. Those children are so cute.
5. I keep forgetting Isis on ANTM is a tran.ny until she speaks. Then I'm like...oh yeah. She's cute to me. I like her.
6. I tried to see what the fuss was about Gossip girls one night. But I kept getting confused because all the guys look alike.
7. Prison Break is the SHIIIZZNNIITTTT!! I'm addicted.
Monday evening
me: baby, i'm gonna go ahead and go home.
usher: but why *frowning and looking at clock* It's only 6:30 and you just got here.
me: i know, but i know you wanna unwind before your friends get here for Monday night football. i don't wanna get in the way of that.
usher: stop yo' lying. I know you wanna watch prison break. football doesn't come on til 9.
me: womp womp.. busted!
8. The heck wrong with R. Kelly this week talking 'bout "What exactly do you mean by teenager?" He needs to be slapped. Hard.
9. Tina Fey's depiction of Sar.ah Pali.n was soooo freakin funny. I wish I could have recorded that.
10. Matt Ryan needs to be traded. I was so disappointed in the Falcon's game against Tampa Bay.
11. I couldn't hate on my boy Warrick Dunn though. Even though he's back with Tampa Bay now, and I hate them, I was so happy when I saw him move and shake all down the field for a touchdown on my falcons. I love Dunn. Hated to see him leave us.
12. To me, the new 90210 is not as good as the old one. I could be jumping the gun though. I've only seen one and a half episodes.
13. Two sentences and I was done.
"Do you agree with the Bus.h doctr.ine?"
"In what respect Charlie?"
Need I say more?
1. During the H. Clint.on's speech at the DNC, she listed all of these things she was proud to be, but none of them was a wife. Hmmmm. Bill come get your wife please.
2. And while I was watching the speech, I notice that her tanner/bronzer/whatever melanin challenged folks use to give their skin a less pale look/ stopped right above her blouse collar and it was quite distracting to see the contrast of stark white skin. I could hardly focus on her speech. Although she got my attention with "No way, no how, No McLame...errr Cain."
3. I love Michelle. Her hair was incredible. I mean that's not why I love her, but I just really enjoyed her speech.
4. Malia's lip gloss was poppin. Those children are so cute.
5. I keep forgetting Isis on ANTM is a tran.ny until she speaks. Then I'm like...oh yeah. She's cute to me. I like her.
6. I tried to see what the fuss was about Gossip girls one night. But I kept getting confused because all the guys look alike.
7. Prison Break is the SHIIIZZNNIITTTT!! I'm addicted.
Monday evening
me: baby, i'm gonna go ahead and go home.
usher: but why *frowning and looking at clock* It's only 6:30 and you just got here.
me: i know, but i know you wanna unwind before your friends get here for Monday night football. i don't wanna get in the way of that.
usher: stop yo' lying. I know you wanna watch prison break. football doesn't come on til 9.
me: womp womp.. busted!
8. The heck wrong with R. Kelly this week talking 'bout "What exactly do you mean by teenager?" He needs to be slapped. Hard.
9. Tina Fey's depiction of Sar.ah Pali.n was soooo freakin funny. I wish I could have recorded that.
10. Matt Ryan needs to be traded. I was so disappointed in the Falcon's game against Tampa Bay.
11. I couldn't hate on my boy Warrick Dunn though. Even though he's back with Tampa Bay now, and I hate them, I was so happy when I saw him move and shake all down the field for a touchdown on my falcons. I love Dunn. Hated to see him leave us.
12. To me, the new 90210 is not as good as the old one. I could be jumping the gun though. I've only seen one and a half episodes.
13. Two sentences and I was done.
"Do you agree with the Bus.h doctr.ine?"
"In what respect Charlie?"
Need I say more?
Friday, September 12, 2008
Is it really 2008?
I wasn't planning to write today.
Really.
Today I planned to play a few computer games, peruse the blogs I haven't visited in a while, and just look on the web for the host of things I've told myself I need to check out. One being, the show times for the new Tyler Perry movie at the theaters close to my house.
Well you know me, when I get there, I see a link to reviews/comments and I become curious. The first thing that caught my eye was a discussion entitled "God another crappy black movie".
Click.
You know I had to see what was going on with that.
So I read this Kara lady's post which said "I don't get it. Blacks are usually good comedians but their movies are so awful. Why?"
So after getting that "oh no she didn't" face. I started reading the 142 comments in response to hers. I just knew folks were ripping her a new one. What I saw was more crazy comments. But this one right here is the one that prompted me to slowly put my cup down, take a deep breath, and suddenly have the urge to write. This muthaf... err... person wrote:
Re: God another crappy black movie............. 28-Aug-08 03:00 pm
I was at a party last weekend and this black guy kept hitting on me. I finally told him to stop. Christ, is this the black mentality? You watch too many black movies when you think all white girls want your dirty aids-infested penis. My boyfriend is 7 inches which is more than enough for me. Plus he has a job, is good looking, and is intelligent. Find me all those qualities in one black guy - I won't hold my breath. Unbelievable the confidence blacks have considering what they have to offer. Ugh!!
Somebody come get this chile before I look up her IP address... find out where she lives, and whup her tail!!!
I know all of our men don't have their ish together. But there are a good plenty that do. I can name a host of Black men with good jobs that are intelligent and fine as all outdoors. It's sad the type of stereotypes people have and the type of stereotypes that we sometimes enforce. And on that same note, I know some bummy azz, unintelligent white men who don't work and aren't cute. So what's your point? Ooooh she just lit a fire in me. The nerve of her to even type that ish. She gonna make slap the first white girl I see who look like they're getting ready to talk slick. I guess I'm still kinda sensitive to stereotypes and racist thinking. Black men are my "Ms. Jenkins". Don't be talking about them. Woooh-saaaaah!
Really.
Today I planned to play a few computer games, peruse the blogs I haven't visited in a while, and just look on the web for the host of things I've told myself I need to check out. One being, the show times for the new Tyler Perry movie at the theaters close to my house.
Well you know me, when I get there, I see a link to reviews/comments and I become curious. The first thing that caught my eye was a discussion entitled "God another crappy black movie".
Click.
You know I had to see what was going on with that.
So I read this Kara lady's post which said "I don't get it. Blacks are usually good comedians but their movies are so awful. Why?"
So after getting that "oh no she didn't" face. I started reading the 142 comments in response to hers. I just knew folks were ripping her a new one. What I saw was more crazy comments. But this one right here is the one that prompted me to slowly put my cup down, take a deep breath, and suddenly have the urge to write. This muthaf... err... person wrote:
Re: God another crappy black movie............. 28-Aug-08 03:00 pm
I was at a party last weekend and this black guy kept hitting on me. I finally told him to stop. Christ, is this the black mentality? You watch too many black movies when you think all white girls want your dirty aids-infested penis. My boyfriend is 7 inches which is more than enough for me. Plus he has a job, is good looking, and is intelligent. Find me all those qualities in one black guy - I won't hold my breath. Unbelievable the confidence blacks have considering what they have to offer. Ugh!!
Somebody come get this chile before I look up her IP address... find out where she lives, and whup her tail!!!
I know all of our men don't have their ish together. But there are a good plenty that do. I can name a host of Black men with good jobs that are intelligent and fine as all outdoors. It's sad the type of stereotypes people have and the type of stereotypes that we sometimes enforce. And on that same note, I know some bummy azz, unintelligent white men who don't work and aren't cute. So what's your point? Ooooh she just lit a fire in me. The nerve of her to even type that ish. She gonna make slap the first white girl I see who look like they're getting ready to talk slick. I guess I'm still kinda sensitive to stereotypes and racist thinking. Black men are my "Ms. Jenkins". Don't be talking about them. Woooh-saaaaah!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
I Believe
Dear God,
I'm sorry.
I'm so very sorry for ever doubting your love for me. After the incident with TG, my faith in you diminished so much because I felt let down. I felt that I made our relationship up. I felt like maybe I was a fool to believe in something that I never even questioned or had hard concrete evidence for. I asked You to speak to me. And when I didn't hear anything, I became even more discouraged. For the last 2.5 years I've sat and waited for your voice. Month after month I drew further away from you. The more time passed, the less I believed you cared. The less I believed that you were there. The less I believed that we had a real relationship.
But something miraculous happened. I'm beginning to see how everything that's happened thusfar has lead to this one moment. I never would have went for a guy like Usher if I hadn't went through what I went through with TG. And if TG would have never left me, I never would have questioned why I believe what I believe. If I never had this period of searching, questioning, seeking, wondering, etc... about Who You are, if You care, how I know You're real, etc. , then You never would have been able to prove Yourself to me.
Sort of like how You allowed for the Isrealites to be in capativity in Egypt for so long just to prove to them that You keep your promises, You have the power to deliver them, and that You love them enough to do so. You led them out victoriously. Showing your sovereignty with each new dilemma. You always made a way.
And my story is no different. God I know I witnessed a miracle today. If I hadn't been with Usher for the last few years and know his story inside out, I wouldn't be able to appreciate what you just did for him today. God I know good and well that man could never EVER pass a drug test on his own with as much stuff as he smokes daily. I also know that this pending charge he has for the mess that went on at the other job has put an abrupt halt to his ability to get a real job on his own. He kept getting fired from the small odd jobs he did manage to find because of his background, and that hasn't changed. But You...
You miraculously allowed for me to experience up close and personal how You care for us even when we're doing wrong. You've shown me the power of prayer. You've allowed me to see that in face of rock bottom... in the presence of the absolute LAST hope, You are always there to turn things around. There was no way Usher could have passed both the background and drug tests today. Every real job he's applied for has turned him down. Every opened door and opportunity he's tried has ended in disappointment. Everything we've tried, has failed. He hadn't worked anywhere long enough to receive a full paycheck, and the little monies he gained from those odd jobs went mostly to his gas tank. So for the last five months, I've been his source of income. I've paid his rent and insurance, and water and light. I've had to buy him food and water, all on my small income. I'm grateful that you allowed me the income to do all of that because I realize that even that is a blessing. But only You know how much of a burden and strain on my pockets that has been. How much my own bills have suffered. How guilty I've felt about not helping my family and friends because he required so much of my funds. How ashamed I felt because I know if people knew how much money I was spending, they'd swear I was an idiot and he was using me. How upset I was to be in this predicament in the first place. But You, God.
You heard our prayers. Knowing we don't deserve it, You're grace and mercy has looked beyond our faults and saw our needs. You knew we were at the bottom. So much so that I couldn't even blog or talk about just how bad it's been. It's so true that You never put more on us than we can bear. Just when it seemed that there was no other hope, You appeared and changed everything.
God, I believe.
This one simple act showed me that you really do have unconditional love for your people. It showed me that You are always there, whether I hear You or not. It showed me that prayer does work. That You are real. That we can do nothing without You, but everything with You. That you can make a way out of no way. That logic means nothing when it comes to miracles.
God, I believe.
I thank you for never letting me get too far out there. Thanks for keeping your Spirit inside, constantly reminding me of your goodness. Constantly pulling at my heart...edging me back into your presence. Thank You for showing me, YOU. For blessing me even despite of my wrong doings. For letting me know that it is YOU in control. For picking this day, to speak to my heart.
For the rest of my life, I'll believe.
Thank You for the miracles. Thank You for the job. Thank You for the revelation. Thank You for being God.
I'm sorry.
I'm so very sorry for ever doubting your love for me. After the incident with TG, my faith in you diminished so much because I felt let down. I felt that I made our relationship up. I felt like maybe I was a fool to believe in something that I never even questioned or had hard concrete evidence for. I asked You to speak to me. And when I didn't hear anything, I became even more discouraged. For the last 2.5 years I've sat and waited for your voice. Month after month I drew further away from you. The more time passed, the less I believed you cared. The less I believed that you were there. The less I believed that we had a real relationship.
But something miraculous happened. I'm beginning to see how everything that's happened thusfar has lead to this one moment. I never would have went for a guy like Usher if I hadn't went through what I went through with TG. And if TG would have never left me, I never would have questioned why I believe what I believe. If I never had this period of searching, questioning, seeking, wondering, etc... about Who You are, if You care, how I know You're real, etc. , then You never would have been able to prove Yourself to me.
Sort of like how You allowed for the Isrealites to be in capativity in Egypt for so long just to prove to them that You keep your promises, You have the power to deliver them, and that You love them enough to do so. You led them out victoriously. Showing your sovereignty with each new dilemma. You always made a way.
And my story is no different. God I know I witnessed a miracle today. If I hadn't been with Usher for the last few years and know his story inside out, I wouldn't be able to appreciate what you just did for him today. God I know good and well that man could never EVER pass a drug test on his own with as much stuff as he smokes daily. I also know that this pending charge he has for the mess that went on at the other job has put an abrupt halt to his ability to get a real job on his own. He kept getting fired from the small odd jobs he did manage to find because of his background, and that hasn't changed. But You...
You miraculously allowed for me to experience up close and personal how You care for us even when we're doing wrong. You've shown me the power of prayer. You've allowed me to see that in face of rock bottom... in the presence of the absolute LAST hope, You are always there to turn things around. There was no way Usher could have passed both the background and drug tests today. Every real job he's applied for has turned him down. Every opened door and opportunity he's tried has ended in disappointment. Everything we've tried, has failed. He hadn't worked anywhere long enough to receive a full paycheck, and the little monies he gained from those odd jobs went mostly to his gas tank. So for the last five months, I've been his source of income. I've paid his rent and insurance, and water and light. I've had to buy him food and water, all on my small income. I'm grateful that you allowed me the income to do all of that because I realize that even that is a blessing. But only You know how much of a burden and strain on my pockets that has been. How much my own bills have suffered. How guilty I've felt about not helping my family and friends because he required so much of my funds. How ashamed I felt because I know if people knew how much money I was spending, they'd swear I was an idiot and he was using me. How upset I was to be in this predicament in the first place. But You, God.
You heard our prayers. Knowing we don't deserve it, You're grace and mercy has looked beyond our faults and saw our needs. You knew we were at the bottom. So much so that I couldn't even blog or talk about just how bad it's been. It's so true that You never put more on us than we can bear. Just when it seemed that there was no other hope, You appeared and changed everything.
God, I believe.
This one simple act showed me that you really do have unconditional love for your people. It showed me that You are always there, whether I hear You or not. It showed me that prayer does work. That You are real. That we can do nothing without You, but everything with You. That you can make a way out of no way. That logic means nothing when it comes to miracles.
God, I believe.
I thank you for never letting me get too far out there. Thanks for keeping your Spirit inside, constantly reminding me of your goodness. Constantly pulling at my heart...edging me back into your presence. Thank You for showing me, YOU. For blessing me even despite of my wrong doings. For letting me know that it is YOU in control. For picking this day, to speak to my heart.
For the rest of my life, I'll believe.
Thank You for the miracles. Thank You for the job. Thank You for the revelation. Thank You for being God.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Re-Appear
We MUST be coming up on Autumn.
There could be no other explaination for the sudden re-appearance of the EX's. Ya'll know every year I always mention one of the oldies trying to make a comeback. I wonder why it's always in the Fall? Do men not like relationships when it's Hot? Do they already have someone when it's cold? I don't get it. It never fails. As soon as Sept/Oct/Nov hits...the phone calls and emails come.
"Hey Sway, how have you been?"
"So, you still with that guy from 2003?"
"I ran accross a picture of you and wanted to see what was up with you."
"You still single, right?"
BOOOO!!!! There's nothing worse than backtracking. I've one too many times and I'm not trying to make a habit of going back to old news.
I guess I can't hate on them for trying. I'm definitely fly! :)
But still, what is it about men re-connecting? They all give me that same tired line.
"Oh Sway, we really had something good didn't we? I don't even remember why we stopped dating."
Well I do idiot! And those reasons are more than enough for me to promptly hang up or delete your email without the slightest hesitation.
This year it's AM. Again. It's like, every Autumn he reappears. But what do I expect, we met around this time. lol
He told me about how he's finally ready to settle down, get married, have a child and all that jazz. Apparently, he thought that we were always cool and we had a good relationship when we were together. So why not give it a try.
Um...how 'bout NO.
Cool guy, but um... Sway needs more.
First off, were we in a relationship? Really? Cuz I remember not having a clue to what we were doing and you made sure it stayed that way. Then I remember all that nonsense with Vicki Jo and how you didn't even want to go out with me on Valentines day. THEN... on top of that, you just straight dissappeared on me after my birthday! That's how we "broke up"...if you want to call it that. I just never heard from you crazy behind again for like a year. But I'm supposed to want to get married to you? Are you serious??
Kneegrows. I don't know what to think. The sad part is that he's actually one of the better ex's. The rest of 'em KNOW I don't even wanna see their number on my caller ID. That doesn't stop them from trying though. Dudes gotta try. Eh. *shrug*
I wonder if he's gonna try to reconnect again next year? lol
There could be no other explaination for the sudden re-appearance of the EX's. Ya'll know every year I always mention one of the oldies trying to make a comeback. I wonder why it's always in the Fall? Do men not like relationships when it's Hot? Do they already have someone when it's cold? I don't get it. It never fails. As soon as Sept/Oct/Nov hits...the phone calls and emails come.
"Hey Sway, how have you been?"
"So, you still with that guy from 2003?"
"I ran accross a picture of you and wanted to see what was up with you."
"You still single, right?"
BOOOO!!!! There's nothing worse than backtracking. I've one too many times and I'm not trying to make a habit of going back to old news.
I guess I can't hate on them for trying. I'm definitely fly! :)
But still, what is it about men re-connecting? They all give me that same tired line.
"Oh Sway, we really had something good didn't we? I don't even remember why we stopped dating."
Well I do idiot! And those reasons are more than enough for me to promptly hang up or delete your email without the slightest hesitation.
This year it's AM. Again. It's like, every Autumn he reappears. But what do I expect, we met around this time. lol
He told me about how he's finally ready to settle down, get married, have a child and all that jazz. Apparently, he thought that we were always cool and we had a good relationship when we were together. So why not give it a try.
Um...how 'bout NO.
Cool guy, but um... Sway needs more.
First off, were we in a relationship? Really? Cuz I remember not having a clue to what we were doing and you made sure it stayed that way. Then I remember all that nonsense with Vicki Jo and how you didn't even want to go out with me on Valentines day. THEN... on top of that, you just straight dissappeared on me after my birthday! That's how we "broke up"...if you want to call it that. I just never heard from you crazy behind again for like a year. But I'm supposed to want to get married to you? Are you serious??
Kneegrows. I don't know what to think. The sad part is that he's actually one of the better ex's. The rest of 'em KNOW I don't even wanna see their number on my caller ID. That doesn't stop them from trying though. Dudes gotta try. Eh. *shrug*
I wonder if he's gonna try to reconnect again next year? lol
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