Well I guess I proved my point about never finishing what I start. (read updates) *lol* Okay...I'm getting better. At least the week isn't over yet. So.....where was I? Hmmmm... my cousin's pregnancy, BS, Bimp and let's not forget Vicki Jo...
1. Vicki Jo
She's one of those girls that you would never figure you'd lose your man to upon first seeing her. She's one of those ppl whose personality transforms her and after seeing her a few times, you'll start to notice that she's actually very pretty. AM used to mention Vicki Jo in many of our conversations b/c he and Vicki Jo are thick as theives...so they hang together a lot. He never said anything too out of the way, but I saw how he smiled when he remembered something silly or stupid she said. I am not the jealous type as long as I'm feeling secure in my relationship and my man is expressing to me that he's all about me...but I start to wonder just how "close" he and Vicki really were. The week after we rededicated our lives to God, I went to do my weekly visit at his house. We usually go out on fridays and I spend the night..or we will spend the entire saturday together. This particular week, he wanted me to come over friday because he wanted us to go to Vicki Jo's art auction. I said okay and really thought nothing more of it. Let me tell you....a woman's intuition is no joke!
The reason I say this is because as soon as we got to the art gallery, I felt a weird feeling in my stomach and my heart started racing. I brushed it off as just me being nervous about going somewhere new and finally meeting "Vicki Jo"...whom I'd heard so much about. Well...when we got there...she met us at the door and AM practically ran to her to hug her. Of course she wasn't really trying to run to him because like a woman... she was more interested in "checking me out" first. So she passes by him and looks me up and down and extends her hand to shake my hand. It was one of those weird moments. It shouldn't have been weird. But I didn't get that..."I'm just a friend of AM's and if your his ppl, then you're my ppl too" vibe from her. At that moment, I started to watch them interact. This guy....that I'm supposed to be dating, have problems hugging me and being close to me, can run to Vicki Jo and hug her and kiss her cheek??? WTH? Anyways, she shows us in and they are talking about whatever and I'm kinda feeling akward so I try to not let it show and keep my "i'm cool, nothing's wrong" face on. When we get in, there was all of this really beautiful art that her "students" created, so I decided to not be clingy and work my way around the room alone...while also observing AM and Vicki Jo. Well, the farther away I got, the closer they got. It really bothered me, but at the same time, I didn't want to go over to him. I wanted to watch the train wreck happen. I wanted to know how they interact with each other when I wasn't around. Unfortunately for me, their body language let me know that there was way more to this then "oh Vicki Jo's just cool peeps". They were too comfortable in each other's personal space...and the fact that he rarely even looked to see where I was let me know which "girl" he'd rather be around. It was a pride buster I tell ya. I couldn't believe I was being overshadowed by a girl name "VICKI-freakin-JO"!! Anyway, it was at that point that I knew that he and I wasn't gonna work. I hate assuming things and even more...I hate being mad about something that MAY not be true...but at the same time... I knew. I KNEW. I KNEW!!! I knew he liked her more than a friend. I could feel it. You know, I never brought any of this up to him because honestly, I figure hey, if you don't wanna be with me, then you just don't wanna be with me... the reason doesn't matter ...let's just not be together.
So I never told him how I felt about her. Which is probably why he still feels it's alright to say stupid things like "you and Vicki Jo are my two favorite ppl". Ugh. Give me a break! I guess it's my own fault for not telling him that I'm not as fond of her as he is.
I did ask him the last time we were together why he and Vicki don't get together. His reply was, "Hahaha.. naw. S-ssome things are better left the way it is. We are just meant to be friends."I left it alone, but can someone tell me.... am I going crazy? Am I over-reacting? Or does that just mean, "Hahaha...naw. I dunno if she's feeling me like that, so I'm settling for friendship right now?"
Anyways, I'll keep you posted on that.
2. My cousin
My cousin and I are about 8 mo. apart and practically grew up together like sisters. Where ever I went, she went. Whatever I got, she got... whatever I did, she did. The problem was that the older we got, the more our family started to compare us and make us more into rivals then sisters. I'm blessed to have wonderful, married, working, crazy in love, parents who loved me and would do anything for their "babygirl". Her mother is a single mother of 3. She's the never worked a day in her life, still live at home with her mother (our grandmother), barely graduated from high school, "if you want something don't ask me, go get it yourself" type. Unfortunatly, the older we got, the more our life experiences became noticeably different. My family used to play us against each other, but they always helped her to "even the playing field". While I never EVER tried to compete...the yearning for the attention she didn't get and the "I'm the best, everyone look at me in awe" complex she has, drove her into competitive mode. The problem was that in the end, I was the one always on top, always shining, always doing great things, and etc. and that finally got to her. We fell out through our high school and my college years. She didn't speak to me at all and I am sure the fact that I was doing big things and accomplishing alot didn't help. But finally at my college graduation celebration, she was asked to say some words about me. Well, the fact that we weren't in each other's lives anymore made it really difficult for her to comment on me like so many others did... but she surprised me. She began reminiscing about the past and how tight we were as little girls. It brought tears to my eyes to realize how family and petty competition came between the sistas. Every since that day, we've been like two peas in a pod... thick as thieves....stuck like glue.
Well, she went off and got herself pregnant. That in itself isn't bad. I do believe children are a blessing...they are gifts from God. The problem is that she's 23, no job, not even a high school education, still living with her mom (who lives with her mom), and noone's even TRYING to get a job to support this little bundle of joy in her belly. The baby's dad, (my cousin's on again/off again boyfriend, is a 26 yr old playa who ALREADY has 4 children by 3 different women. (This will make 5 and 4 respectively) and isn't taking care of NONE of them. When he found out about his 5th child, he got mad at her and told her "I don't want your *bleep*ing child any *bleep* way." Can you believe that? And the sad part is that she still dates him whenever he's in the "mood" to be around her.
I'm just hurt. I'm hurt because I've been telling her for the past year that if she and boyfriend are gonna be intimate and all, she needs to be on something and strap him up! I mean, why would you let a guy who's quick to tell you he doesn't wanna be with you anymore, JIZ in you???? Why? WHY? My only conclusion is that she was trying to trap him into being with her. She's not the BRIGHTEST star in the sky. Anyone can tell by his track record that he isn't gonna marry her just b/c she has his child.... but you can't tell her that. I pray that everything works out for her. I feel really bad for the baby. I also kinda feel bad for her b/c once she realize that a baby isn't all about playing dress up, and boyfriend isn't gonna help her out at all, and that SHE's gonna have to find a way to make ends meet....she's gonna be a shattered soul. I'll be there to pick up the peices, but it makes me so angry that she didnt listen to me before all this ish hit the fan.
Okay....I've been rambling WAY too long.... so, I'll do update part 3 tomorrow. I promise I'll get around to BS and Bimp. *lol* Til then....
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