You don't know like I know....

I wasn't gonna write anything today, but I can't pass up an opportunity to tell you how good God is. I went to the doctor about 2 hours ago and I'm just getting back. Ya'll when I say that God is Good, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I've never talked about my health to anyone but a few select friends. And even then, I'm very vague and cautious about what I say. The only thing that i pretty much talk about on a regular basis is the crazy and random back spasms I get from doing something as normal as bowling or riding a rollercoaster. Anywho... without going into much details, because I honestly feel that I am about to cry right now, I was having some pain in my ovaries a couple of weeks ago. And anyone who know anything about anything would know that ovary pain is NEVER a good sign. Especially when the pain is so great, I could hardly walk straight by the time I got to the doctor. I literally walked in hunched over and holding my lower abdomen. Anyways, when i went to the doctor last friday, they told me that I had a condition which is damaging my ovaries and fallopian tubes and that I had a 70% chance of being sterile because of it. 70% ya'll!!! That's nooooooot what I wanted to hear. Anyways, they gave me some meds to stop the swelling and told me to come back this week so they can assess the damage since they couldn't tell last week due to the enlarged ovaries. Anyway, I went back today and they told me that contrary to what they thought they'd see... my ovaries are now fine and that I should be able to have children with no problem.

I cried and thanked God all the way back to the office. I never really thought about not being able to have children before. Its amazing how much we take for granted. For the past 5 days though, I realized how important having my own child is to me. Nothing will force you to think of how much you love something like having that something become inaccesible to you. I'm so thankful. SO THANKFUL. The entire situation is a testimony in itself. I skipped alot...but just know that God truly worked a miracle in my life!

1 John 5:14-15 - Please go read it. That scripture has been in my spirit for 2 weeks now. I won't quote it cuz i don't know it verbatim...but read it....learn it.... live it.

I hate bell curves....

Well, I had my heart set on writing today. About a bizillion topics swirled around in my head all day and I tried my hardest to work my tail off so that I'd have some free time to somehow transfer those thoughts and events to the blogworld. However, it is now 5:21 and I'm "officially" off work...even though I'm still here. I must really have a jones to write today if I, a.k.a. Miss jump.up.outta.my.seat.and.sprint.to.my.car.at.one.minute.til.5.....actually stayed late PURPOSEFULLY just to write something.

Of course now that the office is quiet and the only thing I can hear is the sound of my nails (which are in dire need of a manicure...any investors??? lol) tapping on my keyboard, I can't really focus on ANY of the things I wanted to share earlier.

But I will say this ...

I shared once that I honestly think that the best part of an event is the time leading up to it. When I said it, I really wanted somehow for my theory to be proven wrong...but since then, my life has been filled with nothing BUT experiences that support this theory. It's like... in relationships... the best part about it is the beginning...when you're not sure if he's gonna call and then he does, and ya'll talk, and ya'll go out... and nothing has been made official. Ya'll just kicking it. You feeling butterflies wondering where this will lead... and wondering if he's thinking about you as much as you're thinking about him. Ya know? That time. In my experience, that's the best time ever. After ya'll kiss, or touch, or sex or whatever it is ya'll do, for some reason, things change... and the climax is never long enough. The whole relationship seems to just dwindle right down. Just as fast as you caught feelings... you all eventually stop sexing...or touching.. or kissing... or going out... or even calling. Before you know it... you guys are strangers again. That bell curve effect i guess. Like a roller coaster you know... it takes you a long time to get up there... then once you're up.... you come down so fast, you don't even know what happened. It sucks. Forget a bell curve... I need a plateau or something. Something that has a long steady high point. Something that doesn't taper off too fast. This bell curve stuff is depressing. Almost like something someone told me when I was young that messed me up for a long time. They were saying that as soon as you're born, you're on the path to death. You're dying daily....with each passing moment putting you closer and closer to the small amount of allotted time you have here on earth. That thing can mess with a doggone 7 year old. I was depressed for a whole week on that ish. You ever seen a depressed 7 year old? Huh? That ish ain't normal.

Anyway... i'm kinda starting to feel like that with relationships. As soon as you meet someone, and ya'll start on that road....you're only getting closer to the end. So for me, it's easier to slow the initial process down. I figure that if we don't date, then we can't break up! lol. Okay, okay. I know I can't live my life like that...but i'm so tired of these month or two month pseudo-relationships. I'm tired of liking someone and them telling me they like me... and we're kicking it hard...then a month or two later... we start tapering off and after about 3 months, we aren't even friends anymore though NOTHING has really happened or changed. That bothers me. I'm tired of it. I mean, I do realize ... even though it's very pessimistic in nature... that EVERY relationship i (and you) will be in for my (your) entire life will fail/dwindle/come to an end except for one (and with the divorce rates as it is, that ONE isn't even guaranteed anymore). We never look at it that way, but it's true. We will separate from every single relationship we ever have except one. And the more people you date, the more depressing and eerie that statistic seems . (ie. date 40 people in your life... only have 1 work out.... or date 39474 people, but only have one work. lol) I dunno. With stats like that, after around the 15th person i date, i'm gonna start wondering if something's wrong with me. Then after the 30th person, I'm gonna start really thinking something's wrong. It's like, dating is designed to make you feel like sh** (excuse my french). Because your self-esteem goes down with each passing person. I dunno. I worry too much. Wait.... i take that back. I'm not really worried about finding that one. I know he's out there. I'm not worried about getting married because I know I will. I guess my thing is that I'm just ready for it to happen. Anxious, i guess. I'm still young... i know. But, I'm just tired of meeting, liking, and then eventually not talking to someone. That whole dating thing is so tired now. I'm tired of that. It's an emotional roller coaster and I'm just ready to call it a day. Ya know? *sigh* Well, I have no IDEA where all this came from... it was definitely not one of those BIZILLION things in my head today. lol. Oh well... i guess it was in there somewhere since it's out now. Anywho... I'm tired... and I am SOOO tired of being in this office. Yuck. Gone.

With so much "eX" in your name, you should be Pro-Black...

Dwele “Mahogany”

Did I tell you how crazy the weather change makes me? I mean… cool weather automatically elicits thoughts of love and all things “couple”. I daydream about cuddling up with a significant other and drinking hot chocolate w/ whipped cream while watching some chick flick by the warm fireplace. (Yeah…I know…I watch WAAAY too many movies. lol ) Anywho… these last few weeks have made me realize that I’m not the only one craving to cuddle with a warm body this winter. I’ve been wanting to write about all of these ex’s that’s been coming back into my life…but it seems to me that Nick has already beat me to the punch. lol I guess ’tis the season to backtrack… dust off that old black book and began making your calls.

Though most of my ex’s and I don’t talk anymore, the fact remains that… with the exception of 2 ex’s… I’m on speaking terms with all of them. I guess this makes it even more reasonable that they would actually try me once again. Most of my ex’s and I broke up and still remained cordial and pretty good friends considering. I like it that way. I hate to burn bridges because you never know what the future holds or when you may need them for something. So I make sure I don’t do people dirty. You won’t catch me behind some tire slashing, window breaking, car door keying shananigans. Lol So in their defense, I’m guessing they got bored/lonely/whatever…and decided that since I’m always cordial, they’d try to explore old avenues.

KS

Okay… I’ve been meaning to talk about him forever. This cat seems to just pop up ever 6 months or so. Lol. Well I think the last thing I wrote about him was that he called me out of the blue one day to say he was thinking of me. This was like… mid august. Okay so that really made my day because remember back around Mother’s day when I saw him, I deemed him “the finest man alive”!! lol Anywho… a few weeks ago around 2 in the morning… he calls.

Me: *in my sleepy/groggy/why in the HECK are you calling this late voice* Hello?
KS: Hey baby
Me: *trying to look at the caller ID with my blind self to figure out why this guy is calling me baby* Hey. Err.. may I ask who’s calling?
KS: It’s me baby, K****.
Me: *excited, confused, and mad that it’s 2 in the morning* Hey! What’s up?
KS: You sleep?
Me: *thinking: Negro don’t i SOUND sleep?* Yeah.
KS: Aight I’ll let you go. I just wanted to hear your voice that’s all.
Me: uh…
KS: What, you shocked cuz I be thinking about you? Yeah girl, I think about you all the time. I just never call. I miss you.
Me: *thinking: Whatever. You must want some* Hmmm.. okay.
KS: Well, I’ll holla at you tomorrow okay?
Me: *thinking: you called me at 2 just to say hi and that you’ll call tomorrow??* Okay, bye
KS: Bye baby.

So since then, he’s been calling me. We don’t talk much, but we talk often. He’ll call to say hi or see how I’m doing. Tell me he miss me and that he really does respect how I broke up with him last year. He claims he’d love to make it up to me one day. I always dodge the hints though. Lol. I usually just change the subject. Last week he finally got bold and stopped beating around the bush. I guess since I talked to him when he called, he figured that I was still feeling him. lol So we talking.. and he just bursts out with “So Sway, you said when you broke up with me that maybe the timing was off… and I’ve been thinking, since I still feel the same way about you as I did the first day we met, I think we should try to start something up again.”

So I’m trying to figure out what to say. To be honest with you. KS and I had a great relationship while together. The problem was that after a while, we didn’t see each other…and I’ll be honest with you. I need attention. If you with me, then um… not seeing you for 2 months is UNACCEPTABLE! lol. So, I thought about it for a moment. I started reminiscing about last year this time and how he and I would go out Tongue~n~Groove on Wednesday nights and salsa dance until our feet turned red. And I began to remember how fun it was to cuddle inside his place after running in from the cold outdoors…and for a minute, I was tempted to try again. But before the words could come out, I began to remember how much I HATE backtracking. I also remembered that though the memories of us are great, my feelings for him have changed. He’s cute, but I’m not feeling him like that anymore. So much time has passed and I’m a different person than I was when I was with him. Plus, there’s someone in my life right now that honestly, I’d much rather see where that leads than to go back to something I’ve already experienced. So I told him that I’d pass on his offer. We chatted for about 3 minutes after that…and I haven’t heard from him since.


DW

I’ve known DW since band camp our 8th grade year of highschool. He and I were thick as thieves all through school and even after we went off to college. The year I graduated from college and broke up with my fiancé of 4 years… I had this sudden urge to just go BUCK.WILD!! I really did lose my doggone mind. For real. But anyway, DW came back from school that summer and we decided to hook up for ole times sake. Make a long story short, for the first time in our platonic friendship, we…err… I saw him and wanted to be more than friends. (DW had expressed his attraction to me looooong before that year, but I wasn’t feeling it. ) Well finally it hit me. So we decided to take the friendship to another level. We kicked it for about 6 months and then we decided that this “relationship” stuff was a little more than we could chew. He was working full time and going to school full time and he had a singing group that took all of his free time. I was working full time myself and volunteering at a children shelter and I was trying to get my singing career together at that time…so we just found it to be too hard to have a real relationship. Well… we both agreed that it was best to stay friends…but I think what he really meant was that he wanted to keep having sex, but without the commitment. I wasn’t feeling that. If we’re friends…then that’s all we are. I don’t do the “friends with benefits” thing. Commit… or hey find someone else to do the biznass with. Anyway… he tried me once after we decided to be friends and I shut him down. A week after that I never heard from him again. b Until this weekend that is. Almost what…2 years later. He calls outta the blue. Saturday night I’m chillin and my phone rings.
He says hey and I’m like…”hey”. I knew his voice instantly. We’d been friends for 11 years. He asks how I’ve been and tried to make small talk to figure out if I was mad at him or not. Lol As usual, I remained very calm and polite. So he figured it would be a good time to tell me that so much has happened to him in the last 2 years and that he wanted to come by and talk to me face to face. I agreed. I wasn’t doing anything but reading, so I figured, why not. About 20 min. later, he’s at my door. I let him in…we exchange hugs as if the 2 years of us not speaking never went by. He began to tell me everything that’s happened to him and blah blah blah. After he finished, I couldn’t help but wonder why after all this time he wanted to get back in touch with me. But even more.. I wanted to know why he stopped calling. I hate not knowing things. I could understand if we had a fight… or if he got another girlfriend or something, but one day we were laughing on the phone and the next, I never hear from him again. That's just crazy. I thought it was the fact that I wasn’t giving it up to him anymore, but I knew in my heart that wasn’t it. That’s not him. So I asked. He gave me some long winded answer about his feelings and how confused he was and etc. I’m still trying to figure out how he ended up with the last words of his speech being. “So Swayla, I’m too old for games, I’m ready to settle down…and you’re the only one I can think of that would make me happy forever. So you wanna give US another shot?”
*sigh* What is it about me that make men not talk to my behind for months or years at a time, then come back and pretty much claim me as their wife? (Example One: Click here)

Now, DW wasn’t asking to marry me…but still, how you gonna completely remove yourself from my life, then come back and expect me to have just been waiting on you all this time? Do they not realize that though I’m not the prettiest, or finest, or smartest ….I CAN brawl with the best of them? I got enough going on to attract a few men. So I don't wait on or for anyone! I dunno. Ex’s are a trip.

There were 3 more ex’s that called me within the last month, but my fingers hurt and I’m tired of typing. It’s just funny how everyone calls at the same time, wanting the same thing. It’s also funny how I don’t want any of them. I don’t like backtracking. It’s messy to me. I like to look forward. Start fresh. Do something new. Oh…maybe tomorrow I’ll tell you a little about this young man that I’m hoping will keep me warm this winter. :) Until then… Gone.

Thought for today.....

Richard Cory
by Edward Arlington Robinson

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich - yes, richer than a king -
And admirably schooled in every grace;
In fine we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.


There's no true way to ever know the intents of any one else's heart nor the thoughts in any one else's mind. Just remember that what's happening on the outside may not always be what's happening on the inside. Everytime I come in contact with someone, I keep this simple principle in the back of my mind. I read this poem in 10th grade and I never forgot it. Partly because I realized as the years went by how much Richard and I had in common. I was all smiles on the outside, but inside I was so empty... and the void filled my entire being. I had wished that someone would just look deep enough to see the tears through that big smile plastered on my face... but no one ever did. I guess that's why I am so adament now about really getting to know people beyond the surface. Of course I won't know EVERYTHING, but I've become much more aware that people are not always as fine as they so quickly claim to be. So this weekend, go out of your way to be extra special to someone, even if you don't think they need it or even if they seem to have it all. Never know. Sometimes a simple smile, or hello, or hug can change lives....or even save lives. Have a Blessed weekend everyone!! Gone.

T. ogether E. veryone A. cheives M. iracles

Cocaine IS a helluva drug.

Well... today's the day. Those of us who went to early voting and figured that the 3-6 hour wait to EARLY VOTE was ridiculous and that we might as well have waited until the day of...well...the time is here. I couldn't believe the lines this morning at the schools I pass on the way to work. I don't think I've EVER seen this many people voting. I guess that's one good thing Bush did: he got the people to exercise their voting rights. (lol)

Anywho.....I figured I'd just pitter pat on the computer for a minute since the ole office is pretty empty right now. I guess everyone is stuck in the lines at the polls. Which is good for me because it gives me a chance to talk about some very important issues in my life. Like um...

Did I tell you that I'm in love? Yup, ya girl is HEAD OVER HEELS in love. I'm in love with the grape flavored Juicy Juice. OH.MY.GOODNESS. that juice is SOOOOOOO friggin good. I'm talking about I love it so much I wanna marry it and have its children. (okay, maybe not) But Grape Juicy Juice is the BEST thing since sliced bread. Like for real. I think I've gone through 3 big bottles of it just this week. lol. It's crazy.

Oh yeah, speaking of crazy, this feels like a good time to tell you about my neighbor. Man, where do i begin with him. *sigh* Aight.

I got this neighbor who, if you ask my dad, has ALWAYS been one egg short of a dozen. However, in the last year or so, this brotha has completely lost his mind. I mean, I don't think he's crazy like he's gonna become a serial killer or anything...but he's crazy enough for my parents and our other neighbors to all get together in my back yard and just watch him with awed eyes for an hour. lol.
It all started when my neighbor got caught in a tornado. I have no idea where he was...but last year he was actually in the EYE of a tornado. He explained, "yeah man, (talking to my daddy) I saw all these here trees being uprooted and roofs being torn off of houses and my ole truck was picked up and tossed way yonder, but err-uh, Gawd spared me. And I know that he spared me fo a reason"
So of course being the kind of people we are, my family was very happy to hear that Mr. Neighbor got saved and that he dedicated his life to God. Aight... so at first it just seemed like he was really "zealous" for God. You know the type. The newcomers that go out of their way to let you know that they are saved? He started walking up and down the street preaching err... no... SHOUTING the word of God. At first it was maybe once a week. Then it progressed to every day. Then it progressed to everyday all day. He'd start before the sun came up and he'd put on this LONG black coat (like Neo from the matrix) and this black felt tip hat and he had a cane and he'd walk up and down our street ALL day, from like, 4am. to around midnight...shouting. I guess his route got too short for him because after a while, he started going up to this little country church down the street from our neighborhood. He'd go there around 6am-ish and he'd pray really loud in front of this church. And he'd kiss the ground and jump up and down and do all kind of things. Okay...so we was like...aight..if the man wanna praise God at 6 in the morning in front of this old, all white church then hey...let him. But the old white people was scared of him. So they called the cops on him. The cops warned him about being on their private property...but everyday he'd return. So they finally locked him up for like a day. Anywho...that was just the beginning. Not crazy right?

So about a few weeks later, he figures he'd just stay in the neighborhood. So again, he's praying outside.. loud. Real loud. Surprisingly no one complained...even though I know it was keeping everyone up, cuz it was keepin me up. lol. Then one night around 11pm. I hear this noise. I'm like WTH? It sounded like someone was ringing some church bells. So I'm laying in my bed like...there IS no church close enough to me for me to hear banging this loud and clear. And besides, it's 11 PM. So after about 10 straight minutes of this, I'm like dang...this is annoying, so i turn my fan on high, put some cotton balls in my ear and went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and all was pretty quiet on the western front. So I asked my parents about it and they said they didn't hear anything. So the next evening when I came home, my mom was like, "ya'll neighbor is crazy". lol. So I laughed because my dad has been saying that for years. But this time, well....my mom was serious. So I asked her why she said that. She was like... "I don't know WHAT that man doing back there in the back yard, but he's been beating on something ALL DAY LONG. It sounds like he's hitting metal or something. I don't know what he doing, but i was to scared to go back there to find out."

Not long after she said this, here he go again. Beating and beating and beating. We sat in the kitchen for a good 30 minutes listening to him bang on what seemed like metal. Finally I got tired of listening and turned on the television. So this goes on for about a month. Everyday, he bangs on this thing in the backyard. Sometimes in the 3 in the morning... sometimes at 3 in the afternoon. Well we finally got tired of it and decided to confront him about it because NONE of us was getting any sleep. And the noise was so friggin annoying. So my dad goes over to the neighbr's backyard where he was still beating on something... and he stayed for about an hour, then came back. So of course me and my mom are all eager to see what he said. This is my dad's account of what happened.

Dad: Hey *insert name* What's goin on man?
Neighbor: Hey Chuck. How you doin man.
Dad: Well not to good *insert name* I came over to see what all this noise is.
Neighbor: I know man, I know. I'm sorry man. But I gotta do this. Man, people are out to get me.
Dad: *looking confused* People?
Neighbor: Yeah. Every since that house burnt down over yonder, people have been tapping my phones, shooting at my house, and you seen them unmarked cars coming down our street man, man I know they just coming 'round here watching me.
Dad: *trying not to laugh*
Neighbor: I beat on this pole as a warning. I want to let everybody know that they shooting at me. They trying to kill me. I need some help man. I don't know who to trust....I
Dad: Hey, Hey, so why don't you just call the police? If "they" are shooting at you...then why don't you just call the police.
Neighbor: Man, the police are in on it too. And Rick. I think Rick is heading all this up. You know he used to work for the CIA.

(sidenote: Rick is our 80 year old other neighbor...who's a retired policeman and can hardly talk let alone head up a conspiracy against crazy man here)

Dad: Well man, I don't know what to tell you, but you gotta stop all this banging. You keeping me and my family up with all that.
Neighbor: yeah, my wife says the same thing. *sigh* But she don't understand. They ain't tryin to kill HER! *haaaaaaa. classic.* They shoot at ME everyday!
Dad: Well man, where's the bullet holes man.
Neighbor: *pointing at absolutely NOTHING but the wood on his house* Right here and right here. Don't you see how they've almost shot a hole straight through the back of my house? They shoot at me everyday man. I gotta let people know. I gotta beat on this pole. My life depends on it.
Dad: Man, i'own see NOTHIN! *getting a little freaked out by our neighbor*
Neighbor: You don't see that?
Dad: No.
Neighbor: *pausing..contemplating* Um... come in my house for a minute. I wanna show you something.
Dad: *pausing...contemplating on going in this crazy man's house* Uh for what?
Neighbor: *walking towards the front of the house* I want to show you something amazing.
Dad: *reluctantly following* Alright.

Neighbor: *pointing at brick fireplace in their house* So, do you see that?
Dad: What? The fireplace?
Neighbor: Naw man, right there. You don't see that face staring back at us? Those eyes follow me all day long.
Dad: *thinking WTH?* Naw man. I don't see it.
Neighbor: What about the Cross right there? Or the angel right over there? You see that right?
Dad: Naw.
Neighbor: Hmph. My wife doesn't either. I don't know why.
Dad: *trying hard not to laugh and call him crazy in his face* Me neither man, but i'mma get on back to da house. I just stopped by to ask you not to beat that pole anymore. You gotta find another way to work that out.


So that's that. And actually since that day, I only heard him beat the pole once. So that's progress right? Well in that aspect. But NOW this man is outside in the front yard. Screaming at the top of his lungs. Why you ask? Welp. He says that the AIRPLANES are out to get him now. *sigh*

*sidenote*
So, with the exception of my college years and the 2 years after college, I've lived in the same house with my folks for most of my childhood years. Our neighbors moved in about three years after us... so they've been there for more than 10 years as well. Now one of the FIRST things I've noticed about our neighborhood is that airplanes are ALWAYS flying around our house. This isn't some new phenomenon. I remember counting airplanes for fun as a youngin (yes, that's just ONE of the signs of a lonely only child). They just fly over our house. No biggie. But ALL of a sudden.... they are OUT TO GET HIM!!

So now, everyday, he's out side walking around his house with his hands up crying and looking up to the sky sreaming "WHY! WHY GOD! WHY! WHY ARE THEY FLYING SO LOW!" lol.

It's sad really. We've also caught him outside saying other phrases like... "WHAT! WHAT GOD! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME! WHAT IS IT! WHAT IS IT!" lol. I think he said this one first after throwing those big orange cones..you know, the ones that are used when they are working on the street...yeah those... well he was throwing them at the Bellsouth truck that came to work on the phone lines around our house. According to my mom. Our neighbor came out and started screaming in the front yard. The Bell South man got freaked and started packing up. So the neighbor threw the cones at the back of the truck as it was leaving. Then continued to ask God "What does he want". Why ...you ask? *shrug* Beats me. The man has lost it. Those kinda questions should be asked in the privacy of your own home... or if you just GOTTA be outside, then at least use your "indoor" voice for the neighbor's sake. lol

Whew... i know it was long...but i had to get it off my chest. I feel bad for his wife and children. They know he crazy. lol. Oh well. I guess crazy people need love to. Anywho... i gotta do some work now... so i'll writel later. Gone.


"Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."
~Abraham Lincoln

Gashes, Dreams, and Jumping Jacks

So today is hump day and I’m feeling pretty good. Despite this big gash I somehow acquired on my hand this morning, I’m feeling wonderful. I’m still trying to figure out how I cut myself today. All I remember is, I was turning onto I-20 at Wesley Chapel this morning and I saw blood trickling down my right hand. It was kinda scary because it caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting to look down and see blood. So I got a paper towel out the glove compartment and wrapped it around my knuckles to stop the bleeding until I got to work and got a chance to put some antiseptic on it. *looking at my hand now* It still looks kinda bad, like I got in a street fight or something. What’s really working my noodle now is HOW could I get such a bad cut and not remember it? My mind MUST have really been focusing on something crazy.

I think I was trying to figure out my dream from last night. I’m one of those people that actually try to find meanings in my dreams. Honestly, most of the dreams I vividly remember are so disturbing and clear that they need no interpretation. But this one, well some of the details are kinda sketchy however, I’ll try my best to interpret the part I was thinking about this morning.

I was writing yesterday about the “journey” that has just ended in my life. Well this “journey” was with a nice person I’ve affectionately called “BG”. BG and I have been kicking it for a little over 2 months now and while I thought that there may have been more of a future than just these last 2 months….it was recently confirmed that our ride pretty much stops here at the friendship level. Hurt… a little, disappointed…yes, mad... not at all. But I think the fact that this entire confusing situation between us has been on my mind lately... is the reason for my dream.

My dream started with (well let’s just say this is the first thing I remember) me driving at like 95mph on a dark street towards BG’s house. I had tears in my eyes and I was having this really funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was determined to get to him. The closer I got to his house, the more my foot became like lead on the gas pedal. I don’t remember getting to his house or going in really, but I remember being in his foyer and hearing his voice talking with some female. I became more nervous because it was 11pm and I hadn’t told him I was coming over. I turn the corner and see him with his back turned towards me in the kitchen. He was still talking to her, and though she was right there, I couldn’t see her because she was blurry. Within 2 seconds of me entering the kitchen, he turns around and slightly jumps because he wasn’t expecting to see me standing in his kitchen, unannounced, at 11pm with tears in my eyes. After his initial surprise, he suddenly grew angry. I guess because he realized the reality of the situation. So he said “What are you doing here? Why didn’t you call fir…” and before he could finish “going off” on me, the tears that had welled up in my eyes began to fall. I knew I was wrong for just “showing up”…but I didn’t want the first words out of his mouth to be so negative. A simple, “Are you okay” or “what’s going on, what’s wrong” would have sufficed and eased the knots in my stomach. But he wasn’t really concerned with that. He, with good reason, wanted to know why I was there and hadn’t knocked, or called, or anything. I couldn’t talk. Well I tried, but nothing came out but tears… and in between sobs I ran to him and hugged him tight and said that “I just needed a hug… and you were the only one I knew that can hug me and make me feel safe” So I stayed there with my arms wrapped around his waist and my head pressed against his chest so tightly I could hear the blood circulating in and out of his heart. But he didn’t hug me back. I cried and I held him, but he just stood there… looking at her. The blur in the corner. I can’t remember if he finally hugged me back or not…but that part of my dream really got to me. BG and I are friends. Good friends honestly. Even though the “relationship” part of our journey is over, I still see him as one of my closest friends. So, WHY would I just barge over to his place like that? In real life, I’d never just drop over someone’s house like that. ESPECIALLY not at no 11pm. Shoot… aint no telling who’s up in there and what they’re doing. And WHY wouldn’t he hug me back? Even if he WAS mad at me, as a friend, why wouldn’t he just hug me back…especially after seeing what kinda state I was in. Another thing that bothered me that he was the only one I felt I could call on to ease my anxiety. All these friends I supposedly have, why was he the only person I could get a hug from? I really wanna know what this dream is about. Any takers? I dunno ya’ll .. I told you… sometimes I be taking this dream thing to a WHOLE nother level. lol I almost asked BG about it this morning…like it really happened or something. lol I guess it really got to me this morning to the point that I darn near chopped my hand off and didn’t even know it. lol.

Oohh… man, lemme tell you about what happened to me yesterday! *holding my head down and shaking it* Ugh this is so freakin embarrassing. Aight... *sigh* I go to LA fitness about 3-4 times a week after work, right. So on Tuesdays, I go to the Cardio Kickboxing class, which is pretty fun…and it gives me a great workout. There’s this little short stalky black guy named Ricardo that usually teaches it. Well yesterday he was out so we had a sub, who apparently didn’t get the memo that this was KICKBOXING class not JUMPING JACKS, JUMPING ROPE, AND RUNNING class. So she’s running in the classroom talking about “okay class, lets do 480684383 jumping jacks after we jump rope for 34938437 minutes.” So you know, I’m like, aight, honestly all this jumping isn’t really for me. So I’m frowning up and shifting my weight from one leg to the other trying to figure out how I’m gonna do all that for the next hour and 15 minutes.
sidenote:For those of you all that have actually SEEN my physical makeup you would agree that me jumping up and down could cause me to accidentally punch my own eye out. (lol)

Anywho… Sway doesn’t run, she doesn’t do jumping jacks, and she doesn’t jump rope… even though she likes to …she just CAN’T. (you know it’s serious when I began talking about myself in 3rd person. lol) But err… *looking around* yesterday, um... I was feeling a little intimidated by all these people hopping all around me like it wasn’t NOTHING and it was very EVIDENT that I would stand out if I didn’t just go along with the routine. So I began doing my jumping jacks. *BIG MISTAKE* At first, I’d stop after about 10 of them and hurriedly adjust my sports bras to contain “all of me”. Then I’d continue on. The jump roping and running part was not as bad as the jumping jacks. Even though I looked like a COMPLETE RETARD trying to run in place with my hands all close to both sides of my chest, it actually did help stop all of the “extra movement”. So about 10 minutes before class is over, I’m feeling pretty good about making it that far through the workout and I was also tired from all that jumping, so I began to let my guard down a little. Well we’re running and my hands are suddenly dropping a little lower and the extra movement began to start. So I stop running. Simple right? Well she was like.. “okay… last set of jumping jacks lets goooooooo”… so after my quick breather from running and a fast glance at the clock I figure, okay, I’m on home stretch now. I’m gonna give it all I got. So there I was, jumping high, working it out. When all of a sudden, “plop” …my goodies decide that they didn’t want to stay in the jar any more. The right one just decided it needed some air and without my permission , it went on ahead and let itself out. I was SOOOOO friggin embarrassed!! It came out mid air and by the time I landed on the floor and it came crashing down too, I had the most terrified look on my face. So I bent over really fast, put the baby back in its crib, force two quick coughs (hoping people thought I just bent over cuz I had to cough)… and turned around and left class. I have no idea if anyone saw…but the 3 of the 4 walls in the class are mirrors and the 4th surface is the window and glass door to rest of the gym. So there was NO hiding. lol.. Ugh.. I’m going back tonight. I think I need a wig and some shades or something just in case someone saw me. lol. I definitely don’t wanna be know as the flasher.

Oh well.. it happens I guess. I’ve learned my lesson. Lol. Alright I’ve rambled enough. I gotta get back to working. Gone.

LIFE

Life amuses me. It's amazing how simple words, gestures, and thoughts at any given time on any given day can completely change your life.

Lately I've been having those life changing words, gestures and thoughts. I would say for the last week or so, I really haven't been my usual self. I mentioned briefly yesterday about the emotional roller coaster i've been on. It's been along time coming. I spoke of going on a journey in this post... and honestly, i think this ride has finally come to an end.

I think I got on this coaster knowing that it would be over way before I was ready for it to... but I was too excited about the ride to NOT get on it, and to excited to worry about all of "side effects". So I got on, and I enjoyed every minute of the ride, except for the jerky ending... it kinda hurt...but now that the ride has stopped...and i have to exit... well, it's kinda left me sad. I knew it would, but I had to ride it anyways. At least I can look back and reminisce on how wonderful I felt while zooming so high above the trees. I'm grateful for that. And I'm now ready to move on.

Oh.... totally off of that subject but, what on EARTH was this lady thinking about:

Teacher Jailed After Fistfight With Pupil's Mother : Parent Ends Up in Emergency Room MACON, Ga. (Oct. 22) - A teacher-parent brawl in front of 19 fourth-grade pupils sent a mother to the emergency room and the teacher to jail. Teacher Katrina Ann Rucker, 30, is charged with battery and cruelty to children for allegedly beating a parent who tried to retrieve her daughter's book bag. According to police interviews, parent Lurella Amica went to Bruce-Weir Elementary School Thursday morning to deliver a note to her 9-year-old daughter. At the classroom door, the girl told her mother that Rucker had thrown her bag in the trash can, the report stated. Amica entered the classroom and tried to get the book bag, but Rucker grabbed for it and the two struggled, the report said. After Amica wrestled the bag away, police say Rucker picked up a chair and hit her in the back, knocking Amica to the floor. Rucker then began punching Amica in the face and body. During the fight, the girl was reportedly crying for her teacher to stop hitting her mother and ran up to them. Rucker then allegedly hit the child, pulled her hair and pushed her out of the way before starting to strike the mother again. Rucker dragged Amica by the hair outside the classroom, according to the report. "A school administrator and another teacher had to pull the teacher off the mother," Macon police spokeswoman Melanie Hofmann said. In Rucker's account of the story, she said Amica hit her hand during the initial struggle, Hofmann said. "The teacher said she was defending herself because she gets a shot in that hand and it hurt," Hofmann said. Amica was in stable condition in the emergency room of The Medical Center of Central Georgia late Thursday night. Rucker was placed on administrative leave. Sylvia McGee, Bibb County's deputy superintendent, said school staff called the parent or guardian of each child in the class. Social workers counseled students, and only Amica's daughter left school early...


Okay it isn't the entire story...but you get the point. I was so confused after reading this ish. I mean WHAT was she thinking about? In front of the children?? What is up with that? I mean, What was in that back pack that was worth fighting over? That article blew my mind. Ole teach was "bout it". I bet NOBODY gonna ever talk back to her in a teacher-parent conference again. lol


Anywho... I think i need to do an "Updates" post. I have been so caught up with work. I haven't really got a chance to keep you informed with the happenings. Lemme see... so i won't forget... i'm gonna give you a rundown of what i need to tell ya'll about....i'll link them so you can remember a little somethin somethin about what i've previously said about them. lol

* AM- i know i haven't talked about him since what... july? lol
* RH and
*my first love, Gerard, a guy named Talvis, and KS (which are all in the same post.)


and some new stuff...
* My best friend, Biah
* My crazy neighbors
* the little boy in my neighborhood that got ran over and
* the co-worker who has FINALLY worked my LAST nerve

Ps.. Oh yeah... and i posted a few pics from my momma's 50th birthday party...along with my cousin a few weeks before delivering Zoe. I still gotta get pictures of Zoe. For some reason all the pics I took of her already came out so blurry you couldn't really see anything. So go go my pics page. Enjoy.

*and um... and i am REALLY dissapointed in my Falcons getting SPANKED like that sunday. *wiping away tears*

Starting Fresh

Um...why are there foot prints on my desk?

I come in today and I plop my things on my desk and I realize that there are footprints ON my desk. Not just one either. It looks like the janitors or somebody just went to ragtopping on my desk! I'm like, wth? I'm going over to other co-workers desks and seeing if I see any Brogain marks on their desk. Nope just mine. What's that about? I'm just really irritated about this seeing how I made SURE I cleaned my officle really really good last friday so that I could come back to a calm, clean environment. I mean, my whole purpose for cleaning it this well was to come back to something positive. Ugh. *sigh* Oh well. Guess I can't control everything huh?

Anywho.... moving on.....my weekend was rather uneventful to the natural eye...but I tell you.....ya girl has been on an emotional rollercoaster for real. I was NOT expecting to go through that many emotions last week. I mean, I tired myself out really. I spent most of the week and weekend trying to sort through these sudden feelings and emotions about various things. Fortunately for me, halfway into my "self-analysis" I was interrupted by my best friend and her problems and floods of emotion. Which helped get my mind off of me. I'm very happy about that because, after dealing with her problems all weekend. I began to realize, hey, I'm good. So I'm feeling great today! I'm thankful for a new day, a new week, and a positive attitude to start it all of with. I have alot I want to write about, but I GOTTA get the morning work out of the way. So I will finish a little later.

Feeling Funny

I guess I am a moody person. Most people don't see the changes. I guess only those people who are extremely close to me do I feel comfortable enough with to truly let my guard down around. To be honest, it's about 3 people in this world right now that I can say fits that bill. And only 1 person that I can think of to date that have seen all sides of me, and that person isn't even in my family.

I guess it's because I'm always so happy, and free-spirited, and chipper, so most people would never imagine that I have problems, or get depressed. They can't fathom that I have been through some difficult situations. They don't see the pain inside. I guess I like it that way. I never want to be thought of as melancholy. Yet on the flipside, it kind of irks me when there IS something bothering me, but I can't let it out because everyone EXPECTS Sway to be in good spirits at all times.

Don't worry, I'm not depressed or anything now. It's just that lately I've been thinking alot about the people in my life and how some of them really stiffle me as a person. I don't mind being put in a box...what i do mind is when you label that box wrong... or when the box isn't big enough to contain me. I think it's time for me to do some cleaning. I really need to rid myself of some of the people I associate with. I don't mind people looking to me for an ego stroke, or an encouraging word, or a listening ear... Lord knows that's my calling. lol. I've been told by many many people that I have a extraordinary gift of making people feel special. (though sometimes it has gotten me in some major trouble) But what happens when the ego stroker/word giver/listening ear needs a listening ear/a word given/a stroked ego? It's amazing how there's no one around to reciprocate the things you give. I have a lot of love and energy inside that's bursting to come out, but i've realized that freely giving without any receiving makes for a "burnt out" individual. I'm starting to feel that burn out. I'm starting to feel the effects of pouring my life's energy into everyone, but not ever getting that energy back. It's like... i dunno.. like spending a millionaire's outcome with a McDonald's income. Who does that? Who would go spend $1000 a night to sleep in a hotel when they only make $300 a week? I've realized, that's pretty much what i've been doing with myself...i've been giving myself away and not receiving nothing comparable to what i've given. So as of today, I'm going to start gently removing the leeches from my person. Everyone that sucks the life out of me, i will no longer be available to. I need to stay around people who will help build me up. Positive people... people who can speak life into me. Hopefully this time next month, I can happily say that my life is purified of all those who don't add to me in some way.

When the cat's away...the mice will play..

My boss isn't here today. *jumping up and down with glee*

So I get to pitter pat on the keyboard for a little while before heading back to meeting deadlines. lol.. It's so much easier to take a break and blog when you don't have "Boss of the Century" breathin down your neck all day. So i figured I'd just ramble a little today because well... because i can. Actually I got a few things I wanna say...I hope the person in this first story doesn't get offended cuz I'm about to put him on blast. lol

I don’t get to meet very many new people these days. It seems that work, the gym, church, and home are the only four places I EVER go. lol. That isn’t really a good thing for a single woman who loves to meet new and exciting people. So you must understand my excitement when I say that I met one of the sweetest, warmest people yesterday evening while I was doing what I do and it’s funny because I met him first through blogging. :)

When I stared this blog last November, I never thought I’d have actual viewers/readers. I didn’t really know anything about the wonderful world of blogging. I knew nothing of blog circles...and having dailies that you link on the side... or comments sections... lol All I knew is that I needed an outlet and this was a wonderful way to start. I never thought I’d keep it up because honestly, I’m really bad at sticking to things. But lo and behold… I’ve found a passion… blogging is wonderful. So as the months flew by, I began to see how much of a community this really is. I feel like I know some people here better than I do at work… or even at church.

Speaking of church… that’s where my “online friend” and I met. He surprised me by showing up to Bible Study last night. And the funny thing about it is that I plopped right down in the pew behind him and had no clue that it was him. lol. In person, he’s just as warm and illuminating as he is on his blog. That’s a great quality you know, to be able to come across so wonderful and warm in all situations and circumstances. He finally told me who he was after a good 30-45 minutes of us sitting in such close proximity to each other. He was like “~~Sway~~?” And I looked puzzled probably for a minute or two (or three..lol), because I was trying to figure out if I was supposed to know who he was or not. I mean, he obviously knew me… and called my entire first name out... so I felt really bad for not knowing him. Of course he put me out of my misery by smiling and introducing himself…. “I’m KJD”.

It’s definitely good to finally put a face and voice with the inspirational words I read on a daily basis. I really enjoyed the chat we had after church. Unfortunately I was kinda trying to get out of there because... well... um... ya’ll remember I told you about the “matchmakers” at my church… well they were swarming around and they looked as if they were gonna start asking questions and I definitely didn’t want to put either him OR meyself in an embarrassing situation. lol I finally got them to leave the whole "Bimp" situation alone... so I don't wanna have them plotting and scheming again. lol. Anywho.. thanks KJD, it was truly an honor to meet you.



Moving on to other news…

I will be singing backup for a new and upcoming artist this Saturday at 5:30 in Stonecrest Mall. She and I have worked on numerous projects together in the past, and since she’s decided to go to the next level I her career, I decided to fully support her in whatever way I can. Her name is Janae and she is a wonderful, powerful singer. Here's one of her songs (click here) If you’re in the Atlanta area and have nothing else to do Saturday around that time... please come out and hear us aight! Yup!

Oh… and what’s up with this up Lloyd Banks thing? The first time I heard about it was yesterday through Grayse. Let’s just say that I WASN'T expecting to see what I saw. After my shock.. I just HAD to ask someone else about it.. (okay well some would probably say I just had to TELL someone else about it…but that’s neither here nor there. lol) So I decided to see what BG had to say about it since we were already in mid-IM. So I forwarded the link and of course BG, (who knows everything *insert eye roll* lol) was like… “that’s not Lloyd.. it’s this guy . Either way.. I think it’s so friggin nasty.

In fact.. I just lost my appetite… and that’s not good since I just gave blood and I NEED to eat something. Anywho.. I gotta get back to my day.. I think I did enough rambling. Gone.


" Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. "
~Psalm 3:74

I really....

miss writing. Though I don’t consider myself a writer even in the smallest sense of the word… I have grown attached to this blogging thing. It helps me on so many levels. And as work has increased, so has my social life and many other exciting events that I’m sure I’ve failed to mention. Plus I still haven’t posted pictures of my mom’s 50th birthday celebration… or my cousin’s baby shower. Oh yeah… my cousin finally had Zoe! Yup. A beautiful baby girl…with a HEAD full of silky straight HAIR. My goodness that girl is so pretty. I took pictures of them both last week. (She was born Oct. 1st) Sooooo I’m trying to be good and get those developed too. I am the WORST at getting some pictures developed. Lol. It’s ridiculous really. Lol. Saturday, I took 4 rolls to be developed. I had NO IDEA what was on two of those rolls..lol. They are probably from last year.. or maybe even the year before. *shaking head and looking shame-faced* But yeah, that’s something I’m working on. *sigh* Anywho… I HOPE to have all of those pics up within the next two weeks. Ya’ll hold me to it okay??

Well hmmm…where should I start. I dunno. Hmm... let’s go back to a few weekends ago when BG and I went to Jekyll Island. Yes we went to a beach in October! It was wonderful. Less people, more beach for us. I must say, I enjoyed myself. BG and I headed down Friday night for what was one of the best road trips ever. I had gummy bears… which are my version of “Scooby snacks” So I was pretty Amp’d the whole ride down. BG is GREAT for driving all the way down and back. Man, I was glad that I didn’t have to drive. *letting out a big whew!* And BG’s definitely great company!! lol We sung, danced, and laughed all the way down. It was cool. Our room was wonderful. We had a Jacuzzi in our room that could fit 4 people in it! You KNOW I had to get up in that. I wish I could go back just for the Jacuzzi experience. Lol. The room was an ocean front room, which I LOVED… so when I woke up in the mornings, I’d just go over to the window and look at the ocean. It was very relaxing. We really didn’t have an agenda. We just wanted to g e t a w a y… and it was a wonderful weekend getaway if I do say so myself. We didn’t take pictures… even though both of us agreed that we probably should have. But at least we have our memories…and um… I have a small bump on my head…(no, I don’t wanna tell ya’ll how I bumped it. lol) But nevertheless… all will bring a big smile to my face every time I reminisce about it.

Well I figured I’d have more time to write… but I have to cut this short so that I can run to the bank before my lunch break is over. So hopefully I’ll be able to catch up on this later. Gone.

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
~Gandhi


{Edit : Man, look at this... isn't this disguisting !!! If you can't cook, you might wanna learn cuz I'm not feeling this!!(http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/10/13/picadilly.recall.ap/index.html) End Edit}

Becoming Whole... (healthy, happy, and holy)

It has become my morning ritual to turn on the Potter’s House while I’m getting ready for work. I’ve found that it’s a wonderful way to start my day. I get in a little daily Word, then I get in my car and pray, and then I get my praise on. There’s nothing like starting your day off right by thanking God for allowing you to get up that morning, and be in your right mind, and have activities and use of all your limbs and bodily functions, and having somewhere to sleep, something to eat, something to put on, and I thank Him for letting me know that it is Him who keeps me. We take so much for granted. I’m just grateful to have the opportunity to open my mouth in the mornings to say thanks because someone didn’t have that opportunity. Some one didn’t wake up this morning. Anyways…I didn’t mean to get all preachy. lol. So…

As I was driving to work this morning, I began thinking about what this lady on the Potter’s House said this morning. She was talking about how most of us focus on either one or two entities of our “being” instead of all three. I began to think about that. God has created us with 3 entities that define us as humans: our spirit, our soul, and our body.While some people would argue that our three entities are MIND, body, and soul, I beg to differ. I think the Body… or flesh part of us is the natural/physical/carnal/secular part of us. This shell that we call a body pretty much is self explanatory. It is of the earth and will ultimately go back to the earth. Honestly our body is the least important part of who we are, if you ask me. It’s used the most, but it’s the most dispensible. It’s dust. We will remain “beings” even after our body is gone.


The Spirit we possess comes from the unseen...the Spiritual Realm. We are born with a sinful nature... a worldly spirit. As we get older, we begin to possess the fruits of that worldly spirit: (sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies)(Gal 5:19-21) But when we choose to have a relationship with God, He gives us the Holy Spirit as a gift, and we began to possess the fruits of His Spirit: (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control)(Gal 5:22-23).

The Soul is what we generally think of as the true “US”. This engulfs our mind, our personality, our emotions/feelings, and everything else that makes us uniquely us! This is the part of us that decides what the body will do. It also decides which Spirit it will be lead by. The soul is what I think goes on after the body goes to the ground. I always think of the soul like… like the ego. You remember learning about the Id, Ego, and Superego right. (say yes, say yes!! lol) The body/flesh is like the Id. It seeks pleasure. It doesn’t care about right or wrong…it just wants what it wants. Then there’s the Spirit…which is like the SuperEgo… that gives us the “ideal”. It shows us what could be and what we “should do”. Then the Soul is like the Ego. It’s in the middle. It’s the “final decision maker”.

I think that once the Soul makes a decision, then the Spirit determines what the Soul does, and the Soul determines what the Body does.

Have I lost ya’ll yet? lol. Ya’ll know I’m a passionate God lover and a thinker who happens to be a psychology major AND has a LOT of time on her hands during her lunch break!! lol.

Alright lemme get back to my original point because all of that was pretty much not what I was trying to talk about! lol.

Now, we are made of Body Spirit and Soul right? Right. ( just go with me… I’m on a roll here.. lol)
Well God also created us to experience/know 3 (God loves the number 3...lol) worlds as well: The spiritual world, the psychological world, and the material world. These worlds can also be called: the world above us, the world within us, and the world around us, respectively.
Sometimes these three worlds are hard to live in simultaneously. You know.. like some of us work on our bodies in the gym all day long and we got about 3 or 4 degrees on our wall and making that 6 figure cheddar…but we are still unhappy inside because our spiritual life is in shambles. Which is why so many people feel empty and have no peace when they lay their “fine” bodies in their “silk” covered king size beds. Or some of us are at peace with our relationship with God and we’re steadily growing in Him, and He’s blessing us with the power to get wealth, so we’re prospering, but um, our body looks a hot mess. We don’t take care of our hygiene, or we are under/over weight, or we’re putting ourselves at risk for heart disease, cancer, diabetes etc… It’s like, we’ll work on one or two areas in our life, but working on all three simultaneously is too much of a hassle. But honestly when one is not right, the others are affected. That is why knowing Christ is so important. In Christ, we are rightly related to all worlds!!!

When we rightly relate our bodies (flesh) to the material world, we are healthy. We work it out, eat right, stay active, keep our hygiene up and etc. We look good and feel good just as God intended. When we rightly relate our soul to the psychological world we are happy. When our mind is at peace with what we are doing , when we make the right decisions about life, and when we know that no matter what, God is going to work it out for us, we stay happy just as God intended. And when we rightly relate our spirit to the spiritual world, we are Holy. When our soul chooses to listen to the Holy Spirit, we become Holy. Our Soul and Body submit itself to God just as God intended. So as we work on ourselves each day, let's try to remember that it is God's will for all of our lives that we ultimately experience all three worlds/realities with the best possible results: Health, Happiness, and Holiness. Only then can we become WHOLE.

There's so much I can and desire to write about today. I have topics piled up from things that happened 2 and 3 weeks ago. But God is leading me another way today. I don't know who this is for... maybe it's just for me only, but I will be obedient and post this wonderful story. So enjoy.


Some years ago on a hot summer day in south Florida a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.
His father working in the yard saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could.
Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.
Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved.

The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my dad wouldn't
let me go."

You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret while other's can be readily seen by all. But, some wounds, my friend, are there because God has refused to let you go. In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you.

The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget
that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms be very, very grateful. He did not and will not ever let you go.
So be grateful that you're still alive, though you may have scars, remember you could've been dead and gone.

Psalms 34:19
Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.


Rom 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, who have been called according to His purpose.

Is it me....???

Okay.. help me out people …Is it me…. or isn’t it a little weird to PROPOSE TO SOMEONE VIA EMAIL???? How do you ask someone to marry you via email?? WTH? What is that?? I’m confused. Help me out here. Please.

Okay so last Thursday I come to work in a pretty good mood. I had a good night’s rest. I got up happy and ready for my day. I get to my desk, turn on my computer…thinking about nothing much really. I go through my usual routine…sign onto my work email, then my Yahoo IM…and then go get milk from the cafeteria. So I come back, start checking my email and getting my cereal ready. I see that I have an Email from TD…which is a surprise because his emails are far and few between. So I’m like..huh… lemme see what TD talking about. Why do I open his mail and read this:

Whats up baby how are you? I miss you so much swayla swayla. I never thought i would miss you this much. Here is a question if i ask to marry you will you move to Texas? I've been thinking about it a lot lately and i want you here with me. There's nobody here that compares to you and I'm ready to settle down with you. I am coming home in November, so think about it. I will ask you officially when i get there. love you baby. one.

Alrighty… so as I’m cleaning up the spilled milk off my desk from the laughter and shock I had reading his email. I begin thinking… why on EARTH would he email me a question like that?? yeah… he said he’ll ask officially when he comes to visit his family here in Atlanta. But why the email? Why couldn’t he call? Or even just wait until he got here and bring it up face to face? I mean either way, the answer is no. Hmmm. Maybe that’s why he did it that way. He knew I’d be like "what? marriage? You and me? Hahaha." I guess even the confident ones hate looking like an idiot. But why would he want for us to get married anyways. I mean… I told you guys about the last time we were together right… (click here). It was wonderful! He seemed like he really changed. But that’s not enough for me to want to drop everything I’ve got going here and run to texas to marry him. And I’m sure he couldn’t possibly believe that one night made up for all the many things he put me through when we were together or for everything else I know about him. I mean I am not that desperate to get married. I’m not desperate at all actually. I know that there is someone out there better suited for me than him. I just don’t understand why he would want to settle down with me and we’ve been broken up for over a year now. It’s confusing.


Okay is it me… or do gay guys in the church LOVE to sing in the choir and shout as soon as they hear some fast music? I went to an album release concert & party Friday night with my friend Bo. He and I got there early so we got good seats. After about 15 minutes of us talking and clowning around, I begin to realize that there was a surplus of guys at this here concert. Then I began to realize they were all together… and feminine looking. I mean, these men were prettier than I was...and i don't consider myself an ug-mug at all!! They were all coupled up...but trying not to look coupled up. lol 2 will sit here... 4 there... 2 more a few rows back.. i was like what is really going on!!! I mean I have no problem with gay people… they cool with me…u do you... let me do me... however...if they ask me how i feel about the subject.. i'mma have to tell them what the Word says. Anywho... it was just crazy to look around and see so many of them up in church. I find that if one’s around.. then 498503843 are around. If the choir director or head musician is gay...then there's gonna be plenty in the choir. lol. They definitely stick together. Anywho… when the choirs got up to sing I realized why soooo many gay guys were in the audience. EVERY GUY up in those choirs were “sugary”. I thought it was funny. They really like singing. And lawd when that fast music came on…they were the only ones running around the church. It was interesting. Definitely a sight to see.


Is it me… or has Blackplanet been dishing out a surplus of Viagra notes? Everytime I log on… I have like 56784 notes with “Cheap Viagra” as the topic. I’m like… huh? Do I LOOK like I need Viagra?? Ugh!


Is it me… or is Resident Evil and Dawn of the Dead the same doggone movie??? I went to see Resident Evil with BG (whom I have yet to mention to you guys…and I don’t know when I will…but remember the initials) and I honestly had NO IDEA what it was gonna be about. I just wanted to see him and get out the house…so when he suggested it…I was like… Okay! But when I got there and the movie came on and everything.. I was like um… this is Dawn of the Dead. They had the same ole walking dead things that ate people and roamed the streets. So you’d think I wouldn’t be scared because I’ve “seen” this before. Ahhh.. wrong!! My behind was all up under BG…holding onto him as if my life depended on it. I closed my eyes a few times too. Those things looked gross. I guess I’m a little scary. lol.

Alright…well.. I need to get some work done. I guess I’ll write again later on this week. Gone.

"I want to know God's thoughts... the rest are details. " ~Einstein

Give thy thoughts no tongue ~ Shakespeare

I think a lot.

Everyone that has ever spent time with me knows that I often stare into space…thinking…wondering… imagining. The sad thing is that none of the things I think ever hardly connect with each other. They are totally random thoughts …just swimming around up there... only to be broken by an outside voice asking me... "Sway...what are you thinking about". I usually say a lot... and leave it at that. Theres no way i could even begin to discuss the 590823 things that run through my mind at any given second. But I guess today I just feel like sharing some of them.

*** I feel that the best part of event is the time leading up to it. I guess the suspense…anticipation…excitement of something can sometimes be so great that the actual “climax” of the situation is kinda overshadowed. Especially since I am a dreamer. My imaginations of how wonderful an event is going to be usually is way better than the actual event. I guess sometimes the thought of something is better than that actual something. And sometimes it’s not. Sometimes the event could be exactly how I imagined…but now it’s over and done with…and there’s nothing left to get excited about. It’s like, you think all day and all night about something…then once it’s here, it’s over very quickly (in comparison to how long it took to get here) and then it’s down hill from there. Like Christmas… we spend months preparing for this ONE DAY. Not to say Christmas isn’t a wonderful event because it is…but starting from thanksgiving…the spirit of Christmas is steadily building. It’s like…well for me and my family anyways, everyone is in a great mood. We’re reflecting on the birth of Jesus Christ our Savior and we’re remembering what He did for us. We’re extra sensitive to being kind and giving and etc… and its soooo great. But it seems like at MIDNIGHT on Christmas day…all the lights…and happiness and songs and hand holding etc.. is over. It’s done with.. There is no cool down. No tapered end. It’s just over… cold turkey. It’s like that with everything in my experience: Prom…. First kisses… First sexual encounter… College…Parties…etc. It doesn’t matter… it seems like you are all excited and hyped about it… dreaming of how it’s gonna be… preparing for it… waiting…anticipating… etc… then it comes… and then it’s over… who cares about prom after it’s over? There’s nothing left to look forward to. I guess I said all of this to say… I’m scared to get married. What if the best part of marriage is the time before it happens? Ya know... like the anticipation of meeting your husband...dating him and wondering if he'll ever propose and then having him propose and planning the wedding...then having the wedding and going on your honeymoon...? What if that's the best part? What if it’s all down hill from there? What if right now… the unknown...the uncertaincy…the anticipation of when, who, where, how… is the best part of my love life?

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. - Einstein

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***I really enjoyed the game last night…though staying up so late is really taking its toll on me right now. I didn’t know who to root for. I like them both equally. Besides the Falcons, the Vikings and Eagles are my two favorite teams. It was a pretty good game… except for the fact that Culpepper can seem to hold on to the ball during CRUCIAL times. I mean, you are what… 3 yards a way from a TD and you get RIGHT THERE TO THE LINE.. I mean RIGHT ON THE LINE.. and fumble. Ugh. I was kinda upset with him about that. I think they said he’s had 69 fumbles in 60 games. lol. That is retarded! lol. Oh well though.. I really didn’t care who won…so hey….Yeah Eagles. But to be honest, I guess I’m glad the Eagles won at home home because their fans be off da FRIGGIN CHAIN. Philly fans are interesting. They be so crunk.

"Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm"--Abraham Lincoln

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***I was looking at this show called The Potter’s House before work this morning and Bishop Jakes was talking to men about how to be men and the issues men face and etc. All I can say is… Bishop Jakes brought up a lot of issues men deal with and it really opened my eyes on men and what they go through and their mentality about things. I know you’re probably wondering why I was watching a men’s conference. Well…a few weeks ago they had a women conference where all the women talked about issues…and how to be a good wife and a mother without compromising who they are as individuals and wonderful powerful strong women. The women’s conference was powerful and I learned a lot from it, but I distinctly remember saying, “If only the men would listen to this, they would understand us so much better …” So when I saw that the men’s conference was coming this week… I decided that I would take my own advice and try to understand them. Now these were not just ANY men. These were powerful church leaders/figures…strong Christian men…fathers… husbands…CEO’s of powerful companies…etc. The men on the panel were men who knew some things. So they enlightened me on a lot of the issues men face. I mean, some of the things I already knew…but still they brought even more light to subjects I was aware of from jump. Example…

As babies and children, men are taught to suck it up. They may be bleeding from the head, but what does daddy say, “aw boy, you’ll be alright. Stop all that crying.” As children they are often told… be a man, be tough… don’t let them see you sweat… boys don’t cry…. keep it together…etc… And they grow up feeling as if showing their emotions or hurt or pain is wrong. Somehow if they “feel” things…they are now less of a man. They aren’t allowed to cry…they can’t talk about their feelings… yet we as women…expect them somehow to be sensitive creatures when they become our husbands or boyfriends. We expect them to tell us what’s wrong and pour their heart out to us. You can’t just undo what’s been done their entire lives. It takes time. There are years of holding back, holding in, channeling… trying to “keep it together” … working within him. I never thought about it quite like that. And then we catch attitudes when they don’t pour out their feelings like we do… and it seems that the only emotion that they can muster up is Anger. Their hurt and pain is surfaced through misplaced anger. I dunno… I can go on and on about that… Of course not ALL men are like that… but it was interesting to hear how strongly society shapes us and plays a major role in the people we are today.

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation"
- Oscar Wilde


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***The fall does interesting things to me. It’s almost like I can smell love in the air. I’ve always associated fall with the beginning of school (of course)… football…band…and love. Why love. I’m not sure. Spring is my favorite season…and it’s also when the MOST interesting things in my life has happened…good and bad, yet fall is when I reminisce about my life experiences. I began thinking about how happy I usually am around this time. I have good memories of walks in the park… wind blowing through my hair… kisses…hugs… whispers of “I love you”… it’s only in the fall I remember these things. And then I get extra mushy... and whomever I’m with at the time (if anyone) has to put up with me wanting to do all of these romantic things. lol. It stops after Christmas though.. lol. For some reason, the New Year calls for a new attitude. I don’t really do resolutions… but I do stop being all mushy and lovey dovey.
Well I guess we’ll see what wonderful exciting memories this Fall will bring me.

"Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition."-Alexander Smith

Are you ready for some football!!!!!!

Yesssss siiiiiirrrrrrr... it's official....

I WILL be GLUED to the tv this monday night for the showdown. It's goinz down..... two outta of my three alltime favorites will be playing each other. EAGLES vs. VIKINGS... McNabb vs. Culpepper. Moss... Owens... ahhh.. how wonderful!! Aren't you excited!! Oh.. well.. sorry. I was.

Anywho... I'll move on... but just know I'm SUPER CRUNK about this game.

No wait... I just gotta say one more thing about Football! ALL MY TEAMS WON sunday! Anyone that knows me know that I am completely crazy about the falcons and have been since what... Chris Miller was the QB. *lol* So I'm glad to see them whip up on the 49ers Sunday! It did my heart good. Yay!

Aight... moving on. I was just listening to that new Destiny's Child song. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. I mean, I like the band and all. I'm a sucker for some drums... whew lawd. I guess those days on Drum Core and Dance Team really hold a special place in my heart. But i dunno.. the beat sounded kinda off to me... bootleg even. I dunno. Maybe it'll grow on me.

I am soooooooo not excited about Hurricane Ivan. Ugh! I was supposed to be going to six flags friday night/saturday morning.. (Midnight on friday till 7am saturday) but now I dunno since I looked at the forcast for friday and it said heavy rains and winds. I'm not trying to be on the raggedy ole Scream Machine when Ivan is roaring his ugly head. So I'm not sure what's gonna happen with our six flags trip.

All I know is... I'm not trying to be on bed rest for 3 days like I was last year after riding the "Superman" ride. lol.

Anyways... i didn't really have much to say today.. and plus work has finally picked up at the ole office...so I'm not trying to write a novel today anyways...
Gone.

"Rules are made to be broken...but hearts are not." ~ Me

Chyno...Shaq...Beef...and Journeys

aight... i'm mad. the haters voted Chyno off. I'm ashamed to say that i watch this stupid show...but after I saw Chyno on there...i had to watch just to get a glimpse of the sexiness... look at him!! ---> (Chyno)<---- And this pic...doesn't even do him justice. Ole girl was mad when they voted him off to. *haha* The game ain't gonna be the same now. I prolly won't even watch that mess anymore. (prolly will *haha*)

Speakin of mess... WHY did I hear Shaq rappin again on the Ryan Cameron Morning show? Ugh. Some people should just stick to basketball. I mean, he isn't horrible...but still, I wasn't feelin it. Then of course they kept playing the part where he was talking about Kobe. I think he said something to the fact of Him being like Puffy and Kobe's like Mase. haaaaaaaaa. At any rate... i think all this beef is crazy. Kobe is Kobe... Shaq is Shaq... why we gotta compare? Why must there be beef.

Speakin of beef, I've been thinking alot lately about going back to my old tradition of not eating any red meat. I did it for about 8 years and I just realized that I was soooo fine back then. *haha* I was cut.. like whoa. Of course I didn't think that then, but looking back on my pics... I wasn't bad at all. I'm trying to get there again. I don't eat that much red meat now anyways..so it shouldn't really be that big of a deal. I'll let you know how that goes.

Speaking of going, I really think I'm going on a journey I wasn't expecting. Okay... I never meant for this blog to be a journal about my dating life... but it kinda is huh.. lol. *you better not agree... stop shaking your head yes... i mean it!* So now, I feel compelled to share my dating experiences here... which is weird because I don't feel compelled to share anything else in my life here...but anywho..i digress. Back to this journey.... I have a friend. His name will remain a secret until further notice. *lol* But this guy ...i'm not quite sure what to say about him. Before we met, he was an enemy. See...we went to rival schools. In fact... We still hate each other for that. *lol* But once we met... our souls found playmates. We immediately took a liking to each other... and i was at my silliest when i was around him. He became one of my best friends. It was amazing. He offered to be my "big brother"...and I was loving it. I felt comfortable around him. And in little time... he learned more about me than some of the people that have known me for years and years. I began to relax around him, because he saw my MANY MANY flaws... yet he still stayed around. I found it easy to open up to him and just be plain ole Sway... the chipper Sway, the silly Sway, the talkative Sway... just Sway. And there we were together... just crusin along... on parallel streets going no where in particular.
Then one day it changed. Just like that I looked at him and saw something ...different... unique. I didn't just see a big brother. anymore. I didn't just see someone who makes me laugh and who i can be completely goofy around without wondering if he's gonna stop talking to me. I saw Him for ALL he was... and it was both wonderful and scary. I looked down and realized that we weren't on parallel roads at all...we were on the same road...and it felt like we were cruisin because he was carrying me the entire time and i didn't even realize it. He carried me because I didn't realize what was going on.. until now... and now that I came to... i realize that we aren't crusin at all... we're moving at full speed towards the unknown. If i had realized earlier that we were on the same road, on the same journey...i would have prepared for it.
Maybe taking extra time to pack more love and more affection... more openness and more caution. I would have brought my entire heart, body and soul. Maybe left my insecurities and doubts at home. If I would have known he'd be here... I would have prepared better for the trip. I guess you can't plan everything. I guess that's a good thing. Because if i had known that this journey was gonna take place, I may have not taken it... and possibly missed out on one of the best journeys I've been on.

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science."
~ Albert Einstein

Over the weekend I've Realized that..

Friday

* Friends do make the best lovers. I won't go into much detail here... but friday I was reminded that affection, passion, love, etc... is so much better when you've gotten to know the person before stepping into anything "more". It's something special when someone knows you well enough to know your likes and dislikes... know what you'd think is romantic and special... know what you think and feel without you having to tell them. It's wonderful to share yourself with someone who already know how much you're worth and can appreciate the fact that you're willing to share you with them. I know I'm being vague... so jump to whatever conclusions you may (even though I'm sure you'll be wrong. lol) But I'm gonna leave this subject alone since the friend I'm referring to actually reads this blog quite frequently. (lol)


Saturday

* My cousin may be a good mother after all. I decided that I was tired of our current state of not talking and I knew because of the type of person my cousin is that she would NOT make the first move... so I called her up saturday just to see what she was doing. I was studying for my Sunday School class since I had to teach and I needed a break. When I called her, she said she was putting up Zoe's (her unborn babygirl) presents. She asked me if I'd come help, and eager for a change of scene and an excuse to stop studying, I told her I was on my way. My dad and I got into an interesting conversation before I left, so I didn't get to her house until about an hour and 15 minutes later. By that time, they were finished with the hard stuff but nevertheless she was glad to see me. Before all of the drama, my cousin and I were best friends and told each other everything... so of course we had soooo much to tell each other since we hadn't spoken over the last month or so. So we went out to get some food and chatted. She began talking about Mike (Zoe's Dad), and how the presence of Zoe has completely changed her outlook on him. Where at first, she was more concerned about getting pregnant to keep/trap him...she now realizes that Zoe's HER little one.. and that SHE's the most important thing in her life... not this trifflin brotha who has 4 kids by 4 women already and don't pay child support to any. She was finally talking like a woman who's priorities are in order. She's ready to be a mother and she's ready to give her little girl the love, care, and support she needs. Now the only thing left for her to do is get some income so that she can support this little bundle of joy.


Sunday

* I'm not as bad a teacher as I thought I was. I taught Sunday School for the first time this sunday. I've never thought of myself as the type of person that could get her point across enough to generate learning. (lol) I can learn things myself at a fast rate and I can understand things fully...but trying to teach others what you know to me is another ball game. So quite naturally, when I learned that I will be teaching sunday school for the month of Sept. to Young Adult ministers I immediately wanted to crawl in a hole and hibernate. But once Sunday morning came, God really proved Himself. I asked Him to help me and I asked Him to make sure that His words came out not mine. After class was over, BJ (one of my friends, but also a minister)... came to me and told me that he really enjoyed class and that he got answers to some of the things he'd been praying about while I was talking. It felt good to know that God can use me to bless others. I consider it the highest honor. At any rate... I realized that I'm not that bad of a teacher. :)

Monday

* I've embraced my singleness and have finally become content with "ME". I've always loved myself... so don't get the wrong idea. But for a long time, I just felt like I was happier when I was either in a relationship or surrounded by groups of people. I loved myself, but I wasn't comfortable with being by myself alot. I had this thing where I refused to eat by myself, treat myself out and etc.. I always wanted someone to go to a party or get together with me... I always wanted someone to go see a movie with me... I always wanted someone to go to a restaurant and eat with me... but for the last year or so, I've realized that those "someone's" will not always be there.... and I began to realize that I'm hindering myself from a lot of things I desire to do because I have this hang up about going with someone. So I started going to/doing the things that I wanted to do and I did them solo. I've realized I can have just as much fun at the movies by myself than I can with someone else. I can eat just fine alone... I can shop just fine alone. I don't have to wait for others to enjoy MY life. And as trivial as that seems, it was a big breakthrough for me. I'm good with who I am and I finally think I've become a whole person. I've embraced all aspects of me. The good and the bad. And I've learned to be okay with it. I realized this yesterday when I went to my best friend's house for a couple's party ALONE. (lol) It was strange because usually I would have felt uncomfortable, but I didn't. Everyone was married, engaged, or in a long committed type relationship with kids or living together...and etc... But not once did that trigger the usual feeling of loneliness and alone-ness (because those are different) that I have after those type of situations. So I'm growing. I'm becoming comfortable with me. I no longer NEED someone there to be happy. I make myself happy. And I like that.

* I AM as chipper as everyone says I am. Anyone that has ever met me will tell you that I can get really excited about absolutely nothing. I've been told that I'm just extremely chipper. I tried to deny it... but the more I meet people and the more I talk with people, the more I everyone comes to the conclusion that I'm just a really upbeat, chipper person. It's crazy because I never thought of myself this way. Here I am thinking that I'm a real laid back, easy going, individual... but apparently I'm wrong. So it's official... I am admitting on this day to myself that I AM CHIPPER. Yay! (*insert cartwheels, jumping jacks, and hand claps*)

Simple

Well I've had a wonderful month full of exciting things to share but I dunno... I haven't really felt like sharing it. I've noticed that everyone seems to be going through this "blogger block" phase where it seems as if the passion for writing that was once was is now no longer. I must say, I'm proud of myself for sticking to something THIS long. I guess there's a first time for everything.

My life is simple right now. For a while it wasn't. I never blogged much about the unfolding drama in my life over the last 2-3 months but it was definitely there. My drama was thick like Monique. I mean seriously... I was in some stuff. But it's amazing how things just... melted away. I'm in a state of peace...I'm happy.

My mother's 50th Birthday Party was a few weeks ago. I'll have a few pics up whenever I decide to take them to get developed. I'm not good with that. Usually by the time I get a roll of film developed, I have the slightest idea what's on them. *haha* Oh well...I'm sure that won't happen with this. My momma is gonna want to see her pictures. I must say, the party turned out better than I thought it would. My mom's a planner and she has to have everything perfect... which was driving me COMPLETELY INSANE!! I was like.. "mom, just play music and let em eat! Problem solved!" (which is why i'd never have a party for myself, my party would really suck. lol) But of course my mom wanted games and giveaways, and contests and etc etc... So we slaved over that.... but it turned out to be wonderful. I had sooo much fun. But I'm really glad all that's over. The planning was too extensive for my taste.

My cousin doesn't hate me after all... but she's still holding a grudge and I know it. I'm a punk so I went to her baby shower. I felt like Zoe Mikeya (which is what she plans to name her little girl. Don't ask!!) shouldn't have to suffer because her mother got issues. Zoe has enough problems already and she isn't even born. So I bought Zoe some things... and headed on to the lil baby shower. My cousin gave me a hug...but you know... she just wasn't her usual self with me. We used to be like two peas in a pod. But I guess I've been replaced. Her other pregnant cousin, MeMe, was there and she seemed to have taken my place. It's all good. They actually looked cute sitting there together all big-bellied and tired. *lol* I have pics from this too. I'll probably get them developed the same time I get the others developed and post them then.

Man, I'm in a writing mood today.. but nothing I wanna talk about has any thing to do with each other... so I'd just be all over the place... so maybe i'll just stretch it out over a few days. Hmmm... yeah that's what I'll do. Soooooooooo... be on the lookout for my ramblings. Yay!

"When the answer is simple, God is answering." ~Albert Einstein