Over the weekend I've Realized that..

Friday

* Friends do make the best lovers. I won't go into much detail here... but friday I was reminded that affection, passion, love, etc... is so much better when you've gotten to know the person before stepping into anything "more". It's something special when someone knows you well enough to know your likes and dislikes... know what you'd think is romantic and special... know what you think and feel without you having to tell them. It's wonderful to share yourself with someone who already know how much you're worth and can appreciate the fact that you're willing to share you with them. I know I'm being vague... so jump to whatever conclusions you may (even though I'm sure you'll be wrong. lol) But I'm gonna leave this subject alone since the friend I'm referring to actually reads this blog quite frequently. (lol)


Saturday

* My cousin may be a good mother after all. I decided that I was tired of our current state of not talking and I knew because of the type of person my cousin is that she would NOT make the first move... so I called her up saturday just to see what she was doing. I was studying for my Sunday School class since I had to teach and I needed a break. When I called her, she said she was putting up Zoe's (her unborn babygirl) presents. She asked me if I'd come help, and eager for a change of scene and an excuse to stop studying, I told her I was on my way. My dad and I got into an interesting conversation before I left, so I didn't get to her house until about an hour and 15 minutes later. By that time, they were finished with the hard stuff but nevertheless she was glad to see me. Before all of the drama, my cousin and I were best friends and told each other everything... so of course we had soooo much to tell each other since we hadn't spoken over the last month or so. So we went out to get some food and chatted. She began talking about Mike (Zoe's Dad), and how the presence of Zoe has completely changed her outlook on him. Where at first, she was more concerned about getting pregnant to keep/trap him...she now realizes that Zoe's HER little one.. and that SHE's the most important thing in her life... not this trifflin brotha who has 4 kids by 4 women already and don't pay child support to any. She was finally talking like a woman who's priorities are in order. She's ready to be a mother and she's ready to give her little girl the love, care, and support she needs. Now the only thing left for her to do is get some income so that she can support this little bundle of joy.


Sunday

* I'm not as bad a teacher as I thought I was. I taught Sunday School for the first time this sunday. I've never thought of myself as the type of person that could get her point across enough to generate learning. (lol) I can learn things myself at a fast rate and I can understand things fully...but trying to teach others what you know to me is another ball game. So quite naturally, when I learned that I will be teaching sunday school for the month of Sept. to Young Adult ministers I immediately wanted to crawl in a hole and hibernate. But once Sunday morning came, God really proved Himself. I asked Him to help me and I asked Him to make sure that His words came out not mine. After class was over, BJ (one of my friends, but also a minister)... came to me and told me that he really enjoyed class and that he got answers to some of the things he'd been praying about while I was talking. It felt good to know that God can use me to bless others. I consider it the highest honor. At any rate... I realized that I'm not that bad of a teacher. :)

Monday

* I've embraced my singleness and have finally become content with "ME". I've always loved myself... so don't get the wrong idea. But for a long time, I just felt like I was happier when I was either in a relationship or surrounded by groups of people. I loved myself, but I wasn't comfortable with being by myself alot. I had this thing where I refused to eat by myself, treat myself out and etc.. I always wanted someone to go to a party or get together with me... I always wanted someone to go see a movie with me... I always wanted someone to go to a restaurant and eat with me... but for the last year or so, I've realized that those "someone's" will not always be there.... and I began to realize that I'm hindering myself from a lot of things I desire to do because I have this hang up about going with someone. So I started going to/doing the things that I wanted to do and I did them solo. I've realized I can have just as much fun at the movies by myself than I can with someone else. I can eat just fine alone... I can shop just fine alone. I don't have to wait for others to enjoy MY life. And as trivial as that seems, it was a big breakthrough for me. I'm good with who I am and I finally think I've become a whole person. I've embraced all aspects of me. The good and the bad. And I've learned to be okay with it. I realized this yesterday when I went to my best friend's house for a couple's party ALONE. (lol) It was strange because usually I would have felt uncomfortable, but I didn't. Everyone was married, engaged, or in a long committed type relationship with kids or living together...and etc... But not once did that trigger the usual feeling of loneliness and alone-ness (because those are different) that I have after those type of situations. So I'm growing. I'm becoming comfortable with me. I no longer NEED someone there to be happy. I make myself happy. And I like that.

* I AM as chipper as everyone says I am. Anyone that has ever met me will tell you that I can get really excited about absolutely nothing. I've been told that I'm just extremely chipper. I tried to deny it... but the more I meet people and the more I talk with people, the more I everyone comes to the conclusion that I'm just a really upbeat, chipper person. It's crazy because I never thought of myself this way. Here I am thinking that I'm a real laid back, easy going, individual... but apparently I'm wrong. So it's official... I am admitting on this day to myself that I AM CHIPPER. Yay! (*insert cartwheels, jumping jacks, and hand claps*)