So today is hump day and I’m feeling pretty good. Despite this big gash I somehow acquired on my hand this morning, I’m feeling wonderful. I’m still trying to figure out how I cut myself today. All I remember is, I was turning onto I-20 at Wesley Chapel this morning and I saw blood trickling down my right hand. It was kinda scary because it caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting to look down and see blood. So I got a paper towel out the glove compartment and wrapped it around my knuckles to stop the bleeding until I got to work and got a chance to put some antiseptic on it. *looking at my hand now* It still looks kinda bad, like I got in a street fight or something. What’s really working my noodle now is HOW could I get such a bad cut and not remember it? My mind MUST have really been focusing on something crazy.
I think I was trying to figure out my dream from last night. I’m one of those people that actually try to find meanings in my dreams. Honestly, most of the dreams I vividly remember are so disturbing and clear that they need no interpretation. But this one, well some of the details are kinda sketchy however, I’ll try my best to interpret the part I was thinking about this morning.
I was writing yesterday about the “journey” that has just ended in my life. Well this “journey” was with a nice person I’ve affectionately called “BG”. BG and I have been kicking it for a little over 2 months now and while I thought that there may have been more of a future than just these last 2 months….it was recently confirmed that our ride pretty much stops here at the friendship level. Hurt… a little, disappointed…yes, mad... not at all. But I think the fact that this entire confusing situation between us has been on my mind lately... is the reason for my dream.
My dream started with (well let’s just say this is the first thing I remember) me driving at like 95mph on a dark street towards BG’s house. I had tears in my eyes and I was having this really funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was determined to get to him. The closer I got to his house, the more my foot became like lead on the gas pedal. I don’t remember getting to his house or going in really, but I remember being in his foyer and hearing his voice talking with some female. I became more nervous because it was 11pm and I hadn’t told him I was coming over. I turn the corner and see him with his back turned towards me in the kitchen. He was still talking to her, and though she was right there, I couldn’t see her because she was blurry. Within 2 seconds of me entering the kitchen, he turns around and slightly jumps because he wasn’t expecting to see me standing in his kitchen, unannounced, at 11pm with tears in my eyes. After his initial surprise, he suddenly grew angry. I guess because he realized the reality of the situation. So he said “What are you doing here? Why didn’t you call fir…” and before he could finish “going off” on me, the tears that had welled up in my eyes began to fall. I knew I was wrong for just “showing up”…but I didn’t want the first words out of his mouth to be so negative. A simple, “Are you okay” or “what’s going on, what’s wrong” would have sufficed and eased the knots in my stomach. But he wasn’t really concerned with that. He, with good reason, wanted to know why I was there and hadn’t knocked, or called, or anything. I couldn’t talk. Well I tried, but nothing came out but tears… and in between sobs I ran to him and hugged him tight and said that “I just needed a hug… and you were the only one I knew that can hug me and make me feel safe” So I stayed there with my arms wrapped around his waist and my head pressed against his chest so tightly I could hear the blood circulating in and out of his heart. But he didn’t hug me back. I cried and I held him, but he just stood there… looking at her. The blur in the corner. I can’t remember if he finally hugged me back or not…but that part of my dream really got to me. BG and I are friends. Good friends honestly. Even though the “relationship” part of our journey is over, I still see him as one of my closest friends. So, WHY would I just barge over to his place like that? In real life, I’d never just drop over someone’s house like that. ESPECIALLY not at no 11pm. Shoot… aint no telling who’s up in there and what they’re doing. And WHY wouldn’t he hug me back? Even if he WAS mad at me, as a friend, why wouldn’t he just hug me back…especially after seeing what kinda state I was in. Another thing that bothered me that he was the only one I felt I could call on to ease my anxiety. All these friends I supposedly have, why was he the only person I could get a hug from? I really wanna know what this dream is about. Any takers? I dunno ya’ll .. I told you… sometimes I be taking this dream thing to a WHOLE nother level. lol I almost asked BG about it this morning…like it really happened or something. lol I guess it really got to me this morning to the point that I darn near chopped my hand off and didn’t even know it. lol.
Oohh… man, lemme tell you about what happened to me yesterday! *holding my head down and shaking it* Ugh this is so freakin embarrassing. Aight... *sigh* I go to LA fitness about 3-4 times a week after work, right. So on Tuesdays, I go to the Cardio Kickboxing class, which is pretty fun…and it gives me a great workout. There’s this little short stalky black guy named Ricardo that usually teaches it. Well yesterday he was out so we had a sub, who apparently didn’t get the memo that this was KICKBOXING class not JUMPING JACKS, JUMPING ROPE, AND RUNNING class. So she’s running in the classroom talking about “okay class, lets do 480684383 jumping jacks after we jump rope for 34938437 minutes.” So you know, I’m like, aight, honestly all this jumping isn’t really for me. So I’m frowning up and shifting my weight from one leg to the other trying to figure out how I’m gonna do all that for the next hour and 15 minutes.
sidenote:For those of you all that have actually SEEN my physical makeup you would agree that me jumping up and down could cause me to accidentally punch my own eye out. (lol)
Anywho… Sway doesn’t run, she doesn’t do jumping jacks, and she doesn’t jump rope… even though she likes to …she just CAN’T. (you know it’s serious when I began talking about myself in 3rd person. lol) But err… *looking around* yesterday, um... I was feeling a little intimidated by all these people hopping all around me like it wasn’t NOTHING and it was very EVIDENT that I would stand out if I didn’t just go along with the routine. So I began doing my jumping jacks. *BIG MISTAKE* At first, I’d stop after about 10 of them and hurriedly adjust my sports bras to contain “all of me”. Then I’d continue on. The jump roping and running part was not as bad as the jumping jacks. Even though I looked like a COMPLETE RETARD trying to run in place with my hands all close to both sides of my chest, it actually did help stop all of the “extra movement”. So about 10 minutes before class is over, I’m feeling pretty good about making it that far through the workout and I was also tired from all that jumping, so I began to let my guard down a little. Well we’re running and my hands are suddenly dropping a little lower and the extra movement began to start. So I stop running. Simple right? Well she was like.. “okay… last set of jumping jacks lets goooooooo”… so after my quick breather from running and a fast glance at the clock I figure, okay, I’m on home stretch now. I’m gonna give it all I got. So there I was, jumping high, working it out. When all of a sudden, “plop” …my goodies decide that they didn’t want to stay in the jar any more. The right one just decided it needed some air and without my permission , it went on ahead and let itself out. I was SOOOOO friggin embarrassed!! It came out mid air and by the time I landed on the floor and it came crashing down too, I had the most terrified look on my face. So I bent over really fast, put the baby back in its crib, force two quick coughs (hoping people thought I just bent over cuz I had to cough)… and turned around and left class. I have no idea if anyone saw…but the 3 of the 4 walls in the class are mirrors and the 4th surface is the window and glass door to rest of the gym. So there was NO hiding. lol.. Ugh.. I’m going back tonight. I think I need a wig and some shades or something just in case someone saw me. lol. I definitely don’t wanna be know as the flasher.
Oh well.. it happens I guess. I’ve learned my lesson. Lol. Alright I’ve rambled enough. I gotta get back to working. Gone.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
LIFE
Life amuses me. It's amazing how simple words, gestures, and thoughts at any given time on any given day can completely change your life.
Lately I've been having those life changing words, gestures and thoughts. I would say for the last week or so, I really haven't been my usual self. I mentioned briefly yesterday about the emotional roller coaster i've been on. It's been along time coming. I spoke of going on a journey in this post... and honestly, i think this ride has finally come to an end.
I think I got on this coaster knowing that it would be over way before I was ready for it to... but I was too excited about the ride to NOT get on it, and to excited to worry about all of "side effects". So I got on, and I enjoyed every minute of the ride, except for the jerky ending... it kinda hurt...but now that the ride has stopped...and i have to exit... well, it's kinda left me sad. I knew it would, but I had to ride it anyways. At least I can look back and reminisce on how wonderful I felt while zooming so high above the trees. I'm grateful for that. And I'm now ready to move on.
Oh.... totally off of that subject but, what on EARTH was this lady thinking about:
Teacher Jailed After Fistfight With Pupil's Mother : Parent Ends Up in Emergency Room MACON, Ga. (Oct. 22) - A teacher-parent brawl in front of 19 fourth-grade pupils sent a mother to the emergency room and the teacher to jail. Teacher Katrina Ann Rucker, 30, is charged with battery and cruelty to children for allegedly beating a parent who tried to retrieve her daughter's book bag. According to police interviews, parent Lurella Amica went to Bruce-Weir Elementary School Thursday morning to deliver a note to her 9-year-old daughter. At the classroom door, the girl told her mother that Rucker had thrown her bag in the trash can, the report stated. Amica entered the classroom and tried to get the book bag, but Rucker grabbed for it and the two struggled, the report said. After Amica wrestled the bag away, police say Rucker picked up a chair and hit her in the back, knocking Amica to the floor. Rucker then began punching Amica in the face and body. During the fight, the girl was reportedly crying for her teacher to stop hitting her mother and ran up to them. Rucker then allegedly hit the child, pulled her hair and pushed her out of the way before starting to strike the mother again. Rucker dragged Amica by the hair outside the classroom, according to the report. "A school administrator and another teacher had to pull the teacher off the mother," Macon police spokeswoman Melanie Hofmann said. In Rucker's account of the story, she said Amica hit her hand during the initial struggle, Hofmann said. "The teacher said she was defending herself because she gets a shot in that hand and it hurt," Hofmann said. Amica was in stable condition in the emergency room of The Medical Center of Central Georgia late Thursday night. Rucker was placed on administrative leave. Sylvia McGee, Bibb County's deputy superintendent, said school staff called the parent or guardian of each child in the class. Social workers counseled students, and only Amica's daughter left school early...
Okay it isn't the entire story...but you get the point. I was so confused after reading this ish. I mean WHAT was she thinking about? In front of the children?? What is up with that? I mean, What was in that back pack that was worth fighting over? That article blew my mind. Ole teach was "bout it". I bet NOBODY gonna ever talk back to her in a teacher-parent conference again. lol
Anywho... I think i need to do an "Updates" post. I have been so caught up with work. I haven't really got a chance to keep you informed with the happenings. Lemme see... so i won't forget... i'm gonna give you a rundown of what i need to tell ya'll about....i'll link them so you can remember a little somethin somethin about what i've previously said about them. lol
* AM- i know i haven't talked about him since what... july? lol
* RH and
*my first love, Gerard, a guy named Talvis, and KS (which are all in the same post.)
and some new stuff...
* My best friend, Biah
* My crazy neighbors
* the little boy in my neighborhood that got ran over and
* the co-worker who has FINALLY worked my LAST nerve
Ps.. Oh yeah... and i posted a few pics from my momma's 50th birthday party...along with my cousin a few weeks before delivering Zoe. I still gotta get pictures of Zoe. For some reason all the pics I took of her already came out so blurry you couldn't really see anything. So go go my pics page. Enjoy.
*and um... and i am REALLY dissapointed in my Falcons getting SPANKED like that sunday. *wiping away tears*
Lately I've been having those life changing words, gestures and thoughts. I would say for the last week or so, I really haven't been my usual self. I mentioned briefly yesterday about the emotional roller coaster i've been on. It's been along time coming. I spoke of going on a journey in this post... and honestly, i think this ride has finally come to an end.
I think I got on this coaster knowing that it would be over way before I was ready for it to... but I was too excited about the ride to NOT get on it, and to excited to worry about all of "side effects". So I got on, and I enjoyed every minute of the ride, except for the jerky ending... it kinda hurt...but now that the ride has stopped...and i have to exit... well, it's kinda left me sad. I knew it would, but I had to ride it anyways. At least I can look back and reminisce on how wonderful I felt while zooming so high above the trees. I'm grateful for that. And I'm now ready to move on.
Oh.... totally off of that subject but, what on EARTH was this lady thinking about:
Teacher Jailed After Fistfight With Pupil's Mother : Parent Ends Up in Emergency Room MACON, Ga. (Oct. 22) - A teacher-parent brawl in front of 19 fourth-grade pupils sent a mother to the emergency room and the teacher to jail. Teacher Katrina Ann Rucker, 30, is charged with battery and cruelty to children for allegedly beating a parent who tried to retrieve her daughter's book bag. According to police interviews, parent Lurella Amica went to Bruce-Weir Elementary School Thursday morning to deliver a note to her 9-year-old daughter. At the classroom door, the girl told her mother that Rucker had thrown her bag in the trash can, the report stated. Amica entered the classroom and tried to get the book bag, but Rucker grabbed for it and the two struggled, the report said. After Amica wrestled the bag away, police say Rucker picked up a chair and hit her in the back, knocking Amica to the floor. Rucker then began punching Amica in the face and body. During the fight, the girl was reportedly crying for her teacher to stop hitting her mother and ran up to them. Rucker then allegedly hit the child, pulled her hair and pushed her out of the way before starting to strike the mother again. Rucker dragged Amica by the hair outside the classroom, according to the report. "A school administrator and another teacher had to pull the teacher off the mother," Macon police spokeswoman Melanie Hofmann said. In Rucker's account of the story, she said Amica hit her hand during the initial struggle, Hofmann said. "The teacher said she was defending herself because she gets a shot in that hand and it hurt," Hofmann said. Amica was in stable condition in the emergency room of The Medical Center of Central Georgia late Thursday night. Rucker was placed on administrative leave. Sylvia McGee, Bibb County's deputy superintendent, said school staff called the parent or guardian of each child in the class. Social workers counseled students, and only Amica's daughter left school early...
Okay it isn't the entire story...but you get the point. I was so confused after reading this ish. I mean WHAT was she thinking about? In front of the children?? What is up with that? I mean, What was in that back pack that was worth fighting over? That article blew my mind. Ole teach was "bout it". I bet NOBODY gonna ever talk back to her in a teacher-parent conference again. lol
Anywho... I think i need to do an "Updates" post. I have been so caught up with work. I haven't really got a chance to keep you informed with the happenings. Lemme see... so i won't forget... i'm gonna give you a rundown of what i need to tell ya'll about....i'll link them so you can remember a little somethin somethin about what i've previously said about them. lol
* AM- i know i haven't talked about him since what... july? lol
* RH and
*my first love, Gerard, a guy named Talvis, and KS (which are all in the same post.)
and some new stuff...
* My best friend, Biah
* My crazy neighbors
* the little boy in my neighborhood that got ran over and
* the co-worker who has FINALLY worked my LAST nerve
Ps.. Oh yeah... and i posted a few pics from my momma's 50th birthday party...along with my cousin a few weeks before delivering Zoe. I still gotta get pictures of Zoe. For some reason all the pics I took of her already came out so blurry you couldn't really see anything. So go go my pics page. Enjoy.
*and um... and i am REALLY dissapointed in my Falcons getting SPANKED like that sunday. *wiping away tears*
Monday, October 25, 2004
Starting Fresh
Um...why are there foot prints on my desk?
I come in today and I plop my things on my desk and I realize that there are footprints ON my desk. Not just one either. It looks like the janitors or somebody just went to ragtopping on my desk! I'm like, wth? I'm going over to other co-workers desks and seeing if I see any Brogain marks on their desk. Nope just mine. What's that about? I'm just really irritated about this seeing how I made SURE I cleaned my officle really really good last friday so that I could come back to a calm, clean environment. I mean, my whole purpose for cleaning it this well was to come back to something positive. Ugh. *sigh* Oh well. Guess I can't control everything huh?
Anywho.... moving on.....my weekend was rather uneventful to the natural eye...but I tell you.....ya girl has been on an emotional rollercoaster for real. I was NOT expecting to go through that many emotions last week. I mean, I tired myself out really. I spent most of the week and weekend trying to sort through these sudden feelings and emotions about various things. Fortunately for me, halfway into my "self-analysis" I was interrupted by my best friend and her problems and floods of emotion. Which helped get my mind off of me. I'm very happy about that because, after dealing with her problems all weekend. I began to realize, hey, I'm good. So I'm feeling great today! I'm thankful for a new day, a new week, and a positive attitude to start it all of with. I have alot I want to write about, but I GOTTA get the morning work out of the way. So I will finish a little later.
I come in today and I plop my things on my desk and I realize that there are footprints ON my desk. Not just one either. It looks like the janitors or somebody just went to ragtopping on my desk! I'm like, wth? I'm going over to other co-workers desks and seeing if I see any Brogain marks on their desk. Nope just mine. What's that about? I'm just really irritated about this seeing how I made SURE I cleaned my officle really really good last friday so that I could come back to a calm, clean environment. I mean, my whole purpose for cleaning it this well was to come back to something positive. Ugh. *sigh* Oh well. Guess I can't control everything huh?
Anywho.... moving on.....my weekend was rather uneventful to the natural eye...but I tell you.....ya girl has been on an emotional rollercoaster for real. I was NOT expecting to go through that many emotions last week. I mean, I tired myself out really. I spent most of the week and weekend trying to sort through these sudden feelings and emotions about various things. Fortunately for me, halfway into my "self-analysis" I was interrupted by my best friend and her problems and floods of emotion. Which helped get my mind off of me. I'm very happy about that because, after dealing with her problems all weekend. I began to realize, hey, I'm good. So I'm feeling great today! I'm thankful for a new day, a new week, and a positive attitude to start it all of with. I have alot I want to write about, but I GOTTA get the morning work out of the way. So I will finish a little later.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Feeling Funny
I guess I am a moody person. Most people don't see the changes. I guess only those people who are extremely close to me do I feel comfortable enough with to truly let my guard down around. To be honest, it's about 3 people in this world right now that I can say fits that bill. And only 1 person that I can think of to date that have seen all sides of me, and that person isn't even in my family.
I guess it's because I'm always so happy, and free-spirited, and chipper, so most people would never imagine that I have problems, or get depressed. They can't fathom that I have been through some difficult situations. They don't see the pain inside. I guess I like it that way. I never want to be thought of as melancholy. Yet on the flipside, it kind of irks me when there IS something bothering me, but I can't let it out because everyone EXPECTS Sway to be in good spirits at all times.
Don't worry, I'm not depressed or anything now. It's just that lately I've been thinking alot about the people in my life and how some of them really stiffle me as a person. I don't mind being put in a box...what i do mind is when you label that box wrong... or when the box isn't big enough to contain me. I think it's time for me to do some cleaning. I really need to rid myself of some of the people I associate with. I don't mind people looking to me for an ego stroke, or an encouraging word, or a listening ear... Lord knows that's my calling. lol. I've been told by many many people that I have a extraordinary gift of making people feel special. (though sometimes it has gotten me in some major trouble) But what happens when the ego stroker/word giver/listening ear needs a listening ear/a word given/a stroked ego? It's amazing how there's no one around to reciprocate the things you give. I have a lot of love and energy inside that's bursting to come out, but i've realized that freely giving without any receiving makes for a "burnt out" individual. I'm starting to feel that burn out. I'm starting to feel the effects of pouring my life's energy into everyone, but not ever getting that energy back. It's like... i dunno.. like spending a millionaire's outcome with a McDonald's income. Who does that? Who would go spend $1000 a night to sleep in a hotel when they only make $300 a week? I've realized, that's pretty much what i've been doing with myself...i've been giving myself away and not receiving nothing comparable to what i've given. So as of today, I'm going to start gently removing the leeches from my person. Everyone that sucks the life out of me, i will no longer be available to. I need to stay around people who will help build me up. Positive people... people who can speak life into me. Hopefully this time next month, I can happily say that my life is purified of all those who don't add to me in some way.
I guess it's because I'm always so happy, and free-spirited, and chipper, so most people would never imagine that I have problems, or get depressed. They can't fathom that I have been through some difficult situations. They don't see the pain inside. I guess I like it that way. I never want to be thought of as melancholy. Yet on the flipside, it kind of irks me when there IS something bothering me, but I can't let it out because everyone EXPECTS Sway to be in good spirits at all times.
Don't worry, I'm not depressed or anything now. It's just that lately I've been thinking alot about the people in my life and how some of them really stiffle me as a person. I don't mind being put in a box...what i do mind is when you label that box wrong... or when the box isn't big enough to contain me. I think it's time for me to do some cleaning. I really need to rid myself of some of the people I associate with. I don't mind people looking to me for an ego stroke, or an encouraging word, or a listening ear... Lord knows that's my calling. lol. I've been told by many many people that I have a extraordinary gift of making people feel special. (though sometimes it has gotten me in some major trouble) But what happens when the ego stroker/word giver/listening ear needs a listening ear/a word given/a stroked ego? It's amazing how there's no one around to reciprocate the things you give. I have a lot of love and energy inside that's bursting to come out, but i've realized that freely giving without any receiving makes for a "burnt out" individual. I'm starting to feel that burn out. I'm starting to feel the effects of pouring my life's energy into everyone, but not ever getting that energy back. It's like... i dunno.. like spending a millionaire's outcome with a McDonald's income. Who does that? Who would go spend $1000 a night to sleep in a hotel when they only make $300 a week? I've realized, that's pretty much what i've been doing with myself...i've been giving myself away and not receiving nothing comparable to what i've given. So as of today, I'm going to start gently removing the leeches from my person. Everyone that sucks the life out of me, i will no longer be available to. I need to stay around people who will help build me up. Positive people... people who can speak life into me. Hopefully this time next month, I can happily say that my life is purified of all those who don't add to me in some way.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
When the cat's away...the mice will play..
My boss isn't here today. *jumping up and down with glee*
So I get to pitter pat on the keyboard for a little while before heading back to meeting deadlines. lol.. It's so much easier to take a break and blog when you don't have "Boss of the Century" breathin down your neck all day. So i figured I'd just ramble a little today because well... because i can. Actually I got a few things I wanna say...I hope the person in this first story doesn't get offended cuz I'm about to put him on blast. lol
I don’t get to meet very many new people these days. It seems that work, the gym, church, and home are the only four places I EVER go. lol. That isn’t really a good thing for a single woman who loves to meet new and exciting people. So you must understand my excitement when I say that I met one of the sweetest, warmest people yesterday evening while I was doing what I do and it’s funny because I met him first through blogging. :)
When I stared this blog last November, I never thought I’d have actual viewers/readers. I didn’t really know anything about the wonderful world of blogging. I knew nothing of blog circles...and having dailies that you link on the side... or comments sections... lol All I knew is that I needed an outlet and this was a wonderful way to start. I never thought I’d keep it up because honestly, I’m really bad at sticking to things. But lo and behold… I’ve found a passion… blogging is wonderful. So as the months flew by, I began to see how much of a community this really is. I feel like I know some people here better than I do at work… or even at church.
Speaking of church… that’s where my “online friend” and I met. He surprised me by showing up to Bible Study last night. And the funny thing about it is that I plopped right down in the pew behind him and had no clue that it was him. lol. In person, he’s just as warm and illuminating as he is on his blog. That’s a great quality you know, to be able to come across so wonderful and warm in all situations and circumstances. He finally told me who he was after a good 30-45 minutes of us sitting in such close proximity to each other. He was like “~~Sway~~?” And I looked puzzled probably for a minute or two (or three..lol), because I was trying to figure out if I was supposed to know who he was or not. I mean, he obviously knew me… and called my entire first name out... so I felt really bad for not knowing him. Of course he put me out of my misery by smiling and introducing himself…. “I’m KJD”.
It’s definitely good to finally put a face and voice with the inspirational words I read on a daily basis. I really enjoyed the chat we had after church. Unfortunately I was kinda trying to get out of there because... well... um... ya’ll remember I told you about the “matchmakers” at my church… well they were swarming around and they looked as if they were gonna start asking questions and I definitely didn’t want to put either him OR meyself in an embarrassing situation. lol I finally got them to leave the whole "Bimp" situation alone... so I don't wanna have them plotting and scheming again. lol. Anywho.. thanks KJD, it was truly an honor to meet you.
Moving on to other news…
I will be singing backup for a new and upcoming artist this Saturday at 5:30 in Stonecrest Mall. She and I have worked on numerous projects together in the past, and since she’s decided to go to the next level I her career, I decided to fully support her in whatever way I can. Her name is Janae and she is a wonderful, powerful singer. Here's one of her songs (click here) If you’re in the Atlanta area and have nothing else to do Saturday around that time... please come out and hear us aight! Yup!
Oh… and what’s up with this up Lloyd Banks thing? The first time I heard about it was yesterday through Grayse. Let’s just say that I WASN'T expecting to see what I saw. After my shock.. I just HAD to ask someone else about it.. (okay well some would probably say I just had to TELL someone else about it…but that’s neither here nor there. lol) So I decided to see what BG had to say about it since we were already in mid-IM. So I forwarded the link and of course BG, (who knows everything *insert eye roll* lol) was like… “that’s not Lloyd.. it’s this guy . Either way.. I think it’s so friggin nasty.
In fact.. I just lost my appetite… and that’s not good since I just gave blood and I NEED to eat something. Anywho.. I gotta get back to my day.. I think I did enough rambling. Gone.
" Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. "
~Psalm 3:74
So I get to pitter pat on the keyboard for a little while before heading back to meeting deadlines. lol.. It's so much easier to take a break and blog when you don't have "Boss of the Century" breathin down your neck all day. So i figured I'd just ramble a little today because well... because i can. Actually I got a few things I wanna say...I hope the person in this first story doesn't get offended cuz I'm about to put him on blast. lol
I don’t get to meet very many new people these days. It seems that work, the gym, church, and home are the only four places I EVER go. lol. That isn’t really a good thing for a single woman who loves to meet new and exciting people. So you must understand my excitement when I say that I met one of the sweetest, warmest people yesterday evening while I was doing what I do and it’s funny because I met him first through blogging. :)
When I stared this blog last November, I never thought I’d have actual viewers/readers. I didn’t really know anything about the wonderful world of blogging. I knew nothing of blog circles...and having dailies that you link on the side... or comments sections... lol All I knew is that I needed an outlet and this was a wonderful way to start. I never thought I’d keep it up because honestly, I’m really bad at sticking to things. But lo and behold… I’ve found a passion… blogging is wonderful. So as the months flew by, I began to see how much of a community this really is. I feel like I know some people here better than I do at work… or even at church.
Speaking of church… that’s where my “online friend” and I met. He surprised me by showing up to Bible Study last night. And the funny thing about it is that I plopped right down in the pew behind him and had no clue that it was him. lol. In person, he’s just as warm and illuminating as he is on his blog. That’s a great quality you know, to be able to come across so wonderful and warm in all situations and circumstances. He finally told me who he was after a good 30-45 minutes of us sitting in such close proximity to each other. He was like “~~Sway~~?” And I looked puzzled probably for a minute or two (or three..lol), because I was trying to figure out if I was supposed to know who he was or not. I mean, he obviously knew me… and called my entire first name out... so I felt really bad for not knowing him. Of course he put me out of my misery by smiling and introducing himself…. “I’m KJD”.
It’s definitely good to finally put a face and voice with the inspirational words I read on a daily basis. I really enjoyed the chat we had after church. Unfortunately I was kinda trying to get out of there because... well... um... ya’ll remember I told you about the “matchmakers” at my church… well they were swarming around and they looked as if they were gonna start asking questions and I definitely didn’t want to put either him OR meyself in an embarrassing situation. lol I finally got them to leave the whole "Bimp" situation alone... so I don't wanna have them plotting and scheming again. lol. Anywho.. thanks KJD, it was truly an honor to meet you.
Moving on to other news…
I will be singing backup for a new and upcoming artist this Saturday at 5:30 in Stonecrest Mall. She and I have worked on numerous projects together in the past, and since she’s decided to go to the next level I her career, I decided to fully support her in whatever way I can. Her name is Janae and she is a wonderful, powerful singer. Here's one of her songs (click here) If you’re in the Atlanta area and have nothing else to do Saturday around that time... please come out and hear us aight! Yup!
Oh… and what’s up with this up Lloyd Banks thing? The first time I heard about it was yesterday through Grayse. Let’s just say that I WASN'T expecting to see what I saw. After my shock.. I just HAD to ask someone else about it.. (okay well some would probably say I just had to TELL someone else about it…but that’s neither here nor there. lol) So I decided to see what BG had to say about it since we were already in mid-IM. So I forwarded the link and of course BG, (who knows everything *insert eye roll* lol) was like… “that’s not Lloyd.. it’s this guy . Either way.. I think it’s so friggin nasty.
In fact.. I just lost my appetite… and that’s not good since I just gave blood and I NEED to eat something. Anywho.. I gotta get back to my day.. I think I did enough rambling. Gone.
" Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. "
~Psalm 3:74
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
I really....
miss writing. Though I don’t consider myself a writer even in the smallest sense of the word… I have grown attached to this blogging thing. It helps me on so many levels. And as work has increased, so has my social life and many other exciting events that I’m sure I’ve failed to mention. Plus I still haven’t posted pictures of my mom’s 50th birthday celebration… or my cousin’s baby shower. Oh yeah… my cousin finally had Zoe! Yup. A beautiful baby girl…with a HEAD full of silky straight HAIR. My goodness that girl is so pretty. I took pictures of them both last week. (She was born Oct. 1st) Sooooo I’m trying to be good and get those developed too. I am the WORST at getting some pictures developed. Lol. It’s ridiculous really. Lol. Saturday, I took 4 rolls to be developed. I had NO IDEA what was on two of those rolls..lol. They are probably from last year.. or maybe even the year before. *shaking head and looking shame-faced* But yeah, that’s something I’m working on. *sigh* Anywho… I HOPE to have all of those pics up within the next two weeks. Ya’ll hold me to it okay??
Well hmmm…where should I start. I dunno. Hmm... let’s go back to a few weekends ago when BG and I went to Jekyll Island. Yes we went to a beach in October! It was wonderful. Less people, more beach for us. I must say, I enjoyed myself. BG and I headed down Friday night for what was one of the best road trips ever. I had gummy bears… which are my version of “Scooby snacks” So I was pretty Amp’d the whole ride down. BG is GREAT for driving all the way down and back. Man, I was glad that I didn’t have to drive. *letting out a big whew!* And BG’s definitely great company!! lol We sung, danced, and laughed all the way down. It was cool. Our room was wonderful. We had a Jacuzzi in our room that could fit 4 people in it! You KNOW I had to get up in that. I wish I could go back just for the Jacuzzi experience. Lol. The room was an ocean front room, which I LOVED… so when I woke up in the mornings, I’d just go over to the window and look at the ocean. It was very relaxing. We really didn’t have an agenda. We just wanted to g e t a w a y… and it was a wonderful weekend getaway if I do say so myself. We didn’t take pictures… even though both of us agreed that we probably should have. But at least we have our memories…and um… I have a small bump on my head…(no, I don’t wanna tell ya’ll how I bumped it. lol) But nevertheless… all will bring a big smile to my face every time I reminisce about it.
Well I figured I’d have more time to write… but I have to cut this short so that I can run to the bank before my lunch break is over. So hopefully I’ll be able to catch up on this later. Gone.
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
~Gandhi
{Edit : Man, look at this... isn't this disguisting !!! If you can't cook, you might wanna learn cuz I'm not feeling this!!(http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/10/13/picadilly.recall.ap/index.html) End Edit}
Well hmmm…where should I start. I dunno. Hmm... let’s go back to a few weekends ago when BG and I went to Jekyll Island. Yes we went to a beach in October! It was wonderful. Less people, more beach for us. I must say, I enjoyed myself. BG and I headed down Friday night for what was one of the best road trips ever. I had gummy bears… which are my version of “Scooby snacks” So I was pretty Amp’d the whole ride down. BG is GREAT for driving all the way down and back. Man, I was glad that I didn’t have to drive. *letting out a big whew!* And BG’s definitely great company!! lol We sung, danced, and laughed all the way down. It was cool. Our room was wonderful. We had a Jacuzzi in our room that could fit 4 people in it! You KNOW I had to get up in that. I wish I could go back just for the Jacuzzi experience. Lol. The room was an ocean front room, which I LOVED… so when I woke up in the mornings, I’d just go over to the window and look at the ocean. It was very relaxing. We really didn’t have an agenda. We just wanted to g e t a w a y… and it was a wonderful weekend getaway if I do say so myself. We didn’t take pictures… even though both of us agreed that we probably should have. But at least we have our memories…and um… I have a small bump on my head…(no, I don’t wanna tell ya’ll how I bumped it. lol) But nevertheless… all will bring a big smile to my face every time I reminisce about it.
Well I figured I’d have more time to write… but I have to cut this short so that I can run to the bank before my lunch break is over. So hopefully I’ll be able to catch up on this later. Gone.
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
~Gandhi
{Edit : Man, look at this... isn't this disguisting !!! If you can't cook, you might wanna learn cuz I'm not feeling this!!(http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/10/13/picadilly.recall.ap/index.html) End Edit}
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Becoming Whole... (healthy, happy, and holy)
It has become my morning ritual to turn on the Potter’s House while I’m getting ready for work. I’ve found that it’s a wonderful way to start my day. I get in a little daily Word, then I get in my car and pray, and then I get my praise on. There’s nothing like starting your day off right by thanking God for allowing you to get up that morning, and be in your right mind, and have activities and use of all your limbs and bodily functions, and having somewhere to sleep, something to eat, something to put on, and I thank Him for letting me know that it is Him who keeps me. We take so much for granted. I’m just grateful to have the opportunity to open my mouth in the mornings to say thanks because someone didn’t have that opportunity. Some one didn’t wake up this morning. Anyways…I didn’t mean to get all preachy. lol. So…
As I was driving to work this morning, I began thinking about what this lady on the Potter’s House said this morning. She was talking about how most of us focus on either one or two entities of our “being” instead of all three. I began to think about that. God has created us with 3 entities that define us as humans: our spirit, our soul, and our body.While some people would argue that our three entities are MIND, body, and soul, I beg to differ. I think the Body… or flesh part of us is the natural/physical/carnal/secular part of us. This shell that we call a body pretty much is self explanatory. It is of the earth and will ultimately go back to the earth. Honestly our body is the least important part of who we are, if you ask me. It’s used the most, but it’s the most dispensible. It’s dust. We will remain “beings” even after our body is gone.
The Spirit we possess comes from the unseen...the Spiritual Realm. We are born with a sinful nature... a worldly spirit. As we get older, we begin to possess the fruits of that worldly spirit: (sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies)(Gal 5:19-21) But when we choose to have a relationship with God, He gives us the Holy Spirit as a gift, and we began to possess the fruits of His Spirit: (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control)(Gal 5:22-23).
The Soul is what we generally think of as the true “US”. This engulfs our mind, our personality, our emotions/feelings, and everything else that makes us uniquely us! This is the part of us that decides what the body will do. It also decides which Spirit it will be lead by. The soul is what I think goes on after the body goes to the ground. I always think of the soul like… like the ego. You remember learning about the Id, Ego, and Superego right. (say yes, say yes!! lol) The body/flesh is like the Id. It seeks pleasure. It doesn’t care about right or wrong…it just wants what it wants. Then there’s the Spirit…which is like the SuperEgo… that gives us the “ideal”. It shows us what could be and what we “should do”. Then the Soul is like the Ego. It’s in the middle. It’s the “final decision maker”.
I think that once the Soul makes a decision, then the Spirit determines what the Soul does, and the Soul determines what the Body does.
Have I lost ya’ll yet? lol. Ya’ll know I’m a passionate God lover and a thinker who happens to be a psychology major AND has a LOT of time on her hands during her lunch break!! lol.
Alright lemme get back to my original point because all of that was pretty much not what I was trying to talk about! lol.
Now, we are made of Body Spirit and Soul right? Right. ( just go with me… I’m on a roll here.. lol)
Well God also created us to experience/know 3 (God loves the number 3...lol) worlds as well: The spiritual world, the psychological world, and the material world. These worlds can also be called: the world above us, the world within us, and the world around us, respectively.
Sometimes these three worlds are hard to live in simultaneously. You know.. like some of us work on our bodies in the gym all day long and we got about 3 or 4 degrees on our wall and making that 6 figure cheddar…but we are still unhappy inside because our spiritual life is in shambles. Which is why so many people feel empty and have no peace when they lay their “fine” bodies in their “silk” covered king size beds. Or some of us are at peace with our relationship with God and we’re steadily growing in Him, and He’s blessing us with the power to get wealth, so we’re prospering, but um, our body looks a hot mess. We don’t take care of our hygiene, or we are under/over weight, or we’re putting ourselves at risk for heart disease, cancer, diabetes etc… It’s like, we’ll work on one or two areas in our life, but working on all three simultaneously is too much of a hassle. But honestly when one is not right, the others are affected. That is why knowing Christ is so important. In Christ, we are rightly related to all worlds!!!
When we rightly relate our bodies (flesh) to the material world, we are healthy. We work it out, eat right, stay active, keep our hygiene up and etc. We look good and feel good just as God intended. When we rightly relate our soul to the psychological world we are happy. When our mind is at peace with what we are doing , when we make the right decisions about life, and when we know that no matter what, God is going to work it out for us, we stay happy just as God intended. And when we rightly relate our spirit to the spiritual world, we are Holy. When our soul chooses to listen to the Holy Spirit, we become Holy. Our Soul and Body submit itself to God just as God intended. So as we work on ourselves each day, let's try to remember that it is God's will for all of our lives that we ultimately experience all three worlds/realities with the best possible results: Health, Happiness, and Holiness. Only then can we become WHOLE.
As I was driving to work this morning, I began thinking about what this lady on the Potter’s House said this morning. She was talking about how most of us focus on either one or two entities of our “being” instead of all three. I began to think about that. God has created us with 3 entities that define us as humans: our spirit, our soul, and our body.While some people would argue that our three entities are MIND, body, and soul, I beg to differ. I think the Body… or flesh part of us is the natural/physical/carnal/secular part of us. This shell that we call a body pretty much is self explanatory. It is of the earth and will ultimately go back to the earth. Honestly our body is the least important part of who we are, if you ask me. It’s used the most, but it’s the most dispensible. It’s dust. We will remain “beings” even after our body is gone.
The Spirit we possess comes from the unseen...the Spiritual Realm. We are born with a sinful nature... a worldly spirit. As we get older, we begin to possess the fruits of that worldly spirit: (sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies)(Gal 5:19-21) But when we choose to have a relationship with God, He gives us the Holy Spirit as a gift, and we began to possess the fruits of His Spirit: (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control)(Gal 5:22-23).
The Soul is what we generally think of as the true “US”. This engulfs our mind, our personality, our emotions/feelings, and everything else that makes us uniquely us! This is the part of us that decides what the body will do. It also decides which Spirit it will be lead by. The soul is what I think goes on after the body goes to the ground. I always think of the soul like… like the ego. You remember learning about the Id, Ego, and Superego right. (say yes, say yes!! lol) The body/flesh is like the Id. It seeks pleasure. It doesn’t care about right or wrong…it just wants what it wants. Then there’s the Spirit…which is like the SuperEgo… that gives us the “ideal”. It shows us what could be and what we “should do”. Then the Soul is like the Ego. It’s in the middle. It’s the “final decision maker”.
I think that once the Soul makes a decision, then the Spirit determines what the Soul does, and the Soul determines what the Body does.
Have I lost ya’ll yet? lol. Ya’ll know I’m a passionate God lover and a thinker who happens to be a psychology major AND has a LOT of time on her hands during her lunch break!! lol.
Alright lemme get back to my original point because all of that was pretty much not what I was trying to talk about! lol.
Now, we are made of Body Spirit and Soul right? Right. ( just go with me… I’m on a roll here.. lol)
Well God also created us to experience/know 3 (God loves the number 3...lol) worlds as well: The spiritual world, the psychological world, and the material world. These worlds can also be called: the world above us, the world within us, and the world around us, respectively.
Sometimes these three worlds are hard to live in simultaneously. You know.. like some of us work on our bodies in the gym all day long and we got about 3 or 4 degrees on our wall and making that 6 figure cheddar…but we are still unhappy inside because our spiritual life is in shambles. Which is why so many people feel empty and have no peace when they lay their “fine” bodies in their “silk” covered king size beds. Or some of us are at peace with our relationship with God and we’re steadily growing in Him, and He’s blessing us with the power to get wealth, so we’re prospering, but um, our body looks a hot mess. We don’t take care of our hygiene, or we are under/over weight, or we’re putting ourselves at risk for heart disease, cancer, diabetes etc… It’s like, we’ll work on one or two areas in our life, but working on all three simultaneously is too much of a hassle. But honestly when one is not right, the others are affected. That is why knowing Christ is so important. In Christ, we are rightly related to all worlds!!!
When we rightly relate our bodies (flesh) to the material world, we are healthy. We work it out, eat right, stay active, keep our hygiene up and etc. We look good and feel good just as God intended. When we rightly relate our soul to the psychological world we are happy. When our mind is at peace with what we are doing , when we make the right decisions about life, and when we know that no matter what, God is going to work it out for us, we stay happy just as God intended. And when we rightly relate our spirit to the spiritual world, we are Holy. When our soul chooses to listen to the Holy Spirit, we become Holy. Our Soul and Body submit itself to God just as God intended. So as we work on ourselves each day, let's try to remember that it is God's will for all of our lives that we ultimately experience all three worlds/realities with the best possible results: Health, Happiness, and Holiness. Only then can we become WHOLE.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
There's so much I can and desire to write about today. I have topics piled up from things that happened 2 and 3 weeks ago. But God is leading me another way today. I don't know who this is for... maybe it's just for me only, but I will be obedient and post this wonderful story. So enjoy.
Some years ago on a hot summer day in south Florida a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.
His father working in the yard saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could.
Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.
Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved.
The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my dad wouldn't
let me go."
You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret while other's can be readily seen by all. But, some wounds, my friend, are there because God has refused to let you go. In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you.
The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget
that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms be very, very grateful. He did not and will not ever let you go.
So be grateful that you're still alive, though you may have scars, remember you could've been dead and gone.
Psalms 34:19
Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.
Rom 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, who have been called according to His purpose.
Some years ago on a hot summer day in south Florida a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.
His father working in the yard saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could.
Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.
Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved.
The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my dad wouldn't
let me go."
You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret while other's can be readily seen by all. But, some wounds, my friend, are there because God has refused to let you go. In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you.
The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget
that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms be very, very grateful. He did not and will not ever let you go.
So be grateful that you're still alive, though you may have scars, remember you could've been dead and gone.
Psalms 34:19
Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.
Rom 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, who have been called according to His purpose.
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