My mind is constantly on go.
My face wears the mask of deliberation daily.
Too bad most of my thoughts have absolutely nothing to do with nothing. lol
Yet... i must share... i must... release...
these are just some of the things on my mind today...
Silence is loud.
I never realized how much my quietness affects people. I mean, people really hate that I don’t talk. It plagues their thoughts for hours. It even wakes them up at night. (okay maybe not)
I've recently had this revelation due to the outpour of inquisitiveness expressed by many people I share daily encounters with. I didn't even know people paid me any attention. *shrug* Go figure.
Pat is one of the most annoying people i've ever met. If any one has ever seen MAD TV... she reminds me of Mo Collin's character "Lorraine Swanson". The same jacked up pants... the same gross coughing and annoying voice... the same everything. She gets about one inch from your face and shout. UGH! ANNOYING!!! Yet... she's really sweet. It's just that... her irritation level is at the max when you're around her for more than 2 minutes at a time. Yet I have the pleasure of working with her. Yup me... yours truly....working side by side with her erryday! Well... my dear
co-worker, as concerned as she is... pulled me into her office the other day because according to her. "I wasn't acting right". She asked me what was wrong...and why wasn't i talking. After I told her that i just didn't feel like it. I like being quiet. She went further on to interrogate me about my life because she really wanted to know the "psychological issues" I was facing that blocked my desire to talk. *yes this so-and-so said i had psychological issues because i don't talk* I stiffled a laugh and told her that i was okay... really. *blink* Then proceeded to walk outta her office before she put me into some kind of work therapy class. lol
George…noticed I’ve been quiet lately too. You know George. Everyone has a George in their office. You know...the older janitor type man that flirts with anything that has hair, heels and earrings. (and sometimes the ones that don't.) lol He does NOT discriminate. He's the office "romeo". Going from one office to the next... looking down the hall at someone's behind...while talking to you. lol.. Yeah him... that guy. He always comes on our floor because well...there's a lot of pretty women on the "Fif' flo". But when he came around to me... he sat down in my open office chair and said... "what's wrong, gorgeous? you too pretty to be depressed. You know if you need someone to talk to... i'm here... REALLY... all jokes aside."
Huh? Depressed? So my NON talking makes me depressed? Dang... i learn something new erryday. lol
It’s funny how much attention I get from NOT talking. I used to think that I was always invisible/overlooked because I never talked and got in close with people. I figured if I remained quiet, people would pretty much forget I was around…which is exactly what I wanted. I don’t know how I became so anti-social. It’s a 180 degree change from the Club-Sway back in the day….the friend-sway that my friends cant shut up…or the Church-Sway who everyone knows as the busy body…always on this committee and in that ministry and blah blah. But somehow, I’ve become secluded.. I’ve shut the real me off from the world and hoped that they’d be okay with that. Only they aren’t. People like…..REALLY wanna know what I’m about. The curious nature of humans is very interesting…and predictable. Tell someone they can’t have something and they want it.
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HOW COME THIN MINTS DON’T MAKE YOU THIN? :(
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Your character is remembered….even if nothing else is.
Got a call from someone I met once on a blind date a few years back. He kept my # although we never called each other again. He was pushy and drunk….i wasn’t. He called me cuz he said he remembered that I was really religious and he knew I stayed prayed up. He didn’t remember anything else about me. He lost his mom to lung cancer, last month and just moved back to ATL. Said he needed someone like me close to him. I thought that was really interesting. After all this time...he remembered my character. It spoke volumes about me. Even after the memory of what i look liked...or what i said or did faded away... he remembered my character. That spoke to me.
Lead by example. Albert Einstein once said... "Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others; it is the only means." I believe him. Let your light shine always. You never know who’s looking at that light and being drawn to it even in their darkness. Your light may be the only light someone sees. It may be their only way home. It may be their only saving grace. So make sure you shine bright… and keep it going.
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Freaky Friday
You ever think what life would be like if YOU were your parent’s parents? I mean…we’re all spirits right? We’re all the same…just born in different times…so….what if instead of them being born before you and birthing you….it was reversed?
I thought about this after my mother told me that she admired me. That’s something I don’t take lightly. I wonder how my mother would have turned out if I was her mother? If I instilled in her what she’s ultimately instilled in me…and would I even instill that since if I was HER mother that would mean she wouldn’t have been mine and the way I am NOW might not necessarily be the way I’d be if she wasn’t my mother. Lol Okay did you understand that…? lol. I dunno.. I wonder about that. Sometimes I wish that I was her mother. I wouldn’t have neglected her like her parents did. She’d be a lot different. Better adjusted… at least I like to think so… but… o n the same note. She wouldn’t have raised me the way she did if she wasn’t raised the way she was…
I’m not sure how I feel about that.
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To whom much is given… much is required.
I often think about the rich and famous. Besides those who were born into wealth… y ou listen to most of these stories of the struggles and hardships many stars went through to get where they are today…and it is simply amazing. I mean, a lot of these people went through some CRAZY stuff. Sometimes we find our selves wishing we could be like them…or have their long money… or nice status. But really… do we know the price they had to pay to get there? All we see is the end results of a long hard journey. I think about that journey sometimes. I have this feeling that I’m gonna write a book about my life one of these days. Not that I’m a writer…but Lord knows I’ve been through some KRAZY stuff. I mean yes, we all have been through some thangs… but when I look back on my life… or when I confide in someone I truly and wholeheartedly trust, I find out that my situations have been the farthest thing from NORMAL. Sometimes I wish I can do a real 100 things about Sway list. The things that I would put on there would blow your mind. People look at me and see this spoiled only child…who seems to be well off..and well adjusted. Nice looking…always curteous. And never know anything more than that. So little do they see. So little do they know. The things I’ve seen. The places I’ve been. The situations I’ve overcome. And to be semi-sane… it was NOTHING BUT GOD. lol. I’ve realized that my hardships in life weren’t really for my benefit. It was for God’s glory and so that I can help someone else who may be getting ready to go through the same things. I went through…and was brought out… to tell others… so they can marvel at the things God has done in my life…while also getting hope and encouragement for their own life. That’s one of my purposes. I was given most of my trials…. Because I’m responsible for helping others. My purpose is intervention. I was given that purpose…and it required MUCH hardship. Much turmoil…. And many many many desperate cries. But it made me who I am. It molded me to become what I’m supposed to be. Who I’m supposed to be. And when I finally do write my book… tell my story. Show the world who I am… it will be a blessing. Because no one would have ever known that to just look at me…that I’ve been where I’ve been. I don’t know about the whole famous bit… but I know that where I’m going… there was no way around the grueling journey.
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Death Wish
Why are oreo’s still on the market. That has GOT to be the most death-inducing food on earth. The “filling” is made from STRAIGHT sugar and lard. LARD folks. That’s it! You eatin sweetened LARD! That’s nasty as heck! The day I found that out….i became a recovering oreo addict. I no longer had the desire to eat it. Although… um… I still struggle with the cookies and cream ice cream…. I sometimes wonder if those are oreo cookies in there…. Hmmmmmmmm. *going to do some research*
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