on my mind...

I've been kinda dazed lately. I've been doing a lot of thinking. No one topic per se...but my mind seems to carelessly wander during the day to different experiences, fantasies, and thoughts. I work in a rather closed office where everyone pretty much does their job and leave others alone. So, most of my day I spend alone. I remember a time that being alone with myself and my thoughts literally drove me crazy. That was a dark time for me. It was so bad that I would HAVE to turn on the television or radio before I opened my eyes and fully awoke in the mornings so that I wouldn't have even a second of time to think about my life. I was going through a rough patch. I had just graduated from Emory University and I was jobless, my fiance and I had just broken up and he went directly back to the female he cheated on me with, I had to move back home with my overprotective and naggin parents, and I felt like I didn't have a friend in the world. I had no money, no job, no life, no love, no car, no one to talk to, no personal space, no anything....but bills and heartache. I was so depressed. I felt hopeless and alone... Sometimes I think about that place I was in, and I cry tears of joy that am no longer there. I know it was something I had to go through because it made me stronger and more appreciative of the life I lead now. I had to get to know me. In those quiet times in my bed, I would just lay and cry becuase I was in so much pain. I desired to work, I hated sitting around the house...but no one wanted to hire someone with no related job experience. I wanted a car to get out and see the world, I hated depending on family to take me everywhere. I had SO much love to give, yet no one around to give it to. Every guy I met either only wanted sex or didn't want anything at all from me. I had no one to talk to, no shoulder to cry on... it was literally me, myself, and I for a long time. I felt so bad, but I learned so much about myself. I learned how to withstand bad times and appreciate each tiny step toward my goal. I don't know what this has to do with anything... I guess this is what is on my mind alot. Just how grateful I am to be out of that slump and how those experiences made me an even better person.
Thank God for the rain and stormy weather in your life...it's just there to make your soil and foundation fertile and helps your flowers to bloom beautifully in their due season. I wouldn't appreciate the sun if I never had rain. So here's to both sunshine and rain!!!