Usher is quite a character. One of those "jack of all trades" kinda guys… except I can’t say that he’s a master of none. He’s actually VERYgood at a LOT of things. It didn’t take him long to find another job. His hustle is strong. I admired that. I decided to give him the second date he'd been asking for before he started working long hours at his new gig. Back then, my weekends were really full. I was teaching etiquette classes, attending real estate seminars, at dance and choir rehearsals…and etc. So I ended up taking a full Monday off to hang with him and see what he had planned. I wasn’t expecting much. A little chat maybe, lots of arguing…and of course, I expected to be disgustingly delighted by our exchange. As usual, I’m wrong. I underestimated Usher’s charm.
We went out for brunch at IHOP close to his place. We talked about our “ex’s”, schooling, life events and whatever else we thought was important over pancakes, scrambled eggs, country fried steak and grits. His story was amazing. Usher seemed to be on his 4th life now, and he’s only 30. I informed him more thoroughly about my situation with TG. Over the course of our convo’s I’ve given him bits and pieces of the story, but I figured I’d go ahead and let him know it all. He listened to it all, face meticulously presented to show no emotion. When I finished, he expressed his distaste in what TG did and promised that if he ever got a chance with me, he’d never do that to me. He quickly changed the subject to a lighter note as we left for the park. It’s March and the crisp breeze made for a wonderful outing. For the first time since we met, I actually wanted us to spend more time together. I noticed that he always opened the car door…well all doors for me, he held my hand EVERYWHERE we went, and he was always bought me something to commemorate our dates. I liked him… kinda. He made me smile. And THAT had been hard to do since TG left. Many had tried…but my heart was stone, my time was precious, my tongue was sharp. Usher saw through that, and though I kept my guard up with him, when he wasn’t looking, I secretly let it down to peep at what was going on.
There were many more dates. I found myself enjoying our time together. The thing I liked about him is his spontaneity. I never knew what we were gonna do when we got together, but by the end of the day (or night), we learned something new about each other, did something we’ve never done together, and got something for keepsake to remember our good time with. In one month, in addition to the usual dinners and movies, we’d been to a concert where he took me backstage to meet Mint Condition, hit up a few bbq’s and house parties, went to the circus, played pool, had a picnic, and our favorite past time: spent the day at Dave and Busters. We actually did this a FEW times that month. lol They have this “jeopardy” game where about 6 people compete against each other by getting the most answers correct in the shortest amount of time.(just like the show). I was surprised at how much he knew in the different categories… I saw a new side of him. Beyond all the big talk, conceited air, curse words, and “ey shawty’s” was a really enlightened individual. I was impressed.
I couldn’t keep my hard façade up too much longer. He began seeing that I liked him. With every gaze, we added an extra second of eye contact. With every hand hold, my grip became unintentionally tighter. I liked him. But I still didn’t wanna date him. It was still too soon. It had only been 3 months since… well you know who. And though I had closed that chapter, I wasn’t ready to open another. Well I thought I had closed the chapter.
I told you guys about TG’s random return in March. (read here and/or here) Well, this was right around the time that Usher and I had been having all of this wonderful fun together. I had almost forgotten about all the happenings from Dec/Jan with TG, but as soon as I saw his name on that text, and heard his voice for the first time in months, floods of emotions resurfaced. Some I didn’t even realize were still there. I hated him! I loved him. I hated him for making me love him. I loved him for who I thought he was. I hated him for who he really was. I wanted him back. I couldn’t take him back. I was a ball of emotions. Confused, hurt, excited, curious, and angry all at the same time. I told Usher about TG and our conversations. I also told him that I had decided to go to dinner with TG because I was curious as to what he had to say and because I needed to get all the things off my chest I had been holding in since New Years. I needed that closure.
Usher did NOT understand. He tried to hold his tongue and be understanding, but it just didn’t happen. Questions were flying left and right about my curiosity, followed closely behind by heartfelt disdain for all that is TG. He wasn’t afraid to strongly voice his opinions about what TG did to me and got he hotter by the moment just talking about it.
For the first time, Usher showed me his true emotions concerning his nervousness about losing me to TG. I told him, and everyone else who thought I was going back that I was done. But I had to admit to him, I still was very much in love with TG. I couldn't lie to him. Unfortunately that didn't help him with his insecurities.
Every time Usher and I went out after the dinner with TG, I could see the fear in his eyes. Now that TG and I were back in contact with one another, I could always up and end this friendship he worked so hard to build any day now.
To be honest, even I didn’t know what I was going to do just yet. All I knew is that I loved TG, but I enjoyed spending time with Usher. Nothing more. So, I just asked God to direct me and I continued on.
After a few weeks of me still hanging with Usher, he began to relax a tad. The fear slowly began to leave his eyes and that charming smile I was use to started to reappear, until one day TG called and Usher answered the phone.
Next blog: April Showers bring May Flowers: The rocky transitions.
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