you're probably right.
if you still read my blog... you'll know i'm talking about you...
I was sitting here bored at work…and decided to do my normal blog hopping. I ran across a page of a person I once was very close to. He and I were MUCH closer than friends… I know this because of some of the “friendly” things that transpired between us, yet he and I never was “official”…and the only reason I knew this is because he never EVER mentioned me in his blog…although everyone else he mildly dated was there. This kinda hurt me for a while because here I was, chillin with him every week. Talking to him on the phone every other day…we’re kissing, we’re cuddling… I’m laying on his bed…and nothing. Not even a mention.
Okay…I’m getting off track…
I said all of that to say, we were pretty much kicking it hard in real life…and I wondered where it was going. I began developing feelings… I guess he didn’t. The crazy part about it is that when ever I considered moving on, and expressed that in my blog…he would call or IM me and he’d be kinda pissed cuz, “he’s interested in me” and he wanted to make our “friendship” work. But his words never matched his actions. On paper, this guy was great. He seemed to know what he wanted. He seemed to be a nice thoughtful guy. He seemed to be interested and into me. He seemed to enjoy my company. He seemed to sincerely want a nice friendship/relationship… yet… his actions didn’t back that up. AT.ALL.
He’s the kind of guy that would say, I really like you, but he’d never call. He’s the kind of guy that would ask you out, and go out with you, but not really pay you that much attention. He’s the kind of guy that would kiss you goodnight, but not call you for a week after that.
I finally got tired of it. I KNEW that I should be treated better than that…so I made up my mind to really move on. About January this year, we had a conversation after a post I wrote because he was upset that I put him on “blast”. I apologized. It was wrong of me. I didn’t think anyone knew who I was talking about…but hey…he felt violated…so in that respect I was wrong. He said we could be friends… we were gonna start over as friends. The old was squashed. I said good. But deep inside I knew that if I never called him again, he’d make no effort to call me. I knew this because this same type of convo had taken place over and over again. He’d say, were friends…then I didn’t hear from him until he was pretty sure I’d moved on. I knew he wouldn’t be a true friend. It’s sad. I knew that January day would be the last time he phoned my dial.
I was right.
He never calls… even now.
He’s definitely not the person I once thought he was. When I call someone a friend, I mean it. I’ve called him a few times since then because when I call you a friend, I sincerely mean that. We need to talk…we need to hang… we’re friends right? But when I call, …he’s sooooo busy. He says he appreciates my call but he’ll have to call me back. *eye roll*
I’m still waiting for that call.
He never calls back. That irks me. He acts like I’m pestering him. I’m bothering him. I wanna get with him. *pshhh* Puh-lease child. I’m just trying to be a friend. But I’m at the point where if he doesn’t wanna be my friend, then forget him. I don’t NEED his friendship. I just thought it would be nice to be friends. I mean after all….you SAID that’s what you wanted. I hate when people say one thing and mean another. If you didn’t wanna talk to me ever again…then be an adult, free yourself…say that ish! I PROMISE I would have deleted your # before you could have finished your sentence. But the whole…"yeah sway, I enjoy your company, I WANT to be your friend”…thing sounded so sincere. People just lie for no reason….
Anywho…. I stumbled upon his blog today because I like to see what is going on with him from time to time…and something he said in one of his posts just irritated the STUFFIN outta me.
I’ve tried to refrain from talking about him because everytime I do, I get upset. I hate to see people who deceive others by saying stuff like… no one likes me, I have no friends…yada yada…making folks feel sorry for them, when THEY are the ones not liking people…and being hard to befriend. I’ve been nothing but nice to him. I call him to see how he is because I sincerely care about him, give him encouraging words… and before TG and I were dating, I really did want to keep the lines of communication between this blog guy and I open. Not for dating purposes, but because I was trying to be a friend. So when I started reading through his posts and stumbled on these words…my blood started boiling. I wasn’t gonna write about it…but I couldn’t let it pass.
He claims that there are no good women around. I almost flipped! I almost fell outta my seat. What? Are you for real? No good women? Neeegro what am i?
Dear YOU:
When you needed to vent.. I was there.
When you needed encouragement… I was there
When you were acting shady….I was still there.
When you were kissing and holding me on Friday and writing in your blog about everybody BUT me on Saturday… I was still there.
When you said you wanted a friend… I was there.
When you wanted someone to accompany you on your b-day… I was there.
When you pretty much stopped talking to me for NO REASON… I was still FRIGGIN there.
How about this… if you want a good woman… be a good man. Try that on for size. Why would God give you a good woman to be with, when you don’t know how to treat the good ones that you’re just supposed to be friends with. Ugh! It’s not that there are no good women. It’s just that the RIGHT one for you haven’t come along yet. And yes, I know how lonely and bad that feels… but don’t be so quick to say that there aren’t any good woman just because YOU aren’t interested in the good ones you know. That’s so unattractive. Especially when I know how good of a woman I am…and you GOTTA know it too. Even if I’m not the one… you can’t deny that I’m still a good woman. And I’m sure some of the other women you’ve dealt with that didn’t make the blog were good women too. It seems the blogworthy ones you’re attracted to are the ones that dog you out! Which is sad, but it paints a picture to your readers that you just have the worst luck in women… which is not true. You know good women… you just weren’t into them. It irks me to know that some women out there reading your blog is really feeling sorry for you ..and wanting to be that “good woman” to you…as I did so many many months ago… only to find out that… you’re not always as nice and friendly, and sincere as you seem on your blog.
*whew* I feel much better... now back to Perfect Chaos as we know it.
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