“if this is what it feels like when we hug and hold each other… then *whew*, we'd probably die if we were to make love…. ”
~ TG 4/16/05
The hug goodnight was so magnetic it took all we had to tear ourselves away from each other. He claims that when I left… I took apart of him with me. I'm pretty sure i did. Because when i got home I still felt the rise and fall of his chest as i rested my head on him, i still smelled his burberry cologne and ban deodorant, i still heard his voice randomly thanking God for his gift. He was still with me. I was still with him. Our souls were amalgamated. Never to return to back to our original state again.
This is weird. I’ll be the first to admit it. lol
~ TG 4/16/05
The hug goodnight was so magnetic it took all we had to tear ourselves away from each other. He claims that when I left… I took apart of him with me. I'm pretty sure i did. Because when i got home I still felt the rise and fall of his chest as i rested my head on him, i still smelled his burberry cologne and ban deodorant, i still heard his voice randomly thanking God for his gift. He was still with me. I was still with him. Our souls were amalgamated. Never to return to back to our original state again.
This is weird. I’ll be the first to admit it. lol
But weird follows me. I've had my share of situations that everyone else upon hearing it would just be like.... um...okay sway that's weird. lol
But never has anything like this happened to me before. Most of my weird situations can be explained although unusual in nature. This… however, is just extra-ordinarily peculiar.
I promise my blog won’t turn into a chronicle of TG and my journey towards our destiny…but I just had to share with you guys that our first date was everything I thought it would be. He’s quite a bit older than I, which I am enjoying because he’s still a bit old fashioned. He still believes in chivalry…and courtship.
We left practice and went to his house so that I could leave my car and he could drive us to our destination. Our date was mostly filled with conversation. It’s crazy how our lives coincide. I mean after many in-depth convos…we realized that when certain things were happening to him, they were happening to me too…and vice versa. I mean, it’s eerie almost. Unreal. And I’m no talking about things like… “uh…were you sad around valentines day? Yeah me too.” lol.. Nothing like that… I mean like… being on different sides of the world within the same month of '03 and having a lady prophesy to him in the club the same time a bouncer was propehesying to me in a club…and having our prophesies being almost verbatim. In fact, on Saturday before our date , we both were prophesied to at practice…he was in one corner ...and while I saw this lady talking to him, I didn’t know he was being spoken into because I was across the room being spoken into as well. And unknowingly both prophets were saying pretty much the same things to us. Our futures matched. His prophesy and mine were complimentary. Now add in about 43084309843 more of those kinda stories and prophesies…and you’ll be where we were on Saturday. When we asked for our exact match…we had no idea how deep it would go. lol
Plus…okay… this might sound a little crazy…heck…all of this sounds crazy so neva mind. Just go with me here. lol
I used to pray for my husband. I mean, not like “Lord please give me a husband”. lol I mean I used to pray FOR him... like I knew him. I prayed for his health and his safe travel, and that God strengthen him...the whole nine. I mean, I prayed like he was in my life already. Like I knew what he was going through. Like his life depended on it. The reason was because some days, as crazy as it seemed, I FELT his struggle although I didn’t know who he was. I felt in the spirit that he was going through some serious warfare. So I prayed. Now talking to TG…and going back over the past few years, its crazy that the times I told him I prayed were the times he was really going through some things. Our convo was very intriguing. Timing of events in our life was uncanny.
I must admit…I’m scared. After all of this talk about wanting someone to see me and know me. He finds me… and I’m scared. I’m not really scared about our future…I know it’ll be fine…so maybe I’m using the wrong word. I’m…. I’m kinda nervous about his past. His past is very…colorful. More colorful than I've ever imagined a guy I date having. I know what’s in the past is in the past. Lord knows I wouldn’t want to be judged by my decorated past either. However, the past sometimes IS a good predictor of future things. It’s not for sure of course…but I’d be a fool not to look at the entire picture.
He’s divorced. Has been so for a while… but that whole thing still makes me nervous. Being a second wife has never crossed my mind as a possibility for my future. How will I measure up? How will his first marriage affect ours? How will my insecurities about infidelity play into our relationship when I know that they are still cordial? This kept me up last night. I was nervous. Of course our date Saturday just confirmed for him (he was already confident before then) that we are meant to be. So he’s on “Go” trying to prepare himself financially, spiritually, emotionally…etc. for me. He’s not as nervous as I. I doubt if he knows I’m even nervous. It’s like… when I’m speaking with him…or about him… doubt completely leaves. I know what’s happening…everything is clear... nervousness subsides…
But… in the midnight hours…this whole thing makes me a little nervous. I WILL listen to my body.
Only time will tell if this is right or not. I’m feeling 95% sure about him. But that 5% is holding on STRONG…so until I’m 100% sure… I’m taking it slow. Keeping my options open. Praying a lot. I know God won’t steer me wrong.
I promise my blog won’t turn into a chronicle of TG and my journey towards our destiny…but I just had to share with you guys that our first date was everything I thought it would be. He’s quite a bit older than I, which I am enjoying because he’s still a bit old fashioned. He still believes in chivalry…and courtship.
We left practice and went to his house so that I could leave my car and he could drive us to our destination. Our date was mostly filled with conversation. It’s crazy how our lives coincide. I mean after many in-depth convos…we realized that when certain things were happening to him, they were happening to me too…and vice versa. I mean, it’s eerie almost. Unreal. And I’m no talking about things like… “uh…were you sad around valentines day? Yeah me too.” lol.. Nothing like that… I mean like… being on different sides of the world within the same month of '03 and having a lady prophesy to him in the club the same time a bouncer was propehesying to me in a club…and having our prophesies being almost verbatim. In fact, on Saturday before our date , we both were prophesied to at practice…he was in one corner ...and while I saw this lady talking to him, I didn’t know he was being spoken into because I was across the room being spoken into as well. And unknowingly both prophets were saying pretty much the same things to us. Our futures matched. His prophesy and mine were complimentary. Now add in about 43084309843 more of those kinda stories and prophesies…and you’ll be where we were on Saturday. When we asked for our exact match…we had no idea how deep it would go. lol
Plus…okay… this might sound a little crazy…heck…all of this sounds crazy so neva mind. Just go with me here. lol
I used to pray for my husband. I mean, not like “Lord please give me a husband”. lol I mean I used to pray FOR him... like I knew him. I prayed for his health and his safe travel, and that God strengthen him...the whole nine. I mean, I prayed like he was in my life already. Like I knew what he was going through. Like his life depended on it. The reason was because some days, as crazy as it seemed, I FELT his struggle although I didn’t know who he was. I felt in the spirit that he was going through some serious warfare. So I prayed. Now talking to TG…and going back over the past few years, its crazy that the times I told him I prayed were the times he was really going through some things. Our convo was very intriguing. Timing of events in our life was uncanny.
I must admit…I’m scared. After all of this talk about wanting someone to see me and know me. He finds me… and I’m scared. I’m not really scared about our future…I know it’ll be fine…so maybe I’m using the wrong word. I’m…. I’m kinda nervous about his past. His past is very…colorful. More colorful than I've ever imagined a guy I date having. I know what’s in the past is in the past. Lord knows I wouldn’t want to be judged by my decorated past either. However, the past sometimes IS a good predictor of future things. It’s not for sure of course…but I’d be a fool not to look at the entire picture.
He’s divorced. Has been so for a while… but that whole thing still makes me nervous. Being a second wife has never crossed my mind as a possibility for my future. How will I measure up? How will his first marriage affect ours? How will my insecurities about infidelity play into our relationship when I know that they are still cordial? This kept me up last night. I was nervous. Of course our date Saturday just confirmed for him (he was already confident before then) that we are meant to be. So he’s on “Go” trying to prepare himself financially, spiritually, emotionally…etc. for me. He’s not as nervous as I. I doubt if he knows I’m even nervous. It’s like… when I’m speaking with him…or about him… doubt completely leaves. I know what’s happening…everything is clear... nervousness subsides…
But… in the midnight hours…this whole thing makes me a little nervous. I WILL listen to my body.
Only time will tell if this is right or not. I’m feeling 95% sure about him. But that 5% is holding on STRONG…so until I’m 100% sure… I’m taking it slow. Keeping my options open. Praying a lot. I know God won’t steer me wrong.
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