Just like family...

I’m from Decatur. Anybody that knows anything about Decatur knows that we are some Ghetto-fied folks. Lol. I know this about myself. I can be a little… um err... ghetto at times. However, I was fortunate to get out of Decatur and see how other folks live. I am glad to say that today I stand before you reformed and refined. Don’t get me wrong… Keisha comes out every so often….and try to run thangs…but usually I have a tight grip on her.

The rest of my family was not so fortunate. Decatur is deep in their blood. It’s all they know. So unfortunately even normal things are turned into madness when they get involved. Take for instance my cousins wedding Saturday. I have NEVER seen a wedding so friggin ghetto. EVER! I can’t even believe some of the things I saw. *smh* I won’t go into ALL of the really off the wall ghettoness i saw…but I’ve compiled a small list of things I witnessed at their wedding that I think are important for everyone to know NOT to do. Please take heed.


Tips from the Ghettoness I saw Saturday

if you gonna have a wedding…

1. do NOT wait til 2 days before the wedding to ask a preacher to “do your wedding”! The man had to work saturday…he didn’t e’een KNOW about the wedding. Then you call him on Thursday night askin him to just show up for your wedding. Didn’t even give him a time! Just come. And then when he called Friday to ask the father of the groom what time the wedding… HE didn’t even know!

2. do NOT underestimate the elegance and importance of formal invitations. Calling everybody in your phone book a week before you get married and leaving a voicemail saying “hey, we getting married Saturday, ya’ll need to come through” is NEVER acceptable. EVER. Like this is a barbeque or something. How you gone “come through” a wedding? *smh*

3. Please have a wedding rehearsal. Just do it. Telling the preacher, singers, wedding party and etc…what to do AS the wedding is going on will definitely NOT run smoothly.

4. do NOT allow for your groomsmen or bridesmaids to wear their suits and dresses to their prom (yes they were young) the night before and then have the nerves to walk up in the Chuuuch with sweat and punch stains all on their rentals. WTH? Baby blue and Cream with a red punch stain on the front is NOT a good look.

5. do NOT seat folks that were late AFTER the wedding party has started coming in. I mean, it was crazy to see about 4...5 kinfolks rush in all loud, sayin hey to errybody like they early and sit their behind down right in between the entrance of the bridesmaids and flower girl. What a shame.

6. Please try to refrain from consuming the bride’s entire face in your mouth for 5 minutes while onlookers gasp cuz they feel like they are looking at the beginning of a porno tape. Especially when the preacher man is only about a foot away. Dang…save that ish for later.

7. Please Please PLEASE give better directions on when the doggone singer is ‘sposed to sang… Don’t let her get halfway through her song then have an usher from all the way in the back…walk his bubble behind up through the wedding party (pushing folks...'scuse me...'scuse me) and tap her on the shoulder during her high note to tell her to quit singing cuz it aint time yet! Especially if she’s ME! lol. *smh* I had to start that ish ova again and I WASN’T happy about it. lol

8. Never EVER have Luke playing as background music at church while we wait for the wedding to start.

And finally,

9. I know yo’ feet hurt…and I KNOW you wanna see Man Man and Junebug…but brides… PLEASE please PLEASE PLE.ASE PuuuhLEASE!!!! don’t come out and be chillin with the guests before the wedding with your wedding dress and some house shoes on. Don’t do it!