I'm sleepy.
So what else is really new. lol
*sipping my mint tea*
I really don't have much to say today. But I've been enjoying blogging again. I don't know how I gave it up so easily all last year. *shrug*
I love being able to just...type. It doesn't have to be about anything. Or it could be about everything. I like it.
Anywho. It's tuesday....and rainy.
I got to work and found that alot of my co-workers decided to come in late because the storm cut their power. Dang! It would have been a great day to sleep in. I wish I got the memo earlier.
Oh well, since i'm here... I can get my work done in peace.
I've been thinking alot about my Church situation. I told my folks on Sunday that I'm going to start visiting Churches starting this upcoming week.
I can no longer be at my old Church. Ever since the Bishop died, we've err...they've been feeling kind of obligated to help out over there. Although the pastor told my mother and I off months before, she was now asking my mom to come back because she "needed her friendship". Whatever!
I think she was caught up in the moment. Well I know so. Since then, she's been getting progressively worse every Sunday. Telling folks off from the pulpit. Making sure everyone know that "Now that Bishop is gone, she's the head poncho, so we better do what she says".
I don't have time for that. I'm in a spiritual crisis and I need to be somewhere where I'm free to worship and speak to/hear from God without worry of whether someone is on a power trip or not. I'm already struggling with what I believe....so the last thing I need is a deterrent.
I gotta find somewhere else to worship. Keep me in your prayers that God leads me to the right place.
A friend of mine who lives in Tennessee told me about a church here where his friend is the Pastor. It's a small church so i've heard, but I'm willing to check it out. I just want to be somewhere that allows the presence of God to flow the way He so chooses.
I've also thought alot about going to Free Spirit again. Every since I saw the first lady, I've realized how much I miss being there. But they are sooooo faaaaar! *sigh*
I don't know. I'll let God lead me.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Am I crazy? Am I hating? Am I wrong?
Why does my office smell like bologna?
No really, I need answers. I just DON'T understand. It's crazy!
*sigh* So it's monday. I thought I'd be cranky, but i'm not. I stayed up til 2:30 in the morning watching The Chronicles of Riddick with Usher. I remember seeing that with AM a few years back but admit that I couldn't remember much about the movie because we sneaked in and I was more concerned if anyone would come and eject us from the movie theater.
We play fought and layed on each other and the floor....and the couch for most of the morning. I felt like I was 7 again. It's nice sometimes to do nothing with someone.
Needless to say, I was out like a light the minute he pulled out my subdivision. Surprisingly, I'm not as sleepy this morning as I thought i'd be. And this is coming from the woman who makes a point to average 8-10 hours of sleep EVERY night! lol
**********
Usher's moving friday.
Ever since his divorce, he and his cousin have shared an apartment. Usher had a hard time picking up his financial and credit pieces after leaving Kentucky where his house, his cars, and his job had been for the last 10 years. He was back in Georgia, wife-less, jobless, pride-less and probably had about $83 to his name. I'm proud of him for rebuilding. I know it's not easy to have to start over at any age, but I'm quite sure he was comfortable with his old life and involuntarily having to be uprooted from that must have been hard. So he and his cousin shared space and he's worked hard to get himself back on his feet. He's finally ready to get his own place.
Honestly, I have mixed feelings. Of course I'm happy to see him so excited about something. This is something he's been wanting to do since he moved back, but never felt financially stable enough to handle all his affairs and still live comfortably. He's in a great mood and I'm greeted by a booming smile everytime he talks about it.
Right now we live 3 minutes away from each other. For our year anniversary, we decided that we weren't ready to live together, but the 45+ minute commute from our houses was NOT the business since we saw each other about 5 times a week. So I moved. For "us".
For the last year, despite our proximity to each other, our visits dropped dramatically. Mainly because of work. I had 2 jobs and he worked odd hours. When one was free, the other was at work. So much for convenient location.
I quit my second job this past December, so for the last few months, we've finally been able to do what we originally set out to do...spend time together as often as we could, without the hectic commute. Finally, we can enjoy each other. Except now, he's moving. 40 minutes away again!
Is that a sign? lol
So for the next month or two, we'll be back to our long commute. Luckily...and I say that because it definitely wasn't planned... where he's moving Friday is close to where I was planning to move when my lease in April is up. So there should be no worries right? In fact I should be just as elated as he is, even more really because now I'll not only be close to just him, but all of my friends and family, which I left to come live close to him. So what is my problem?!?
I guess I'm just a little aggitated by what I mentioned in my previous post. Usher never does what's best for "us", only what's best for him. When he decided to move, he didn't talk to me about it... ask me to come along, ask for my opinion. Nothing. He just casually brought up one day that he put a deposit down for a place in Decatur because a co-worker told him about this place and it was pretty nice for the price. Not that there's anything wrong with bargain housing... I don't like that he can just pick up and move without even a thought to how it will effect us...or if it will effect us. I know i'm not his wife, but after 2 year, you'd think he'd at least kinda make me feel like he cares about my opinion. Sometimes I think he's too independent.
And yeah the plus side is that it's close to me, but it could have just as easily not been. He didn't move there because he wanted to be closer to me, he moved there because he found a very affordable place. It just so happens that what was best for him this time coincidintally coincides with what's best for "us". What happens when he finds a cheaper place an hour away? He'll just up and move without a thought to how that will affect our relationship? I don't like it.
But maybe i'm just being petty. Maybe I'm upset because I chose to be the one to move closer to him and now he's leaving. *shrug* Maybe i'm over reacting. I should be happy for him. I mean, I AM happy for him. I just wish he'd be a little more needy with this move. I like to feel needed and important...and I just don't right now.
Anywho... I don't know why I always get off on Usher and I. lol But I guess out of the mouth flows the issues of the heart, not the workings of the mind.
****************
This is the first year that I didn't get too depressed about my Grandparents' passing. It's been 5 years. Wow! The time just flew by. I can still hear and see them as if I just spoke to them this morning. I kind of feel bad that I don't feel as bad anymore. I don't want to forget them. I don't want to not feel something when I think of them. But this year, their passing anniversary almost skipped my mind. That scares me. I love them. Always will. I don't want to lose that. RIP loved ones.
No really, I need answers. I just DON'T understand. It's crazy!
*sigh* So it's monday. I thought I'd be cranky, but i'm not. I stayed up til 2:30 in the morning watching The Chronicles of Riddick with Usher. I remember seeing that with AM a few years back but admit that I couldn't remember much about the movie because we sneaked in and I was more concerned if anyone would come and eject us from the movie theater.
We play fought and layed on each other and the floor....and the couch for most of the morning. I felt like I was 7 again. It's nice sometimes to do nothing with someone.
Needless to say, I was out like a light the minute he pulled out my subdivision. Surprisingly, I'm not as sleepy this morning as I thought i'd be. And this is coming from the woman who makes a point to average 8-10 hours of sleep EVERY night! lol
**********
Usher's moving friday.
Ever since his divorce, he and his cousin have shared an apartment. Usher had a hard time picking up his financial and credit pieces after leaving Kentucky where his house, his cars, and his job had been for the last 10 years. He was back in Georgia, wife-less, jobless, pride-less and probably had about $83 to his name. I'm proud of him for rebuilding. I know it's not easy to have to start over at any age, but I'm quite sure he was comfortable with his old life and involuntarily having to be uprooted from that must have been hard. So he and his cousin shared space and he's worked hard to get himself back on his feet. He's finally ready to get his own place.
Honestly, I have mixed feelings. Of course I'm happy to see him so excited about something. This is something he's been wanting to do since he moved back, but never felt financially stable enough to handle all his affairs and still live comfortably. He's in a great mood and I'm greeted by a booming smile everytime he talks about it.
Right now we live 3 minutes away from each other. For our year anniversary, we decided that we weren't ready to live together, but the 45+ minute commute from our houses was NOT the business since we saw each other about 5 times a week. So I moved. For "us".
For the last year, despite our proximity to each other, our visits dropped dramatically. Mainly because of work. I had 2 jobs and he worked odd hours. When one was free, the other was at work. So much for convenient location.
I quit my second job this past December, so for the last few months, we've finally been able to do what we originally set out to do...spend time together as often as we could, without the hectic commute. Finally, we can enjoy each other. Except now, he's moving. 40 minutes away again!
Is that a sign? lol
So for the next month or two, we'll be back to our long commute. Luckily...and I say that because it definitely wasn't planned... where he's moving Friday is close to where I was planning to move when my lease in April is up. So there should be no worries right? In fact I should be just as elated as he is, even more really because now I'll not only be close to just him, but all of my friends and family, which I left to come live close to him. So what is my problem?!?
I guess I'm just a little aggitated by what I mentioned in my previous post. Usher never does what's best for "us", only what's best for him. When he decided to move, he didn't talk to me about it... ask me to come along, ask for my opinion. Nothing. He just casually brought up one day that he put a deposit down for a place in Decatur because a co-worker told him about this place and it was pretty nice for the price. Not that there's anything wrong with bargain housing... I don't like that he can just pick up and move without even a thought to how it will effect us...or if it will effect us. I know i'm not his wife, but after 2 year, you'd think he'd at least kinda make me feel like he cares about my opinion. Sometimes I think he's too independent.
And yeah the plus side is that it's close to me, but it could have just as easily not been. He didn't move there because he wanted to be closer to me, he moved there because he found a very affordable place. It just so happens that what was best for him this time coincidintally coincides with what's best for "us". What happens when he finds a cheaper place an hour away? He'll just up and move without a thought to how that will affect our relationship? I don't like it.
But maybe i'm just being petty. Maybe I'm upset because I chose to be the one to move closer to him and now he's leaving. *shrug* Maybe i'm over reacting. I should be happy for him. I mean, I AM happy for him. I just wish he'd be a little more needy with this move. I like to feel needed and important...and I just don't right now.
Anywho... I don't know why I always get off on Usher and I. lol But I guess out of the mouth flows the issues of the heart, not the workings of the mind.
****************
This is the first year that I didn't get too depressed about my Grandparents' passing. It's been 5 years. Wow! The time just flew by. I can still hear and see them as if I just spoke to them this morning. I kind of feel bad that I don't feel as bad anymore. I don't want to forget them. I don't want to not feel something when I think of them. But this year, their passing anniversary almost skipped my mind. That scares me. I love them. Always will. I don't want to lose that. RIP loved ones.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Don't ask me where I'm going, cuz I don't know...
So I celebrated v-day yesterday.
It was quite a messy, dark, rainy, cold day. But we managed to find a bit of warmth in knowing that this is our first "romantic" outing since we decided to slowly work on a better relationship.
I had fun. I wasn't too fond of the food's amount/quality/price ratio, but I enjoyed the ambiance of Ray's in the City. Our waiter reminded me alot of my first real boyfriend, which kinda messed with my head a little, but other than that, he was on his job. Usher and I had a nice conversation about a little of everything and I even got him to taste my sushi appetizer. Of course he thought it was nasty as all get out, but at least he tried it.
Today I'm in a mellow mood. The weather is just as yucky as it was yesterday and it's quite depressing. It's great for sitting at home and curling up to a great book and hot cocoa. However, I'm not at home. I wore grey today to align myself with the world. Well at least from where I'm standing.
I'm having second thoughts about whether or not this is the right thing to do with Usher.
Not that I don't love him, or enjoy our time together, but as he begins to get back comfortable in our "togetherness", I'm starting to hear the same old tune from him.
I'm scared.
Usher has always talked about his "plans" and his life and what he hopes to accomplish. But one of the main reasons for our break up and my unhappiness in this relationship was because I felt as though I never fit into his future. It was never about "us" and "our"... it was always about him.
It doesn't seem to have changed much and that scares me.
It's hard to have peace when your head says one thing and your heart says another. It's even harder when they both say the same thing, but at different times. I guess I just have to pray and believe that in time, God will allow all things to work out the way they are suppose to, and that I will be content with whatever He chooses to do.
It's much harder than it sounds. But I've been through alot worse. I'm learning to just flow with things sometime. I'm alive for a reason. I have a purpose. And while I'm not quite sure what it is, I know if I allow God to guide me, He'll get me there when He's good and ready.
With or without Usher.
Please don't get it wrong. I've had a lovely time these few weeks. I've been much happier than I have been since September probably.
But on days such as this, my mind goes into overload, and I think about things that are just below the surface. Like despite our good times, smiles and hugs, the same issues we had before the breakup are still there. How are we going to handle it this time around?
I guess only time will tell.
It was quite a messy, dark, rainy, cold day. But we managed to find a bit of warmth in knowing that this is our first "romantic" outing since we decided to slowly work on a better relationship.
I had fun. I wasn't too fond of the food's amount/quality/price ratio, but I enjoyed the ambiance of Ray's in the City. Our waiter reminded me alot of my first real boyfriend, which kinda messed with my head a little, but other than that, he was on his job. Usher and I had a nice conversation about a little of everything and I even got him to taste my sushi appetizer. Of course he thought it was nasty as all get out, but at least he tried it.
Today I'm in a mellow mood. The weather is just as yucky as it was yesterday and it's quite depressing. It's great for sitting at home and curling up to a great book and hot cocoa. However, I'm not at home. I wore grey today to align myself with the world. Well at least from where I'm standing.
I'm having second thoughts about whether or not this is the right thing to do with Usher.
Not that I don't love him, or enjoy our time together, but as he begins to get back comfortable in our "togetherness", I'm starting to hear the same old tune from him.
I'm scared.
Usher has always talked about his "plans" and his life and what he hopes to accomplish. But one of the main reasons for our break up and my unhappiness in this relationship was because I felt as though I never fit into his future. It was never about "us" and "our"... it was always about him.
It doesn't seem to have changed much and that scares me.
It's hard to have peace when your head says one thing and your heart says another. It's even harder when they both say the same thing, but at different times. I guess I just have to pray and believe that in time, God will allow all things to work out the way they are suppose to, and that I will be content with whatever He chooses to do.
It's much harder than it sounds. But I've been through alot worse. I'm learning to just flow with things sometime. I'm alive for a reason. I have a purpose. And while I'm not quite sure what it is, I know if I allow God to guide me, He'll get me there when He's good and ready.
With or without Usher.
Please don't get it wrong. I've had a lovely time these few weeks. I've been much happier than I have been since September probably.
But on days such as this, my mind goes into overload, and I think about things that are just below the surface. Like despite our good times, smiles and hugs, the same issues we had before the breakup are still there. How are we going to handle it this time around?
I guess only time will tell.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Love is a wonderful thang!
I’m in love. *swooning*
Today I woke up and the birds were chirping louder than usual. My commute was shorter, the sun was brighter, my work was lighter.
*happy sigh*
It must be because I’m in looooove!
I’m not afraid to say it! I’ll shout it from the mountain tops.
I’M IN LOVE WITH MIKE BIBBY!!
Okay you’ve known that for how long, 3-4 years? lol
I wrote about my excitement for this man a while back. (HERE)
And now, my dreams have come true. He’s finally here! In Atlanta!! As a Hawk!!
As a Hawk???
Hmmm.
Now I know you’re supposed to have love for all your home teams, but the Hawks? Wow.
Every game I’ve ever been to they’ve lost (and I’ve been to a lot).
My boy Bibby was doing his thang in Sacramento for a good minute. I just hope he isn’t brought down by our team. Hopefully he can step our game up some. I definitely will be going to see him...err...the Hawks games now. He needs me. He just doesn't know it yet. Anyways. Just thought I’d share my happiness with the world.
Mike Bibby’s here folks! It goes down!
Today I woke up and the birds were chirping louder than usual. My commute was shorter, the sun was brighter, my work was lighter.
*happy sigh*
It must be because I’m in looooove!
I’m not afraid to say it! I’ll shout it from the mountain tops.
I’M IN LOVE WITH MIKE BIBBY!!
Okay you’ve known that for how long, 3-4 years? lol
I wrote about my excitement for this man a while back. (HERE)
And now, my dreams have come true. He’s finally here! In Atlanta!! As a Hawk!!
As a Hawk???
Hmmm.
Now I know you’re supposed to have love for all your home teams, but the Hawks? Wow.
Every game I’ve ever been to they’ve lost (and I’ve been to a lot).
My boy Bibby was doing his thang in Sacramento for a good minute. I just hope he isn’t brought down by our team. Hopefully he can step our game up some. I definitely will be going to see him...err...the Hawks games now. He needs me. He just doesn't know it yet. Anyways. Just thought I’d share my happiness with the world.
Mike Bibby’s here folks! It goes down!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Happy Friday
I love days like today.
I feel like Ice Cube. Today is definitely a good day.
I guess it's the universes way of helping make up for the not so good day I had yesterday. lol
I went all out this year for valentine. Usher told me to pick any place i wanted...and well...ya'll know i can be extra. I chose a nice, high-end restaurant in Buckhead which we had to be put on a waiting list for. They called Wed night to say that a slot had opened up and we could come at 9:15. I was elated.
I took off from work yesterday in hopes of creating a nice, cozy, V-day spirited living room. I bought a billion candles and some wood for my fire place. I had assorted fruits and chocolate, caramel, and whip cream. I, by myself i must add, moved ALL my furniture (it's a miracle my back isn't hurting from moving my heavy sofa) to the walls so that there's a huge open space in front of the fireplace. I put rose petals everywhere. I had oils, champange, movies, music...the works. I love being romantic. I know I probably should have let him do something, but i dunno... I never really end up with the truly romantic type. Sure Usher tries... and he does a good job. But no one can romance me like me. lol So I made my place Sway-worthy. It was absoulutely lovely. I finished cleaning, vacumming, washing, and setting everything at about 2pm. I was on my way out to get my hair and nails done. While I was waiting for my car to warm up, I decided to check on Usher. He thought I was at work. I didn't want him to know what I had been up to all morning. He was off this thursday, which is the only reason we were able to celebrate together anyways. When he picked up, I immediately knew something was very wrong.
"Sway, I think I need an ambulance" He barely whispered into my ear.
"Are you serious?" I practically yelled. I know he was a little under the weather the night before, but I figured with a little Nyquil and rest, he'd be fine by now.
"Yeah. I can't even get up. I feel so weak. I'm so sore. I need to go to the hospital." He reaked in pain.
"I'll be there in 3 minutes." I said, not caring that he wasn't supposed to know about me being off.
When I get there, the door was unlocked and he was laying on the floor in between his room and the kitchen.
"How long have you been down here?"
"Just since you called. I didn't have the energy to go back to my room after unlocking the door" He said.
He looked really pitiful. His bulky 6'1 frame seemed so feeble and frail on the floor. I gave him some gatorade and vitamin C and helped him maneuver himself out the door and into my car.
I'm such a slow driver! I hate that even in emergencies, I can't do anymore than 70...75 at the max. People zoom by me like i'm driving 15 mph here in Atlanta.
We make it to the Emergency room and stay there for the remainder of the day. Apparently he had the flu with a small touch of pneumonia. They put an IV in him and gave him some juice and pain killers. Over the course of the evening he started to feel a little better and his fever went down 2 degrees. They let him out and I was grateful. It was not the way I planned to spend my valentine's day. My hair was a mess. Instead of my oh-so-fly navy and red dress, I rocked some raggedy tennis shoes, jeans and a sweatshirt. I was tired, he was sick. And we had to cancel our reservations at the place we'll probably never get into again. :(
But...he's alive. And at home. And we were together. So...I guess all's well that ends well. lol
So I returned home in the wee hours of the morning to my beautiful cozy v-day themed place and sighed. It smells like berries and jasmine.
Maybe I'll leave everything like this and he'll be better by sunday. I think hopefully.
I had no hopes of today being good. I was already tired. I knew that I had to work today. Blah! But to my surprise... It was nice.
I woke up intentionally late. I took my time getting ready for work. I started feeling better. I love not rushing. I got to the train station and even though I'm late, there's a parking space RIGHT in the front. The cars in front of me passed right by it.
Thanks God! I say smiling.
Get out and walk a few steps to the gate. As soon as I get to the top, the train comes. Yay! No waiting in the cold! I plop in my seat and enjoy the ride.
When I get to work, only one other person in my department is here. Woo-Hoo! NO bosses. I can really chillax today!
I get a cup of coffee and I don't even DRINK coffee (except the caramel macchiato from Starbucks) and sit at my desk waiting for my computer to load.
I take my time doing my work and listen to my music without headphones. I dance a little in my cube and chat with friends on facebook.
Today is great!
Usher's mom calls me and asks if I'll come to the CNN center to meet her for lunch.
"Sure!" I say. This is the perfect day for that. I can take the extra time it takes to walk there and back since no one is here anyways.
On my way there, I decide to walk through the Centinnial Park. It's actually pretty nice outside. As I'm walking, I see one of the church members from Free Spirit (otherwise known as TG's church. lol) I wave to her and give her a hug. I had no idea she worked downtown. She says she's waiting for the first lady (who also works downtown.) The first lady arrives and we hug. They tell me they miss me and I feel so guilty for just never coming back to that church. I may have to go visit them again. I'm looking for a church. Might as well go somewhere I already know I like. We chat for a second and promise to do lunch. Ah...that was nice.
I get to the CNN center a few minutes early and browse in waldens bookstore waiting for Usher's mom. There was a lady doing a book signing. I go to the table and she sweetly tells me about her books.
"You should definitely get these. You'll love them. And I'm not just saying that because I'm the author." Her red rimmed glasses shake a little as she throw her head back in a hearty laugh.
"In fact, I'll give you one for free if you buy the other one." She smiled and handed me two books.
"Really? Thanks!" I said. I've been hollering for a week now that I've read all of my books and needed to buy one.
Usher's mom came around the corner as I was in line. I waved to her and she and I embraced.
"You ready to eat?" She said. I love her southern drawl. It's the cutest thing ever.
We walk around and look for a table in the packed place.
"Wow...i forgot that the circus is in town. There are no tables! Well there are some up there" she said pointing to the second level of the building "but you have to be an employee to get up there. Let me ask this guard if he'll let you up there since you're with me."
"The only way I know that could possibly get your daughter up there ma'am is to go to the concierge and ask for a visitor's pass. I don't know if that will work, bur it's the only suggestion I have" The guard said.
"Alright" She sighed. We looked around again for a second and the crowd seemed to have increased, so we headed to the concierge desk.
A cute curly haired man asked if he could help us.
"Yeah, can you give us a quick visitors pass so that my daughter and I can eat upstairs?" Usher's mom said nicely.
"Sure." He smiled and looked at me. "If she has ID."
I pull my work badge off and give it to him. He pecks on his keyboard quickly and looks from my badge picture to me. He smiles and gives me my badge back.
"Come forward so I can take your picture." He says. "Wow. She's so pretty. This is your daughter?" He asks Usher's mom.
She laughs and stumbles over her words for a second. "She's well...my daughter..uh future daughter in law...probably. Most likely. My son...uh...yeah."
"Well, she's very pretty. Bring her back by here if that doesn't work out. In fact, you don't have to bring her" looking at me and smiling "you can just come on back anytime."
Usher's mom laugh. "Hey...my son better step up otherwise I'll put in a good word for ya." She winks at him.
I'm completely floored by the whole exchange. I barely look at either of them and I'm blushing like a mad woman because I'm so embarrassed.
How he gonna ask my boyfriend's mother for a hookup? And how she gonna be like...okay? Ha! A mess. Well she did say no matter what happens between Usher and I, I'm still family and she's on my side. I guess she wasn't playing.
Then she had the nerve to tell Usher when he called! She's funny.
Anyways, we finally ended up eating lunch and she treated, which was like...ICING on the cake. I just got back not long ago and it's already time to go!
What a great simple day! I hope the night is just as wonderful! :)
I feel like Ice Cube. Today is definitely a good day.
I guess it's the universes way of helping make up for the not so good day I had yesterday. lol
I went all out this year for valentine. Usher told me to pick any place i wanted...and well...ya'll know i can be extra. I chose a nice, high-end restaurant in Buckhead which we had to be put on a waiting list for. They called Wed night to say that a slot had opened up and we could come at 9:15. I was elated.
I took off from work yesterday in hopes of creating a nice, cozy, V-day spirited living room. I bought a billion candles and some wood for my fire place. I had assorted fruits and chocolate, caramel, and whip cream. I, by myself i must add, moved ALL my furniture (it's a miracle my back isn't hurting from moving my heavy sofa) to the walls so that there's a huge open space in front of the fireplace. I put rose petals everywhere. I had oils, champange, movies, music...the works. I love being romantic. I know I probably should have let him do something, but i dunno... I never really end up with the truly romantic type. Sure Usher tries... and he does a good job. But no one can romance me like me. lol So I made my place Sway-worthy. It was absoulutely lovely. I finished cleaning, vacumming, washing, and setting everything at about 2pm. I was on my way out to get my hair and nails done. While I was waiting for my car to warm up, I decided to check on Usher. He thought I was at work. I didn't want him to know what I had been up to all morning. He was off this thursday, which is the only reason we were able to celebrate together anyways. When he picked up, I immediately knew something was very wrong.
"Sway, I think I need an ambulance" He barely whispered into my ear.
"Are you serious?" I practically yelled. I know he was a little under the weather the night before, but I figured with a little Nyquil and rest, he'd be fine by now.
"Yeah. I can't even get up. I feel so weak. I'm so sore. I need to go to the hospital." He reaked in pain.
"I'll be there in 3 minutes." I said, not caring that he wasn't supposed to know about me being off.
When I get there, the door was unlocked and he was laying on the floor in between his room and the kitchen.
"How long have you been down here?"
"Just since you called. I didn't have the energy to go back to my room after unlocking the door" He said.
He looked really pitiful. His bulky 6'1 frame seemed so feeble and frail on the floor. I gave him some gatorade and vitamin C and helped him maneuver himself out the door and into my car.
I'm such a slow driver! I hate that even in emergencies, I can't do anymore than 70...75 at the max. People zoom by me like i'm driving 15 mph here in Atlanta.
We make it to the Emergency room and stay there for the remainder of the day. Apparently he had the flu with a small touch of pneumonia. They put an IV in him and gave him some juice and pain killers. Over the course of the evening he started to feel a little better and his fever went down 2 degrees. They let him out and I was grateful. It was not the way I planned to spend my valentine's day. My hair was a mess. Instead of my oh-so-fly navy and red dress, I rocked some raggedy tennis shoes, jeans and a sweatshirt. I was tired, he was sick. And we had to cancel our reservations at the place we'll probably never get into again. :(
But...he's alive. And at home. And we were together. So...I guess all's well that ends well. lol
So I returned home in the wee hours of the morning to my beautiful cozy v-day themed place and sighed. It smells like berries and jasmine.
Maybe I'll leave everything like this and he'll be better by sunday. I think hopefully.
I had no hopes of today being good. I was already tired. I knew that I had to work today. Blah! But to my surprise... It was nice.
I woke up intentionally late. I took my time getting ready for work. I started feeling better. I love not rushing. I got to the train station and even though I'm late, there's a parking space RIGHT in the front. The cars in front of me passed right by it.
Thanks God! I say smiling.
Get out and walk a few steps to the gate. As soon as I get to the top, the train comes. Yay! No waiting in the cold! I plop in my seat and enjoy the ride.
When I get to work, only one other person in my department is here. Woo-Hoo! NO bosses. I can really chillax today!
I get a cup of coffee and I don't even DRINK coffee (except the caramel macchiato from Starbucks) and sit at my desk waiting for my computer to load.
I take my time doing my work and listen to my music without headphones. I dance a little in my cube and chat with friends on facebook.
Today is great!
Usher's mom calls me and asks if I'll come to the CNN center to meet her for lunch.
"Sure!" I say. This is the perfect day for that. I can take the extra time it takes to walk there and back since no one is here anyways.
On my way there, I decide to walk through the Centinnial Park. It's actually pretty nice outside. As I'm walking, I see one of the church members from Free Spirit (otherwise known as TG's church. lol) I wave to her and give her a hug. I had no idea she worked downtown. She says she's waiting for the first lady (who also works downtown.) The first lady arrives and we hug. They tell me they miss me and I feel so guilty for just never coming back to that church. I may have to go visit them again. I'm looking for a church. Might as well go somewhere I already know I like. We chat for a second and promise to do lunch. Ah...that was nice.
I get to the CNN center a few minutes early and browse in waldens bookstore waiting for Usher's mom. There was a lady doing a book signing. I go to the table and she sweetly tells me about her books.
"You should definitely get these. You'll love them. And I'm not just saying that because I'm the author." Her red rimmed glasses shake a little as she throw her head back in a hearty laugh.
"In fact, I'll give you one for free if you buy the other one." She smiled and handed me two books.
"Really? Thanks!" I said. I've been hollering for a week now that I've read all of my books and needed to buy one.
Usher's mom came around the corner as I was in line. I waved to her and she and I embraced.
"You ready to eat?" She said. I love her southern drawl. It's the cutest thing ever.
We walk around and look for a table in the packed place.
"Wow...i forgot that the circus is in town. There are no tables! Well there are some up there" she said pointing to the second level of the building "but you have to be an employee to get up there. Let me ask this guard if he'll let you up there since you're with me."
"The only way I know that could possibly get your daughter up there ma'am is to go to the concierge and ask for a visitor's pass. I don't know if that will work, bur it's the only suggestion I have" The guard said.
"Alright" She sighed. We looked around again for a second and the crowd seemed to have increased, so we headed to the concierge desk.
A cute curly haired man asked if he could help us.
"Yeah, can you give us a quick visitors pass so that my daughter and I can eat upstairs?" Usher's mom said nicely.
"Sure." He smiled and looked at me. "If she has ID."
I pull my work badge off and give it to him. He pecks on his keyboard quickly and looks from my badge picture to me. He smiles and gives me my badge back.
"Come forward so I can take your picture." He says. "Wow. She's so pretty. This is your daughter?" He asks Usher's mom.
She laughs and stumbles over her words for a second. "She's well...my daughter..uh future daughter in law...probably. Most likely. My son...uh...yeah."
"Well, she's very pretty. Bring her back by here if that doesn't work out. In fact, you don't have to bring her" looking at me and smiling "you can just come on back anytime."
Usher's mom laugh. "Hey...my son better step up otherwise I'll put in a good word for ya." She winks at him.
I'm completely floored by the whole exchange. I barely look at either of them and I'm blushing like a mad woman because I'm so embarrassed.
How he gonna ask my boyfriend's mother for a hookup? And how she gonna be like...okay? Ha! A mess. Well she did say no matter what happens between Usher and I, I'm still family and she's on my side. I guess she wasn't playing.
Then she had the nerve to tell Usher when he called! She's funny.
Anyways, we finally ended up eating lunch and she treated, which was like...ICING on the cake. I just got back not long ago and it's already time to go!
What a great simple day! I hope the night is just as wonderful! :)
Monday, February 11, 2008
Boomerang
Feb 1st, 2008
6:45 am
I am a person of routine. I don’t mean to be, but I find that getting into a habit helps me remember things that I normally wouldn’t remember. Like taking my vitamins…or making sure my plants are fed.
For the last year or so, I’ve had the same routine. I yawn and stretch before moaning about getting out of my cozy bed. It’s usually still dark, and I don’t mind since I’ve adjusted just fine to it the few times a night I get up to use the restroom. I put on my glasses and jump off my bed. My pink bunny slippers are always a hair off from where I jump so I shuffle my feet around until I find them. I grab my cell phone, check the time again and head to the bathroom to get cleaned up.
Today was the first time I ever had a text waiting.
Usually I hear my phone when it chimes during the night and I, a person who is impatient and nosey, look at them right then and there. But somehow this one slipped through the cracks.
I flipped my phone open and wondered who it could be. The phone light made me momentarily squint as I expertly maneuvered my way past my dresser and into the hall.
Is it too late? Could u ever trust me again? U know what I’m thinking about. Been thinking for a while. Sorry 2 lay this on u all of a sudden.
Usher
Jan 31st
2:49am
I dropped my phone. I didn’t mean to but my hands involuntarily shook.
I wasn’t expecting the text to be from him. And I definitely wasn’t expecting the text to say what it said.
He was right. I did know what he was thinking about. He wanted to get back together.
I calmly texted him back and went to wash my face and brush my teeth, knowing that he wouldn’t get it until later since he was fast asleep by now. He gets off of work every night at midnight and by the time I’m up, he’s about midway into his sleep.
I continue to get dress as I gather my feelings about the situation.
I love Usher. There’s never been a time during our relationship or thereafter that I doubted this. He’s one of those people that will drive you crazy and you’d want to kick him repeatedly, but he’s so charismatic that even then, you can’t stop smiling and thinking…"This guy is something else."
It was common knowledge in our relationship that if either one of us left the other, there was no coming back. Yet here we were. 2.5 months later. And he's asking for the very think I told him I wouldn't give him again. Only... I think that for him, I could.
Lord knows after the whole HalfNakedGirl incident, the thing I wanted most was to be out of love with him. I was ready to move on. It was clear to me that he had and I did not want to play the lovestruck victim role. Nope. I wanted to move on. I tried too. I didn't call him. Tried to be short if we did have any communication. I went out on dates...enjoyed my me time. Read billions of inspirational pick me ups and enlightening books. I was determined to move forward.
But there was something about Usher.
I couldn’t force him out of my system just yet and it drove me crazy.
After getting dressed, I grabbed my phone and saw that I had another text.
He’s still awake? He must be serious.
I get in my car and text him again while I’m warming up my car.
This all seem so surreal to me. For a month after we decided to break up, I had this crazy idea that he’d one day pop up at my house or job(s) and beg for me to take him back. Day after day I’d find myself looking for his car when I pulled up in my parking lot, looking for him at the marta station, glancing around at ever passing guy in hopes of seeing him. Denial is a mutha! I finally realized that there was no more “us”...that he wasn't going to one day miraculously pop up and say that he missed me and he loved me and he wanted me back. I stopped hoping and I started taking steps to heal.
Then this happens. My crazy dream has finally come true and instead of feeling elated, I feel ...scared. I haven't smiled, or celebrated. I haven't allowed myself to really even believe yet. I guess because I feel like at any moment someone was going to come up behind me and yell… SIIIIIIIIIIIKE!
Usher, it may be hard for me at first to trust you because of how things went down, but I do believe that time and love will help. I text back.
I guess I am giving him another chance. Something I said I wouldn’t do. I didn’t do it for TD, Anthony, or even for TG, but here I am with Usher. Giving him a second chance. Giving US a second chance.
We talked that morning briefly while I was on the train.
He told me that he never stopped loving me. And he never really wanted to break up. It was just our circumstances at the time that was making it difficult to be together and he saw how unhappy I was. He didn't want to be the cause of that and he didn't want me to eventually resent him.
He expressed his fears and concerns about our relationship and I expressed mine.
After 20 minutes or so of phone time, we decided to take it slow. I told him that I didn’t want to just jump right back in where we left off. I think part of our problem was that we got too serious too quickly. I think we should just date each other for a while. Lay down a better foundation. He was cool with that. So… I guess I’ll have a valentine's date after all.
6:45 am
I am a person of routine. I don’t mean to be, but I find that getting into a habit helps me remember things that I normally wouldn’t remember. Like taking my vitamins…or making sure my plants are fed.
For the last year or so, I’ve had the same routine. I yawn and stretch before moaning about getting out of my cozy bed. It’s usually still dark, and I don’t mind since I’ve adjusted just fine to it the few times a night I get up to use the restroom. I put on my glasses and jump off my bed. My pink bunny slippers are always a hair off from where I jump so I shuffle my feet around until I find them. I grab my cell phone, check the time again and head to the bathroom to get cleaned up.
Today was the first time I ever had a text waiting.
Usually I hear my phone when it chimes during the night and I, a person who is impatient and nosey, look at them right then and there. But somehow this one slipped through the cracks.
I flipped my phone open and wondered who it could be. The phone light made me momentarily squint as I expertly maneuvered my way past my dresser and into the hall.
Is it too late? Could u ever trust me again? U know what I’m thinking about. Been thinking for a while. Sorry 2 lay this on u all of a sudden.
Usher
Jan 31st
2:49am
I dropped my phone. I didn’t mean to but my hands involuntarily shook.
I wasn’t expecting the text to be from him. And I definitely wasn’t expecting the text to say what it said.
He was right. I did know what he was thinking about. He wanted to get back together.
I calmly texted him back and went to wash my face and brush my teeth, knowing that he wouldn’t get it until later since he was fast asleep by now. He gets off of work every night at midnight and by the time I’m up, he’s about midway into his sleep.
I continue to get dress as I gather my feelings about the situation.
I love Usher. There’s never been a time during our relationship or thereafter that I doubted this. He’s one of those people that will drive you crazy and you’d want to kick him repeatedly, but he’s so charismatic that even then, you can’t stop smiling and thinking…"This guy is something else."
It was common knowledge in our relationship that if either one of us left the other, there was no coming back. Yet here we were. 2.5 months later. And he's asking for the very think I told him I wouldn't give him again. Only... I think that for him, I could.
Lord knows after the whole HalfNakedGirl incident, the thing I wanted most was to be out of love with him. I was ready to move on. It was clear to me that he had and I did not want to play the lovestruck victim role. Nope. I wanted to move on. I tried too. I didn't call him. Tried to be short if we did have any communication. I went out on dates...enjoyed my me time. Read billions of inspirational pick me ups and enlightening books. I was determined to move forward.
But there was something about Usher.
I couldn’t force him out of my system just yet and it drove me crazy.
After getting dressed, I grabbed my phone and saw that I had another text.
He’s still awake? He must be serious.
I get in my car and text him again while I’m warming up my car.
This all seem so surreal to me. For a month after we decided to break up, I had this crazy idea that he’d one day pop up at my house or job(s) and beg for me to take him back. Day after day I’d find myself looking for his car when I pulled up in my parking lot, looking for him at the marta station, glancing around at ever passing guy in hopes of seeing him. Denial is a mutha! I finally realized that there was no more “us”...that he wasn't going to one day miraculously pop up and say that he missed me and he loved me and he wanted me back. I stopped hoping and I started taking steps to heal.
Then this happens. My crazy dream has finally come true and instead of feeling elated, I feel ...scared. I haven't smiled, or celebrated. I haven't allowed myself to really even believe yet. I guess because I feel like at any moment someone was going to come up behind me and yell… SIIIIIIIIIIIKE!
Usher, it may be hard for me at first to trust you because of how things went down, but I do believe that time and love will help. I text back.
I guess I am giving him another chance. Something I said I wouldn’t do. I didn’t do it for TD, Anthony, or even for TG, but here I am with Usher. Giving him a second chance. Giving US a second chance.
We talked that morning briefly while I was on the train.
He told me that he never stopped loving me. And he never really wanted to break up. It was just our circumstances at the time that was making it difficult to be together and he saw how unhappy I was. He didn't want to be the cause of that and he didn't want me to eventually resent him.
He expressed his fears and concerns about our relationship and I expressed mine.
After 20 minutes or so of phone time, we decided to take it slow. I told him that I didn’t want to just jump right back in where we left off. I think part of our problem was that we got too serious too quickly. I think we should just date each other for a while. Lay down a better foundation. He was cool with that. So… I guess I’ll have a valentine's date after all.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Holiday Wrap-up
Thursday Jan 3rd, 2008
I’m back at work and I’m soooo not feeling it. I’ve been waking up late everyday… staying out late every night. Eating everything in sight then burning it off with dancing. I NEED to be rich so that I can have this kind of lifestyle. This 8-5 thing isn’t for me.
I am met at work with loads of assignments. It may have been a new year, but it was the same ole work. People ooohh’d and aahhh’d when I walked by their desk. I forgot that they hadn’t seen my new blonde do…although it wasn’t that “new” anymore.
I had about a billion new emails to tend to and just about the same amount on my phone too.
“Hey Sway, Happy New Year’s love” A familiar male voice says. “I uh… just wanted to say hi. I know it’s been a while. Uh… give me a call when you get this. Aight. In a minute.” Click.
My heart beated a little faster. I played the message two more times.
It’s been quite a while since Chocolate Tease and I spoke. (remember him. Click here)
Since my “detoxificiation”, we hadn’t really kept in touch too much.
His voice took me back to ’04 and I couldn’t help but smile.
So that’s who called me the other day on my cell. I wonder why he didn’t leave a message?
I told myself I’d call him before I went out that night. All day I began wondering why after all these years…so conveniently after Usher and I decided to part ways, did he come calling me.
Don’t read too much into it Sway. I told myself. I have a way of over analyzing every word, action, pause, look…whatever! My good friend used to tell me “Sometimes a rose is just a rose Sway. Chill out!”
I get home and do my daily ritual of pulling off my work clothes and calling my mom to let her know that I’m home. I plop on the couch and scroll to his number. I press the call button.
“You have reached the voicemail of Sherrod. Please leave a message after the beep…”
Sherrod? Who the heck is Sherrod? I wondered.
I looked at the number in my phone. It looked the same as the one on my work phone. So I try it again. Same thing.
Puzzled, I hang up without leaving a message. I’ll just have to look at my work phone again tomorrow.
I pull up into the parking lot for the second Thursday in a row with my friends trailing behind me in their cars. They had the same crazy look on their face that I had last week.
"This is it?" My outspoken friend Trail questioned with one eyebrow raised.
Yup. I said as I breathed in the cold night air. Tonight I opted not to wear a skirt. If I was going to drop it like it’s hot like I did last week, I definitely needed some pants on. I chose some basic black stretch pants and a red shirt and belt revealing a black lace teddy underneath. My cousin was supposed to be coming with Mika again too. So it should definitely be fun with us rolling 7 deep.
I led the way in and strutted as if I do this all the time. I got the table in the front center and sat down. As soon as I looked over by the restroom, Brian was looking dead at me.
I waved to him and he waved back. He came over to the table as my friends settled into their new surroundings and slided his arm around my waist while kissing me lightly on the cheek.
"Hey Beautiful!" He exclaimed. Glad you could make it out tonight.
"Thanks. We’ll be over to see you in a minute." I wink.
He mouthed “thanks” and walked back to his spot. I made sure my girls took some pictures. I know the brotha needs a little extra money.
While we’re sipping on our drinks and chatting. My cell goes off again.
Chocolate Tease!!! I smile and answer the phone seductively.
“Hey you!” I coo. The music is loud and I have one hand over the uncovered ear. I began walking towards the door so that I could hear him better.
“Hey.” he says. “I saw that you called earlier. You look good. I didn’t know you would be here tonight.”
I could barely hear him, but I knew one thing… this wasn’t Chocolate Tease!
“Here? What are you talking about?” I said… stopping in my tracks and looking around.
A short guy at the bar waves at me and points to the phone by his ear as if seeing my confusion in this dimly lit place.
“It’s me. Desire!” He said as he got up.
Stunned, I put on the biggest fakest smile I could manage to offset my wrinkled brows and hung up.
How in the HECK did he get my number???? What is going on here? Was my number plastered on the mens stall or something?
He reaches me and tells me how he’s been trying to call me all week. Apparently my cousin gave him my number.
Go figure! She’s just giving out my number like it’s free food. Why didn’t she tell me about this when I talked to her the other day? I’m gonna hurt her when she gets here.
“I wanted to tell you that I liked your style” He whispered in my ear. “I was trying to get at you, but you seem like you’re never available.” He said in harsher tone.
What is up with these dudes?
“Well I AM busy. Plus, I had no idea you even HAD my number. You didn’t leave a message.” I retorted.
“I just figured you didn’t want to talk to me. Your cousin said she told you.” He looked around and waved to some of his collegues.
She needs to be beat.
We chat for a second about the fact that I’m not really trying to go out and then he tells me that he’ll give me a special dance during his show. I politely declined and went back to my seat.
Dang… I really was hoping that Chocolate Tease was on the other end. I must have read the number wrong.
The night started out pretty slow. It wasn’t as big of a crowd as the week before. Maybe because most of the women were back at work now. Nevertheless, the men that performed was on point. This one guy who didn’t perform last week had the attention of EVERY LADY there. His name was Bodacious. Homeboy climbed the wall like Spiderman! Like for real. No special effects. NOTHING! lol I felt that it was my duty to give him a few dollars. So I got up and went on the stage and put it right on his oily sweaty back.
About 30 seconds after I get to my seat, I feel warm breath on my neck and a voice saying “You don’t have to tip these negros in here. I’ll give you a private dance later if you want.” I snap my head around so fast to see Brian the Pictureman standing there.
This fool is crazy! I don’t want you grinding on me. I don’t know you!!
Between him and Desire, I didn't have as much fun as I did the week before. Everytime I clapped or gave up some money I could feel one or the other staring at me as if I'm cheating on them. I hate dudes that are possessive and I'm not even your girl. What's up with that?
The rest of the night scurried on. My cousin and her friend never showed. And it was probably for the best since I had some words for her. Desire performed and honestly, I saw about 3 other guys who did their thing waaaaaaaaay better than he. The way he had been hyping himself up, I thought that he was going to be the truth. Not so.
My girls really enjoyed themselves. This was a change of pace for us. We usually sit around at a Panera Bread and discuss the state of education and the black communities of today. lol
I pour myself into bed at about 1:30 that morning knowing that I had to be up in a few hours. This was the last big event for me for a while. My holidays were officially over. Now maybe life can get back to normal.
I’m back at work and I’m soooo not feeling it. I’ve been waking up late everyday… staying out late every night. Eating everything in sight then burning it off with dancing. I NEED to be rich so that I can have this kind of lifestyle. This 8-5 thing isn’t for me.
I am met at work with loads of assignments. It may have been a new year, but it was the same ole work. People ooohh’d and aahhh’d when I walked by their desk. I forgot that they hadn’t seen my new blonde do…although it wasn’t that “new” anymore.
I had about a billion new emails to tend to and just about the same amount on my phone too.
“Hey Sway, Happy New Year’s love” A familiar male voice says. “I uh… just wanted to say hi. I know it’s been a while. Uh… give me a call when you get this. Aight. In a minute.” Click.
My heart beated a little faster. I played the message two more times.
It’s been quite a while since Chocolate Tease and I spoke. (remember him. Click here)
Since my “detoxificiation”, we hadn’t really kept in touch too much.
His voice took me back to ’04 and I couldn’t help but smile.
So that’s who called me the other day on my cell. I wonder why he didn’t leave a message?
I told myself I’d call him before I went out that night. All day I began wondering why after all these years…so conveniently after Usher and I decided to part ways, did he come calling me.
Don’t read too much into it Sway. I told myself. I have a way of over analyzing every word, action, pause, look…whatever! My good friend used to tell me “Sometimes a rose is just a rose Sway. Chill out!”
I get home and do my daily ritual of pulling off my work clothes and calling my mom to let her know that I’m home. I plop on the couch and scroll to his number. I press the call button.
“You have reached the voicemail of Sherrod. Please leave a message after the beep…”
Sherrod? Who the heck is Sherrod? I wondered.
I looked at the number in my phone. It looked the same as the one on my work phone. So I try it again. Same thing.
Puzzled, I hang up without leaving a message. I’ll just have to look at my work phone again tomorrow.
I pull up into the parking lot for the second Thursday in a row with my friends trailing behind me in their cars. They had the same crazy look on their face that I had last week.
"This is it?" My outspoken friend Trail questioned with one eyebrow raised.
Yup. I said as I breathed in the cold night air. Tonight I opted not to wear a skirt. If I was going to drop it like it’s hot like I did last week, I definitely needed some pants on. I chose some basic black stretch pants and a red shirt and belt revealing a black lace teddy underneath. My cousin was supposed to be coming with Mika again too. So it should definitely be fun with us rolling 7 deep.
I led the way in and strutted as if I do this all the time. I got the table in the front center and sat down. As soon as I looked over by the restroom, Brian was looking dead at me.
I waved to him and he waved back. He came over to the table as my friends settled into their new surroundings and slided his arm around my waist while kissing me lightly on the cheek.
"Hey Beautiful!" He exclaimed. Glad you could make it out tonight.
"Thanks. We’ll be over to see you in a minute." I wink.
He mouthed “thanks” and walked back to his spot. I made sure my girls took some pictures. I know the brotha needs a little extra money.
While we’re sipping on our drinks and chatting. My cell goes off again.
Chocolate Tease!!! I smile and answer the phone seductively.
“Hey you!” I coo. The music is loud and I have one hand over the uncovered ear. I began walking towards the door so that I could hear him better.
“Hey.” he says. “I saw that you called earlier. You look good. I didn’t know you would be here tonight.”
I could barely hear him, but I knew one thing… this wasn’t Chocolate Tease!
“Here? What are you talking about?” I said… stopping in my tracks and looking around.
A short guy at the bar waves at me and points to the phone by his ear as if seeing my confusion in this dimly lit place.
“It’s me. Desire!” He said as he got up.
Stunned, I put on the biggest fakest smile I could manage to offset my wrinkled brows and hung up.
How in the HECK did he get my number???? What is going on here? Was my number plastered on the mens stall or something?
He reaches me and tells me how he’s been trying to call me all week. Apparently my cousin gave him my number.
Go figure! She’s just giving out my number like it’s free food. Why didn’t she tell me about this when I talked to her the other day? I’m gonna hurt her when she gets here.
“I wanted to tell you that I liked your style” He whispered in my ear. “I was trying to get at you, but you seem like you’re never available.” He said in harsher tone.
What is up with these dudes?
“Well I AM busy. Plus, I had no idea you even HAD my number. You didn’t leave a message.” I retorted.
“I just figured you didn’t want to talk to me. Your cousin said she told you.” He looked around and waved to some of his collegues.
She needs to be beat.
We chat for a second about the fact that I’m not really trying to go out and then he tells me that he’ll give me a special dance during his show. I politely declined and went back to my seat.
Dang… I really was hoping that Chocolate Tease was on the other end. I must have read the number wrong.
The night started out pretty slow. It wasn’t as big of a crowd as the week before. Maybe because most of the women were back at work now. Nevertheless, the men that performed was on point. This one guy who didn’t perform last week had the attention of EVERY LADY there. His name was Bodacious. Homeboy climbed the wall like Spiderman! Like for real. No special effects. NOTHING! lol I felt that it was my duty to give him a few dollars. So I got up and went on the stage and put it right on his oily sweaty back.
About 30 seconds after I get to my seat, I feel warm breath on my neck and a voice saying “You don’t have to tip these negros in here. I’ll give you a private dance later if you want.” I snap my head around so fast to see Brian the Pictureman standing there.
This fool is crazy! I don’t want you grinding on me. I don’t know you!!
Between him and Desire, I didn't have as much fun as I did the week before. Everytime I clapped or gave up some money I could feel one or the other staring at me as if I'm cheating on them. I hate dudes that are possessive and I'm not even your girl. What's up with that?
The rest of the night scurried on. My cousin and her friend never showed. And it was probably for the best since I had some words for her. Desire performed and honestly, I saw about 3 other guys who did their thing waaaaaaaaay better than he. The way he had been hyping himself up, I thought that he was going to be the truth. Not so.
My girls really enjoyed themselves. This was a change of pace for us. We usually sit around at a Panera Bread and discuss the state of education and the black communities of today. lol
I pour myself into bed at about 1:30 that morning knowing that I had to be up in a few hours. This was the last big event for me for a while. My holidays were officially over. Now maybe life can get back to normal.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Holiday Promise
Saturday Dec 29th, 2007
7:45am
*yawn* I pull up in the parking lot of a Buckhead plaza and see a few cars. None of them look like my friends’ cars so I find a spot close to the only thing that seemed to be opening soon and smiled.
A sign read Buckhead Spa.
YES! I love spas! This has to be our surprise. Nothing else is showing any signs of opening soon.
I look at myself in my vanity mirror and pick at my hair. I went “blonde” about 2 weeks ago and have been finding that they err…we indeed have more fun.
This has been a great holiday vacation so far. I’ve been out a lot, I got to see all my friends and family. I’ve been eating like a horse. I got everyone everything I wanted without becoming broke. I quit my second job. I got my wish of spending Christmas with Usher. Life was good. I was having fun, yet, I still felt empty.
8:00am rolls around and I see an Explorer zoom around the corner and abrubtly stop inches before the parking space curb.
That HAS to be my friends. I laugh and get out the car.
“SWAAAAAY!” Tee exclaims. She’s the first one out and I realize all my friends rode together because they all live close. I hate living so far away from everyone. I gotta do something about that.
I run to meet her and hug her tight. She’s the one living in NY now and if there was an award for the best physical transformation, it would definitely go to her. She looks GREAT! The rest of the crew begin filing out of the SUV and we all exchange hugs.
Tee gets us together for a quick picture, then pulls out 4 thin strips of paper.
“Okay ya’ll…we’re going to the spa today! I got 4 different packages and in order to be fair, I’m going to let you guys pull.”
One by one, my friends began pulling until there was one strip left. Tee hands it to me and tells us all “Merry Christmas”.
We’re all excited as we read which package we had. Mine read “Aromatherapy massage and mini-facial.” Woo-hoo!
We all thank her as she gives us the appropriate gift cards. We walk in and our wonderful relaxing day starts.
I am in love with massages now. During each of our “down-times” we would all sit in the common areas in our white robes and slippers and chat. I bet it was an earful for the other patrons to hear us talking about “how big is too big” and “the origin of Christmas” (I know…how random is that)
We didn’t finish until 1pm. My pregnant friend Biah was looking a little down when we were walking out. We were all concerned.
“What’s wrong?
Did the massage hurt?
Are you okay?
Turns out, she was just hungry. lol
I was too! We went to Jason’s Deli and chowed down. Anytime the 5 of us get together, it’s a rule that we stay together all day.
We moved our fun from Jason’s deli to Tee’s sister house, where she was staying for the holidays. I felt kinda sorry for her sister, since we basically deboed (sp?) her house until 3 that morning talking. We are such chatty women. It’s sooo much to talk about. Tee is a Northwestern graduate who’s currently at Columbia working on her PhD in education. Biah went to Standford, then Emory for her Masters in Public Health. Trail is a teacher and a marketing and comm. major, and Tiff is at Ga. State studying to get her Counseling degree. We got a lot of stuff to talk about. lol
I ended the night err…morning…sleepily driving back to my house. I had to get up in 4 hours for Church. We were visiting a new Church we heard about from some of the members at our old church. I’ve been so out of it lately. I didn’t even feel like going. But I know my moms would call my behind a billion times if I decided to not go and I still wouldn't get any rest.
Church was cool. It was the first one we visited that I could actually see myself in. My parents liked it too. It kind of reminded us of our old Church. Except the people seemed friendlier. Then I was reminded that our old Church was “friendly” when we first got there too.
The message was AWESOME. I needed to hear it. The title was: GO FORWARD!
How on point is that?!?
2 days before the New Year and I had planned to leave 2007 in the dust!
It’s a new beginning for me. No more Usher. No more night job. No more dealing with fake people at my old Church. Just new beginnings! I was amped!
We all agreed that we’d come back Monday night for New Years Eve service and did just that.
For the first time in 3 months, I felt genuinely fulfilled.
Yeah I still loved Usher and wished we were still together.
Yeah, I had a lot of bills and a little money.
Yeah, we still didn’t have a Church home and leaving 15 years of service in one Church was scary.
Yeah, I STILL haven’t received the promotion I asked for at the beginning of LAST year.
Yeah, I’m still working out my uncertainties about God and religion and our relationship.
But...
At that moment I felt peace. I closed my eyes and felt the promise of 2008.
This is my year. I kept repeating to myself.
I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Hope.
I believed that good things were going to happen to me.
I believed that I would be alright.
I believed that this funk I’m in would disappear.
This year, I was going to make it my business to manifest the “Happy” in Happy New Year.
I slept to my parents house that night with confidence.
The old mattress didn’t even bother me too much. On New Years day, I was with the people who loved the most and I had no regrets.
Tee called me to tell me she was leaving on Friday and wanted us all to get together one more time. I had a suggestion for Thursday night.
“The strip club?” She said surprised, nervous and excited all at the same time. “You know what? I’m down.” She laughed.
Sigh… here I go again. I thought to myself.
Wasn’t I supposed to leave this mess back in ’07?
When will I learn?
To be continued…
7:45am
*yawn* I pull up in the parking lot of a Buckhead plaza and see a few cars. None of them look like my friends’ cars so I find a spot close to the only thing that seemed to be opening soon and smiled.
A sign read Buckhead Spa.
YES! I love spas! This has to be our surprise. Nothing else is showing any signs of opening soon.
I look at myself in my vanity mirror and pick at my hair. I went “blonde” about 2 weeks ago and have been finding that they err…we indeed have more fun.
This has been a great holiday vacation so far. I’ve been out a lot, I got to see all my friends and family. I’ve been eating like a horse. I got everyone everything I wanted without becoming broke. I quit my second job. I got my wish of spending Christmas with Usher. Life was good. I was having fun, yet, I still felt empty.
8:00am rolls around and I see an Explorer zoom around the corner and abrubtly stop inches before the parking space curb.
That HAS to be my friends. I laugh and get out the car.
“SWAAAAAY!” Tee exclaims. She’s the first one out and I realize all my friends rode together because they all live close. I hate living so far away from everyone. I gotta do something about that.
I run to meet her and hug her tight. She’s the one living in NY now and if there was an award for the best physical transformation, it would definitely go to her. She looks GREAT! The rest of the crew begin filing out of the SUV and we all exchange hugs.
Tee gets us together for a quick picture, then pulls out 4 thin strips of paper.
“Okay ya’ll…we’re going to the spa today! I got 4 different packages and in order to be fair, I’m going to let you guys pull.”
One by one, my friends began pulling until there was one strip left. Tee hands it to me and tells us all “Merry Christmas”.
We’re all excited as we read which package we had. Mine read “Aromatherapy massage and mini-facial.” Woo-hoo!
We all thank her as she gives us the appropriate gift cards. We walk in and our wonderful relaxing day starts.
I am in love with massages now. During each of our “down-times” we would all sit in the common areas in our white robes and slippers and chat. I bet it was an earful for the other patrons to hear us talking about “how big is too big” and “the origin of Christmas” (I know…how random is that)
We didn’t finish until 1pm. My pregnant friend Biah was looking a little down when we were walking out. We were all concerned.
“What’s wrong?
Did the massage hurt?
Are you okay?
Turns out, she was just hungry. lol
I was too! We went to Jason’s Deli and chowed down. Anytime the 5 of us get together, it’s a rule that we stay together all day.
We moved our fun from Jason’s deli to Tee’s sister house, where she was staying for the holidays. I felt kinda sorry for her sister, since we basically deboed (sp?) her house until 3 that morning talking. We are such chatty women. It’s sooo much to talk about. Tee is a Northwestern graduate who’s currently at Columbia working on her PhD in education. Biah went to Standford, then Emory for her Masters in Public Health. Trail is a teacher and a marketing and comm. major, and Tiff is at Ga. State studying to get her Counseling degree. We got a lot of stuff to talk about. lol
I ended the night err…morning…sleepily driving back to my house. I had to get up in 4 hours for Church. We were visiting a new Church we heard about from some of the members at our old church. I’ve been so out of it lately. I didn’t even feel like going. But I know my moms would call my behind a billion times if I decided to not go and I still wouldn't get any rest.
Church was cool. It was the first one we visited that I could actually see myself in. My parents liked it too. It kind of reminded us of our old Church. Except the people seemed friendlier. Then I was reminded that our old Church was “friendly” when we first got there too.
The message was AWESOME. I needed to hear it. The title was: GO FORWARD!
How on point is that?!?
2 days before the New Year and I had planned to leave 2007 in the dust!
It’s a new beginning for me. No more Usher. No more night job. No more dealing with fake people at my old Church. Just new beginnings! I was amped!
We all agreed that we’d come back Monday night for New Years Eve service and did just that.
For the first time in 3 months, I felt genuinely fulfilled.
Yeah I still loved Usher and wished we were still together.
Yeah, I had a lot of bills and a little money.
Yeah, we still didn’t have a Church home and leaving 15 years of service in one Church was scary.
Yeah, I STILL haven’t received the promotion I asked for at the beginning of LAST year.
Yeah, I’m still working out my uncertainties about God and religion and our relationship.
But...
At that moment I felt peace. I closed my eyes and felt the promise of 2008.
This is my year. I kept repeating to myself.
I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Hope.
I believed that good things were going to happen to me.
I believed that I would be alright.
I believed that this funk I’m in would disappear.
This year, I was going to make it my business to manifest the “Happy” in Happy New Year.
I slept to my parents house that night with confidence.
The old mattress didn’t even bother me too much. On New Years day, I was with the people who loved the most and I had no regrets.
Tee called me to tell me she was leaving on Friday and wanted us all to get together one more time. I had a suggestion for Thursday night.
“The strip club?” She said surprised, nervous and excited all at the same time. “You know what? I’m down.” She laughed.
Sigh… here I go again. I thought to myself.
Wasn’t I supposed to leave this mess back in ’07?
When will I learn?
To be continued…
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Holiday Date
Friday Dec 28th, 2007
continued...
“Ummmm. Hooow did you get my number?” I questioned.
“Your cousin gave it to me.” He said confidently.
Great! So he has both of our numbers??? WTH?
As if sensing my confusion, he began explaining that she had took a few more “provocative” pictures towards the end of the night and he wasn’t able to develop them then. She gave him her number so she could pick them up at a later time. Apparently he called her this morning to tell her that her pictures were ready and to ask for my number.
I should kill her.
“Oh. Okay?” I said impatiently. I am soooo irritated at my cousin. And his chipperness was not helping.
“Well, I was wondering if you were busy tonight. I’d love to take you out.” He shouted.
Why is this dude so LOUD!!!
“Well I dunno…” I started. But I couldn’t really make up a good lie.
“Aww. Come on Sway. It’ll be fun. We’ll just go out and have some fun. Nothing heavy.” He beamed.
“Ummm…well call me later. I’m still sleep now. I won’t remember this convo very well.”
He said okay and we hung up.
After immediately calling my cousin and chewing her out, I decided that I couldn’t sleep anymore. I hate when my sleep is interrupted. I walk over to my venetian blinds and let the sunshine overtake my living room. Wow…what a beautiful day. I squinted as I looked out my windows at the cars driving by.
I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go out on a mini-date. Besides, I need to get my mind off of Usher. Since Christmas, he’s been calling. He knows how upset I was about Miss. Semi-Naked Girl on his phone. I guess he was just trying to get back in my good graces. That’s what I hate about loving someone. Even though I know he’s lying and I really hate him sometimes, I still really love him…and can’t seem to tear myself away from our usual routines.
I spent the day alone, pondering all of the craziness that is my life for the last month or so, and I feel empty. I was not happy. I hated feeling so disconnected from God. I hated not having a Church home. I hated loving a man that showed ambiguous emotions towards me. I felt so alone. Especially after last night.
Going out for a night on the town with my girls always seem to remind me of the fact that I come home to an empty place. I guess because all my friends have someone waiting for them at home and I always notice that when it’s time to end our festivities, they all seem genuinely happy to do so. I never really am.
My place is a mess still! I have been procrastinating all week about cleaning. And today would be the perfect time to get things in order. I began to clean and talk out loud to God about how I’m feeling. After pouring out my heart I feel a bit lighter. Just a bit. Before long, Brian calls back and I agree to meet him at Barnacles (not the same one as this incident). I take a long, hot shower and take my time getting ready for this date. I have no real interest in him, but I felt like this was a good step towards moving on. I had to start going out…right?
I throw on some jeans and a black fitted shirt with a big black belt. I swear I’d wear that belt everyday if I could. It fits perfectly over my midsection and it gives me the appearance of having an hour glass shape. lol
He wasn’t that tall was he? I ponder this while trying to decide on heels or flats.
Flats!
I put on some black atheleisure shoes and was on my way. He was outside when I pulled up.
Wow. He’s definitely more ripped than I remember. He was dressed in one of those black body shirts which I hate on men. But he actually filled his out, so I was cool with it. He had on a button down shirt over it… opened of course, so you could see his mucsles bulging from his body shirt…and some jeans.
“Heeeeey Beautiful!” He exclaimed. That man knows he loves to smile.
We hug and walk in together. The place was packed. What did I expect…it WAS Friday night!
We find a table and he asks me if I want a drink. I declined. I’m really not that big of a drinker… but I guess he wouldn’t know that from the way I was guzzling them down the night before.
I look around while he looks at the menu. Dang there’s a lot of men here!! Now I’m wishing that I came here with my girls. That’s the thing about going out on dates with people you’re not really interested in… you always find someone else while you’re out that you wish you were with instead.
I felt guilty for checking out the guys while he was in front of me…so I directed my attention towards him.
“So…Brian…what else do you do besides pick up women at the strip club?” I joke.
We began chatting for a while. We ordered, ate, and he drank a few beers.
While with him, I kept thinking to myself, he reminds me of someone.
By the end of the night… I knew. He was the real live version of the UBS guy (Phil LaMarr) from Mad TV. lol
He was fidgety. He couldn’t just sit and talk. He was loud, and moving around and tapping the table… it was a mess! lol
After we ate, he suggested that we go somewhere where we can be a little more active. He admitted that he was a very hyper person. (gee…really? lol) I told him that I couldn’t stay out too long because my girlfriends and I were getting up early tomorrow for a late Christmas surprise.
He looked as if he didn’t believe me, and reluctantly said okay.
We danced for a while at a place call Chit Chat. They had a house band that was straight rocking! I’m definitely into old school music, so I enjoyed myself. I must admit that all the dancing the night before had taken a toll on my body and I couldn’t get down as much as I wanted to. He was a wierd dancer. Not bad really, just wierd. He kept holding his shirt out while he danced. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with that. Are you gonna wrap me up in your shirt dude? Are you taking it off? No wait, you're putting it back on. Um... what you want me to feel your stomach? Wait, what are you doing?
Before long, it was getting late…and I really did need to get home. My girlfriend from New York was in town and had a surprise planned for 3 of my other girlfriends and I. She wouldn’t tell us what it was but I kinda had a clue. Her “surprise” required us to be at a certain address at 8:00 in the morning. Ya’ll KNOW I wasn’t feeling that! That means I have to be up at about 6:30am on a SATURDAY??? Only for her. lol
I told Brian that I had a nice time. I did. We hugged and I was relieved that he didn’t try to kiss me or convince me to come to his place. Maybe he realized that there was no chemistry between us too.
As I got in my car, I saw that I had 4 missed calls. One was from one of my friend who left a voicemail asking about tomorrow’s logistics. The other three were from the same number. I didn’t know who the number belonged to…and they didn’t leave a message. Hey…whatever!
I went home and was pleased when I walked in and remembered how nice my place looks when it’s clean.
I smiled as I went to bed. I can’t wait until tomorrow! I love my girls! I thought.
To be continued…
continued...
“Ummmm. Hooow did you get my number?” I questioned.
“Your cousin gave it to me.” He said confidently.
Great! So he has both of our numbers??? WTH?
As if sensing my confusion, he began explaining that she had took a few more “provocative” pictures towards the end of the night and he wasn’t able to develop them then. She gave him her number so she could pick them up at a later time. Apparently he called her this morning to tell her that her pictures were ready and to ask for my number.
I should kill her.
“Oh. Okay?” I said impatiently. I am soooo irritated at my cousin. And his chipperness was not helping.
“Well, I was wondering if you were busy tonight. I’d love to take you out.” He shouted.
Why is this dude so LOUD!!!
“Well I dunno…” I started. But I couldn’t really make up a good lie.
“Aww. Come on Sway. It’ll be fun. We’ll just go out and have some fun. Nothing heavy.” He beamed.
“Ummm…well call me later. I’m still sleep now. I won’t remember this convo very well.”
He said okay and we hung up.
After immediately calling my cousin and chewing her out, I decided that I couldn’t sleep anymore. I hate when my sleep is interrupted. I walk over to my venetian blinds and let the sunshine overtake my living room. Wow…what a beautiful day. I squinted as I looked out my windows at the cars driving by.
I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go out on a mini-date. Besides, I need to get my mind off of Usher. Since Christmas, he’s been calling. He knows how upset I was about Miss. Semi-Naked Girl on his phone. I guess he was just trying to get back in my good graces. That’s what I hate about loving someone. Even though I know he’s lying and I really hate him sometimes, I still really love him…and can’t seem to tear myself away from our usual routines.
I spent the day alone, pondering all of the craziness that is my life for the last month or so, and I feel empty. I was not happy. I hated feeling so disconnected from God. I hated not having a Church home. I hated loving a man that showed ambiguous emotions towards me. I felt so alone. Especially after last night.
Going out for a night on the town with my girls always seem to remind me of the fact that I come home to an empty place. I guess because all my friends have someone waiting for them at home and I always notice that when it’s time to end our festivities, they all seem genuinely happy to do so. I never really am.
My place is a mess still! I have been procrastinating all week about cleaning. And today would be the perfect time to get things in order. I began to clean and talk out loud to God about how I’m feeling. After pouring out my heart I feel a bit lighter. Just a bit. Before long, Brian calls back and I agree to meet him at Barnacles (not the same one as this incident). I take a long, hot shower and take my time getting ready for this date. I have no real interest in him, but I felt like this was a good step towards moving on. I had to start going out…right?
I throw on some jeans and a black fitted shirt with a big black belt. I swear I’d wear that belt everyday if I could. It fits perfectly over my midsection and it gives me the appearance of having an hour glass shape. lol
He wasn’t that tall was he? I ponder this while trying to decide on heels or flats.
Flats!
I put on some black atheleisure shoes and was on my way. He was outside when I pulled up.
Wow. He’s definitely more ripped than I remember. He was dressed in one of those black body shirts which I hate on men. But he actually filled his out, so I was cool with it. He had on a button down shirt over it… opened of course, so you could see his mucsles bulging from his body shirt…and some jeans.
“Heeeeey Beautiful!” He exclaimed. That man knows he loves to smile.
We hug and walk in together. The place was packed. What did I expect…it WAS Friday night!
We find a table and he asks me if I want a drink. I declined. I’m really not that big of a drinker… but I guess he wouldn’t know that from the way I was guzzling them down the night before.
I look around while he looks at the menu. Dang there’s a lot of men here!! Now I’m wishing that I came here with my girls. That’s the thing about going out on dates with people you’re not really interested in… you always find someone else while you’re out that you wish you were with instead.
I felt guilty for checking out the guys while he was in front of me…so I directed my attention towards him.
“So…Brian…what else do you do besides pick up women at the strip club?” I joke.
We began chatting for a while. We ordered, ate, and he drank a few beers.
While with him, I kept thinking to myself, he reminds me of someone.
By the end of the night… I knew. He was the real live version of the UBS guy (Phil LaMarr) from Mad TV. lol
He was fidgety. He couldn’t just sit and talk. He was loud, and moving around and tapping the table… it was a mess! lol
After we ate, he suggested that we go somewhere where we can be a little more active. He admitted that he was a very hyper person. (gee…really? lol) I told him that I couldn’t stay out too long because my girlfriends and I were getting up early tomorrow for a late Christmas surprise.
He looked as if he didn’t believe me, and reluctantly said okay.
We danced for a while at a place call Chit Chat. They had a house band that was straight rocking! I’m definitely into old school music, so I enjoyed myself. I must admit that all the dancing the night before had taken a toll on my body and I couldn’t get down as much as I wanted to. He was a wierd dancer. Not bad really, just wierd. He kept holding his shirt out while he danced. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with that. Are you gonna wrap me up in your shirt dude? Are you taking it off? No wait, you're putting it back on. Um... what you want me to feel your stomach? Wait, what are you doing?
Before long, it was getting late…and I really did need to get home. My girlfriend from New York was in town and had a surprise planned for 3 of my other girlfriends and I. She wouldn’t tell us what it was but I kinda had a clue. Her “surprise” required us to be at a certain address at 8:00 in the morning. Ya’ll KNOW I wasn’t feeling that! That means I have to be up at about 6:30am on a SATURDAY??? Only for her. lol
I told Brian that I had a nice time. I did. We hugged and I was relieved that he didn’t try to kiss me or convince me to come to his place. Maybe he realized that there was no chemistry between us too.
As I got in my car, I saw that I had 4 missed calls. One was from one of my friend who left a voicemail asking about tomorrow’s logistics. The other three were from the same number. I didn’t know who the number belonged to…and they didn’t leave a message. Hey…whatever!
I went home and was pleased when I walked in and remembered how nice my place looks when it’s clean.
I smiled as I went to bed. I can’t wait until tomorrow! I love my girls! I thought.
To be continued…
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Holiday Teasing
Thursday Dec 27th, 2007
6:45pm
Cell rings.
Cousin: Hey girl. What u doin?
Me: Nothing much. Enjoying my time off. I love not having to work!
Cousin: So we still on for tonight?
Me: racking my brain trying to figure out what she’s talking about. Ummm…
Cousin: I KNEW you were gonna forget! Girl, we supposed to be going to the strip club tonight!!
Me: Oh yeah. I was so not excited. Okay I did forget. What time again?
Cousin: I’ll be over there at 8. Be ready. Click.
Dang. How do I get myself into these things? I don’t feel like doing anything really. Especially giving some stinky sweaty men my money. But…I remember telling her I’d go. She was soooo excited that I can’t back out now.
I sigh and continue watching TV until I hear a knock on my door.
She here already? I look at the clock. 8:07pm. Wow. Time flies.
She comes in and heads straight to the refrigerator as usual. That girl can eat. I’m so jealous. When I eat, it goes to my stomach and back. When she eats… straight to her butt. Not cool!
Anyways… she helps me pick out an outfit while showing me the two she brought over. She settled on a red velvet cat suit. It was tight. Literally. I doubt she could sit with out bursting out of it. She picked me out a black mini skirt, my long black and silver baby phat boots and a silver low cut top. I was kind of self conscious. I haven’t worn a mini skirt in 5 years. She did our hair and chatted about how much fun she had last time she was there.
We finally finished and headed to the club. It was a homely place located in the shopping center I drive by all the time. I never knew this place existed…and I’ve gotten my hair done two doors down.
We get there and she whips out her cell. “You here yet?” She purrs into the phone. She and her best friend are so gay!! Okay not really, but they act like it sometimes. I’ve never had a female best friend so I don’t know what it’s like to be that close. Mika waves to us from her car, which is parked behind us, and we head inside.
The place was dark, but it was a nice group of people there. We got there early so that we didn’t have to pay the $10 cover charge.
“You want some wings?” My cousin shouts over the music. A DJ was in a high booth across from the red restroom sign.
“Naw, I’m good.” I yell back. I wasn’t too fond of the idea of eating while men fling the body parts over my plate.
We find a table dead center. Wow. We’re not going to miss anything huh? I sit down and look around. I see women. All shapes, sizes, looks. Some looking like they just came from a science convention, others look like they may be going on stage right after the men. It was funny to see how no one really wanted to look anyone else in the eye. As if we all thought it was dirty to be in here.
My cousin came back with an apple martini.
“I know it’s your favorite” She smiles. “Besides they’re $3!!”
I laugh.
“Thanks girl.” I say before Eve’s “Tamborine” song comes on. Something about that song makes me crazy! I can’t just sit and not dance to it. I try to keep my composure, but my cousin is the poster child for fun.
“Sway let’s dance!” She says while gyrating her hips. She loves to be the center of attention. And when we’re out, I always let her. I shake my head and nudge her to do her thang by herself.
I sip on my martini and loosen up a bit. The DJ continues to play some upbeat tunes and I find it harder and harder to sit. I get up and do a cute little two step by my chair. She immediately steps her game up. She’s dippin low and playing with the zipper on her catsuit. Some of the ladies at the other tables look at us like we’re crazy and quickly look away.
Mika comes back from the bar and asks us if we want to take pictures. I shake my head no, but before I could even mouthed the words, they both were pulling me to the corner of the club. There wasn’t a line. I’m guessing no one really wanted to take a picture with an airbrushed “Atlanta” backdrop. Oh how I’ve laughed at those people who put those type of pictures up on their web pages. Now I’m one of those people. Sigh.
“Hey ladies. Ya’ll look good tonight.” A toothy, coffee colored man beamed. “Ya’ll gonna take pictures together or separate? They’re $5 a piece.”
“TOGETHER” we exclaimed.
My cousin positioned herself in the middle of course. We posed and he snapped.
“I don’t like that one. My gut is hanging out. I gotta suck it up.” My cousin said.
Um…what gut? I wanted to say looking at myself in the picture. We took it over again and she was happy.
By the time we got to our table, Mika’s wings were there. They smelled GOOD!
“Want one?” She said as she bit into a wing.
I thanked her as I hungrily took a drumette and consumed it.
Yeah. I’mma need my own order. I'll be done way before the men come out! We ate and drank. I personally had 2 apple martini’s, a strawberry daiquiri, and a margarita. Sad thing is…I drank the least.
By the time the strippers err…exotic dancers (as they like to be called) came out, we were all very tipsy.
Can I just say…. I have a new appreciation for dancers. They did things I never knew was possible. At times I wanted to close my eyes. I’m too young to see this!!! Other times, I couldn’t close my mouth. Oh, I GOTTA see this.
During one of the mediocre dances, a short buff dude made his way through the tables passing out his card. Apparently he was scheduled to dance the next week and wanted everyone to come back to support him. He had smooth skin and bright eyes. If he was anything like the guys I’d seen tonight, I was going to make it my life’s goal to get back here next week. I looked at his card.
“Desire.” It read. I gave him another glance and got back to my girls. We danced more than the dancers.
As the night went on, my cousin became more and more drunk. I think she enjoyed the attention. The more she talked, the more people laughed…and strangely… the more she sounded like Elmo. I’ve never heard someone morphing into Elmo before. It was quite odd.
At the end of the night all the women went on stage to shake their groove thang. One by one, the place started emptying. About 2:30 in the morning, a regular at the club, my cousin, Mika and I were the only ladies left. They had turned the lights on and everything. But we were tipsy! We didn’t care. We had fun all by ourselves. And they had the nerve to have mirrored walls. Pffh. If they kept playing music, we were going to continue to dance. Although I'll admit, by the last song I soooo was tired. My bangs stuck to my sweat-ridden forehead. My feet hurt from those boots. And my thighs were cramping from all the dippin I had done in the last hour and a half.
The picture man was still smiling at us as he packed his equipment.
“Ya’ll sure do like to have a good time.” He said to me as I plopped down in one of the chairs and waited for my drunk friends to finish flirting with the strippers.
“Yeah. Every once in a while it’s nice to let your hair down.” I smiled back.
“I’m Brian by the way.” He extended his hand towards me.
I took it. “Sway.”
I looked around to find my cousin and Mika. I was quickly regretting that I rode with her. The last thing I saw her do was unzip her catsuit all the way down to her navel. She and Mika went to the VIP room with some of the guys.
Times like this I remember why we don’t hang out much. People usually group us together even though we’re nothing alike.
Brian chatted it up with me as the remaining club workers scurried around and cleaned up. He was a personal trainer and did photography on the side. He said that he’d been watching me all night and liked how I could balance having fun and not being too out there.
I knew it was a stab at my friends, but what could I say.
A few minutes passed and my drunk friends came from out of the VIP room. Desire had them both by the arms and looked me in my eyes while telling me that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea for either of them to drive. I agreed. I was tipsy…but nowhere near tore up.
I called my cousin’s “friend” to come get us and he graciously took all three of us home. I was dropped off first and you wouldn’t believe how grateful I was to get into my bed. I didn’t even shower first. Nasty! I know. lol
I was awakened by my cell phone. It was 10:30am and I was perplexed at the idea that someone would call me before noon. I didn’t recognize the number.
“Hello?” I said agitated.
“Wake up Beautiful! It’s a wonderful morning!” A loud chipper voice boomed in my ear.
Ugh! Why is this person so freakin loud!
“Who is this” I snapped. Anyone who knows me, KNOW I don’t play about being awakened for foolishness.
“Briiiiian! The Pictureman!” I could hear him smiling. That’s amazing.
But what’s even more amazing is how the heck Briiiian got my number! I didn’t give it to him.
To be continued...
6:45pm
Cell rings.
Cousin: Hey girl. What u doin?
Me: Nothing much. Enjoying my time off. I love not having to work!
Cousin: So we still on for tonight?
Me: racking my brain trying to figure out what she’s talking about. Ummm…
Cousin: I KNEW you were gonna forget! Girl, we supposed to be going to the strip club tonight!!
Me: Oh yeah. I was so not excited. Okay I did forget. What time again?
Cousin: I’ll be over there at 8. Be ready. Click.
Dang. How do I get myself into these things? I don’t feel like doing anything really. Especially giving some stinky sweaty men my money. But…I remember telling her I’d go. She was soooo excited that I can’t back out now.
I sigh and continue watching TV until I hear a knock on my door.
She here already? I look at the clock. 8:07pm. Wow. Time flies.
She comes in and heads straight to the refrigerator as usual. That girl can eat. I’m so jealous. When I eat, it goes to my stomach and back. When she eats… straight to her butt. Not cool!
Anyways… she helps me pick out an outfit while showing me the two she brought over. She settled on a red velvet cat suit. It was tight. Literally. I doubt she could sit with out bursting out of it. She picked me out a black mini skirt, my long black and silver baby phat boots and a silver low cut top. I was kind of self conscious. I haven’t worn a mini skirt in 5 years. She did our hair and chatted about how much fun she had last time she was there.
We finally finished and headed to the club. It was a homely place located in the shopping center I drive by all the time. I never knew this place existed…and I’ve gotten my hair done two doors down.
We get there and she whips out her cell. “You here yet?” She purrs into the phone. She and her best friend are so gay!! Okay not really, but they act like it sometimes. I’ve never had a female best friend so I don’t know what it’s like to be that close. Mika waves to us from her car, which is parked behind us, and we head inside.
The place was dark, but it was a nice group of people there. We got there early so that we didn’t have to pay the $10 cover charge.
“You want some wings?” My cousin shouts over the music. A DJ was in a high booth across from the red restroom sign.
“Naw, I’m good.” I yell back. I wasn’t too fond of the idea of eating while men fling the body parts over my plate.
We find a table dead center. Wow. We’re not going to miss anything huh? I sit down and look around. I see women. All shapes, sizes, looks. Some looking like they just came from a science convention, others look like they may be going on stage right after the men. It was funny to see how no one really wanted to look anyone else in the eye. As if we all thought it was dirty to be in here.
My cousin came back with an apple martini.
“I know it’s your favorite” She smiles. “Besides they’re $3!!”
I laugh.
“Thanks girl.” I say before Eve’s “Tamborine” song comes on. Something about that song makes me crazy! I can’t just sit and not dance to it. I try to keep my composure, but my cousin is the poster child for fun.
“Sway let’s dance!” She says while gyrating her hips. She loves to be the center of attention. And when we’re out, I always let her. I shake my head and nudge her to do her thang by herself.
I sip on my martini and loosen up a bit. The DJ continues to play some upbeat tunes and I find it harder and harder to sit. I get up and do a cute little two step by my chair. She immediately steps her game up. She’s dippin low and playing with the zipper on her catsuit. Some of the ladies at the other tables look at us like we’re crazy and quickly look away.
Mika comes back from the bar and asks us if we want to take pictures. I shake my head no, but before I could even mouthed the words, they both were pulling me to the corner of the club. There wasn’t a line. I’m guessing no one really wanted to take a picture with an airbrushed “Atlanta” backdrop. Oh how I’ve laughed at those people who put those type of pictures up on their web pages. Now I’m one of those people. Sigh.
“Hey ladies. Ya’ll look good tonight.” A toothy, coffee colored man beamed. “Ya’ll gonna take pictures together or separate? They’re $5 a piece.”
“TOGETHER” we exclaimed.
My cousin positioned herself in the middle of course. We posed and he snapped.
“I don’t like that one. My gut is hanging out. I gotta suck it up.” My cousin said.
Um…what gut? I wanted to say looking at myself in the picture. We took it over again and she was happy.
By the time we got to our table, Mika’s wings were there. They smelled GOOD!
“Want one?” She said as she bit into a wing.
I thanked her as I hungrily took a drumette and consumed it.
Yeah. I’mma need my own order. I'll be done way before the men come out! We ate and drank. I personally had 2 apple martini’s, a strawberry daiquiri, and a margarita. Sad thing is…I drank the least.
By the time the strippers err…exotic dancers (as they like to be called) came out, we were all very tipsy.
Can I just say…. I have a new appreciation for dancers. They did things I never knew was possible. At times I wanted to close my eyes. I’m too young to see this!!! Other times, I couldn’t close my mouth. Oh, I GOTTA see this.
During one of the mediocre dances, a short buff dude made his way through the tables passing out his card. Apparently he was scheduled to dance the next week and wanted everyone to come back to support him. He had smooth skin and bright eyes. If he was anything like the guys I’d seen tonight, I was going to make it my life’s goal to get back here next week. I looked at his card.
“Desire.” It read. I gave him another glance and got back to my girls. We danced more than the dancers.
As the night went on, my cousin became more and more drunk. I think she enjoyed the attention. The more she talked, the more people laughed…and strangely… the more she sounded like Elmo. I’ve never heard someone morphing into Elmo before. It was quite odd.
At the end of the night all the women went on stage to shake their groove thang. One by one, the place started emptying. About 2:30 in the morning, a regular at the club, my cousin, Mika and I were the only ladies left. They had turned the lights on and everything. But we were tipsy! We didn’t care. We had fun all by ourselves. And they had the nerve to have mirrored walls. Pffh. If they kept playing music, we were going to continue to dance. Although I'll admit, by the last song I soooo was tired. My bangs stuck to my sweat-ridden forehead. My feet hurt from those boots. And my thighs were cramping from all the dippin I had done in the last hour and a half.
The picture man was still smiling at us as he packed his equipment.
“Ya’ll sure do like to have a good time.” He said to me as I plopped down in one of the chairs and waited for my drunk friends to finish flirting with the strippers.
“Yeah. Every once in a while it’s nice to let your hair down.” I smiled back.
“I’m Brian by the way.” He extended his hand towards me.
I took it. “Sway.”
I looked around to find my cousin and Mika. I was quickly regretting that I rode with her. The last thing I saw her do was unzip her catsuit all the way down to her navel. She and Mika went to the VIP room with some of the guys.
Times like this I remember why we don’t hang out much. People usually group us together even though we’re nothing alike.
Brian chatted it up with me as the remaining club workers scurried around and cleaned up. He was a personal trainer and did photography on the side. He said that he’d been watching me all night and liked how I could balance having fun and not being too out there.
I knew it was a stab at my friends, but what could I say.
A few minutes passed and my drunk friends came from out of the VIP room. Desire had them both by the arms and looked me in my eyes while telling me that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea for either of them to drive. I agreed. I was tipsy…but nowhere near tore up.
I called my cousin’s “friend” to come get us and he graciously took all three of us home. I was dropped off first and you wouldn’t believe how grateful I was to get into my bed. I didn’t even shower first. Nasty! I know. lol
I was awakened by my cell phone. It was 10:30am and I was perplexed at the idea that someone would call me before noon. I didn’t recognize the number.
“Hello?” I said agitated.
“Wake up Beautiful! It’s a wonderful morning!” A loud chipper voice boomed in my ear.
Ugh! Why is this person so freakin loud!
“Who is this” I snapped. Anyone who knows me, KNOW I don’t play about being awakened for foolishness.
“Briiiiian! The Pictureman!” I could hear him smiling. That’s amazing.
But what’s even more amazing is how the heck Briiiian got my number! I didn’t give it to him.
To be continued...
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Merry Christmas
Tuesday Dec 25th
Christmas Morning
"MERRY CHRISTMAS BABYGIRL! " My dad yells from the hall.
Wow, he’s in a good mood. He didn’t really want to go the mountains either so I guess he’s happy now. We usually go to Church on Christmas Day but since our cabin plans fell through at the last minute and we don’t have a Church home anymore, we slept in for the first time ever.
I look around and find my phone. It’s 12:22pm. Dang we slept late.
I slowly edge out of the bed, nursing my sore body. That old mattress is the worst! I can’t believe I used to sleep so peacefully on it.
I open my door to see my fully dressed dad snapping pictures of me in my ragedy pj’s.
"Merry Christmas daddy." I say grouchily, even though I’m not.
I give him a hug and head to the bathroom to make myself presentable.
My mom was preparing for our family dinner when I finally came downstairs. I was planning to leave in about 2.5 hours and I hadn’t even told her yet. Our dinner was at 3pm. I figured I’d stay until 3:30…get to Usher’s folks house at about 4:05... mingle for an hour…and come on back home. My folks would be good and full and ready to play some games. It could definitely work!
“What?” My mom said all confused. She gets these wrinkles in the middle of her forehead when she frowns. “Why are you going over Usher’s folks house? Ya’ll broke up!”
“I know ma.” How could I explain this when I honestly didn’t have a rational answer myself. “He invited me and…his momma has a gift for me… I’ll be back before you know it. I’m only gonna be there for a minute. Promise!” I plead with her.
I give her my “babygirl” look and she softens.
“Alright. But don’t be staying over there all night. We got all these people coming over here.”
Whew! I continue helping her prepare for the dinner I’m getting ready to miss and time starts to fly. We hadn’t even opened our gifts! I gather my parents downstairs and we do our gift exchange. Everyone was happy! I got everything I wanted. Well almost. My parents couldn’t buy me a good man. Guess I'll have to wait for that one. We finish opening our gifts and realize that it’s 3:15. I should have known my family wouldn’t start on time. Not one person was there! I can’t wait for them. I headed upstairs and changed. By the time I put on my new stretch jeans, winter white sweater with matching winter white boots and applied my makeup, it was 3:34pm. I rush down the stairs and tell my mom that this is even better.
"Since no one is here yet, you guys will start late, which will give me more time to get on back before ya’ll even finish dinner! "
I was happy! I am making this work! I rush out the door to my car and see the first few cars pulling up.
I wave excitedly to my family, wish them a merry Christmas, and zoom off!
When I get out of my parents subdivision, I see that I have a voicemail message.
“Call me when you get this.” Usher said.
I hit him back immediately.
“Hey, I’m on my way to your folks house now.” I breathlessly blurt in to the phone.
“Um…can you stop by and pick me up. I figured that if you have to leave early, that will give me an excuse to leave early too. Plus you gotta pass me to get to her house.”
“Aight, I’ll be there in a few.”
This whole thing is getting way to couple-y for me. I don’t know what to think.
We get to his aunt’s house at the same time his sister and parents do. It’s 4:07pm. We’re all late…but not as late as my family. lol
Just as he said, everyone was so happy to see me. I fought to push back tears, knowing this is probably the last time I’ll see them. I really love his crazy family.
Dinner was nice. A lot of trash talking. A lot of laughs. I really enjoyed myself. Except for the fact that dinner wasn’t served until 6. Yes SIX! I ate and they passed out presents. Before I know it…it’s 8pm.
“Where are you?” My mom screamed in the phone. She was very agitated. “Do you know what time it is? Everybody’s waiting on you?”
“Um…I know. I’m still here. I’ll call you on my way back.” I say cautiously. Everyone in Usher’s family was eavesdropping on my convo.
“You’ve been gone 5 HOURS! You don’t wanna come home?” My mom snapped.
“Not yet.” I said pleasantly. I wasn’t gonna do this with her in front of everybody.
“Aight. Fine.” She hung up with a loud click.
She’ll be aight.
Usher knew I needed to get home, so he started wrapping things up there.
As we were hugging everyone, his mom hugged me tightly and whispered “I love you, Sway. You will always be family to us. You hear me?”
“Thanks” was all I could manage to say without bursting into tears. I really thought I'd be apart of their family one day.
We get in the car and I get ready to call my mom. Usher’s phone is in the place I usually keep my phone and I flip his phone open by mistake.
A half naked woman stared back at me.
“Who is this?” I say shocked. The last thing I expected to see was this.
“Who is who?” He says looking over at me, then seeing that I had his phone flipped open looking at his screensaver.
Usher always remains calm. That’s what makes him a pretty good liar. He scoops his phone out of my hand and looks at his own screensaver as if he had no idea who was on there.
He really thinks I’m dumb huh?
“Sway, she’s no one in particular.” He says casually and puts his phone back in the place where I picked it up from.
“No one in particular?” I repeat back with much skepticism in my voice. I looked at him like he was crazy, then shrugged. I had to remember, I’m not his girlfriend anymore. What does it matter?
We got back to his house about 20 minutes later and he hugged me as I got out of the car to go to the driver’s side.
“Just for the record Sway, I know that I don’t have to tell you this, but it’s not what you think. The girl on my phone is named Tequana Pettiford. We work together. I’m not dating her, I’m not having sex with her, NOTHING. She just asked me to put her pic on my phone and she comes by my desk to check and see if it’s on there. That’s all.” He says.
I MUST look stupid. While remaining calm makes him a good liar, logic makes him a bad one.
You mean to tell me that we dated seriously for almost two years and you wouldn’t even put my pictures up on your nightstand in the privacy of your own home even after me asking you too on many occasions, but this chick whom you’ve known for less than 3 months tells you to put her picture on a phone you flip open 2043280938 times a day and you do it? That’s nothing? She means nothing? Really? And ya’ll aren’t attracted to each other? So your co-worker sends all the men in the office half naked pictures of herself? And they all put her on their screensaver? That’s what co-workers do huh? Riiiiiight.
I smell BS.
I look at him. Smile. And get in my car. In my mind, he just made it very clear to me that we are not together.
I drive off speedily, hoping that my family was still at my house.
I get home around 9. I burst in the door to find everyone laughing and having a good time.
I smile. I should have been here all along. With people who really love me.
My 3 year old cosin Zoe runs to me and gives me the biggest hug.
"I missed you." She says.
I believed her.
I vow to myself to stop believing everything Usher says to me. I vowed to start looking at his actions.
His actions tell me to move on. And I will.
I’ll make sure I’m with my family for New Years.
To be continued...
Christmas Morning
"MERRY CHRISTMAS BABYGIRL! " My dad yells from the hall.
Wow, he’s in a good mood. He didn’t really want to go the mountains either so I guess he’s happy now. We usually go to Church on Christmas Day but since our cabin plans fell through at the last minute and we don’t have a Church home anymore, we slept in for the first time ever.
I look around and find my phone. It’s 12:22pm. Dang we slept late.
I slowly edge out of the bed, nursing my sore body. That old mattress is the worst! I can’t believe I used to sleep so peacefully on it.
I open my door to see my fully dressed dad snapping pictures of me in my ragedy pj’s.
"Merry Christmas daddy." I say grouchily, even though I’m not.
I give him a hug and head to the bathroom to make myself presentable.
My mom was preparing for our family dinner when I finally came downstairs. I was planning to leave in about 2.5 hours and I hadn’t even told her yet. Our dinner was at 3pm. I figured I’d stay until 3:30…get to Usher’s folks house at about 4:05... mingle for an hour…and come on back home. My folks would be good and full and ready to play some games. It could definitely work!
“What?” My mom said all confused. She gets these wrinkles in the middle of her forehead when she frowns. “Why are you going over Usher’s folks house? Ya’ll broke up!”
“I know ma.” How could I explain this when I honestly didn’t have a rational answer myself. “He invited me and…his momma has a gift for me… I’ll be back before you know it. I’m only gonna be there for a minute. Promise!” I plead with her.
I give her my “babygirl” look and she softens.
“Alright. But don’t be staying over there all night. We got all these people coming over here.”
Whew! I continue helping her prepare for the dinner I’m getting ready to miss and time starts to fly. We hadn’t even opened our gifts! I gather my parents downstairs and we do our gift exchange. Everyone was happy! I got everything I wanted. Well almost. My parents couldn’t buy me a good man. Guess I'll have to wait for that one. We finish opening our gifts and realize that it’s 3:15. I should have known my family wouldn’t start on time. Not one person was there! I can’t wait for them. I headed upstairs and changed. By the time I put on my new stretch jeans, winter white sweater with matching winter white boots and applied my makeup, it was 3:34pm. I rush down the stairs and tell my mom that this is even better.
"Since no one is here yet, you guys will start late, which will give me more time to get on back before ya’ll even finish dinner! "
I was happy! I am making this work! I rush out the door to my car and see the first few cars pulling up.
I wave excitedly to my family, wish them a merry Christmas, and zoom off!
When I get out of my parents subdivision, I see that I have a voicemail message.
“Call me when you get this.” Usher said.
I hit him back immediately.
“Hey, I’m on my way to your folks house now.” I breathlessly blurt in to the phone.
“Um…can you stop by and pick me up. I figured that if you have to leave early, that will give me an excuse to leave early too. Plus you gotta pass me to get to her house.”
“Aight, I’ll be there in a few.”
This whole thing is getting way to couple-y for me. I don’t know what to think.
We get to his aunt’s house at the same time his sister and parents do. It’s 4:07pm. We’re all late…but not as late as my family. lol
Just as he said, everyone was so happy to see me. I fought to push back tears, knowing this is probably the last time I’ll see them. I really love his crazy family.
Dinner was nice. A lot of trash talking. A lot of laughs. I really enjoyed myself. Except for the fact that dinner wasn’t served until 6. Yes SIX! I ate and they passed out presents. Before I know it…it’s 8pm.
“Where are you?” My mom screamed in the phone. She was very agitated. “Do you know what time it is? Everybody’s waiting on you?”
“Um…I know. I’m still here. I’ll call you on my way back.” I say cautiously. Everyone in Usher’s family was eavesdropping on my convo.
“You’ve been gone 5 HOURS! You don’t wanna come home?” My mom snapped.
“Not yet.” I said pleasantly. I wasn’t gonna do this with her in front of everybody.
“Aight. Fine.” She hung up with a loud click.
She’ll be aight.
Usher knew I needed to get home, so he started wrapping things up there.
As we were hugging everyone, his mom hugged me tightly and whispered “I love you, Sway. You will always be family to us. You hear me?”
“Thanks” was all I could manage to say without bursting into tears. I really thought I'd be apart of their family one day.
We get in the car and I get ready to call my mom. Usher’s phone is in the place I usually keep my phone and I flip his phone open by mistake.
A half naked woman stared back at me.
“Who is this?” I say shocked. The last thing I expected to see was this.
“Who is who?” He says looking over at me, then seeing that I had his phone flipped open looking at his screensaver.
Usher always remains calm. That’s what makes him a pretty good liar. He scoops his phone out of my hand and looks at his own screensaver as if he had no idea who was on there.
He really thinks I’m dumb huh?
“Sway, she’s no one in particular.” He says casually and puts his phone back in the place where I picked it up from.
“No one in particular?” I repeat back with much skepticism in my voice. I looked at him like he was crazy, then shrugged. I had to remember, I’m not his girlfriend anymore. What does it matter?
We got back to his house about 20 minutes later and he hugged me as I got out of the car to go to the driver’s side.
“Just for the record Sway, I know that I don’t have to tell you this, but it’s not what you think. The girl on my phone is named Tequana Pettiford. We work together. I’m not dating her, I’m not having sex with her, NOTHING. She just asked me to put her pic on my phone and she comes by my desk to check and see if it’s on there. That’s all.” He says.
I MUST look stupid. While remaining calm makes him a good liar, logic makes him a bad one.
You mean to tell me that we dated seriously for almost two years and you wouldn’t even put my pictures up on your nightstand in the privacy of your own home even after me asking you too on many occasions, but this chick whom you’ve known for less than 3 months tells you to put her picture on a phone you flip open 2043280938 times a day and you do it? That’s nothing? She means nothing? Really? And ya’ll aren’t attracted to each other? So your co-worker sends all the men in the office half naked pictures of herself? And they all put her on their screensaver? That’s what co-workers do huh? Riiiiiight.
I smell BS.
I look at him. Smile. And get in my car. In my mind, he just made it very clear to me that we are not together.
I drive off speedily, hoping that my family was still at my house.
I get home around 9. I burst in the door to find everyone laughing and having a good time.
I smile. I should have been here all along. With people who really love me.
My 3 year old cosin Zoe runs to me and gives me the biggest hug.
"I missed you." She says.
I believed her.
I vow to myself to stop believing everything Usher says to me. I vowed to start looking at his actions.
His actions tell me to move on. And I will.
I’ll make sure I’m with my family for New Years.
To be continued...
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Life and Death
Life is happening faster than I can type. I have so much to say. So much has happened. So many emotions are surfacing. I wish I could just spend my days writing. I need to get it all out.
I'm sure I will. It's just taking longer than I thought.
Before I leave for the day... I just wanted to update you on something I didn't think could wait any longer.
Although it may be a while before I really write about it, I wanted you to know that the Bishop of the Church I just left (after 15 years)...
DIED friday.
The pastor I spoke of ...his wife...
DEVASTATED.
Please keep her, his children, and the rest of their family and congregation in your prayers.
I'm sure I will. It's just taking longer than I thought.
Before I leave for the day... I just wanted to update you on something I didn't think could wait any longer.
Although it may be a while before I really write about it, I wanted you to know that the Bishop of the Church I just left (after 15 years)...
DIED friday.
The pastor I spoke of ...his wife...
DEVASTATED.
Please keep her, his children, and the rest of their family and congregation in your prayers.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Holiday Madness (part 2 of ??)
Dec 23rd, 2007 5:20pm
I shut my apartment door and let out a long sigh of relief as I leaned up against it.
Finally home.
My parents act as if they aren’t going to see me everyday all day for the next 5 days in the cabins. I am soooooo not looking forward to this.
I strip off my Church clothes as I make my way to my closet. I hadn’t even started packing yet…and we were supposed to be leaving in a few hours. Church wasn’t that great. We visited a small C.O.G.I.C. Church up the street from my parent’s house. They sang old songs that no one knew but them, and the preacher did a lot of hoopin’ but had no real "message". I knew I should have stayed home and packed like I wanted to.
5 days in a cabin…with 32 other family members. Lord help me.
I begin throwing some things in my suitcase when my phone rang.
“Babygirl?”
“Yeah.” I said back. I was thinking…who else would be answering my phone mom? I live by myself.
“Well I got some news… your uncle just got up to the cabins and the people up there can’t find our reservations. I just wanted to let you know. You might wanna hold off on the packing until they can sort it out.”
“Wow. Okay then. Well just let me know.” I hang up.
YES! I plop down on my couch and begin flipping the stations. I really didn’t want to go in the first place. But I had psyched myself up to make the best of the next few days with my family. I’m sure parts of it would be fun. Plus I was kind of sad for my folks. Mostly everyone was excited about it. I felt bad for feeling relieved.
About an hour later, my mom said that my uncle ‘nem (lol) were heading back home. Apparently they still couldn’t find record of us reserving a cabin. And even if they did, we wouldn’t be able to stay because they were all booked.
Well, I got my wish. No cabins to reminisce about Usher in. Hooray!
I bummed through the rest of the night. Doing nothing but watching tv and eating ice cream by myself.
So this is what it’s like to not have a second job huh?
I like it.
Dec 24th Christmas Eve
10am
Text message
“So how are the cabins?”
I wiped my sleepy eyes and stared at the text again. Usher. He has a way of not calling a lot so I can remember that we’re not together, but calling enough to remind me that he’s still around.
“Didn’t go. I’m @ home.” I text back.
Within seconds my phone is vibrating vigorously.
“So your plans fell through too huh?” He smirks.
“What you mean by ‘too’?” I sit up and prop my pillows on my back. I love not having to get up right when I wake up.
“My daughter’s not coming for Christmas like we planned.”
“What!” I exclaimed. I’m now fully awake. He’s been planning this since last year. “Why isn’t she coming?”
“Well…Her momma tried that fu** sh**. Tambout she’ll let me get my daughter if I think about reconciling with her. She trying to get back together and sh**. I ain’t with that. I done told her. I’m done. So I told her if that was the terms…then I guess I wouldn’t be seeing my daughter. It’s no biggie. I’ve been by myself for Christmas before.” He said non-chalantly.
“That is a mess!” I whispered. I didn’t know what else to say. I know him well enough to know that although he's playing the "I don't care" role, this is really getting to him.
“So you want some company? I got the whole week off. I guess I’ll go to my folks house tomorrow for dinner.” He rambled.
“Uh….sure. Okay.” I scrambled out of bed. I rushed to the living room while we talked. My place was a mess! I worked sooooo hard all last week, then the weekend was spent shopping and hanging out. I hadn’t had time to clean. My half-packed suitcase was still in the middle of the floor.
I have 7 minutes.
I rush to brush my teeth, wash my face and privates and put my hair in a quick puff.
I open the door and hug him. He smelled of nice cologne, mint, and green. I knew he had some on him.
“Hey baby.” He cooed in my ear.
Why does he still call me baby. It's sooooo not what I need to hear when we're no longer together.
“Hey” I coolly replied and sat on the couch.
I still love him. I hate that I’m in love with him.
“So where’s my present?” I joke.
“Right here.” He says pointing to the bag of green he pulls from his pocket.
Very funny. He knows I don’t smoke.
“So you gonna smoke with me today?” He joked.
I have no idea why I said yeah, but I did. I just felt like doing something crazy.
He was stunned!!!!
Actually, I was stunned too. Did I just say that? lol
“For real?” He looked in my eyes…searching for a hint of laughter.
“Yeah. For real. It’s the holidays… I don’t have anything to do. Why not.” I rationalized.
In hindsight, it was a DUMB idea. I guess I’m not as mature as I’d like to think.
So we sat on the couch watching old re-runs of something and got high.
Correction: I got high.
He’s been smoking for almost 20 years. He doesn’t get high anymore. But me… well it was an experience from hell!
I laughed my behind off at absolutely NOTHING for about 15-20 minutes and I really couldn't stop. Like, the more I tried to stop...the funnier everything became. Then I finally came down. But not “down” in the back to normal sense. No, no, no. I mean “down” like… the BLUES down.
A sista was LOW! I started crying uncontrollably. I mean I felt like I was having an outer body experience. I was asking myself “Why in the heck are you crying?” But the more I tried to figure it out, the more I cried.
I finally “came to” and realized I was squeezing the life out of Usher’s waist….as if I didn’t want him to ever leave. I quickly let him go and looked at his face. He had tears on his cheeks too.
“Why are you crying?” I asked him.
His eyes were red and he was staring at the TV.
“Because I know I hurt you Sway.”
That’s all it took to send me over the edge again. I was a wreck. Although we both agreed to stop seeing each other, we both know that it hurt me the most to be put in the situation of letting it go. I'd still be with him if he would just do the one thing I asked him to do. I don’t know how long I cried…or what else was said… or when he left…or how I got to my bed. But I woke up around 6pm. My home phone was ringing.
“Hello”
“Babygirl, you still sleep? What time you planning on coming over here? You know your daddy’s waiting on you to put up the tree!”
“What tree ma?” I question. I was confused. We didn’t have a tree.
“The tree yo’ daddy got today since we're not going to the mountains. We can’t have Christmas here with no tree! Now get up and come on. Bring your clothes 'cause you staying over tonight.”
“Yes ma’am”. I hang up.
Dang!
I get up and feel much better. I guess I slept my high away. I hurriedly pack my stuff and dash out the door.
My parents’ house looked festive. I was just here yesterday and it looked like a regular house. My dad has been busy!
The rest of the night felt like Christmas Eve. I wrapped presents, decorated the tree, sang along to my favorite Christmas tunes, and of course helped my mother cook Christmas dinner.
I get ready to lay down after this long, awkward day and see that I have a text. It was from Usher.
“So, now that you’re probably back to normal, are we still on?”
On? On what? What was he talking about?
“I WILL NEVER SMOKE EVER AGAIN IN LIFE!” I vowed!
“On for what?” I texted.
“For dinner tomorrow. I asked if you’d come to Christmas Dinner with me and my family. You said yes earlier...so?”
Oh no!
I shut my apartment door and let out a long sigh of relief as I leaned up against it.
Finally home.
My parents act as if they aren’t going to see me everyday all day for the next 5 days in the cabins. I am soooooo not looking forward to this.
I strip off my Church clothes as I make my way to my closet. I hadn’t even started packing yet…and we were supposed to be leaving in a few hours. Church wasn’t that great. We visited a small C.O.G.I.C. Church up the street from my parent’s house. They sang old songs that no one knew but them, and the preacher did a lot of hoopin’ but had no real "message". I knew I should have stayed home and packed like I wanted to.
5 days in a cabin…with 32 other family members. Lord help me.
I begin throwing some things in my suitcase when my phone rang.
“Babygirl?”
“Yeah.” I said back. I was thinking…who else would be answering my phone mom? I live by myself.
“Well I got some news… your uncle just got up to the cabins and the people up there can’t find our reservations. I just wanted to let you know. You might wanna hold off on the packing until they can sort it out.”
“Wow. Okay then. Well just let me know.” I hang up.
YES! I plop down on my couch and begin flipping the stations. I really didn’t want to go in the first place. But I had psyched myself up to make the best of the next few days with my family. I’m sure parts of it would be fun. Plus I was kind of sad for my folks. Mostly everyone was excited about it. I felt bad for feeling relieved.
About an hour later, my mom said that my uncle ‘nem (lol) were heading back home. Apparently they still couldn’t find record of us reserving a cabin. And even if they did, we wouldn’t be able to stay because they were all booked.
Well, I got my wish. No cabins to reminisce about Usher in. Hooray!
I bummed through the rest of the night. Doing nothing but watching tv and eating ice cream by myself.
So this is what it’s like to not have a second job huh?
I like it.
Dec 24th Christmas Eve
10am
Text message
“So how are the cabins?”
I wiped my sleepy eyes and stared at the text again. Usher. He has a way of not calling a lot so I can remember that we’re not together, but calling enough to remind me that he’s still around.
“Didn’t go. I’m @ home.” I text back.
Within seconds my phone is vibrating vigorously.
“So your plans fell through too huh?” He smirks.
“What you mean by ‘too’?” I sit up and prop my pillows on my back. I love not having to get up right when I wake up.
“My daughter’s not coming for Christmas like we planned.”
“What!” I exclaimed. I’m now fully awake. He’s been planning this since last year. “Why isn’t she coming?”
“Well…Her momma tried that fu** sh**. Tambout she’ll let me get my daughter if I think about reconciling with her. She trying to get back together and sh**. I ain’t with that. I done told her. I’m done. So I told her if that was the terms…then I guess I wouldn’t be seeing my daughter. It’s no biggie. I’ve been by myself for Christmas before.” He said non-chalantly.
“That is a mess!” I whispered. I didn’t know what else to say. I know him well enough to know that although he's playing the "I don't care" role, this is really getting to him.
“So you want some company? I got the whole week off. I guess I’ll go to my folks house tomorrow for dinner.” He rambled.
“Uh….sure. Okay.” I scrambled out of bed. I rushed to the living room while we talked. My place was a mess! I worked sooooo hard all last week, then the weekend was spent shopping and hanging out. I hadn’t had time to clean. My half-packed suitcase was still in the middle of the floor.
I have 7 minutes.
I rush to brush my teeth, wash my face and privates and put my hair in a quick puff.
I open the door and hug him. He smelled of nice cologne, mint, and green. I knew he had some on him.
“Hey baby.” He cooed in my ear.
Why does he still call me baby. It's sooooo not what I need to hear when we're no longer together.
“Hey” I coolly replied and sat on the couch.
I still love him. I hate that I’m in love with him.
“So where’s my present?” I joke.
“Right here.” He says pointing to the bag of green he pulls from his pocket.
Very funny. He knows I don’t smoke.
“So you gonna smoke with me today?” He joked.
I have no idea why I said yeah, but I did. I just felt like doing something crazy.
He was stunned!!!!
Actually, I was stunned too. Did I just say that? lol
“For real?” He looked in my eyes…searching for a hint of laughter.
“Yeah. For real. It’s the holidays… I don’t have anything to do. Why not.” I rationalized.
In hindsight, it was a DUMB idea. I guess I’m not as mature as I’d like to think.
So we sat on the couch watching old re-runs of something and got high.
Correction: I got high.
He’s been smoking for almost 20 years. He doesn’t get high anymore. But me… well it was an experience from hell!
I laughed my behind off at absolutely NOTHING for about 15-20 minutes and I really couldn't stop. Like, the more I tried to stop...the funnier everything became. Then I finally came down. But not “down” in the back to normal sense. No, no, no. I mean “down” like… the BLUES down.
A sista was LOW! I started crying uncontrollably. I mean I felt like I was having an outer body experience. I was asking myself “Why in the heck are you crying?” But the more I tried to figure it out, the more I cried.
I finally “came to” and realized I was squeezing the life out of Usher’s waist….as if I didn’t want him to ever leave. I quickly let him go and looked at his face. He had tears on his cheeks too.
“Why are you crying?” I asked him.
His eyes were red and he was staring at the TV.
“Because I know I hurt you Sway.”
That’s all it took to send me over the edge again. I was a wreck. Although we both agreed to stop seeing each other, we both know that it hurt me the most to be put in the situation of letting it go. I'd still be with him if he would just do the one thing I asked him to do. I don’t know how long I cried…or what else was said… or when he left…or how I got to my bed. But I woke up around 6pm. My home phone was ringing.
“Hello”
“Babygirl, you still sleep? What time you planning on coming over here? You know your daddy’s waiting on you to put up the tree!”
“What tree ma?” I question. I was confused. We didn’t have a tree.
“The tree yo’ daddy got today since we're not going to the mountains. We can’t have Christmas here with no tree! Now get up and come on. Bring your clothes 'cause you staying over tonight.”
“Yes ma’am”. I hang up.
Dang!
I get up and feel much better. I guess I slept my high away. I hurriedly pack my stuff and dash out the door.
My parents’ house looked festive. I was just here yesterday and it looked like a regular house. My dad has been busy!
The rest of the night felt like Christmas Eve. I wrapped presents, decorated the tree, sang along to my favorite Christmas tunes, and of course helped my mother cook Christmas dinner.
I get ready to lay down after this long, awkward day and see that I have a text. It was from Usher.
“So, now that you’re probably back to normal, are we still on?”
On? On what? What was he talking about?
“I WILL NEVER SMOKE EVER AGAIN IN LIFE!” I vowed!
“On for what?” I texted.
“For dinner tomorrow. I asked if you’d come to Christmas Dinner with me and my family. You said yes earlier...so?”
Oh no!
I called him. After sitting on my bed for 5 minutes focusing on today’s…now yesterday’s craziness…. I do remember him asking me about going to dinner. I also remember being really serious about going. Dang. This is a dilemma.
So…I’m supposed to tell my family who wants me to be with them that I’m ditching them to go to dinner with a man I’m still in love with but separated from whose family is in denial and wants us to get married. Is that it?
On one hand I really wanna go. I mean, I’ve been down this holiday season because I wanted to spend my Christmas with him, and now I can. But on the other hand, we’re not together and my whole family will be at my parents house…how can I not be there?
“I told my mom and aunt that you were coming with me. They were so happy. I think my mom bought you a present and was gonna mail it to you…but now you can just get it.” Usher said.
“Um…okay. I’m only going to stay for a second because everyone will be at my house, so I gotta get back. I’ll drive myself.” I find myself saying.
We hang up and I drift off to sleep thinking about how to tell my folks that I’m spending Christmas with my ex.
To be continued...
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Holiday Happenings (part 1 of ??)
Friday Dec 21st 2:30pm
I slung my bag over my shoulder and looked back at my desk.
Spotless.
I wanted to have a clean desk to come to in the new year. With a sigh, I proceeded down the hall and on my way home for the holidays. Tonight was my last night at Target and only 3 people knew. I’m not sure why I’m so secretive. I didn’t mean for it to be, but, I didn’t want a whole lot of hoopla. I just wanted to sneak out as quietly as I snuck in. Plus, I wasn’t really in a celebrating mood. I’m just not happy. *sigh* Last year this time, Usher and I were getting ready to go to the cabins with my family. We had such a great time together bonding with each other and my family…I know his presence will be missed this year. It’s gotten me quite down. That…coupled with the fact that we spent the entire new years eve/day together. Just us…a bottle of champagne…and events that easily made it one of my most memorable new years ever. How can I top that this year…alone.
I was in full blown depression. Wishing I could click my heels and these next two weeks would be over.
Saturday Dec 22nd
Why are there soooo many people in the freakin mall?
I thought everyone would have purchased their Christmas gifts by now. The only reason my crazy self is just STARTING my shopping is because I’ve been working non-stop for the last few weeks. I don’t have much to purchase this year. And God blessed me to win a $100 gift card from work two days ago. That definitely helps. Maybe I could buy myself a lil something something.
I spent the entire day shopping. I was so tired when I got home, I just flung myself on the bed and sunk in. I barely noticed my cell vibrating on my dresser.
“Hello?” I said.
“Giiirl you sleep?” Shay beemed. “Only you would be in the bed at 8 o’damn clock.”
“I’m not sleep”. I lied. “What’s up with ya”. I stifled a yawn.
“Nothing much. What u doin tonight?” She questioned.
“Girl, nothing. Why?”
“Well I was hoping that you’d go to Barnacles with me. You know I’m leaving for NY next week.” She coaxed.
“For real? Awwww I’m gone miss you girl. Which Barnacles you trying to go to?” I said sitting up and looking at myself in the mirror. I look a hot mess.
“The one on Jimmy Carter. That’s close to you right?”
“Yeah. What time you talking ‘bout?” I knew I needed to shower and brush my teeth.
“9-ish. Is that good?” She aked.
“9 is cool. Call me when you on your way. I’m closer… oh wait…do you need a ride?” I forget sometimes that she doesn’t have a car here.
“ Um naw… uh… actually my friiiiend is coming to get me and um… he’s um…bringing his friend too…so…”
Awww hell. I think to myself.
“…they can like… be our dates for the night. I’ll call you when we get close.” She stumbles.
“Shay I’m gone kill you!” I scream before she says bye and quickly hangs up the phone.
I HATE blind dates. I did damage control by making sure that she told him before we got there that I’m NOT his date… we just all hanging.
I’m SOOOOOOO glad I did.
When I got to the table, I almost did a seamless u-turn right back out that door. I was not feeling what I saw.
This is gonna be a loooong night!
But you know me. I tried to make the best of it. My girl seemed genuinely happy to be out with us, so for that it was all worth it.
I drank a little to help loosen up.
Apple Martini please!
Gulp. Ahhh!
It helped.
I talked to him and found out that he was from Ghana. His family won the lottery and he moved here because this is where everyone told him to come. His friend kept saying how RICH my “date” was… as if that would spark my interest.
Um…no.
We had some wangs (wings) and they were slammin. I feel MUCH better.
This ain’t bad after all.
I felt sorry for our waitress. They were working that poor girl. I was sitting with a bunch of hungry alcoholics.
Um…can you get me a drank please?
Yeah, me too!
Hey wait, when you come back, can you put in an order for more lemon pepper wings?
How much are ya’ll shots?
She earned her tip. I mean we closed the thang DOWN. They were looking at us all cross-eyed because we were the only ones still there. I had to stand up, put on my coat, and wait 2 minutes before anyone else even moved.
All in all, I thought they were a pretty cool group.
Until….
Shay’s friend tells my “date” that he should go back in and kick ole girl in the mouth for what she said.
“What did she say?” Shay asked when we were all walking to our car.
“She was talking to the bartender tam’bout ‘Do you want my dollar too? I have enough to share.’ What she trying to say? That ish ain’t funny”
“Wait, ya’ll only gave her one dollar?” Me and Shay say almost simultaneously.
“Yeah. He (my "date") was supposed to give her the tip. I paid. But still, she ain’t have to say nothing. She act like we was wrong.”
Neegro. Ya’ll WAS wrong.
I couldn’t believe it. I turned around with the intent of giving ole girl a better tip, but they had locked the doors. No one was around.
Dang, that was low. How you gonna run up a hundred dollar tab and give your waitress a dollar? A mess. I was done. Rich my @$$!
I hugged my girl and told her to call me when she got to NY. I was tired. I went home and got ready for Sunday. I had no idea how Church would be nowadays since we’re still visiting. To be honest, I really didn’t want to go to Church at all. We were leaving for the cabins after Service and I had yet to pack. I was hoping to just wake up late and do it.
I guess in hindsight it all worked out the way it was supposed to.
To Be Continued…
I slung my bag over my shoulder and looked back at my desk.
Spotless.
I wanted to have a clean desk to come to in the new year. With a sigh, I proceeded down the hall and on my way home for the holidays. Tonight was my last night at Target and only 3 people knew. I’m not sure why I’m so secretive. I didn’t mean for it to be, but, I didn’t want a whole lot of hoopla. I just wanted to sneak out as quietly as I snuck in. Plus, I wasn’t really in a celebrating mood. I’m just not happy. *sigh* Last year this time, Usher and I were getting ready to go to the cabins with my family. We had such a great time together bonding with each other and my family…I know his presence will be missed this year. It’s gotten me quite down. That…coupled with the fact that we spent the entire new years eve/day together. Just us…a bottle of champagne…and events that easily made it one of my most memorable new years ever. How can I top that this year…alone.
I was in full blown depression. Wishing I could click my heels and these next two weeks would be over.
Saturday Dec 22nd
Why are there soooo many people in the freakin mall?
I thought everyone would have purchased their Christmas gifts by now. The only reason my crazy self is just STARTING my shopping is because I’ve been working non-stop for the last few weeks. I don’t have much to purchase this year. And God blessed me to win a $100 gift card from work two days ago. That definitely helps. Maybe I could buy myself a lil something something.
I spent the entire day shopping. I was so tired when I got home, I just flung myself on the bed and sunk in. I barely noticed my cell vibrating on my dresser.
“Hello?” I said.
“Giiirl you sleep?” Shay beemed. “Only you would be in the bed at 8 o’damn clock.”
“I’m not sleep”. I lied. “What’s up with ya”. I stifled a yawn.
“Nothing much. What u doin tonight?” She questioned.
“Girl, nothing. Why?”
“Well I was hoping that you’d go to Barnacles with me. You know I’m leaving for NY next week.” She coaxed.
“For real? Awwww I’m gone miss you girl. Which Barnacles you trying to go to?” I said sitting up and looking at myself in the mirror. I look a hot mess.
“The one on Jimmy Carter. That’s close to you right?”
“Yeah. What time you talking ‘bout?” I knew I needed to shower and brush my teeth.
“9-ish. Is that good?” She aked.
“9 is cool. Call me when you on your way. I’m closer… oh wait…do you need a ride?” I forget sometimes that she doesn’t have a car here.
“ Um naw… uh… actually my friiiiend is coming to get me and um… he’s um…bringing his friend too…so…”
Awww hell. I think to myself.
“…they can like… be our dates for the night. I’ll call you when we get close.” She stumbles.
“Shay I’m gone kill you!” I scream before she says bye and quickly hangs up the phone.
I HATE blind dates. I did damage control by making sure that she told him before we got there that I’m NOT his date… we just all hanging.
I’m SOOOOOOO glad I did.
When I got to the table, I almost did a seamless u-turn right back out that door. I was not feeling what I saw.
This is gonna be a loooong night!
But you know me. I tried to make the best of it. My girl seemed genuinely happy to be out with us, so for that it was all worth it.
I drank a little to help loosen up.
Apple Martini please!
Gulp. Ahhh!
It helped.
I talked to him and found out that he was from Ghana. His family won the lottery and he moved here because this is where everyone told him to come. His friend kept saying how RICH my “date” was… as if that would spark my interest.
Um…no.
We had some wangs (wings) and they were slammin. I feel MUCH better.
This ain’t bad after all.
I felt sorry for our waitress. They were working that poor girl. I was sitting with a bunch of hungry alcoholics.
Um…can you get me a drank please?
Yeah, me too!
Hey wait, when you come back, can you put in an order for more lemon pepper wings?
How much are ya’ll shots?
She earned her tip. I mean we closed the thang DOWN. They were looking at us all cross-eyed because we were the only ones still there. I had to stand up, put on my coat, and wait 2 minutes before anyone else even moved.
All in all, I thought they were a pretty cool group.
Until….
Shay’s friend tells my “date” that he should go back in and kick ole girl in the mouth for what she said.
“What did she say?” Shay asked when we were all walking to our car.
“She was talking to the bartender tam’bout ‘Do you want my dollar too? I have enough to share.’ What she trying to say? That ish ain’t funny”
“Wait, ya’ll only gave her one dollar?” Me and Shay say almost simultaneously.
“Yeah. He (my "date") was supposed to give her the tip. I paid. But still, she ain’t have to say nothing. She act like we was wrong.”
Neegro. Ya’ll WAS wrong.
I couldn’t believe it. I turned around with the intent of giving ole girl a better tip, but they had locked the doors. No one was around.
Dang, that was low. How you gonna run up a hundred dollar tab and give your waitress a dollar? A mess. I was done. Rich my @$$!
I hugged my girl and told her to call me when she got to NY. I was tired. I went home and got ready for Sunday. I had no idea how Church would be nowadays since we’re still visiting. To be honest, I really didn’t want to go to Church at all. We were leaving for the cabins after Service and I had yet to pack. I was hoping to just wake up late and do it.
I guess in hindsight it all worked out the way it was supposed to.
To Be Continued…
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
I'm BACK!!!
Wow!
What a holiday! This may have been one of the best holiday's yet!!!! Not that much happened... but I don't know. Maybe it was so wonderful because I expected it to be bad.
I mean, I really had low expectations. I was downright not looking forward to it. But I'm so glad that everything worked out right.
Since I decided to come to work today instead of starting back next monday, I figured I'd go ahead and check my 408398434 work emails and get started catching up. But I do plan to give a recap of my holiday.
I hope everyone had a safe and fun holiday too. :)
Later!
What a holiday! This may have been one of the best holiday's yet!!!! Not that much happened... but I don't know. Maybe it was so wonderful because I expected it to be bad.
I mean, I really had low expectations. I was downright not looking forward to it. But I'm so glad that everything worked out right.
Since I decided to come to work today instead of starting back next monday, I figured I'd go ahead and check my 408398434 work emails and get started catching up. But I do plan to give a recap of my holiday.
I hope everyone had a safe and fun holiday too. :)
Later!
Friday, December 21, 2007
In Closing
Well today is the close of a small chapter in my life. It’s my last day working at Target and I feel bittersweet about the whole thing. I’ve had this second job since I moved in April. I’ve had NO time to enjoy my place because I was always working. I’m excited about being able to get ample sleep, take care of my place, and enjoy my free time. However, I’m a little sad that I won’t be seeing some of the faces I’ve become so familiar with at work. I’m also not too fond of giving up the extra income I’ve grown accustomed to. That bit of money helped a sista out a lot this year.
But the time has finally come for me to go…and I’m ready.
Today is also the last day for me at my day job until the New Year. With that being said, I just wanted to quickly recap on some learned lessons/ random statements from 2007. Unfortunately, since I haven’t been blogging this past year…none of you will really know what the heck I’m talking about. lol Nevertheless… here they are.
Lessons from 2007
QT’s Smores Cappuccino is SOOOO good. But it might add about 5-10 pounds to ya if you drink it every night.
Do your taxes early.
Even “hard” guys can have a sensitive side on valentine’s day and anniversaries.
If you hate feeling lonely, don’t move far away from friends and family.
Pillowtop mattresses will make you want to marry your bed.
When you go on business trips, don’t offer to room with a co-worker to save the company some money.
There are some craaaaaazy people on the train.
Electric stoves don’t cook the same as Gas stoves.
A lot of people stereotype retail employees.
Don’t eat cabbage after 8pm.
Convertibles make every road trip more exciting.
Come to think of it... so does a trip to the emergency room on your vacation.
Never take out a loan for anyone.
Make sure you check your car out thoroughly before you buy it.
Stress will make your weight drop faster than exercise.
Snapping at your boss is never a good idea. Especially right before evaluations.
Crying doesn't always make you feel better.
Girl Friends are a blessing.
It’s always a good idea to pin your wig down.
Khaki pants look good on me. lol
Chops restaurant is waaay overpriced.
People don’t always mean what they say.
You can't always judge a person by their family.
Most of the time, you know relationships are over before they officially are.
Remembering the past too soon can make the present full of gloom.
And lastly,
Hope is life’s heartbeat. Once it’s gone, so are you.
Happy Holidays everyone.
I pray that you all have a blessed one.
But the time has finally come for me to go…and I’m ready.
Today is also the last day for me at my day job until the New Year. With that being said, I just wanted to quickly recap on some learned lessons/ random statements from 2007. Unfortunately, since I haven’t been blogging this past year…none of you will really know what the heck I’m talking about. lol Nevertheless… here they are.
Lessons from 2007
QT’s Smores Cappuccino is SOOOO good. But it might add about 5-10 pounds to ya if you drink it every night.
Do your taxes early.
Even “hard” guys can have a sensitive side on valentine’s day and anniversaries.
If you hate feeling lonely, don’t move far away from friends and family.
Pillowtop mattresses will make you want to marry your bed.
When you go on business trips, don’t offer to room with a co-worker to save the company some money.
There are some craaaaaazy people on the train.
Electric stoves don’t cook the same as Gas stoves.
A lot of people stereotype retail employees.
Don’t eat cabbage after 8pm.
Convertibles make every road trip more exciting.
Come to think of it... so does a trip to the emergency room on your vacation.
Never take out a loan for anyone.
Make sure you check your car out thoroughly before you buy it.
Stress will make your weight drop faster than exercise.
Snapping at your boss is never a good idea. Especially right before evaluations.
Crying doesn't always make you feel better.
Girl Friends are a blessing.
It’s always a good idea to pin your wig down.
Khaki pants look good on me. lol
Chops restaurant is waaay overpriced.
People don’t always mean what they say.
You can't always judge a person by their family.
Most of the time, you know relationships are over before they officially are.
Remembering the past too soon can make the present full of gloom.
And lastly,
Hope is life’s heartbeat. Once it’s gone, so are you.
Happy Holidays everyone.
I pray that you all have a blessed one.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Sleepless night
I cried last night.
I was in my bathroom taking out my contacts when I noticed that my ear lobes were dirty. lol
Well not like…filthy dirty. But you know, I wear earrings a lot and I just felt like it was a good time to disinfect my earlobes with alcohol. So I’m rubbing my ears and looking at how weird it looks to just have little holes in my ear. I know it’s common but do you ever think about the things we do to ourselves? I mean really, I let someone pierce my skin all the way through. Twice?!? Anyways, ya’ll know I’m random.
So I’m looking at my ears and out of nowhere…this image of my grandmother pops in my head. She died last April during heart surgery. When we were allowed in to see her body we were all amazed at they way she looked. Anyone who knows someone who has had heart surgery can tell you that dramatic changes happen. My grandmother’s face was HUGE. Her lips…cheeks…neck... eye lids...everything was swollen. But the thing I rembember most was the cotton balls in her ears.
They were stained with blood.
When my aunts and mom saw this, they asked the doctor, “What happened? Why was she bleeding out of her ears? Was she in pain? Oh God, please noooo!”
Apparently during/after her death, some of the blood from her body drained there.
I remember being in awe. Just staring at her ears. At the cotton balls. Just like the cotton balls I had to my ears last night with alcohol.
Just like that, I felt an uncontrollable sob jab at the base of my throat and I couldn’t contain it. I miss my grandmother so much. We have the same dry, wrinkly hands. The same fine hair. The same big eyes. I see sooooo much of her genes when I look at myself in the mirror.
There was so much I never got to say to her. So much I wanted her to see. I think of all the things she missed in the last year and I break down even more.
We all have our thoughts on what happens to a person once they die. Mine varied the older I got. Now, I’m not as sure as I used to be. I mean, as a Christian, I do believe in a Heaven and Hell. I’m just not so sure that’s where people go right when they die.
I’m not sure of much anymore.
It’s crazy how the older I get, the less I KNOW.
Wherever you are Grandmamma, know that I miss you dearly. Rest in peace.
I was in my bathroom taking out my contacts when I noticed that my ear lobes were dirty. lol
Well not like…filthy dirty. But you know, I wear earrings a lot and I just felt like it was a good time to disinfect my earlobes with alcohol. So I’m rubbing my ears and looking at how weird it looks to just have little holes in my ear. I know it’s common but do you ever think about the things we do to ourselves? I mean really, I let someone pierce my skin all the way through. Twice?!? Anyways, ya’ll know I’m random.
So I’m looking at my ears and out of nowhere…this image of my grandmother pops in my head. She died last April during heart surgery. When we were allowed in to see her body we were all amazed at they way she looked. Anyone who knows someone who has had heart surgery can tell you that dramatic changes happen. My grandmother’s face was HUGE. Her lips…cheeks…neck... eye lids...everything was swollen. But the thing I rembember most was the cotton balls in her ears.
They were stained with blood.
When my aunts and mom saw this, they asked the doctor, “What happened? Why was she bleeding out of her ears? Was she in pain? Oh God, please noooo!”
Apparently during/after her death, some of the blood from her body drained there.
I remember being in awe. Just staring at her ears. At the cotton balls. Just like the cotton balls I had to my ears last night with alcohol.
Just like that, I felt an uncontrollable sob jab at the base of my throat and I couldn’t contain it. I miss my grandmother so much. We have the same dry, wrinkly hands. The same fine hair. The same big eyes. I see sooooo much of her genes when I look at myself in the mirror.
There was so much I never got to say to her. So much I wanted her to see. I think of all the things she missed in the last year and I break down even more.
We all have our thoughts on what happens to a person once they die. Mine varied the older I got. Now, I’m not as sure as I used to be. I mean, as a Christian, I do believe in a Heaven and Hell. I’m just not so sure that’s where people go right when they die.
I’m not sure of much anymore.
It’s crazy how the older I get, the less I KNOW.
Wherever you are Grandmamma, know that I miss you dearly. Rest in peace.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Pastor's ain't always right (part 2)
My mom is a boss.
She can't help it. She's a leo.. first child of 7...AND she had to raise them all while my grandmother worked.
She's at her best when she's able to tell folks what to do. lol
But don't get me wrong. She's the sweetest person you'll ever meet. A few years back, my mom had to quit her job and it put a strain on our family financially. It was around November when she met this homeless family. The wife was working at the grocery store so they'd have enough money to eat. The husband had a brain tumor and couldn't work. She had 3 children. All of which, lived out of their van, which was immobile at the time. Although my family was going through our own financial hardship, my mom opened up our home to them. Gave them our clothing, helped the man file for disability, looked for a better paying job for the lady (although moms wasn't working yet herself).
Of course, my mom brought her to church too. We figured with more people knowing this families story, even more help could be given.
When my pastor found out about the family. She made an announcement saying that she wanted everyone to help.
"These people are homeless, but not second class. Don't give them hand-me-downs. Buy them something new. Stop giving people old stuff. Put them in a hotel or something, they don't want to be in your house, living by your rules. Give them the best."
She rambled on and on and on. I remember my mother's face that day. Instead of being recongized for giving her last...and her all. She was scorned for not giving something new. It wasn't as if she wouldn't have given them the "best" if she had it to give...but we were struggling ourselves. This was the beginning of the pulpit showdown between her and the pastor.
Over the years, the pastor would say things over the pulpit that we know was directly related to my mom. It got so bad and blatant that other members started picking up on it. My friends would tell me about how pastor picked on my mom when I didn't come to church that day. Random members would come up to my mother or call after church to ask her if she was alright. People knew what was going on. I was amazed that the Pastor didn't seem to care about that.
I know you're thinking...why would a pastor do this?
Well...honestly, I'm not sure of the details myself. Once she placed my mom over the Altar ministry, things between them began to surface. I think she placed my mom in charge because she thought my mom would just be a "head" in name while really being a puppet for her.
Not so.
My mom had her own ideas. Her own agenda...and I think their constant disagreement on things took it's toll on their friendship.
My mom offered to resign. But the Altar ministry loved my mom. Pastor knew that if my mom left that ministry, so would every one else. I'm guessing this upset her. Petty....but that's the only reason i can see for her change.
Pastor would get up and introduce my dad before he was to preach sometimes. I've heard her say things like... "Sis. Warner doesn't really have a personality, but Elder Warner makes it up for the both of them"
or "It looks like Sis. Warner eats all the food in their house"....
or during her "pastoral emphasis", would say, "and if some of ya'll would just get up and run around the church sometimes...maybe your knees wouldn't be hurting like they do"...
(fyi - it's common knowledge at my church that my mother has knee problems)
and on and on. ALL from the PULPIT.
For a while my mom would shrug it off. But that last sunday was the final straw for us. I told my mom that the next time our pastor says ANYTHING out of the way... I'm out. I refuse to sit by and let anyone...INCLUDING a pastor, say retarded things about my family.
Praise service went well. My parents and I sit on the front row so we can really jam hard. (I'm the one usually 2-3 minutes late now since I live so far from church these days.) Well this particular Sunday, it wasn't enough that we all praised God during praise and worship, and during missionary offering....and during the announcements. Pastor was now up for offering and she wanted people to get excited about it. My mom's knees had started bothering her around the first offering time, so she'd been praising from her seat. Well our pastor thought this would be a good time to "show her power".
It first seemed innocent enough.
Pastor: Praise God everybody!
Congregation: clapped and said Amen
Pastor: I said PRAISE GOD EVERYBODY!
Congregation: more clapping...few people standing up...more verbal praises.
Pastor: If you see someone sitting down, tap them on the shoulder and ask if God has been good to them? No one need to be sitting down on God.... blah blah blah
okay... i see where this is going.
Congregation: Everyone slowly standing... (except for my mother and an old lady)
Pastor: Now if you're still sitting, you have a demon in you. *looking dead at my mother*
Here we go. I feel myself starting to get upset.
Pastor: If I say stand up and praise God... stand UP and PRAISE GOD!!! *screaming* I don't care if your knees hurt, feet hurt, legs hurt....
Congregation: Stunned...looking at mom and pastor... and me.
I sit down and cross my legs.
I MUST have had a demon in me. *shrug*
That would make two of us because pastor shoooole ain't hearing from God right now. And no one is praising him anymore. Everyone's just standing around like a deer caught in someone's headlights.
So Pastor calls us out and commands us to stand. I was set on not standing, but my mother went ahead for the sake of complying...even though her knees were hurting pretty badly.
When we were finally standing... pastor showed her power (not God's power mind you) again by asking everyone to sit. Then she went on a rampage about how this church isn't for everyone and if anyone is offended then they could leave.
So we left. lol
But wait... there's more!
Homegirl (Pastor) RAN out behind us. I'm thinking okay, she know she was wrong, so she's coming to apologize.
Uh...no.
She RAN out saying, "and i just got one more thing to say"...
Okay... so I know this isn't going to be anything good.
Ya'll are "released" from MY church. (her church ya'll)
I have no hard feelings and I still love ya'll. (all said in a harsh, combative tone)
But you, your daughter, and your husband are all released.
My dad hadn't left yet. Like many men, he is a little "slow" when it come to girl fights. lol He knew what was going on, but didn't really know how through we were with the whole thing. So he didn't get up right away like we did. Pastor caught him on his way out and told him that my mother had anger in her heart and that although she tried to plead with my mom, my mother wouldn't listen.
Why are you lying?
Is it that serious?
We didn't really get to say ANYTHING because both my mother and I were stunned that this lady just ran out the church to come "tell us off".
I made up in my mind that I couldn't be a part of a church that has a leader who would lie right before taking communion, who would be so mean as to bully someone who has arthritis in her knees for not being able to stand, and who would take the focus off of God just to prove her power.
Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the only way to praise God is to stand. She wanted everyone to stand because she knew my mother couldn't/wouldn't. She also took away our God-given choice to praise Him. You can't MAKE people praise God. And it wasn't as if we weren't praising him. We just stopped when she started talking all this crazy stuff. She totally killed the mood for everyone.
Nope, it's not for me.
And then to top it off... I get a text from my church friend that saw the whole ordeal inside.
She wanted to know if we were alright.
When I told her that we were all still pretty hot about it, she said she understood and would be hot too, but told me to let my mom know that it wasn't personal.
"Pastor doesn't think before she speaks. This isn't the first this has happened. Probably won't be the last."
Um... excuse me? So, I'm supposed to stay at a church where we condone the pastor's craziness while KNOWING it's crazy? I'm not trying to be anywhere where pastors do that on a regular basis. No Ma'am.
Not me.
NEEEEXT!
Oh...and did I tell you that said friend just married the pastor's son?
(i know it has nothing to do with anything...just wanted you to know. lol)
Anywho... that's all I have to say about the Church ordeal. So um...if anyone has a good Church in mind that we can visit, leave it in the comment box. The search is on!!!!!
She can't help it. She's a leo.. first child of 7...AND she had to raise them all while my grandmother worked.
She's at her best when she's able to tell folks what to do. lol
But don't get me wrong. She's the sweetest person you'll ever meet. A few years back, my mom had to quit her job and it put a strain on our family financially. It was around November when she met this homeless family. The wife was working at the grocery store so they'd have enough money to eat. The husband had a brain tumor and couldn't work. She had 3 children. All of which, lived out of their van, which was immobile at the time. Although my family was going through our own financial hardship, my mom opened up our home to them. Gave them our clothing, helped the man file for disability, looked for a better paying job for the lady (although moms wasn't working yet herself).
Of course, my mom brought her to church too. We figured with more people knowing this families story, even more help could be given.
When my pastor found out about the family. She made an announcement saying that she wanted everyone to help.
"These people are homeless, but not second class. Don't give them hand-me-downs. Buy them something new. Stop giving people old stuff. Put them in a hotel or something, they don't want to be in your house, living by your rules. Give them the best."
She rambled on and on and on. I remember my mother's face that day. Instead of being recongized for giving her last...and her all. She was scorned for not giving something new. It wasn't as if she wouldn't have given them the "best" if she had it to give...but we were struggling ourselves. This was the beginning of the pulpit showdown between her and the pastor.
Over the years, the pastor would say things over the pulpit that we know was directly related to my mom. It got so bad and blatant that other members started picking up on it. My friends would tell me about how pastor picked on my mom when I didn't come to church that day. Random members would come up to my mother or call after church to ask her if she was alright. People knew what was going on. I was amazed that the Pastor didn't seem to care about that.
I know you're thinking...why would a pastor do this?
Well...honestly, I'm not sure of the details myself. Once she placed my mom over the Altar ministry, things between them began to surface. I think she placed my mom in charge because she thought my mom would just be a "head" in name while really being a puppet for her.
Not so.
My mom had her own ideas. Her own agenda...and I think their constant disagreement on things took it's toll on their friendship.
My mom offered to resign. But the Altar ministry loved my mom. Pastor knew that if my mom left that ministry, so would every one else. I'm guessing this upset her. Petty....but that's the only reason i can see for her change.
Pastor would get up and introduce my dad before he was to preach sometimes. I've heard her say things like... "Sis. Warner doesn't really have a personality, but Elder Warner makes it up for the both of them"
or "It looks like Sis. Warner eats all the food in their house"....
or during her "pastoral emphasis", would say, "and if some of ya'll would just get up and run around the church sometimes...maybe your knees wouldn't be hurting like they do"...
(fyi - it's common knowledge at my church that my mother has knee problems)
and on and on. ALL from the PULPIT.
For a while my mom would shrug it off. But that last sunday was the final straw for us. I told my mom that the next time our pastor says ANYTHING out of the way... I'm out. I refuse to sit by and let anyone...INCLUDING a pastor, say retarded things about my family.
Praise service went well. My parents and I sit on the front row so we can really jam hard. (I'm the one usually 2-3 minutes late now since I live so far from church these days.) Well this particular Sunday, it wasn't enough that we all praised God during praise and worship, and during missionary offering....and during the announcements. Pastor was now up for offering and she wanted people to get excited about it. My mom's knees had started bothering her around the first offering time, so she'd been praising from her seat. Well our pastor thought this would be a good time to "show her power".
It first seemed innocent enough.
Pastor: Praise God everybody!
Congregation: clapped and said Amen
Pastor: I said PRAISE GOD EVERYBODY!
Congregation: more clapping...few people standing up...more verbal praises.
Pastor: If you see someone sitting down, tap them on the shoulder and ask if God has been good to them? No one need to be sitting down on God.... blah blah blah
okay... i see where this is going.
Congregation: Everyone slowly standing... (except for my mother and an old lady)
Pastor: Now if you're still sitting, you have a demon in you. *looking dead at my mother*
Here we go. I feel myself starting to get upset.
Pastor: If I say stand up and praise God... stand UP and PRAISE GOD!!! *screaming* I don't care if your knees hurt, feet hurt, legs hurt....
Congregation: Stunned...looking at mom and pastor... and me.
I sit down and cross my legs.
I MUST have had a demon in me. *shrug*
That would make two of us because pastor shoooole ain't hearing from God right now. And no one is praising him anymore. Everyone's just standing around like a deer caught in someone's headlights.
So Pastor calls us out and commands us to stand. I was set on not standing, but my mother went ahead for the sake of complying...even though her knees were hurting pretty badly.
When we were finally standing... pastor showed her power (not God's power mind you) again by asking everyone to sit. Then she went on a rampage about how this church isn't for everyone and if anyone is offended then they could leave.
So we left. lol
But wait... there's more!
Homegirl (Pastor) RAN out behind us. I'm thinking okay, she know she was wrong, so she's coming to apologize.
Uh...no.
She RAN out saying, "and i just got one more thing to say"...
Okay... so I know this isn't going to be anything good.
Ya'll are "released" from MY church. (her church ya'll)
I have no hard feelings and I still love ya'll. (all said in a harsh, combative tone)
But you, your daughter, and your husband are all released.
My dad hadn't left yet. Like many men, he is a little "slow" when it come to girl fights. lol He knew what was going on, but didn't really know how through we were with the whole thing. So he didn't get up right away like we did. Pastor caught him on his way out and told him that my mother had anger in her heart and that although she tried to plead with my mom, my mother wouldn't listen.
Why are you lying?
Is it that serious?
We didn't really get to say ANYTHING because both my mother and I were stunned that this lady just ran out the church to come "tell us off".
I made up in my mind that I couldn't be a part of a church that has a leader who would lie right before taking communion, who would be so mean as to bully someone who has arthritis in her knees for not being able to stand, and who would take the focus off of God just to prove her power.
Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the only way to praise God is to stand. She wanted everyone to stand because she knew my mother couldn't/wouldn't. She also took away our God-given choice to praise Him. You can't MAKE people praise God. And it wasn't as if we weren't praising him. We just stopped when she started talking all this crazy stuff. She totally killed the mood for everyone.
Nope, it's not for me.
And then to top it off... I get a text from my church friend that saw the whole ordeal inside.
She wanted to know if we were alright.
When I told her that we were all still pretty hot about it, she said she understood and would be hot too, but told me to let my mom know that it wasn't personal.
"Pastor doesn't think before she speaks. This isn't the first this has happened. Probably won't be the last."
Um... excuse me? So, I'm supposed to stay at a church where we condone the pastor's craziness while KNOWING it's crazy? I'm not trying to be anywhere where pastors do that on a regular basis. No Ma'am.
Not me.
NEEEEXT!
Oh...and did I tell you that said friend just married the pastor's son?
(i know it has nothing to do with anything...just wanted you to know. lol)
Anywho... that's all I have to say about the Church ordeal. So um...if anyone has a good Church in mind that we can visit, leave it in the comment box. The search is on!!!!!
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