Updates...

Someone informed me that I never finish what I start. Of course they are right...I've even talked about that in my posts a few times. So I went back and read through my blog. I never realized how much rambling I do and how many topics I'll jump through...it's really quite Sway-typical. I do that a lot in my conversations. My brain thinks about so many random things at once and I want to focus on them all, but to others...it seems like a bunch of nothing. So I figure I'd try to tie up as many lose ends as possible about things I said I'd come back to...fill you in on...and tell you about.

1. AM

Well if you read this post, this post , or this post, you'd know that I am pretty gaga over AM. We've been kicking it hard since December and I just knew he'd fill my blog up with interesting stories about our fights and makeups and etc. Well, I was wrong. I'm starting to say that alot these days. That's not a good sign if you ask me. Anyways, a few weeks ago, I finally decided to confront AM about the fact that it seems our relationship is turning more into just a friendship. Lately he doesn't want to hug or kiss or cuddle or be close at all. He's been so distant in that respect, even though he still calls everyday and we go out all the time. Every since we decided to rededicate our lives to God, he's been a little strange towards me. So I finally just asked if he just want to stop pretending that everything's kosher and let's just be friends since I KNOW that's really what he wants. He said okay. He then began to give me the worst break up speech in history. *clearing my throat... Aaahhheeemmm*

"It's not you, IT"S ME! It's just that, I am trying to find myself right now and I have so much going on and since I rededicated my life to God, I just don't know about anything right now. I need to focus on God right now. But we can be friends though."

Ha. That was great! Ya never get tired of hearing that one. I mean, not to say that he doesn't need to focus on God, but... come on, why does His relationship with God mean that we can't be together? It's not like I didn't rededicate my life too... or that I'm asking him to choose. I'm not asking for anything hard... I mean, do what you do now, but just kiss me sometimes when we're together, or lean over and give me a hug! I mean is that too much to ask? Would that really take your focus off of God so much that you have to completely break up with me in order to stay on track? My goodness. Honestly, I don't think his "reasons" were legit. I'm not quite sure why he suddenly decided I was not good enough to be his girl since only a week before, we had openly established that we were indeed together and dating....hmmmm...it could be Vicki Jo...
I'll have to tell you about her later. But anyways, the key is that we are no longer dating. We're JUST FRIENDS! Honestly, it doesn't feel like we're anything anymore. The calls are farther and few in between. And I haven't actually seen him since we decided to be friends. It's very sad actually. I'm sure next month this time, we'll be complete strangers again.


2. RH
I guess I should fill you in on what's been going on with RH and I. Well, he kinda slipped out of my mind for a while when AM and I started kicking it. Like I said before, I've always liked RH, but we seemed to only have a "friends" connection. Well, out of the blue, he emails me a couple of weeks ago to say sorry for being M.I.A. and that he misses our talks and etc. Well of course I was SUPER excited to hear from him. This was when all the AM stuff was going awry...so to hear from him kinda lightened things up for me. Well, he's been in and out of town for a while now. He was finally in town long enough to settle down and call me last night. He said he'll be going back out of town around the 21st of April, but he wanted us to get together before then. He seemed so different than what I remember. Something had changed. I can't quite put my finger on what...but there was definitely a change. At least some things hadn't changed ....our ability to talk for hours on end and his ability to make my stomach ache from laughter made me realize that we'd always be good friends, even if we don't talk all the time. I look forward to meeting up with him again. Hopefully it'll spark some interesting blogging...

3. SS

I told you all I'd write about SS since I mentioned him a few times blogging, (in the post above and here) Upon looking at that post I realized that I also said I'd tell you about my cousin being pregnant. Well...I'm too tired to type about that b/c that leads to a guy name BS which is pretty much stalking me right now and it leads back around to Bimp. So I'll just save the rest of that for tomorrow. Til then.....I'll finish with SS.

I met SS in Dec 02 at a Christian club called "Club Jubilee." Late in the night, our eyes met and he quickly motioned for me to come over to his dark corner table. I quietly excused myself from my friends and walked over to him, sat down and sipped on my drink while PRAYING that my friends gazes didn't follow me to his table. He sat in the cut, the only thing I could really see was his lips, which were nicely plump and moist, and his shiny black buttons on his shirt. He had lazy eyes, which didn't speak to me that much, especially since I'd seen so many sexy men that night. I tried to keep my focus on his eyes though. Curious as to what he'd use as a pick up line. He told me that he'd been watching me the entire night and that he thought I was very beautiful. We began to chat for a second and I remember keeping my answers short and precise. I wasn't feeling him at all even though he wasn't unattractive. He stands about 5'11, 200pds, brown complexion, dark lazy eyes, dark low cut hair. Nothing spectacular about him. He's one of those guys you'd never second glance on the street. I was hoping my polite but uninterested answers would put an end to any hopes he had of moving this conversation past the night. That was until he told me about his credentials. I must say, I am a sucker for an educated man. This brotha was smart. I was blown away by the things he's accomplished thusfar and he was still going further. I decided to give him my number.
I went to his place a few times. As shallow as it seems, I fell in love with his place. It was so perfect. It was warm and inviting...and most of all CLEAN. A little too clean if you ask me, but hey, I was loving it. I found myself making excuses to see him just so I could come over and lounge on his big comfy couch. There was never a physical attraction to SS though. Once he gave me a full body massage that plagues my daydreams even to this day. His hands felt better than some "total" experiences I've had in my life. But other than that, we never even hugged, or kissed. In Jan and Feb '03, I went through a tramatic experience with a stalker/rapist GW and I began shutting everyone out of my life. I never called or returned SS calls. Amazingly enough this Jan, almost a year after he and I met, he saw my page on BP and decided to write to me. I remembered him and we began to "catch up" on the haps. He insisted that we get together again...and the rest is history.

until tomorrow....