I'm Okay

It’s Monday… and one day short of being a month since TG and I parted ways.

I’m okay.

Sure I have my moments where I go to my keyboard and play some of the beautiful melodies he made for me and reminisce about the many nights he’d stand in front of his board and make up a tune for me while I ad lib some silly words about how much I loved him….and I’d break down and cry. And of course there are those moments when I smell my clothes he washed …and floods of emotions come back to the many days I spent in his t-shirts…lounging around and talking about our future…and my heart breaks all over again. But you know what… those memories are spacing out more and more each day…and I find myself having more periods of joy and happiness not thinking about him…or her… or them.

I’m okay. And hopefully next month I’ll be good. Then great.

I didn’t do too much this weekend. I had plans to stay in my PJ’s all weekend and do some cleaning but I didn’t. I was supposed to go out on a …well I don’t know what it was supposed to be. lol
There’s this security guard at my job that has taken a liking to me. I don’t know why security guards like me, but they do. lol. Every male security guard that has worked here over the last few years has found a way to make conversation with me and somehow ask me out. Of course I’ve never taken any of them up on their offer. Mainly cuz I’m sure I wasn’t the only one they were asking out. And I wasn’t really planning on “getting” with this one either…although I was gonna let him take me out once. lol But both He and I know that I’m in “rebound” mode right now. I’m afraid that he’d try to take advantage of my fragileness...and I'm also afraid that I wouldn’t be fair to him. I’d just use him for company and to fill the physical void of having someone there on Fridays and Saturdays…and then when I’m all better, drop him like a bad habit. I can’t do that to people…so lately I’ve been avoiding him.

I’ve known he’s liked me for a while, and his subtle advances have become less and less subtle since he found out that TG and I aren’t together and I’m now a single woman. Friday he made his move. He casually asked me to go to the park for a picnic with him on Saturday. I told him I’d think about it. He said he had to work here until 3, but gave me the number to the FRONT DESK… ( NOT his number) and told me to call him when I woke up and we could take it from there.

I planned not to call him as soon as I saw our company’s number. lol. I mean, to me that move was a little weird. If you gonna try to get at me, then TRY. Giving me your work number tells me you don’t want me to have your cell number (and that’s assuming you have one… Lord, I hope his lack of a cell phone isn't the reason he gave me his work phone number. lol). And if you are trying to holla at me, why wouldn’t you want me to have your number? Red Flags. RED FLAGS. lol It’s just too questionable for me. You trying to take me out, but you don’t give me your number? And you didn't ask for mine? You wanna put the ball in my court…which is fine with me. Good move. If i call, then you know i'm interested...and you had a MUCH better chance of me taking your number then gettin mine. Okay. Got it. But the whole call before 3 or you won’t get me thing...kinda forces me to make a move. It's no longer a "call if you want, when you want" thing...it's a "call me while you have a chance or you'll miss out" thing. Well at least in my crazy brain it is. lol. It just sounds a little "smooth" to me. I know I’ve been out the game a while…but I opted to not call.

I knew I'd have to face him today...and wasn't really worried about it. I figured he'd either act as if nothing happened... or ask me why i didn't call. Either way, I was good. I'd just non chalantly tell him that by the time I was available to call, it was after 3.
He usually works the evening shift so I see him before I leave work, but this morning he was here when I walked in. I wasn’t expecting to see him this early. I didn't have my game face on. I wasn't expected to explain anything at 8am. lol. As I turned the corner I was startled to see him and I'm sure it showed. He had this… “you stood me up” look on his face which was so funny that I couldn’t help but laugh. He was all like “Man Sway, I was looking at the phone all day”
lol... Awwww
At least he has some lines. He’s kinda cute. I couldn’t see myself dating him for real though. I’m still in the healing process. I’m still trying to get my heart back right. But… I dunno… I like the extra attention. The 5 minutes a day flirting we do. He’s fun to play with. And it’s nice to know that someone wants some of my time.

So since I didn’t call him Saturday… I did what all single women wanting to get over their love would do. I went shopping.

I may not have a man, but my wardrobe is gonna be SIZZLING. lol

I didn’t go too crazy though. I’m gonna take care of myself this year. I’m gonna invest more. Save more. Pay off my bills…get my life back on track.

Okay…I’m done rambling.
Have a wonderful Monday!