FYI…this post was written over a few days, so forgive me for the inconsistencies and length. I was all over the place. :)
My mom told me that TG’s sister called me around midnight last Wednesday night/Thursday morning on HER phone.
This shocked me as well as my mom because while Koki and I are cool, She rarely calls me. So I made it a point to give her a call back yesterday (Thursday) at work.
She knows about TG and I. I called her last week to thank her for being such a good sister for the time TG and I was together. She told me that she’s truly sorry for what her brother did, and in her eyes, I’ll aways be her sister.
It brought a tear to my eye. His family really did like me. And I liked them. It’s unfortunate they won’t be my in-laws.
So anyways I call her around 11am yesterday, and she pretty much told me she was only calling to check on me. That “check-up” turned into an hour and a half conversation about TG…Karen (his ex wife)…me …the kids….and some other stuff I’ve failed to mention in this blog.
Koki gave me an earful. With each word my stomach tightened up and I felt more and more hurt. The things she told me about TG hurt me. How can the man she’s describing be the man that I’ve spent almost the last year with? This sounds nothing like him. I wish I would have known all this BEFORE we got serious. WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME this is typical TG stuff? Anyways… she tells me she loves her brother, and she thought he was better, but apparently he’s either MENTAL or he’s an habitual uncontrollable liar and in her words, TG and Karen deserve each other cuz they both crazy.
What about all this God stuff? What about all those many nights we prayed together about our future and the ministry God placed in us…and yada yada… That was all fake?
That’s hard for me to believe. Anyways…the convo with her left a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t know whether to believe her or not. Half of what she says makes sense…but half of it doesn’t. Our convo ended when TG called me around 12:30ish.
He didn’t want anything. Just to tell me that it was beautiful outside and that if he was close to my job, he’d pick up some subs and take me out to the park I once took him to over here and we’d have a picnic. Huh? Why would he say something like that to me?
I know I need to stop talking to him for a while. Cuz every time I hear his voice, I miss him. And he’s not making it any better.
Anyways, I burst his little fantasy up when I told him that I had just finished talking to Koki.
I know she gave you an earful. He uneasily remarked. He wanted to play it cool, but I know he was DYING for me to tell him what she said. He tried to do damage control by saying that “you know Koki, she always talking about something she doesn’t know about.” Little does he know. His beloved EX/Future wife Karen has been running her mouth to Koki too. His sister knows more than he’s giving her credit for. But I just said…uh. And left it at that.
He’s leaving for Columbus tonight (edit…this was last Thursday). Aint that something. This neegro needed no time to get over me. Bye Sway, Hi Karen. Just like that. It makes me question if we even had anything. How can you just so easily rid your mind and heart of me and move on so quickly? With each passing day, I began to get this uneasy feeling that I got played. BIG TIME.
And what makes it so bad is that he says God shifted his love. The reason he’s not feeling bad about leaving me is because God made him stop loving me…and gave him love for her. WTH? Are you serious? So now not only do you not CARE that I’m just left here hurting, but you’re saying that God is the reason you don’t CARE?????? *fuming*
I bite my tongue and leave it all alone because honestly, the way this thing has gone down, I don’t know anything anymore, everything seems like a lie…and nothing makes sense. I can’t comment too much cuz what if by some crazy chance TG is telling the truth? What if things are happening just as he says they are… I can’t be mad at God for whatever He’s doing. *sigh* I just gotta pray for understanding...for revelation. If TG's doing what God says do, then I'm sure God should be telling me some things too right? *shrug*
So this grave feeling remains at the pit of my stomach all day… and I’m consumed by all of these thoughts and theories and blah…then I get a call around 4 from a really nice blog friend. *waving hi* And he’s just calling to check up on me. Lord knows I needed to just get my mind off of this madness. So we talk and talk…and talk. lol. In fact we talk all the way until I get off work, get in the car, sit in traffic, and get about 3 minutes from my house. He’s taken my mind off of Karen, Koki, and TG. I was so grateful. I was just focusing on life…and peace.
I live in the boonies, so anyone who knows me know that my celly does NOT work at home. So I gave my blog friend my home number and told him to call me in 5 minutes. We hung up and my mind was free… I was just grateful that the sinking feeling in my stomach was gone. As I sped around the dangerous curves around my house, I see this girl walking down the street with two bags of luggage. I was going so fast I really just sped right on by her, but since I was already praying I said a quick prayer for her as I looked at her in my rearview mirror. “Lord, please protect her… Oh Jesus…”
Before I could get anymore of my prayer out I found myself whipping my car back around and heading back to her. That’s something I’d NEVER do alone…on THAT street. I had NO cell phone reception. The way the street is made, it’s just trees, a creek, and a lot of unknowns. It's seriously a street out of a scary movie with the winding trees glooming over the unlit street. That's why I zoom through it usually. Even in the daytime, that street gives me the creeps. My mom is so paranoid and unfortunately she’s rubbed off on me. I could hear her voice in my head as I searched for the girl. “and don’t you be picking up any strangers. I don’t care what they look like. Just pray for them, you never know, it could be a trap. She could have someone around the corner waiting for you to stop and help her and they pull a gun on you and kill you.” lol. Sad but hey, that’s what I’ve been taught. But “something” told me to just do it. That something was God.
I finally see the young girl…probably around my age walking in the middle of the street with two HUGE bags of luggage. I stop and ask her if she was okay. She said yes. I asked if she needed a ride, and she quickly contemplated whether I was a killer or not…and said yes. I put my hazard lights on and motioned for the stupid cars behind me to just GO around. (I KNOW they saw me trying to help this girl…why act stupid and just sit there…ain’t no cars coming). Her bags were soooooooo heavy. I put them in my trunk. If by chance she was a crazy killer, I wanted all her ropes, guns, duct tape and etc.. as FAR away from the front seat as possible.
I asked her where she was going. She said to the greyhound station. Blink…blink.
Um…yeah. I have NO idea where that is. Besides… "something" told me to whip the car BACK around and head towards home. My dad was there and I know he’d know what to do.
During the 3 minutes to my house, I found out that she has only been in Atlanta for 5 days and she’s just ready to go back home to Cali and be with her mother. The way she was just walking down the street led me to believe that this wasn’t some planned incident. No one just takes of walking down THAT street. The nearest bus station (if she even knew where she was going and she didn’t cuz she told me) is about 10-15 minutes away… DRIVING. I figured someone threw her out. A boyfriend maybe. I was gonna ask her all that later. I was at my house.
I told her to sit tight, and asked her if she needed anything. She said no, while looking out the side mirror and squinting. There was a green SUV stopped right at the top of my driveway. She gets out and says…that’s my dad.
I’m like wth? What is going on. Your dad? Why was you walking down the street if your dad has a car? So he jumps out with his ID and a pen…and by that time, they exchange words and I’m out the car walking towards my door. My eagle eye dad comes flying out the house with no shirt or shoes on looking all country asking me what was going on. I tried to quickly fill him in, but was interrupted by her dad asking who WE were. lol
So her dad shows my dad his ID and says that this is his daughter and that she just walked out the house and if she wanna go…she can go, but he at least wanted get my tag number (lol) just in case.
So we’re all filled in. She’s talking to me and her dad is talking to my dad. And we find out what went down and why she was just walking her narrow butt down that dangerous street.
Apparently she’s been in Atlanta for 5 days. She moved down with her dad and his wife from Cali, where she’s lived her entire life with her mom and 12 brothers and sisters. From what we gathered…there’s 25 ppl up in Cali living in one house. (please re-read that sentence and let it sink in) So her dad sent for her to come live here since she just graduated high school last June and he figured she’d have a better chance of surviving in a nice house/environment with him. Well…dad and this young lady Cee… couldn’t seem to get along. So after a heated argument, she storms out, and he lets her. That’s where I unknowingly came in. It’s amazing how God can put you in the right place at the right time. Since me picking her up Thursday evening, my parents have both gotten involved and talked to her dad and his wife and we’ve had sort of a “family intervention/counseling” session with them AND her mother in Cali. I’m leaving out many details since I just realized that this post is all over the place and it’s super long… but it’s just amazing how I’ve been feeling horrible about not hearing God’s voice and wondering what it sounds like, and thought God hasn’t specifically answered me about my specific situation, He still managed to show me that when He speaks, I DO KNOW IT. I had no hesitations about picking up that lady because God specifically told ME to do it. I had NO hesitations taking her to my house because God told me to do it. I knew His voice. It was instictual almost. Loud and clear. And though I had a few reservations while doing it, I KNEW that I KNEW that this was the right thing to do. And from that, God used my family to help restore a father/daughter relationship that might have remained forever torn. Thank you Jesus.
Knowing that God still speaks to me is important. And though I may have missed the mark with TG, at least I know that He’s given me another chance to get it right with each new morning.
And as I reflect on things said earlier in this post… I realize that I do actually believe TG. After listening to his sister, I felt really played…and lied to. But I have a calm feeling about it all now. I do think TG loved me. And I do think he wanted to marry me. I have no idea why things shifted the way they did. I have no idea why things are they way they are now. I’m sad to admit that I’m still very hurt, and unfortunately a little bitter. But I also know that in time, God will reveal to me why I went through what I went through with him.
Single Mom asked me a question in the comments section. She asked if I asked God for His will to be done, or did I ask for a husband. Honestly, I asked for both. I asked that He guide me to the one He’s selected for me and that His will is done in my life. I asked Him to keep me from all that wished to harm me. And as far as I know…He has. I don’t think TG meant to harm me. Honestly I keep saying this cuz I really am confused.. lol I DON'T KNOW WHAT happened. Friday Dec. 30th, were discussing moving in together, getting married, preparing for the future. Sat Night/Sun Morning Dec 31/Jan1 we’re breaking up for no apparent reason except that something changed and we couldn’t figure out what it was or why. Next thing I know... 3 days later, he's saying God is telling him to make things right with his family. Was it God? Was it just him? I don't know. All i know is that things seem to be looking up for him. Which of course makes me happy since I do love him and honestly want the best for him. But it SUCKS SO MUCH to know he's doing better WITHOUT me. lol. And I'm not doing too well. *shrug*
Either way, I pray that God directs TG's and Karen's footsteps. For TG's sake, I hope that their marriage is successful this time. Because if not, he messed up a REALLY GOOD thing with us. And it will only be his loss... cuz i know God's gonna hook me up with someone down the road.
The good thing I do see out of all of this is that God restored a family. Whether I want to admit it or not, that was TG's wife. That was his family. So, at least they’re back together now.
It leaves me in the rain, but I know God has something great in store for me. I have renewed faith that God will give me more than I could possibly imagine….and in time, I’ll know why things happened the way they did.
Continue to keep me in your prayers.
No comments:
Post a Comment