Here we are...

Is it really 2 days before 2006?

No really, IS it?

I remember writing last year’s New Years post like it was just yesterday. The way time fly nowadays really make you stop and think about how short life is. How precious it is. How much time we waste on frivolous things. How little time we spend on this that really matter.

What did I do this year? How did time pass me by? What happened to March? September? June? Was I sleep? Where’d 2005 go?

Every year I feel the same way, with each new year rolling by faster and faster. The older I get, the less I worry about new years resolutions, and the more I worry about living each day to the fullest because now, years come and go so fast, I don’t have time to waste. Before I know it, my children will be married. If I’m not careful, I’ll be 60 still trying to fulfill my dream of recording my gospel CD.

Last year this time, I really was excited about 2005. I was confident that MIRACLES were gonna happen for me this year. I knew I’d meet my husband. I knew some major things were gonna take place this year, and I was so excited about 2005 that in Dec of ‘04 I would randomly scream with glee when no one was around just at the thought of this year.

Well now, this year’s about to end. 2005 has taken its course and all that was going to happen, happened. I must say, I did have a great year. I did experience many miracles. I did meet my husband, my soulmate, my Adam. And for all of this I’m grateful.

And as quick as I can blink my eye, I find myself at the end of a year again. My excited thoughts about 2005 last year are replaced this year with many unknowns, uncertainties, and less zeal. I began to wonder why.

Don't get me wrong, I’m still excited about being able to see another year. That’s a blessing no matter how you look at it. But what I find weird is that… while I’m in a much better position now than I was last year this time, and I mean in EVERY WAY… I’m not as excited about the 2006 as I was last year with 2005.

I guess lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my life. Since TG came into my life…things have been wonderfully bad…and perfectly chaotic. How can something so right be so hard? Don’t get me wrong, we’re not forcing “US”. We not trying to make something that shouldn’t happen, happen. When it’s just us…we’re fine, the world is wonderful, everything makes sense. The foundation is solid. It’s just the world around us that complicates our togetherness.

I feel like Romeo & Juliet in that respect. Not the whole family feud thing, but the whole… “we love each other but circumstances make it hard for us to be together” thing. Some days I just wanna quit. Some days he just wanna quit.

I guess I’m not as zealous about 2006 because while last year, I KNEW the good things that were gonna happen, this year I am completely lost. I have no clue what 2006 holds for me. For TG. For my parents. For my friends. God didn’t speak as clearly to me concerning that as He did coming into 2005. So I go in wondering…

This new year holds the answer to TG and my destiny. Will we quit? *shrug* Only God and time know the answer to that. I don’t know how I can be at peace and nervous at the same time…but I am. lol

*sidenote*
And ya’ll I know I l eave out so many details that it’s hard to follow TG and my crazy relationship. Lol One day we’re getting married, the next, we’re not together. Or so it seems. I apologize for not being as detailed as I should for you guys to understand why these drastic changes happen… but nevertheless I felt I should inform you that I’m aware how trifflin I am for leaving SO MUCH out. lol
*end sidenote*

Since this year began, I’ve had many financial problems as well…
more than I care to elaborate on. And while I make more this year than I did last year, I saved no more. I didn’t have as much fun spending what I didn’t save. And it made me no happier. Isn’t that something? It makes me wonder about this upcoming year. What unexpected thing are gonna come up next year that will put a hole in my savings? In my plans. In my life as i know it now. I pray nothing. But I know this year stuff came out the woodworks.

I guess overall what I’m saying is…

I was so excited about 2005 that I overestimated my own happiness in it. And while everything I hoped to happen, happened. It finished rather lackluster because I was overly excited about them.

It’s like everybody telling you how great and wonderful the ATL is… or NY is… or Cali is… (you get my point) and then you get there…and you’re like… is this it? Is this what everyone was so excited about? Is this what I was so excited about? I mean…it’s aaaaaaight… good even… but I was way too excited. I was expecting so much more. lol
Same kinda thing here.

Kinda goes back to what I was saying in This Post. Sometimes the most exciting thing is the imagination of it….the anticipation of it. The reality is nice, but never quite as good as you imagined.

I'm also saying that i think i'm a little more nervous this year because i have so much more at stake. Last year i was ready for a change. Mostly any change would have been good. lol. I had a blank slate last year.
I was excited about new things coming. But now they've came and I have what I want, and the unknown is not as welcomed because i don't know how it's going to disrupt my life. It's easy to risk it all when you have nothing. It's easy to roll with change when things are already bad. But now that things are good... I just want them to stay that way... understand? lol

I’m not trying to be melancholy. I’m in a peaceful place right now. It’s just that…honestly, I have no idea what 2006 holds for me. Which is exciting in a way…but very scary in many other ways. So as I say goodbye to 2005, I less zealously, but just as appreciatively await 2006 and all of its contents…and pray that next year this time, I can say that I LOVED EVERY MOMENT of the year…and mean it.

May your new year bring you the desires of your heart. May your heart be lead by a sound mind and spirit…and may your spirit be of Christ. :)

2005

Well i told Ms. not so CYMPLE that i was gonna steal it.... so here it goes. lol


MY BEST AND WORST OF 2005:

1) Was 2005 a good year for you?

it was the best of times… it was the worst of times.

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?

hmmmm… Good question. I’m praying this moment comes Sunday. If my Christmas wish comes true… TG, I and the kids will be over my parent’s house celebrating and fellowhiping all together. My favorite people all under one roof. I know that’ll be my favorite moment.
My favorite moment thus far is the first time TG and I really looked at one another and proclaimed our love for each other. It was so fairy tale-ish. Awww… sniff sniff. I love that ole crazy man.

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?

The day TG and I broke up. It was the worst 7 days of my life. lol (I didn’t think it was funny then)

4) Where were you when 2005 began?

Church. Then a house party…err gathering. (see here please)

5) Who were you with?

Family and Friends. Yet…alone still. Weird times.

6) Where will you be when 2005 ends?

AT church. Hopefully with my BABY. I would love to see my parents too. :)

7) Who will you be with when 2005 ends?

TG and/or Parents… and my church family.

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2005?

I don’t do them. I strive to start afresh/anew with each new day. I don’t wait a whole year to try and get something right.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2006?

Nope.

10) Did you fall in love in 2005?

boy DID i!! *looking googly eyed.* I’m in luuuuub.

11) If yes, with who?

Okay if you don’t know this. Leave now! lol Or just read any post since april this year. lol

12) If yes, do they know?

They betta. *wink*

13) Are you still in love with them?

Yup. Dangerously so. Nauseatingly so. lol

14) You regret it?

No. And if he knows whats good for him, he won’t make me.

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2005?

Yup. I’m not sure how I can break up with folks I wasn’t going with…but I did. Lol (read here)

16) Did you make any new friends in 2005?

Not really. Besides TG and his family/friends. I haven’t been out to make new friends. *shrug*

17) Who are your favorite new friends?
see above answer

18) What was your favorite month of 2005?

July. It was hot and pretty. TG and I were still fresh and lovey dovey. Way before the drama, and money prollems. Before reality really hit. It's also my burfday month. AND…. It was just a good month. It doesn't need any more explanations. Hmph.

19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2005?
No and I’m mad. *pouting*

20) How many different states have you traveled in 2005?

hmmmm… TO or THROUGH? Lol Okay, okay okay… To. Ummm.. 3.

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?
No. Thank you Jesus!

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?

Yup. Everyone I’ve ever loved/cared about run through my mind at LEAST once in a year….so I’ve thought about them and missed them.

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2005?

uhh… dunno. Can’t really remember what I’ve seen. *Thinking hard.* I guess that means none of the movies I saw were really that good.

24) What was your favorite song from 2005?

well…. Good question. I think the album came out last year…but I heard it this year…so um... it’s Tye Tribbett’s “Everything medley”. Man his CD is off tha CHAIN!! (sample here)

25) What was your favorite album from 2005?

Besides the above? Okay... I know... it wasn’t from this year. Um okay… so from this year…. Hmmm… Canton Jones’s new CD…. Love Jones. It’s hotttt… (check it out)

26) How many concerts did you see in 2005?
None. But I was in 3.

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2005?
no.

28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2005?
nope.

29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2005?

Nope. Unless you count my motrin popping during that one week every month.

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
hmmmm…lemme think on it and get back to you.

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2005?

Dunno. It has to be a really good one cuz I haven’t found out about it yet.

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2005?

Not intentionally. There was a guy that I just didn’t have the heart to tell “u have NO chance with me” to. So I let him call and call and call. I feel bad cuz eventually he got the pic, but was mad I just wasn’t completely honest with him upfront. I’m sorry guy.

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2005?
Yeah. I don’t care to elaborate.

36) How much money did you spend in 2005?
More than I had. On things I didn’t want to spend it on. But not nearly enough on things I desired.

37) What was your proudest moment of 2005?

Becoming "mommy 2" to two lil precious rugrats! lol I love those kids.

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2005?

didn’t really have one. YES! *praying i didn't jinx myself* ha.

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 what would it be?
The months prior to meeting TG. I'd prepare myself a little more. Pay off some bills, get some stuff in order, get as much sleep as possible...etc.

40) What are your plans for 2006?

Live well, Laugh often, Love a lot.

Suspicions Confirmed

well ya'll....

*i DO have tendonitis. ( in other words...Sway will not be bloggin til '06 unless i can remember pswd to audioblog) You wouldn't believe how painful this ish is to type. And i'm too hardheaded to peck, peck, peck, with just my left hand.

*TG and I are still confused about our marriage date although the wedding date is still standing strong for Sept.

*i am officially addicted to Orange Listerine

*i'll quietly admit...Raven Symone and I do kinda favor. ( i have better proof at home. I'll upload more recent pics of me. You'll see... it's freaky. I will discuss/dedicate a post to this alarming revelation in '06)

*Monday really does come right after Friday. (Saturday? Weekend? What's that?)

I'm weird.

Really weird.

And I don't wanna be. But being an only child kinda messed with my brain and enhanced my creativity/ imagination abilites.

I do retarded stuff so much I actually think it's normal behavior. I wish someone would have told me to stop sooner. I might not get the "girl u crazy" stares from TG so much. lol *shrug*

* Counting your anniversary by months is about the cheesiest thing a couple can do. (so i can't wait to hit the year mark in March cuz TG and I shole be dining out and splurging on cards ERRY month lol We so cheesy)

* Driving with a splint gives you sympathy "lane changes". Neegros act like they can't let a sista out or over usually. Unless it's a dude trying to holla at you THROUGH your rolled up window. Of course he let you out then... But anywho... neegros will see you trying to get in the lane and speed up so much they almost hit the back of the car in front of them. WTH? Is it really THAT serious? Anywho...since the wrist splint's been on, folks been having pity on my non-driving self and letting a sister out and ova. Thank yer. :)

* Green vitamins taste much better than red vitamins.

*I WILL be one of the millions of lazy, procrastinating, no saving, folks at the mall on DEC 24th trying to buy ERRY BODY's gift with a hun-ed(read: hundred) dollas. *smh*

*i'm really addicted to blogging cuz my wrist is hurting like a *insert appropriate bad word* and I'm still typin.

Aaaaaaaaaanywho

HAVE a WANDA-FUL HOLIDAY. holla atcha girl via email or comment section. I need a little love since i can't type no mo. *sniffle, sniffle* Guess I can catch up on my blog reading now. :)

Ouch

*yawn*
I’m convinced that there’s really no such thing as weekends. I could have sworn I was up at work just yesterday. Saturdays are a figment of my imagination. I mean really, the thought of an end to any work week is fantasy. It doesn’t end. Well not in my life anyways. A sista is busier during the supposed “weekend” than she is during the weekday. And of course the rainy weather didn’t make for much riding excitement. I wish I could have stayed in. But… you know how it is. I really can’t complain though… I got a lot done this weekend.

Friday: I don’t know WHY I was trying to be extra cute Friday. My radio station said it was 31 degrees right before I turned of my ignition and headed into the ole office in my blue jean mini skirt, tan suede boots, and white collared, eye-and-hook shirt. Um… it’s to cold to be exposing the legs… but anyone that knows me know that Sway is always backwards. I dress up on casual day…and straight bum out on business attire days. *smh* I got issues. I know. I’m aware. Now we can move on.

So… Friday I’m cute. Legs just freezing. Glad I’m in the heat of the office. But on the real…why is the office heater always set on hell? I mean it’s hotter in here than it is outside in the summer. Why? It’s sad I’m trying to drink milkshakes and smoothies just to keep cool in December. But I make it through. *whew* Get off work and head to TG’s.

Brotha had to give me my props cuz I was wearing those boots. It’s too bad my feet were hurting like a mug. Man. Anywho…we went to applebees and discussed some biznass. I must say, I feel better about things. Now, if we can just get through December with our head above water, I’m convinced all will be well.

Saturday I slept in. That’s not usual for me since usually I have dance and/or praise team rehearsal(s). Actually, I DID have those, but um… I played hookey. I needed sleep. And my bed was feeling sooooo good. So my radio alarm went off at 6am Saturday morning… I looked at the radio, turned the Christmas music off, and made some wonderful melodies with my snores.

I woke up refreshed. Partly because I was awakened by TG’s wonderful voice in my phone. He told me he covered for me since everyone was asking HIM where I was. I thanked him and stretched. Now that I was fully awake, I hated that I missed rehearsal. It would have been my only chance to see him that day. Again, he was off to play at a church in Columbus with his brother. I didn’t make such a big deal about him leaving since he’d be back that night. After we hung up, I realized that I was running a little late for my “girl’s outing at Golden Choral”. My stomach wasn’t happy that it was empty…so I picked up some speed as I jumped in the shower and managed to put something decent to wear together while watching Making the Band.

I finally make it to Golden Choral to see that only ONE of my friends is there on time. Don’t they know I like to be the one late? Ugh! So we’re waiting. And waiting… and waiting. Finally about an hour later, miss thang shows up talking about she’s sorry…she was still watching tv. Booooooooo! We’re all waiting on her before we eat. I’m ‘bout to pass out and she at home chillin. I could have strangled her!! But…I was too faint from lack of food…so I let it slide.

So were finally eating and I casually tell them that TG and I are thinking about getting married in January. Of course they had NO idea. I actually share more with you guys than I do with my real life friends, so they still thought we were waiting to the end of next year to maybe get engaged. lol

I probably should have waited until they were finished eating. Homegirl almost choked on her fish messing around with me. And it didn’t help that I caught them off guard. No warning…no serious tone. Just came on out and said it like I was asking for ketchup or something. Of course they had many many questions. But they were all excited and happy for me. Honestly, it’s at a point where I just don’t know whats going on with us anymore. Right now I have so much on my plate it’s like… if we do, we do. If not, keep it moving cuz I got a lot going on. lol We say the beginning of the year, but honestly who knows. *shrug*

*yawn* I’m tired of writing. *ouch* And my wrist hurt. I think I have tendonitis.*ouch* It’s been hurting for 2 weeks now. I’m finally taking TG and my parents advice and going to the doctor. I hate going to the doctor. Yuck. But it’s been two weeks of progressively worse wrist pain. I don’t even move it and it burns. So as much as I’d like to finish my weekend rundown… *ouch* I gotta go. *ouch*
Later.