Much ado about nothing..

Sway on a haphazard-shakespearean tip...


I don't know why so many things are swimming around in my head. None of which I could make a successful complete thought, let alone blog out of... so i figure i'd just jumble them all together and call it a day.

AS YOU LIKE IT

* Mike Bibby is sooooooo wonderful. I think I'm in looooove. He just has this "cross me the wrong way and i'll cut ya" look about him. He's not the type of guy I'd see once and go gaga over him, but the way that man plays ball just makes me drool. There's no secret that I am a Kings fan. Have been since Bibby joined the team. I mean, everyone's on Webber's shorts or whatnot.. and I give him his props.. Webber is good...but I think Bibby got mad skills. Man, he's almost always on point with his. He has great ball handle... and it seems like everything he throws up is gold. He can be falling down from a trip over his own feet and get nothing but net! Mike's the man! I will be looking at the Kings/Mavericks game tonight. Go Kings!!

ALLS WELL THAT ENDS WELL

* I almost died yesterday. No really, I did. I'm always complaining about sitting in traffic for 3 hrs a day. Well in the morning, the bulk of my time and the traffic is on Wesley Chapel Rd. in Decatur... I mean, it's ridiculous how long it takes me to get off that one crazy street. Well yesterday morning, I was jammin to my tunes as usual and I was trying to get on Wesley Chapel from the gas station. So the light turns green and this lady slows down to let me in front of her. I wave and all and try to turn right onto the street. Well this friggin white car comes out of the other lane and zooms halfway into my lane thinking that he could beat me. When I say that this car was an eyelash away from me, I am really not joking.
I NEVER hunk my horn, but I layed on that horn for a good 2 days for this one! I couldn't believe it! He was going so friggin fast he left skid marks on the street from stoppin so abruptly. My heart jumped in my throat and stayed there. I just knew I was a goner. But God's grace kept me here yet again. It's amazing b/c last night's Bible study was about Timing. This guy from Kenya spoke on how we don't die before our Time... where time is equivalent to our misison and purpose in life. If we have something we are supposed to do and fulfill, then God will give us time to do that. He was saying that God transcends time itself, yet He gives us an allotted amount of time here on earth and within that time we have, there is a such thing as timing...and timing is everything. (okay he said it way more eloquent...)

Anywho. I was at first very relieved that I was alive and I thanked God for it... but then I kinda got mad at the IDIOT who almost took my life...and his too. Our eyes locked the instant we both stopped and smoke simmered off the ground from where his tires skimmed the street. Even in my seconds of panic, awe, and relief, and anger... I recognized him...and I know he recognized me too. It was Darryl.
Yup Darryl Allen... from MISTA. I always wondered what he was up to. Now I know. He's just going around trying to kill nice young women. We can't help it cause ya'll career went down faster than lil Kim on any man she sees. Ugh. That ish made me mad. Anyways, I'm thankful to be alive. So... all's well that ends well.


A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM

* I feel like "the kid" with all these weird dreams I've been having lately. Last night I drempt that I was married to John Stamos. Did you hear me?? I said JOHN STAMOS... wth???Why him? Anyway, me and John Stamos...well....a John Stamos midget to be exact. He was about 2 feet shorter than I was and was very sensitive about it. So me and mini John Stamos was married and all in love...chillin with each other in the bedroom one saturday afternoon when our doorbell rings.

My ex-fiance (who's married by the way) came to our mansion and demanded lil John Stamos to give me back. He claimed that lil John stole me and married me for my money. Of course lil John didn't like that so he starts kickin my ex in the shins and kept saying "she's my diamond and you can't have 'er. i got this a$$ now". So I hear all this noise and run downstairs to ask my lil hubby what was going on, then I saw my ex. By this time, he had lil John up in the air and when he saw me... he dropped lil John Stamos and moved quickly to the bottom of our stairs and proceded to proclaim his undying love for me. I just stood there in dumbfounded. I was looking at my lil john stamos on the ground hurt and my ex trying to propose to me again... then when I was about to answer him, I fall through the stairs and I'm at this concert somewhere way in the back... and I'm trying to see who's on stage but I can't. I'm like....jumping desperately trying to see who's on stage and what everyone was screaming at...and i finally climbed up on something and looked...
It turns out that it was me on stage.. (so i dunno who "the girl" looking at the concert was...even though I thought THAT was me... i dunno. it's a dream...i can be two ppl in my dream i guess. ) I was like...the 4th member of destiny's child and Beyonce and I were battling for the lead part... and we end up fighting. She beat my butt though.. Dang that girl was beating the stuffing out of me. I guess she wanted that lead part more than I did. lol. It was a weird, weird dream.

TWELFTH NIGHT


* We have to take diversity classes here at work. They feel that getting to know each other and our cultures will provide a better, positive-progressive workplace... I agree... but honestly, the classes don't help. I just like them b/c I get out of doing work for the first half of the day. Anywho... I was writing my name on our name cards to put on our desk...and I was thinking about something while I was writing... so I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing. When I snapped out of my daze, I looked at my name and I didn't recognize it. I mean, I had to actually make sure I spelled it right. I had...but it still looked foreign to me. I couldn't figure out why. I know I go by the name Sway these days, but dang... i thought that was some surreal ish. How do you not recognize your own name? I mean I stared at it for a good 2 minutes and it looked soooooo odd to me. What's that about?

Maybe I was having one of those unconscious identity crisis where I've changed sooo much from the person I was but never realized it until today. I dunno. I'm a psychology major. I over-analyze everything. Sometimes I do feel like two ppl though. I mean, there's one Sway, whose the crazy, i'm down for whateva...watch out world, silly type who seems to come out with really good friends and family...then there's the other Sway that I feel is the most dominant one...who's quiet, observant, overly stressed...behind the scenes making stuff happen, but never recognized...sweet, and compassionate. I wouldn't quite call them opposites...but they are significantly different and lately I think the former Sway, who friends have named "Keisha"... has been trapped inside since the "rededication" and she's begging to be free. She wants to get into something... hmmmmm. I think I should let her out more because when she forces her way out...she reaks havoc and that' s NOT good. Okay listen to what happened saturday.....

TAMING OF THE SHREW

*I was chillin with my pregnant cousin saturday. (she's five months by the way) ...and we were on our way back from my friend's house saturday night/sunday morning... and i was on the expressway trying to get over so that I could get on I-20 to go home. This "chica loca" in a black car wouldn't let me over. I had my blinker light on and everything... I was trying to be nice and all... and I even had my cousin stick her head out the window to ask the girl if she'd let us over so that we could merge onto the right expressway. She act like she couldn't see us. She didn't know that I was feeling a little "hood" that night, and Keisha ( my alter ego...lol) was begging to be free... and I think if anything would have jumped off... ya'll would have saw me on the Channel 5 news talking about, "well, she shouldn't have crossed me like that".
So anyway, I boldly cut in front of her since I felt she left me no choice. Of course she laid on her horn like she belonged on the 8th floor of Grady Hospital. Anyway... when she kept on blowing her horn, she made me mad.... so I had to break homegirl down. I know it wasn't the "Christian" thing to do...but i start slowing up and slapping on my brakes.. (ooooh i HATE when ppl do that to me...) and when she tried to go around, I'd move too or speed up so she couldn't go around. I made her stay behind me no matter what. haaaaaaaa. It was by far the meanest thing I've done in a while. She finally got around me... and when she did, she was so pissed she had her friend scream out the window "YOU STUPID B!%&$" ....

I let it go, because I didn't want to curse her out. I used to be a potty mouth back in the day.... and Keisha really wanted to shoot her a bird and chase after her with some fowl words...but I stayed cool. I probably stayed so cool also because i know i was in the wrong.. lol. Anyway, she sped off and left me in the dust.

About 3 exits down, there's a car trying to get over b/c the lane was running out and it was her. My vengeance came out... Fire was in my eyes *it was horrible*... so I casually sped up beside her and just looked at her. I wouldn't let her over and I wouldn't go fast enough so that she could get behind me either. It was mean. I know it. I finally sped off about an foot before her lane ran out. But not before I saw her defeated "uh-oh i done ran into a crazy, bout it, B... that will hurt me if i call her out her name again" look. when I passed, she got over with relief and didn't bother to follow me. I just had to tame that hothead. No one calls Sway a B and get away with it.

Life's happenin'

I wish I had time to write because a lot of Sway-typical things are happening...but you know how it goes...a sista gotta make a living...

Hopefully I can write tomorrow. Til then........

I wanna be more than just a pretty face...

I wanna be the girl with the big ole butt too!!!!!

I have found out in my 23 years of living, that it's not enough to be smart, beautiful, graceful, tasteful,witty, curteous, and simply amazing... if you wanna pull a nice chocolate brotha you gotta have that apple bottom. Okay of course I know that it's not ALL that a brotha is looking for, and I also know that not ALL men just "gotta" have that...but for the most part.... brotha's love bottoms... and Big round butts will get a head turn and a jaw drop every time.

Vee is one of my best friends. I think I've referred to her as AW while blogging. Well Vee loves to wear tight clothes. Mainly because her butt is bigger than my entire body! And I ain't no petite lady!! Her butt is so big, even girls do a double take and say "dang, why is her butt so doggone big!!" While I love all my friends and I think they're all beautiful ppl. and amazing in their own way, Vee isn't the prettiest lady I know, nor the smartest, nor the nicest, nor the sexiest. Now don't get me wrong, by no means is she just downright hideous. Her face is decent....(my little cousin thinks Vee kinda favors Kelly Price, pre-weight drop). She's one of those ppl that looks better and better the more you see her. Yet, she gets the MOST male attention out of our entire lil group! And I hang with some beautiful females of all shapes, sizes, heights, etc.

Vee is a big girl. She has to be a good size 18-20. But because about a hundred pounds of that is in her bottom, all the guys who talk about liking petite girls STILL try to holla at Vee. When we're all out, I usually get looked at first... not to toot my own horn, but I'm a pretty girl and I have "that walk" that can grab anyones attention. But when guys are about to pass us and their eyes start shifting downward.... their gaze always fall upon "THE BOTTOM" and it's all over for me. (unless i wear certain kind of pants that accentuate what i do have...but still...) No one cares what my face looks like anymore, they can't help but check out this monstrosity of a bottom beside me and then they all try stepping to her.

I gotta admit, I'm hurting because I got one of those butts Sommore talked about. You know.......it's wide...but it ain't got no weight on it. So naturally, I feel so left out when ppl start talking about how black women got those nice apple bottoms and I'm looking at myself like, "dang". :(

Don't get me wrong, it's not an ironing board or anything. I mean, there is definitely something there to put in your hands... i have something to grab...but it's not one of those head turners...ya know? *sigh* Genuine wasn't talking to me when he made that "is there any more room in them jeans?" song. And I'm hurt about it.

I want attention too. I mean, I got a double...heck...triple portion of "top" to make up for the fact that my bottom isn't a "head turner"...and sure, I get alot of attention from those... but not as much as I could if I had..."The Bottom".

Lately, it's been something I've been thinking about more and more. I really want that head-turning, jaw droppin, drool producing, awe inspiring, jiggle when I walk, apple bottom!!!!!! My momma got one, my cousin, my friends....but not me! What's a girl to do.

My momma thinks that it'll get bigger when I have a baby, but do I really wanna wait that long? I actually thought briefly about getting surgery. *haaaaa...did i just say that* I wanted to be like the rest of my sistas.. I mean, it's a big let down for a guy when he's walking towards me and he's amazed by my beauty and our eyes meet. I smile and he smiles. He's mezmorized by my walk...my "tops" are all perky and alluring...then his eyes shift down and he sees that I got them child bearing hips that's keeping the rhythm of his heartbeat...he looks at how big my thighs are...he just KNOWS there's gonna be something great when he pass me. I can see the anticipation on his face just when they are about to pass, and I can almost hear him saying... ..i know this is gonna be a jaw dropper..... and then......... N-O-T-H-I-N-G!!!!!<em>*shaking my head*

Something's gotta be done. I would be so embarrassed to get surgery to get a bigger BUTT though. I feel like it's something I should already have...ya know? I dunno. I'm confused. Any suggestions?

Ain't what it used to be....

I guess nothing lasts forever. While I knew this early on in life... the manifestation of this phrase is just coming around.
Everyone seems to think that change is good. I guess so...but I'm really mad about some changes... like the fact that i heard this morning on the Frank Ski Morning show that Outcast may be going their separate ways. What... da Cast??? How can that be? The FIRST CD I EVER BOUGHT was an Outcast CD. I loved all their stuff. Southernplayalistic....ATLiens....Aquemini...Stankonia... everything. I realize ppl must go their separate ways.. but dang.

"...Up s*** creek it's weak is the last quote/ That I want to hear
when i'm goin down when all's said and done/ And we got a new joe in town/
When the record player get to skippin and slowin down/ All ya'll can say is them niggas earned that crown" -- Outcast (Andre 3000), Rosa Parks

Indeed they did...


THEN....I'm also very unhappy because I spent most of my weekend and yesterday laying in my bed because my back decided that YOGA isn't something it's gonna tolerate from me. I have a slight case of scoliosis. Though it's not noticeable to most, I still feel the pain when I do something I shouldn't do... ie. YOGA.

My co-workers dragged me to this yoga class friday evening because I've been promising them I'd come to one of their workout sessions. It seems that everyone in my office has a health/weight complex but me...and by no means do I consider my health or weight "ideal"....it's just that... i guess i'm not fed up enough with my appearance to deprive myself of delicious food and force myself into various strenuous workouts. So, I get to the yoga class and i'm immediately sweating upon entering this small abode. I'm talking about these doggone people had the heater set on HELL.... really!! I knew then that this workout was gonna be a little much for me b/c Sway doesn't do heat! Anyway, I felt lightheaded during the workout...but I managed to get through an hour and 45 minutes worth of stretching, pulling, breathing, sweating, etc.. When it was over, I was tired, but I felt great! I was like, this is the best workout i've had in forever! And the good thing was that I felt like I could go out and hang with the young folk during the lock-in I had to chaparone that same night!! I'm out there playing basketball, dodgeball, tag...all that craziness with da kids...and feeling on top of the world. Of course I regreted this when I woke up saturday and I couldn't move with out this excruciating pain surging through my chest, back, shoulders, and arms. I KNOW for a fact that this would not have happened 5 years ago. I mean, it is ridiculously crazy how my body has changed over the years. Just last year (Sept '03) I had to take almost a week off of work after riding the "Superman ride at Six Flags". Apparently, the ride overexerted my muscles and gave me muscle spasms .... at least that's what the doctor told me when I had to be rushed to the ER that night because I couldn't breathe b/c every breath I took felt like death!! So I took a shot to the back..and was drugged up on muscle relaxers and pain relievers for about a week. Needless to say, the Superman ride is OUT for me this year.
I don't know why out of all the times I have rode on roller coasters....heck rode specifically on the Superman, my back NOW wants to spazz out. It's crazy. I guess my body ain't what it used to be. The other day I darn near broke my doggone neck trying to show my little cousin an old routine that I made up so that she could use it to try out for her little dance team. Life's crazy like that.

Anywho... I am not really in a writing mood today. *ha... maybe i should have said this before I went on a writing rampage*

I had a pretty dull and lazy weekend . I mean, don't get me wrong, I actually needed that rest. I've been going nonstop for a while now...so maybe that was just my body's way of saying, "Girl please...you not gonna just run this all around the world without rest!" Another good thing happened this week. I um, went out on my first date with a guy named KJ. There's not much to tell yet, which is why I haven't mentioned him before, but if things jump off between us, I promise you'll be the first to know.

I stole this from HER who got it from HER. I thought it was fun. :)





I'm completely down-to-earth!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.



You are the most in touch with knowledge. It's the tree of life from which you tap the sap. You know what you want and you know how to reasonably get it.

Virtues: You respect people with plans. When someone has their head on their shoulders, you know that they can see straightforward and keep their eyes on the mark. When it comes to looking at the future, you take a logical approach: what's within your ability? A fortunate attribute that you have is the ability to set a goal for yourself, higher than maybe you feel possible, but still keep yourself within reasonable bounds. You take the time to appreciate those surrounding you and they do appreciate you in return. Decision-making comes naturally to you when you take the time to consider each option. People only come to talk to you when they are looking for a logical, reasonable solution.

Aspirations: You have an idea of what you can do with your life, but you push it up a notch. You need a profession that you can enjoy, so work towards it. You want to live near your friends and family while being as far away as possible. You also want to settle down while working in excitement and variation.

Quirks: You don't appreciate drama queens and they don't appreciate you. When they need help, they won't seek you out because of your ability to see through their overly dramatic predicaments. You have leeway for humor, and sometimes love to participate in it, but when it becomes irrational behavior, others can count you out. Loud noises are bothersome, except when they come from you or your friends.

Factors: Reach for the sky! Don't decide to do something because you're merely good at it, but choose something you might like to do, despite whether you're sure you can master it or not. Don't only save room for a few empathetic friends, but open up to everyone.

Future: When looking for a job, if you work in all of your talents (logic, decision-making, planning, and definitely humor), you'll find yourself happy. Come to a compromise for location; live nearby your friends and take periodic vacations or live farther away and take frequent return trips.

My weekend was....

I dunno. An emotional roller coaster. I told myself that the next time AM asks me to come over, I'm gonna decline his invitation. I waited all week for him to ask me just so i can say NO! So......why did I hear myself saying "okay" when he asked me to come over saturday morning after I got my car fixed??? Dang, I'm so freakin weak! I need to woman up!! Grrrrr.. Girl Power. *shaking my fist*

I went over to his place saturday and he's playing video games with Omar, an extra temporary roomate. Mind you, I haven't seen AM since our "break up" even though we still frequently talk. So anyway, he introduced Omar to me and I played with Taz (his cute little doggy) for a while. After about 20 minutes... I was like, Okay...why the heck did he want me over here if he's playing video games?? So, I get on the phone and start chatting with one of my homeboys for about 30 minutes. Of course AM didn't like this, I mean, it wasn't like he wasn't talking to me, or paying me any attention...but the fact was that, he could have "talked" to me on the phone... He lives an hour away from me! If I'm gonna make a trip all the way to your house... please have a reason for it. Let's do something!! Well he finally got off that doggone video game after he saw that I wasnt gonna just sit on his couch like a deaf mute and be his little playstation cheerleader.

Anyway, he um, suggested we go to the little lake/park by his apt. This was fine with me b/c I like being outside and I love the park by his apt. So he's trying to find something to wear I guess...and he's taking a LONG time. I mean, boy come on! We just going to the park! Throw on some jeans and a shirt and lets go!! So I go in his room and try to lend a helping hand. Why does he try to get fresh with me? He suddenly wanna be all hugged up and lovey dovey...trying to kiss me on my neck and trying to put his hands in places only BOYFRIENDS can touch?? So of course I gave him the... "um bruh...?? this ain't yours no mo'" look and walked away from him. Men. Do I really look that desparate??? He HAD my Good Good...then he thought he should stop getting the Good Good altogether b/c he found Jesus, then he opted to completely just put me in the friend category...now he want this Good Good back without wanting "me" back? Who he think i am? Ugh. Men!

I mean don't get me wrong. A sista really struggling with this celibacy thang too. It's not a walk in the park for me either, but I got too much self respect to go down that road with him now knowing what I know. Anywho...the park was great and we actually had fun together. He keeps telling me, "you're {I am} one of my {his} most favorite people on earth. you're {i'm} up there with my {his} momma." *lol* I guess that's a good start to a ....friendship.
I felt fine all while I was with him and even when I got back from the lake... But when I finally left his apt that night. I felt really down. I dunno.... seeing him made me feel worse.

But you know what really made me feel like crap? You remember KS? No?? Okay read this post. Anywho.... I saw him at Red Lobster sunday. I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't expecting that. I was looking nice as usual, but I could have up'd my game to something that screamed, "don't hate me because I'm sexy, hate me b/c your man thinks so."*lol*

I was with my parents and gramma... We were getting out the car and I had on some shades... I looked accross the parking lot and my eyes fell upon him. At first, I didnt recognize him. I was like, "mmmm... that brotha is delicious. He is downright sexy." He had on shades, looked a little more fit and muscular and he had cut his hair. Dang, he was soooo fine. Then he looked my way. He did a double take....and I stared at him as he stared at me....both of us trying to figure out "is that's who i think it is" while keeping our composure and acting non chalant. He gets to the door way before me and my group. I was a bit relieved to see him disappear into the red lobster because i actually broke up with him via voicemail and was very embarrassed about that (that's how freakin busy he was, i couldn't even get him to stay still long enough to break up with him) and also because, I didn't really know what to say to him.... especially since he looks even BETTER than he did when we were talking...and I thought that was impossible. I hate seeing ex's and they looking BETTER!! Ugh!

But guess what, he really hadn't disappeared. By the time I got to the door, he was there... opening it for us. We looked at each other and there was no way to not face him. He gave me a wry smile and said "hey how ya doin" I said fine, how are you without breaking a stride. We didn't chat. There was no hugs... it was very matter-of-fact and business like. I hated it and it felt really wrong.

I felt bad b/c I broke up with possibly the finest man on earth! *lol* I mean, he was so sexy, I started to get upset with myself for not enduring and holding on to our poor excuse for a relationship. I've been thinking about him every since then. He was just sooo amazingly handsome and it's not fair. I know he's not thinking about me like I'm thinking about him now, and that makes me even more upset.

I guess he managed to get the last laugh because I know he saw my face and i know he went home satisfied like, "yeah, that's what she get for giving up all this sexiness...she know she missing a good thang"

Dang.... jokes on me.

Update III

Okay... hopefully today I will have tied up ALL loose ends from my 4.5 months of blogging. Dang has it really been that long? I've never stuck with any 1 thing for that long. (except for men, but that's quite different) Hmmm... I am gonna give myself a pat on the back for learning consistency. Wooo-hooo.

Anywho...on to the last 2.

1. BS

I was telling you yesterday about my cousin and her pregnancy fiasco. I also told you about how EVERY female I know be trying to hook me up with somebody. Well my cousin is no exception. Her and boyfriend decided to hook me up with one of his friends. HIS friend!!! Um, no disrespect...but ah... no thank you. If boyfriend is a no good so and so, should I assume his friend isn't??? Is that what we're doing now??? Ha. Whateva...

Anyway, they decided to pull a fast one on me. Now of course they told HIM that they were gonna hook him up with me... but my cousin, knowing how I am, told me that there is this friend of HERS that's going through a rough time in his life and he needs someone to talk to. See my cousin knows that I am all about helping/counseling/listening to ppl and providing a shoulder to cry on. (I guess I am fulfilling my destiny...my name literally translates to "Lady of Consulation") Anywho... so she says to me,

"I gave him your number but I wanted to let you know before he called so you wouldn't be surprised. He just needs someone to talk to and someone who can be a good friend while he's going through his drama..."

So I'm like, okay cool. I can do that. So when he calls, you know, I'm thinking that this is just a casual friendly kinda convo. I figured he would wanna chat about general stuff before pouring his heart to me since that's what most ppl do in my experience. Everyone tells me that I am VERY easy to talk to, and again this was proven b/c before we hung up that night, he had pretty much told me everything he was going through, feeling, doing, etc. I felt like I did a good job helping him, so I went to bed satisfied. He on the other hand thought that we were some kind of match made in heaven and so he DEFINITELY went to bed satisfied.
After we spoke a few times, he expressed an interest in getting together and just hanging out. I didn't have a problem with that. After all, it was around the time that AM and I were going through our "rededication" phase...and I was glad to do anything to get my mind off of him and Vicki-Jo. Anyway, one friday after work I meet him at his house so that we could take one car to dinner and get our talk on. I never thought of it as a date. In fact, I was straight casual. Jeans, tan/gold shirt and some tan boots. Nothing spectacular at all. I didn't think I needed to be. Anyways, he thought that I looked great. (i was thinking...if this is great, then what would he do if i actually dressed up??) I said thanks...and we ended up going to Copelands.

I finally figured out it was a date when his questions became more and more direct and personal. I tried to brush them off...but he was extremely persistent in his quest to get answers. He was pretty much awed by me...and usually that's a good thing, but I honestly didn't like BS in that way. The convo was good, he's a nice guy and all, but there is NO attraction whatsoever on my end. By the end of the night, he was about ready to marry me.. *lol* (no really, i'm not joking) He became more and more "husband-like" towards me. I mean, his actions were really sweet, and if a man I WAS interested in did the things that BS did, then I would be "crazy in love" by now.

For instance, he calls me everyday now. ...(and most of the time I don't answer because one... he wanna talk for the entire 1.5 hours I'm sitting in traffic, running up my doggone cell phone bill and two... I just don't wanna talk to him. Leave me alone!!!)
So when I do answer, I tell him, "Well B, I can't talk for long b/c I don't wanna go over my minutes" How about this doggone brotha told me, "Well Sway, how about I put you on my plan and just pay for your phone so that we can talk all the time and we don't have to worry about your minutes?"

I mean, that was sweet... but dang. Bro, I just met you last week!! Now you wanna put your name on my celly? So whenever I call my other guys YOUR name will pop up? Ha... whateva slick.

Okay another nice, but "no thanks" thing he wanted to do. He always gives me gas money to fill my car up when I visit him (which has only been 3x's...the 3rd time was sunday and i'll tell you about that). One day he drove my car to the gas station to fill it up b/c he didn't have any cash on him, and while we were in the car he said "Hmmm. You need some brakes. How about you come over saturday and I'll take your car to get some brakes, an oil change, and a tune-up?" I was like...dang...if only AM, or RH would say something like that to me.

I just couldn't let him do all this nice stuff for me b/c I knew I didn't like him like that and I didn't want to lead him on. Letting him take the "boyfriend/husband" role was just NOT happening...even though there would have been some great benefits to it.

Now it really got weird b/c I stopped accepting his calls and all when I realized he wasn't trying to understand that I just DONT WANNA DATE HIM. He'd call back to back to back to back. Then make his # private as if I didn't know it was him calling for the 30th time.

Now to top it all of, I made the mistake of telling him that I am heavily into the church, so now he's trying to work the Church angle with me. He's all of a sudden "very interested in God" so I have to go and pick him up for church. (Of course I wouldn't deny him that....Even though I have my "assumptions" about his motive, I can't judge him, nor do I know if he's sincere or not...)

I already told ya'll how my nosey friends are... they are matchmakers by nature...so of course when I walked in church Sunday with him trailing behind me.... heads started a-turnin' *lol* Of course I was SO embarrassed b/c they were all looking like... "dang she took a step down huh?" Well maybe they weren't thinking that. Maybe it was my imagination. Either way, I was trying to get as far away from him as possible. What if Bimp sees us together and thinks he's my boyfriend?? NOT a good thing!!

I tried to do damage control by telling my friend AW to make sure Bimp knew that BS was JUST a friend. Everyone still seems to think Bimp is interested in me but I dunno. I mean,
yes I can tell there's a mutual attraction there by the way we look at each other and pretend we're too busy in stimulating convo with other ppl to actually realize we're all in each others mouths. He's stubborn and so am I. I guess he talks to everyone else about his feelings b/c they all seem to really think he's diggin me. We shall see. I'm sure I'll see him tonight at our Good Friday service.

Updates about Updates...

Well I guess I proved my point about never finishing what I start. (read updates) *lol* Okay...I'm getting better. At least the week isn't over yet. So.....where was I? Hmmmm... my cousin's pregnancy, BS, Bimp and let's not forget Vicki Jo...

1. Vicki Jo

She's one of those girls that you would never figure you'd lose your man to upon first seeing her. She's one of those ppl whose personality transforms her and after seeing her a few times, you'll start to notice that she's actually very pretty. AM used to mention Vicki Jo in many of our conversations b/c he and Vicki Jo are thick as theives...so they hang together a lot. He never said anything too out of the way, but I saw how he smiled when he remembered something silly or stupid she said. I am not the jealous type as long as I'm feeling secure in my relationship and my man is expressing to me that he's all about me...but I start to wonder just how "close" he and Vicki really were. The week after we rededicated our lives to God, I went to do my weekly visit at his house. We usually go out on fridays and I spend the night..or we will spend the entire saturday together. This particular week, he wanted me to come over friday because he wanted us to go to Vicki Jo's art auction. I said okay and really thought nothing more of it. Let me tell you....a woman's intuition is no joke!

The reason I say this is because as soon as we got to the art gallery, I felt a weird feeling in my stomach and my heart started racing. I brushed it off as just me being nervous about going somewhere new and finally meeting "Vicki Jo"...whom I'd heard so much about. Well...when we got there...she met us at the door and AM practically ran to her to hug her. Of course she wasn't really trying to run to him because like a woman... she was more interested in "checking me out" first. So she passes by him and looks me up and down and extends her hand to shake my hand. It was one of those weird moments. It shouldn't have been weird. But I didn't get that..."I'm just a friend of AM's and if your his ppl, then you're my ppl too" vibe from her. At that moment, I started to watch them interact. This guy....that I'm supposed to be dating, have problems hugging me and being close to me, can run to Vicki Jo and hug her and kiss her cheek??? WTH? Anyways, she shows us in and they are talking about whatever and I'm kinda feeling akward so I try to not let it show and keep my "i'm cool, nothing's wrong" face on. When we get in, there was all of this really beautiful art that her "students" created, so I decided to not be clingy and work my way around the room alone...while also observing AM and Vicki Jo. Well, the farther away I got, the closer they got. It really bothered me, but at the same time, I didn't want to go over to him. I wanted to watch the train wreck happen. I wanted to know how they interact with each other when I wasn't around. Unfortunately for me, their body language let me know that there was way more to this then "oh Vicki Jo's just cool peeps". They were too comfortable in each other's personal space...and the fact that he rarely even looked to see where I was let me know which "girl" he'd rather be around. It was a pride buster I tell ya. I couldn't believe I was being overshadowed by a girl name "VICKI-freakin-JO"!! Anyway, it was at that point that I knew that he and I wasn't gonna work. I hate assuming things and even more...I hate being mad about something that MAY not be true...but at the same time... I knew. I KNEW. I KNEW!!! I knew he liked her more than a friend. I could feel it. You know, I never brought any of this up to him because honestly, I figure hey, if you don't wanna be with me, then you just don't wanna be with me... the reason doesn't matter ...let's just not be together.

So I never told him how I felt about her. Which is probably why he still feels it's alright to say stupid things like "you and Vicki Jo are my two favorite ppl". Ugh. Give me a break! I guess it's my own fault for not telling him that I'm not as fond of her as he is.

I did ask him the last time we were together why he and Vicki don't get together. His reply was, "Hahaha.. naw. S-ssome things are better left the way it is. We are just meant to be friends."I left it alone, but can someone tell me.... am I going crazy? Am I over-reacting? Or does that just mean, "Hahaha...naw. I dunno if she's feeling me like that, so I'm settling for friendship right now?"
Anyways, I'll keep you posted on that.

2. My cousin

My cousin and I are about 8 mo. apart and practically grew up together like sisters. Where ever I went, she went. Whatever I got, she got... whatever I did, she did. The problem was that the older we got, the more our family started to compare us and make us more into rivals then sisters. I'm blessed to have wonderful, married, working, crazy in love, parents who loved me and would do anything for their "babygirl". Her mother is a single mother of 3. She's the never worked a day in her life, still live at home with her mother (our grandmother), barely graduated from high school, "if you want something don't ask me, go get it yourself" type. Unfortunatly, the older we got, the more our life experiences became noticeably different. My family used to play us against each other, but they always helped her to "even the playing field". While I never EVER tried to compete...the yearning for the attention she didn't get and the "I'm the best, everyone look at me in awe" complex she has, drove her into competitive mode. The problem was that in the end, I was the one always on top, always shining, always doing great things, and etc. and that finally got to her. We fell out through our high school and my college years. She didn't speak to me at all and I am sure the fact that I was doing big things and accomplishing alot didn't help. But finally at my college graduation celebration, she was asked to say some words about me. Well, the fact that we weren't in each other's lives anymore made it really difficult for her to comment on me like so many others did... but she surprised me. She began reminiscing about the past and how tight we were as little girls. It brought tears to my eyes to realize how family and petty competition came between the sistas. Every since that day, we've been like two peas in a pod... thick as thieves....stuck like glue.

Well, she went off and got herself pregnant. That in itself isn't bad. I do believe children are a blessing...they are gifts from God. The problem is that she's 23, no job, not even a high school education, still living with her mom (who lives with her mom), and noone's even TRYING to get a job to support this little bundle of joy in her belly. The baby's dad, (my cousin's on again/off again boyfriend, is a 26 yr old playa who ALREADY has 4 children by 3 different women. (This will make 5 and 4 respectively) and isn't taking care of NONE of them. When he found out about his 5th child, he got mad at her and told her "I don't want your *bleep*ing child any *bleep* way." Can you believe that? And the sad part is that she still dates him whenever he's in the "mood" to be around her.

I'm just hurt. I'm hurt because I've been telling her for the past year that if she and boyfriend are gonna be intimate and all, she needs to be on something and strap him up! I mean, why would you let a guy who's quick to tell you he doesn't wanna be with you anymore, JIZ in you???? Why? WHY? My only conclusion is that she was trying to trap him into being with her. She's not the BRIGHTEST star in the sky. Anyone can tell by his track record that he isn't gonna marry her just b/c she has his child.... but you can't tell her that. I pray that everything works out for her. I feel really bad for the baby. I also kinda feel bad for her b/c once she realize that a baby isn't all about playing dress up, and boyfriend isn't gonna help her out at all, and that SHE's gonna have to find a way to make ends meet....she's gonna be a shattered soul. I'll be there to pick up the peices, but it makes me so angry that she didnt listen to me before all this ish hit the fan.

Okay....I've been rambling WAY too long.... so, I'll do update part 3 tomorrow. I promise I'll get around to BS and Bimp. *lol* Til then....

Updates...

Someone informed me that I never finish what I start. Of course they are right...I've even talked about that in my posts a few times. So I went back and read through my blog. I never realized how much rambling I do and how many topics I'll jump through...it's really quite Sway-typical. I do that a lot in my conversations. My brain thinks about so many random things at once and I want to focus on them all, but to others...it seems like a bunch of nothing. So I figure I'd try to tie up as many lose ends as possible about things I said I'd come back to...fill you in on...and tell you about.

1. AM

Well if you read this post, this post , or this post, you'd know that I am pretty gaga over AM. We've been kicking it hard since December and I just knew he'd fill my blog up with interesting stories about our fights and makeups and etc. Well, I was wrong. I'm starting to say that alot these days. That's not a good sign if you ask me. Anyways, a few weeks ago, I finally decided to confront AM about the fact that it seems our relationship is turning more into just a friendship. Lately he doesn't want to hug or kiss or cuddle or be close at all. He's been so distant in that respect, even though he still calls everyday and we go out all the time. Every since we decided to rededicate our lives to God, he's been a little strange towards me. So I finally just asked if he just want to stop pretending that everything's kosher and let's just be friends since I KNOW that's really what he wants. He said okay. He then began to give me the worst break up speech in history. *clearing my throat... Aaahhheeemmm*

"It's not you, IT"S ME! It's just that, I am trying to find myself right now and I have so much going on and since I rededicated my life to God, I just don't know about anything right now. I need to focus on God right now. But we can be friends though."

Ha. That was great! Ya never get tired of hearing that one. I mean, not to say that he doesn't need to focus on God, but... come on, why does His relationship with God mean that we can't be together? It's not like I didn't rededicate my life too... or that I'm asking him to choose. I'm not asking for anything hard... I mean, do what you do now, but just kiss me sometimes when we're together, or lean over and give me a hug! I mean is that too much to ask? Would that really take your focus off of God so much that you have to completely break up with me in order to stay on track? My goodness. Honestly, I don't think his "reasons" were legit. I'm not quite sure why he suddenly decided I was not good enough to be his girl since only a week before, we had openly established that we were indeed together and dating....hmmmm...it could be Vicki Jo...
I'll have to tell you about her later. But anyways, the key is that we are no longer dating. We're JUST FRIENDS! Honestly, it doesn't feel like we're anything anymore. The calls are farther and few in between. And I haven't actually seen him since we decided to be friends. It's very sad actually. I'm sure next month this time, we'll be complete strangers again.


2. RH
I guess I should fill you in on what's been going on with RH and I. Well, he kinda slipped out of my mind for a while when AM and I started kicking it. Like I said before, I've always liked RH, but we seemed to only have a "friends" connection. Well, out of the blue, he emails me a couple of weeks ago to say sorry for being M.I.A. and that he misses our talks and etc. Well of course I was SUPER excited to hear from him. This was when all the AM stuff was going awry...so to hear from him kinda lightened things up for me. Well, he's been in and out of town for a while now. He was finally in town long enough to settle down and call me last night. He said he'll be going back out of town around the 21st of April, but he wanted us to get together before then. He seemed so different than what I remember. Something had changed. I can't quite put my finger on what...but there was definitely a change. At least some things hadn't changed ....our ability to talk for hours on end and his ability to make my stomach ache from laughter made me realize that we'd always be good friends, even if we don't talk all the time. I look forward to meeting up with him again. Hopefully it'll spark some interesting blogging...

3. SS

I told you all I'd write about SS since I mentioned him a few times blogging, (in the post above and here) Upon looking at that post I realized that I also said I'd tell you about my cousin being pregnant. Well...I'm too tired to type about that b/c that leads to a guy name BS which is pretty much stalking me right now and it leads back around to Bimp. So I'll just save the rest of that for tomorrow. Til then.....I'll finish with SS.

I met SS in Dec 02 at a Christian club called "Club Jubilee." Late in the night, our eyes met and he quickly motioned for me to come over to his dark corner table. I quietly excused myself from my friends and walked over to him, sat down and sipped on my drink while PRAYING that my friends gazes didn't follow me to his table. He sat in the cut, the only thing I could really see was his lips, which were nicely plump and moist, and his shiny black buttons on his shirt. He had lazy eyes, which didn't speak to me that much, especially since I'd seen so many sexy men that night. I tried to keep my focus on his eyes though. Curious as to what he'd use as a pick up line. He told me that he'd been watching me the entire night and that he thought I was very beautiful. We began to chat for a second and I remember keeping my answers short and precise. I wasn't feeling him at all even though he wasn't unattractive. He stands about 5'11, 200pds, brown complexion, dark lazy eyes, dark low cut hair. Nothing spectacular about him. He's one of those guys you'd never second glance on the street. I was hoping my polite but uninterested answers would put an end to any hopes he had of moving this conversation past the night. That was until he told me about his credentials. I must say, I am a sucker for an educated man. This brotha was smart. I was blown away by the things he's accomplished thusfar and he was still going further. I decided to give him my number.
I went to his place a few times. As shallow as it seems, I fell in love with his place. It was so perfect. It was warm and inviting...and most of all CLEAN. A little too clean if you ask me, but hey, I was loving it. I found myself making excuses to see him just so I could come over and lounge on his big comfy couch. There was never a physical attraction to SS though. Once he gave me a full body massage that plagues my daydreams even to this day. His hands felt better than some "total" experiences I've had in my life. But other than that, we never even hugged, or kissed. In Jan and Feb '03, I went through a tramatic experience with a stalker/rapist GW and I began shutting everyone out of my life. I never called or returned SS calls. Amazingly enough this Jan, almost a year after he and I met, he saw my page on BP and decided to write to me. I remembered him and we began to "catch up" on the haps. He insisted that we get together again...and the rest is history.

until tomorrow....