When love comes around...

...it definitely does knock you down!

Ahh that Ke.ri. She sure knows how to write a song. I remember when we were kids in the M to M program (did anyone else have that?) at Henderson Mill Elementary school. She and her 2 sisters would get on about 3 stops after mine. We had assigned seats on the bus and Ke.ri and some girl named Chi-Chi sat behind me. Every morning I'd put my head on the window and try to sleep until the bumpy ride caused my head to hit the metal part of the window and I'd wake up. All the while, Ke.ri and Chi-Chi would be chatting about the lyrics to whatever song they were trying to write. In the afternoons, they'd actually sing it.

May I just say that their song was the most ridiculous crap I've ever heard! lol It was so silly that I still remember parts of it. But that was years ago! Now... I'm definitely seeing how far a dream, persistence, practice, and patience can go.

I'm amazed at how far she's come. We went to Elementary, High School and College together. The whole while, she followed her dream...kept on trying...kept on pushing. I'm proud of her. This is something she's been doing forever...and to finally have the recognition she deserves is great.

I've been thinking alot about that lately. I've known soooo many stars before they were stars. You would believe who I've lived by, worked with, went to school with, Church with. I've seen it happen for a lot of folks and it got me to thinking....

Why have I never tried to pursue my calling?

From a young age I've been told that I have a wonderful gift. I've been called a songstress....a psalmist...a girl with the voice of an angel. Yet, I don't see it.

Okay, sure I know that I'm pretty good at it. But there are sooooo many great singers out there. Everyone knows someone that can sing. To me, it's a dime a dozen. What's so great about me or my voice?

These thoughts, along with my natural disposition to run like hell away from the spotlight, has caused me to not even try to pursue a singing career.

As I think about my life and how long I've been singing, how many opportunities that have presented itself, how many times I could have pushed a little harder, I began to realize how afraid I am to fail.

Being good at something makes me feel wonderful. Singing is the one thing I've always had. It's the one thing that has brought me comfort when everything else is wrong, is gone, is criticized, changed...etc.
What would happen if the world didn't like my voice as much as my Church members and school mates....and family?
That would crush me.
I realized that the reason I won't try is because I'm not strong enough to hear that my best isn't good enough.

Maybe that's my problem.

Fear will get you nowhere and that's exactly where I've been going.
Maybe it's time for me to at least try. Would hate to watch my life pass me by without at least trying to see where my gift would make room for me. If I fail, then at least I tried. But not trying is the real crime. Especially after seeing so many success stories around me. I gotta get motivated.

I may just try out for American Idol this year. lol