Quicksand

My alarm went off way too early this morning.

As I groaned and pulled myself out of the comfort of my bed, I realized how bad I need a vacation.

You ever have that dreadful feeling that you've somehow managed to get yourself stuck in quicksand?

Well that's me. For the last year or so. The more I try to make things happen and will positive things to come my way, the more feel like I'm sinking in muck and heaviness that is quicksand.

I was watching TV earlier this week and someone said something like: There is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. I just don't know if it's a rainbow or a train!

I'm totally feeling that. I have no idea whether this light I see in the distance is for my benefit or demise. I've been pushing toward this imaginary day when I'm finally where I want to be. Hope forces me to keep pushing...looking for the slightest breather...the smallest indication of progress. Yet when I seem to get closer, I find it only to be a floating mirage.

Sometimes I do wonder if this light I'm heading towards is a train wreck waiting to happen. I'm wondering if my struggle to make it out is only succeeding in sinking me faster. Am I actually running towards my failure?

I dunno. I'm to crazily optimistic to actually believe that. I always feel that things are going to get better. I guess I feel a little deflated because it's taking a rather long time to do so.

Plus the more I want things to change, the less they seem to. The more effort I put into it, the less results I see.

I feel like the person flailing their arms and legs around in an attempt to stay afloat, but only managing to speedily drown. If only they wouldn't have panicked...

if only they tried floating...

Maybe I'm doing too much. Trying too hard. Wanting things too bad. Maybe I should chill out and float. Maybe then, I'll have a fighting chance to be rescued from my quicksand.