Why does my office smell like bologna?
No really, I need answers. I just DON'T understand. It's crazy!
*sigh* So it's monday. I thought I'd be cranky, but i'm not. I stayed up til 2:30 in the morning watching The Chronicles of Riddick with Usher. I remember seeing that with AM a few years back but admit that I couldn't remember much about the movie because we sneaked in and I was more concerned if anyone would come and eject us from the movie theater.
We play fought and layed on each other and the floor....and the couch for most of the morning. I felt like I was 7 again. It's nice sometimes to do nothing with someone.
Needless to say, I was out like a light the minute he pulled out my subdivision. Surprisingly, I'm not as sleepy this morning as I thought i'd be. And this is coming from the woman who makes a point to average 8-10 hours of sleep EVERY night! lol
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Usher's moving friday.
Ever since his divorce, he and his cousin have shared an apartment. Usher had a hard time picking up his financial and credit pieces after leaving Kentucky where his house, his cars, and his job had been for the last 10 years. He was back in Georgia, wife-less, jobless, pride-less and probably had about $83 to his name. I'm proud of him for rebuilding. I know it's not easy to have to start over at any age, but I'm quite sure he was comfortable with his old life and involuntarily having to be uprooted from that must have been hard. So he and his cousin shared space and he's worked hard to get himself back on his feet. He's finally ready to get his own place.
Honestly, I have mixed feelings. Of course I'm happy to see him so excited about something. This is something he's been wanting to do since he moved back, but never felt financially stable enough to handle all his affairs and still live comfortably. He's in a great mood and I'm greeted by a booming smile everytime he talks about it.
Right now we live 3 minutes away from each other. For our year anniversary, we decided that we weren't ready to live together, but the 45+ minute commute from our houses was NOT the business since we saw each other about 5 times a week. So I moved. For "us".
For the last year, despite our proximity to each other, our visits dropped dramatically. Mainly because of work. I had 2 jobs and he worked odd hours. When one was free, the other was at work. So much for convenient location.
I quit my second job this past December, so for the last few months, we've finally been able to do what we originally set out to do...spend time together as often as we could, without the hectic commute. Finally, we can enjoy each other. Except now, he's moving. 40 minutes away again!
Is that a sign? lol
So for the next month or two, we'll be back to our long commute. Luckily...and I say that because it definitely wasn't planned... where he's moving Friday is close to where I was planning to move when my lease in April is up. So there should be no worries right? In fact I should be just as elated as he is, even more really because now I'll not only be close to just him, but all of my friends and family, which I left to come live close to him. So what is my problem?!?
I guess I'm just a little aggitated by what I mentioned in my previous post. Usher never does what's best for "us", only what's best for him. When he decided to move, he didn't talk to me about it... ask me to come along, ask for my opinion. Nothing. He just casually brought up one day that he put a deposit down for a place in Decatur because a co-worker told him about this place and it was pretty nice for the price. Not that there's anything wrong with bargain housing... I don't like that he can just pick up and move without even a thought to how it will effect us...or if it will effect us. I know i'm not his wife, but after 2 year, you'd think he'd at least kinda make me feel like he cares about my opinion. Sometimes I think he's too independent.
And yeah the plus side is that it's close to me, but it could have just as easily not been. He didn't move there because he wanted to be closer to me, he moved there because he found a very affordable place. It just so happens that what was best for him this time coincidintally coincides with what's best for "us". What happens when he finds a cheaper place an hour away? He'll just up and move without a thought to how that will affect our relationship? I don't like it.
But maybe i'm just being petty. Maybe I'm upset because I chose to be the one to move closer to him and now he's leaving. *shrug* Maybe i'm over reacting. I should be happy for him. I mean, I AM happy for him. I just wish he'd be a little more needy with this move. I like to feel needed and important...and I just don't right now.
Anywho... I don't know why I always get off on Usher and I. lol But I guess out of the mouth flows the issues of the heart, not the workings of the mind.
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This is the first year that I didn't get too depressed about my Grandparents' passing. It's been 5 years. Wow! The time just flew by. I can still hear and see them as if I just spoke to them this morning. I kind of feel bad that I don't feel as bad anymore. I don't want to forget them. I don't want to not feel something when I think of them. But this year, their passing anniversary almost skipped my mind. That scares me. I love them. Always will. I don't want to lose that. RIP loved ones.
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