Okay its 9:30 on a Monday morning and I’m sitting at my desk looking out the window at the raindrops and bare trees. I’m at peace right now, which is amazing because on my hour+ commute to work today I sprinkled my cheeks with tears. I always feel a little sad after TG calls me. I didn’t answer this time, and I didn’t call him back, which is a good sign I’m getting better. But now I’m at work, and I didn’t want to start the work week off crying…so I sucked it up, walked in …and surprisingly, I feel better.
For the first time in over a year, I’ve finished ALL of my work. I feel…well… who am I kidding… I’m boooooooored!! lol Not in the, “I-hate-that-I-am-here-please-let-me-go-home” kind of bored cuz honestly, I can’t think of one place I’d actually want to be right now. *shrug* It’s okay I guess. I’m content with sitting here. Looking bored. Listening to launchcast. Hoping someone will email me or call... or give me a new project to work on. At least I wasn’t bored this weekend. I actually had a really nice weekend. :)
How about I give you a rundown…
Friday- I went to church. The leader/recruiter in the singing group in which TG and I met and eventually quit wants me to come back to the group now that they’ve heard TG and I are no longer together. I guess they thought that he was somehow manipulating me and making me quit …which was SOOOO not the case. I guess they’ll be surprised next week when I don’t show up for practice. lol Anywho…the leader/recruiter called me a few weeks back and invited me to come to his church on Friday nights. He felt like it would be good for me. I said no thanks for 3 weeks in a row but every week he’d call again. So I finally said okay just to get him off my back. Lord knows I really didn’t want to go. But you know what, I’m sooo glad I did. It was a really small church off of Memorial Drive. I was the first one there besides the Pastor, his wife, and their “I don’t know why but you’re kinda cute to me” son. After 10 minutes or so… people began to fill in and church started. I must say, I really enjoyed myself. I don’t EVER remember a time where I’ve pressed my way to church and wasn’t fulfilled after I got there. I guess that’s what I love about God and church… I am ALWAYS uplifted if I can just get my tail there.
So I go, and I’m very content with sitting in the middle row singing just loud enough that I’m audible to myself and Jesus…when all of a sudden I’m pulled out of my worship experience by someone on the mic beckoning for me to come up and finish the song. Startled by hearing my name, I open my eyes and I make my way up to the front of these familiar strangers and began nervously singing praises to The Almighty. Before you know it, I’m all into it, and I had to practically pull myself away from the mic because I could have stayed up there all night. That’s where I need to be. That’s where I’m comfortable. Singing to my Lord. Being allowed to Bless Him publicly, and also knowing that someone is being blessed by the gift God has given me. It really made me happy.
I thought that was it for the night, but before the Pastor spoke, he called me up to do another selection. I thought I was caught off guard before. *whew* I didn’t even have a song in mind. Then God reminded me of the song He’d given me a few weeks ago. So I found myself singing an original song for the first time for someone other than my reflection and teddy bears. Pastor’s son wasn’t even gonna ATTEMPT to follow me on the board so I was mega comfortable since I’m used to singing with out music anyways. lol.
After that, Pastor brought The Word, which was good. It needs its own post. Remind me to write about it.
I got in line for prayer after the preaching and happened to get the Pastor's Wife. It’s amazing how God works. I love it when He uses people that don’t know me from Eve to speak to me about my current situation. She just began praying for me…then she started to speak to me about my current state of loneliness...and trust me, I didn't look lonely friday night. Ya girl was too cute...and i felt good too...so i really didn't think i gave off the "lonely" or "single" vibe. Then she grabbed my face and said, "Honey, it's got-ta be the right man. You hear me? It's GOT-TA BE THE R-IIIII-G-H-T M-AAAAA-N!! When your husband find you, and HE WILL find YOOOOU! He's gonna find you busy. You'll already be working honey. Let God do it cuz any man just won't do. You are special... don't settle ya hear me..." and you get the picture. And it just really spoke to me because my mom just told me the SAME thing the day before…but it didn’t register as well because she’s my mom. Of COURSE she’s gonna say that. lol But I was able to receive it better from someone that had no idea if I was married or not… lonely or not…looking or not. She said a lot to me that I’d rather keep to myself, but everything she said was on point. I needed that. It refreshed me. I went to bed very grateful for God’s Word.
Saturday was an interesting day. I went to see Alvin Ailey with the ministry TG and I were in together. I knew before hand that women only were going, so I felt better knowing that I didn’t have to see him. I must admit, I LOOOOOVE that church and the people there. I hate that things with TG and I panned out the way they did because I really wanted to continue in that ministry. Everything has it’s time and purpose so I’ll just let God lead me as to what to do about that.
Alvin Ailey was cool. To be honest, it wasn’t my favorite performance from them, but it was good nonetheless. I’m still gonna try to go again next year. It’s becoming a tradition for me. After that, all 28 of us went to Mick’s on Peachtree to sit and run our chatterbox. Of course a lot of the women wanted to know what happened. Only a few asked. lol Most just said they missed me alot and asked where i've been. I guess they wanted me to start spilling my guts but I kept it really simple. I know they’ve all noticed I haven’t been there… and Karen (TG’s new/old woman) HAS been there… from what I’ve heard…sitting in what they have deemed “MY” seat. lol. So of course there were a lot of confused people since TG kinda left it “undone”. I played clean though. I just said I was fine, and TG and I decided to go our separate ways. If I said anything more, he would have been wondering why all the ladies at church were rolling their eyes at him Sunday.
I did confide in the first lady and her neice (which was my dance partner there) a week ago about what REALLY happened.
note: A lot of things I don’t share with you guys (sorry faithful readers) just because I have NOOOO idea who reads this blog and by me not knowing if people i interact with on a daily basis read my blog... i don't feel comfortable sharing ERRYTHANG. lol. There are some things I just don’t want ERRYBODY knowing. If you just REALLY WANNA KNOW...hit me up via email or yahoo IM. end note
However, I shared it all with them. So of course when they did get a chance to chat face to face with me Saturday, they wanted me to know that I will always be a part of that church and it’s just as much my church as it is TG’s. I’m still praying about things because honestly, they want me to continue being in the dance ministry…and I REALLY want to. I just don’t know how that will work out right now, so I told them I want to, but I’m gonna give it a few months first. I want Karen to feel comfortable there…and I want to feel comfortable too…and I don’t think either of us would feel comfortable right now both being in love with the same man.
I was happy we all went out though. It was very nice receiving love from what I still call my church home. Though I’m not there on Sundays physically, I’m there in spirit. And it’s nice to know that people care.
Sunday was WONDERFUL. I can’t even begin to talk about Sunday, but thank you so much to the sweet person I was blessed to have spent time with ( you know who you are). It’s good to have friends that truly care for you and encourage you. It’s good to be able to just be you around folks. I needed that... And I think they did too. I’m glad we could help each other. Plus the steelers won. I’m not gonna front like I am sooo super crunk about it cuz really I don’t care for either team. But I really do like THE BUS ( he looks like my eye doctor) and I wanted to see him get a ring before he retired. So it was a nice ending to a nice day.
Anyways… I’ve managed to waste an hour and a half already (yippee). Now maybe I can walk around the building, use the restroom, play solitaire, eat, and read a few blogs and the day will be over. lol Happy Monday everyone!
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