Why do people date/court/have relationships?
In my opinion, the reason we date is to get to know a person and to see if they would be a fit candidate to marry. This process can take a long time because we want to make sure we see all sides of them, we want to make sure that they are what we're looking for. We want to make sure we’re ready, they are ready, we have the same goals, common interests… we want to make sure a lot of things. Whether it takes 6 months or 6 years, we spend our dating period pretty much trying to figure out if this person is “the one”. Now that is what I consider dating. Some people just date for the heck of it. lol. Know they ain’t looking for no long term fix…just wanna have an on-hand supply of sex…and for those people… I don’t consider that dating…but anywhoooo… I digress.
My question to you is, how long do you wait to marry that person AFTER you’re sure that this is they person u are supposed to spend the rest of your life with?
Most engagements are what 6 months to a year? So I guess once people find out that they indeed want to marry “such and such” they wait no more than a year to do it.
That doesn’t seemed rushed does it? It seems reasonable to me.
I guess this is why I am going to answer this next question the way I will.
Cymple asked a wonderful question. One that I’ve went over a thousand times...and one that almost every rational person would probably ask us once TG and I announce our engagement. WHY RUSH? WHAT’S THE RUSH!
I can admit, things ARE happening fast. Sometimes even WE are a little overwhelmed at how things are transpiring. Yet we when we look at it from a spiritual stand point, and we look at how everything that’s happened to us in the past has lead up to our meeting NOW… it’s not really all that fast…or overwhelming. It’s actually been quite a long time coming. Plus to be honest, we both prayed for things to happen this way. I guess that’s why gramma always used to say, “Be careful what u pray for”. I mean I’m glad I got it…but there was a lot of things we didn’t take into consideration when asking God for our spouse NOW…and letting us recognize each other from jump. I remember plain as day …and he does too, asking God to send us to each other. ASAP. I was ready for my husband. He was ready for his wife. We wanted each other NOW. And from the first conversation we had… we both knew. Since that day, our life has been one fast but wonderful journey.
We’re not crazy… we KNOW it’s hard to understand on the outside.
In the natural, it looks like two crazy and desperate kids rushing into a very serious and lasting relationship/marriage without knowing each other well enough. Trust me… there’s nothing anyone can think about TG and I that I haven’t already thought of myself. I’m a pretty rational thinker…even if I don’t always make rational decisions. I can never be accused of not “thinking rationally”. I usually weigh all my options first. I usually look at all sides. I pride myself on that. So I do know…whenever we do pop the big question on my parents first…(since he’s old fashioned…he wants to get my dad’s approval first) …the peaceful world as we now know it will be filled with confused parents, friends, and family wondering what is the rush! lol
I guess it’s all about perspective. It goes back to my initial question… How long do you wait to marry that person AFTER you’re sure that this is they person u are supposed to spend the rest of your life with?
For us, the first day we met we knew...so each day after that, we were pretty much where it take other couples months and years to get.
Come peep inside.
I was engaged once. TG was married once. I was with my ex for almost 4 years. He was with his ex for almost 7. We know about years. We know about how people and things change. We know that some things only time will tell. We’ve been there. What we’ve both learned it’s not about years and time spent as it is the quality of the time spent and the sureness of what you're doing is ordained by God. If we’re right together, we’re right together. If we’re not…we’re just not. In my opinion, time doesn’t change that. Time only confirms.
Anyways, I’ve dated since then. A LOT. lol. I’m sure you all have seen quite a few initials of guys names mentioned right here on the ole blog. But not once…did I ever mention someone as being “THE ONE”. Yeah…I got friends that would have made good husbands…but never did I FEEL in my spirit that they were “the one”. Same with TG… he’s dated A LOT of women since his divorce. We were both very unfulfilled. Mainly because we weren’t doing what God had told us to do. What we didn’t realize is that once we got in His will…He’d give us everything we were searching for. So we dated other people…but never was either of us fully fulfilled. Partly because neither of us ever truly gave ourselves to another person after our failed attempt at love with our ex’s. Sure we tried to do it. We “thought” we were giving everything…but we never really gave our heart to someone else. We didn't realize why til now. We couldn't give away what wasn't ours. His heart belongs to me, and mine to him. Which is why it took NO effort for either of us to get past each others his layers and brick walls and force fields we put up around our hearts. We were each others key. Everything fell into place with no effort or help from us. It was ordained from jump.
Both of our prayers were pretty much the same. “Lord, Grant me the discernment to recognize him/her as he/she recognizes me. Lord, I’m ready to love the person you’ve prepared for me. Lord, I need him/her NOW. Please Lord. PLEASE!” lol
Not realizing that once we both cleaned up our act…and prayed that prayer in sincerity…that God would do JUST THAT.
We knew we were husband and wife from our first conversation. The first date sealed our fate. I remember looking across the table at him for the first time really and saying to myself, “So this is my husband”. Before that day, we had been around each other, I’ve glanced in his direction, and observed his movements with my peripheral vision, but I never really looked AT him. Same with him. We talked all week about the fact that we found ourselves falling in love with each other’s spirit before we even really LOOKED at each other’s face. God had placed us together in spirit first. Then everything else just followed suit.
There have been a few times that I got cold feet and went into denial about whether or not he was my husband because it was hard for me to believe that God really did give me JUST what I asked for. But then He reminded me that when I seek Him first…he’d give me the desires of my heart. Ask…and you shall receive. I asked God to let us know immediately when we meet each other that we were husband and wife. And He did just that. Now… why rush you ask?
Well…. Like I said. It doesn’t seem rushed. It’s like… we kinda skipped the whole… well let’s date to see if we’re compatible…if you’re the one…if we both like pasta and jazz music stage. All of that fell into place AFTER we realized that we were soulmates. The connection we had was spiritual from the start. Our spirits linked before we even really looked at each other. We were already praying for our future together on the phone before our first date. Everything was accelerated from jump because that’s pretty much what both of us asked God for. I didn’t wanna play around and date to try and figure out this or that. I wanted to KNOW. And we do KNOW. So know that we KNEW… what’s next? Date..? Date for what? Wait…? Wait for what?
If you know they are the one, they know u the one, everyone else knows ya’ll gonna get married…and u can’t really move forward until u do…then the way I see it, the question is not why rush, it’s why wait? I mean, I’m being a little facetious…but I’m still serious.
Here are the facts…
We wanna be together. We got things to do. Goals to accomplish…ministries to start…children to have (I’m still young…but he’s getting up there. lol)... and none can be done til we’re married. We aren’t intimate despite the overwhelming desire to be…(especially when I spend the night…Lord help me! lol)…so of course that kinda makes us wanna get things moving. And…we can’t shack up cuz neither one of us is into that… and this living apart and seeing each other on the weekends SUCK. So….. since we know we GONNA be together regardless…and we really really WANNA be together now…so why not just do it right and start our lives together now?! I look at life and realize that it’s too short to wait and stop and procrastinate about things you are SURE of. Now if I had some doubts…then yeah, I’d wait. But God has blessed us to find each other, I’m ready to enjoy my blessing to the fullest extent and I can’t do that until we’re married. So why put off for tomorrow what I can do today? Tomorrow’s not promised… so we find ourselves at the point where we’re like… hey, let’s do it. :)
Okay, next week part deux… Reasons why we will at least wait until next year. (instead of doing what we really wanna do by saying screw it, and elope)
PS. Comments/Feedback encouraged.
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