I feel SOOOO much better now. Plus my buuuuuuuurrrthay is coming up 2 fridays from now...which IS a payday and I am ready to blow that ENTIRE wad on somethin. Yesssssss siiirrrr! I'm sooo ready. I have so much energy right now... i kinda feel like Phil LaMarr as the "UBS" man on Mad TV. I guess it's good that hardly no one's here today so if I do just spring outta my seat and take a lap around the ole office... i won't get any weird stares. lol
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~*~*~*~* ~*!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
At times when I'm lost I try to find you
You know to give me space when it's time to
My heart's dictionary defines you,
it's love and happiness
Truthfully it's hard tryin to practice abstinence
The time we committed love it was real good
Had to be for me to arrive and it still feel good
I know the sex ain't gon' keep you,
but as my equal it's how I must treat you
As my reflection in light I'ma lead you
And whatever's right, I'ma feed you
Digga-da, digga-da, digga-da, digga-digga-da-da
Yo I tell you the rest when I see you, peace
-Common, The Light
So yeah... I was listening to 107.9 this morning and they were talking about sex and how important is it in a relationship. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to hear a lot of the responses the callers had because I was close to work by the time I changed the station to 107.9. Anyways... I was wondering what any of you guys thought about it. They were saying that single ppl and married ppl have different views on the importance of sex as well as the minimum amount of times per week a couple should have sex. It was a pretty interesting topic...and I was wondering if anyone had anything to say about it?
I've always thought of sex as important in a relationship but I wouldn't have ranked it a 10 out of 10... not even a 9 out of 10. But I dunno... I mean after listening to some of the reasoning ppl gave for their high scores and looking at my own experiences in relationships...I'm beginning to wonder...
I go through phases. Well not really phases because I ALWAYS wanna have sex... it's just that now I'm at the point in my life where I've been focusing more on pleasing God and trying to lead a celibate life... (i say trying because over the last 3 years... I have given in and had sex in a few of my relationships which leads to major cognitive dissonance and I end up screwing up the relationship b/c the hardest thing to do is tell a guy you've given it to that he can no longer get it..but ya'll can still kick it.)
So anyway... looking back on my relationships I've noticed some things. Here's my take on the situation.
What I thought would happen if I gave it up to a young man within what... a month or so.
~ I always figured that the guys who wanted to rush into sex and who I would have sex with within a month of dating would pretty much get bored because he's caught the prey...the chase was over and now it's on to the new. I've heard stories about the hit it and split it guy...so this was a big fear of mine. I couldn't let it happen to me. I also figured that a guy that wouldn't wait for me at least 2 months probably only wanted sex anyway.
What did happen when I did give it up.
~Um.. what I've found (and by no means am i saying this is law or anything) is that the men I've had sex with within the first month of our relationship generally stayed around MUCH longer than those I didn't have sex with within the first month..or at all. I also noticed that I developed feelings much faster and more intense than i did with the guys I didn't have a sexual relationship with. Now at first I was thinking... well obviously I'd feel a more intense feelings for them... I'm with them longer. We share more... yada yada... but even when I look at how I felt at lets say the 2 month period with the sex and non sex guy... I see that I still felt way more strongly about the sex guy. So I would have to say... sex does matter alot more than I ever gave credit.
What I thought would happen if I didn't give it up in the first 2 months, or ever.
~ Well I thought that delayin the layin would help my chances of getting to really know a guy and lettin him get to know me. I figured it would weed out the guys only in the game to get booty and leave me the ones willing to 1. be patient.... 2. be in a real committed relationship and 3. really get to know all of me.
What actually happened when I didn't give it up in the first 2 months, or ever.
~They ALL left before 3 months was up. lol. I haven't had nonsexual relationship with ANYONE over 3 months. And what surprised me is that while yes... some of them really were in it only for the booty... a lot of the guys may not have been. I mean some of them had a LOT to offer. There were some really nice, spiritual, attractive, drama free, "i got my ish together", brothas I was dating...but they just couldn't handle the celibacy thang. I'm almost 99.9 % sure that if I did give it up to some of these brothas in this category....or at least gave them the hope that when the time was right i would (instead of NEVA unless you marry me) ...i would have had some wonderfully rewarding relationships.
I think it's important to weed out the "i want booty" guys from the "i want a relationship in which there's some booty givin going on" guys. What I did was weed out all guys. lol (well thusfar anyways)
MY REVELATION
If the thought of being with just one person exclusively for a long time, or forever (marriage) literally terrifies the heart of many many MANY good men... then how much more would the thought of being with just one person exclusively for a long time WITHOUT SEX send surges of pure terror and disgust in the hearts and minds of these same men?
I think that some of the men didn't stay around b/c that thought of "never gettin it" got the best of them... I may be wrong... I don't claim to know anything about men... but this is my theory about my experiences... So what's a girl to do?
When do you think it's safe to give it up.. since giving it up too fast may produce bad effects...but not giving it up ever may produce bad effects as well...?????????
So yeah... I was listening to 107.9 this morning and they were talking about sex and how important is it in a relationship. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to hear a lot of the responses the callers had because I was close to work by the time I changed the station to 107.9. Anyways... I was wondering what any of you guys thought about it. They were saying that single ppl and married ppl have different views on the importance of sex as well as the minimum amount of times per week a couple should have sex. It was a pretty interesting topic...and I was wondering if anyone had anything to say about it?
I've always thought of sex as important in a relationship but I wouldn't have ranked it a 10 out of 10... not even a 9 out of 10. But I dunno... I mean after listening to some of the reasoning ppl gave for their high scores and looking at my own experiences in relationships...I'm beginning to wonder...
I go through phases. Well not really phases because I ALWAYS wanna have sex... it's just that now I'm at the point in my life where I've been focusing more on pleasing God and trying to lead a celibate life... (i say trying because over the last 3 years... I have given in and had sex in a few of my relationships which leads to major cognitive dissonance and I end up screwing up the relationship b/c the hardest thing to do is tell a guy you've given it to that he can no longer get it..but ya'll can still kick it.)
So anyway... looking back on my relationships I've noticed some things. Here's my take on the situation.
What I thought would happen if I gave it up to a young man within what... a month or so.
~ I always figured that the guys who wanted to rush into sex and who I would have sex with within a month of dating would pretty much get bored because he's caught the prey...the chase was over and now it's on to the new. I've heard stories about the hit it and split it guy...so this was a big fear of mine. I couldn't let it happen to me. I also figured that a guy that wouldn't wait for me at least 2 months probably only wanted sex anyway.
What did happen when I did give it up.
~Um.. what I've found (and by no means am i saying this is law or anything) is that the men I've had sex with within the first month of our relationship generally stayed around MUCH longer than those I didn't have sex with within the first month..or at all. I also noticed that I developed feelings much faster and more intense than i did with the guys I didn't have a sexual relationship with. Now at first I was thinking... well obviously I'd feel a more intense feelings for them... I'm with them longer. We share more... yada yada... but even when I look at how I felt at lets say the 2 month period with the sex and non sex guy... I see that I still felt way more strongly about the sex guy. So I would have to say... sex does matter alot more than I ever gave credit.
What I thought would happen if I didn't give it up in the first 2 months, or ever.
~ Well I thought that delayin the layin would help my chances of getting to really know a guy and lettin him get to know me. I figured it would weed out the guys only in the game to get booty and leave me the ones willing to 1. be patient.... 2. be in a real committed relationship and 3. really get to know all of me.
What actually happened when I didn't give it up in the first 2 months, or ever.
~They ALL left before 3 months was up. lol. I haven't had nonsexual relationship with ANYONE over 3 months. And what surprised me is that while yes... some of them really were in it only for the booty... a lot of the guys may not have been. I mean some of them had a LOT to offer. There were some really nice, spiritual, attractive, drama free, "i got my ish together", brothas I was dating...but they just couldn't handle the celibacy thang. I'm almost 99.9 % sure that if I did give it up to some of these brothas in this category....or at least gave them the hope that when the time was right i would (instead of NEVA unless you marry me) ...i would have had some wonderfully rewarding relationships.
I think it's important to weed out the "i want booty" guys from the "i want a relationship in which there's some booty givin going on" guys. What I did was weed out all guys. lol (well thusfar anyways)
MY REVELATION
If the thought of being with just one person exclusively for a long time, or forever (marriage) literally terrifies the heart of many many MANY good men... then how much more would the thought of being with just one person exclusively for a long time WITHOUT SEX send surges of pure terror and disgust in the hearts and minds of these same men?
I think that some of the men didn't stay around b/c that thought of "never gettin it" got the best of them... I may be wrong... I don't claim to know anything about men... but this is my theory about my experiences... So what's a girl to do?
When do you think it's safe to give it up.. since giving it up too fast may produce bad effects...but not giving it up ever may produce bad effects as well...?????????
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