Venting and Dreaming

I’ve been having crazy dreams lately. One night I dreamt that I was asleep and when I woke up (in my dream) I saw my bedroom door and closet door open (which I never leave open). As I got up, I saw the front door to my apartment slightly open. That is my heart nearly jumped out of my chest. Something was wrong. Someone was here. I looked in one of my mirrors and saw a shadow of some legs hunched down in my bedroom closet and became scared that I was about to be killed. So somehow I got my keys and cell really fast and put on my coat, slipped out the door and went to my car while calling… the police?

WRONG!

My retarded behind called Usher.

I was telling him that I think 2 boys had broken into my apartment and I was scared and wanted him to call the police for me because even though I was in my car, I still didn’t feel safe. For some reason, he didn’t understand what I was saying and didn’t really seem that upset about the fact that someone broke into my apartment. I don’t remember what happened after that. All I know is that the boys in my dream that had came into my house, were the same boys that I really did see sitting on the stairs one evening after Usher left. Maybe I unconsciously harbored fears about them knowing I live alone and trying to break in and it manifested in dream form.
I dunno. I just don't understand why alot of my dreams lately have been sort of like that. Well not from that particular night.
I had quite a few dreams that night. One ended in me going to eat a brownie, but someone was yelling for me not to do it because I had no milk. *blink* Just so happens I was awakened at that moment by Usher’s call at 2:36am asking me to sing for him.

WTH is going with my nights? Anywho...

Last night, I was dreaming about going to this Church that in my dream I’d never been to before (although in real life, I have) and I got there all extra early. There was a guy in the parking lot that went to the Church and began chatting/flirting with me as soon as I got out of the car. He led me to a room where Sunday School was about to be held. During class, he kept telling me how much he liked me. He’d appear and disappear from the class every so often. After Sunday School, there was about a 30 minute wait before Church and I could see the McDonalds from the hallway, so I was contemplating on getting some hot cakes (why I’m always trying to eat in my dreams? lol) and out of nowhere he appeared. He tried to kiss me and was all up on me. For some reason, I actually kinda liked i t. The Church secretary’s desk was kinda close to us and she was coming towards it. When he saw her, he rushed to talk to her. I shrugged and left. When I got in my car, he was sitting on the passenger side. It freaked me out so I somehow got him out, but he kept trying to get back in. I sped off. On the way to McDonalds, (which now was quite a drive away) I heard on the radio that this man had killed the secretary lady. They said she was his girlfriend.

I was confused because he kept trying to get with me and he kept telling me he wanted me. Then I went to his house (don’t know why I knew where he lived. I think we were together then. you know how dreams are) and looked in this box of stuff he had and saw old pictures of her. For some reason, I had seen these pics before, but never put two and two together. He had told me that she was his ex. But apparently not. Then I woke up.

*blink* WTF?

Too much craziness.

I’m kind of wondering if I’m dreaming about crazy stuff because I’m thinking about crazy stuff before I go to bed. I mean, I’m not ever thinking of murder or break ins or anything like that….but my mind, especially last night, seems to run a thousand miles before I can finally go to sleep.

Last night I had sort of a breakdown before bed.

You ever have those days where the weight of the world just suddenly seem to land on your shoulders?

Well that was me last night. It started when I opened some mail from my student loan people and it said that I still owe about $80,000.

I’ve been paying them for YEARS and I still owe someone $80,000?

I kinda got depressed because I knew that if I don’t marry rich or win the lotto soon, I’ll be paying these people for the REST OF MY LIFE! There is no end to it. And if I don’t pay them, they’re going to try to take me to court to garnish my freaking check. I felt so hopeless. Then started taking a step back from the day to day and really looking at my life.

The happiness I felt just 30 minutes before slowly started fading. I have soooo many bills! And I make jack squat compared to the debt I owe. Will I ever be able to get myself out of this hole? Then of course I started panicking and obsessing about it all.

Thinking about the fact that I ‘m afraid to get a house in my name because if something happens and I start missing payments, I’m afraid they’ll take my house.
And speaking of living arrangements, I absolutely HATE the fact that I’m moving back with my parents. The closer it gets to the date, the more it feels like doomsday. She’s already too much to bear and I don’t live there. Moving back is going to do nothing but make it worse. But I need to plan my finances better and not having the responsibility of a mortgage or rent will help tremendously. Although I’ll still be paying rent, and probably having to give her money because she’s got a spending problem. See…that situation wouldn’t really be helping me would it? It’s already stressing me. So what do I do? Should I look for a cheaper apartment? I don't have time. Besides, I'm trying to save, not spend. My goal is to stay with them for a year. Hopefully by then, I can correct the financial mistakes I made last year and start over. It's the most sound decision when taking about paying off debt.

But just thinking about living with my mom made me cry like a 5 year old. I love her to death but she gets on my last nerves!

Then of course I’m thinking about the fact that none of this would matter to me if was where I once was in my faith in God. Being in this state of uncertainty about the nature my relationship with God and my quest for the truth has left me quite depressed. I hate not knowing things. I hate not having that blind bold faith that all will be well. I hate that I don’t trust God like I once did. I want to get back there, but I don’t know how. I need His help and while I won’t say He’s not giving it to me, because I don’t know if He is, I can’t feel it yet.

And my Church situation is not helping. I literally loathe going to that Church. Then why go, you ask?

Because it's easy. Well it was. My parents were there, I have some girlfriends there. I know people. I don't have to look for new churches and get lost trying to find them, hoping I'm on time, filling out millions of visitor's cards and having to go by myself. It's much easier to just drive over to my parents house and get in the car with them, sit through 3 hours of service and be done for the week. And I know once i move back, it's going to be even more "convenient".

But I don't like it there. So I'm now stressing over trying to find a new church. Which is going to be weird once I get back to my parents house. They don't believe in missing Church. EVER. So even if I wanted to sit out a week or two. It couldn't happen there. Which adds even more stress. I hate "having" to do something I don't want to do. I hate being told what I "have" to do. I'm grown. I should be able to make my own decisions. And I feel that I can't when I live with them.


So I just feel stuck. And helpless. And stupid. And confused. About my spiritual life, about my finances, about Usher and the fact that I’m in love with a man I’m not sure I’ll ever marry, about the fact that I asked my job a year and a half ago for a title change (and raise) and have heard nothing back, about where to go to Church and if I really want to even go every week, about the fact that while I have a few girlfriends, I don’t feel close enough to any of them to dump all my problems on them, and about the fact that I have no idea how to change any of this right now.


*closing my eyes, rubbing my temples and taking deep breaths*

Yeah. So that's where I am.

I had to it off my chest.

You know... deep down inside, after I have my panic attacks and breakdowns, I really do feel like everything will work itself out.

Wierd?

I guess time will tell. Thanks for listening.

Excuse me, I think we accidentally switched lives. Can I have mine back?

What a week! *plopping down at my desk*

I have been BUSY!!!!! My immediate boss has an upper respiratory infection and has been on sick leave since monday. Since I'm next in line on the command chain, I've had to take over her share of the work for tomorrow's meeting with the Higher Ups. Blah! She always seem to get sick around the time major projects are taking place. She knows what she's doing. *rolling my eyes at her empty chair*

Anywho....I've just finished our department's presentation and sent the powerpoint slides up to the top floor's EA. Done! And an hour early I might add.

Today has been one of those days. I haven't talked about what's been going on this last week with Usher. I know I briefly mentioned he was having some problems on his job. Well... I still won't mention what happened to protect the guil...err...innocent. But he had to go to jail today. Yes I said jail. JAIL! *sigh*

It's not thaaaat serious. But if you ask me, anytime you have to go to jail, it's serious. It's over the craziest thing really...and I know he'll be out either tonight or tomorrow since he turned himself in. But the fact he had to go to jail over some STUPID (i mean stuuuuuupid) stuff just urks me. This whole thing could have been avoided and I am soooo over it.

But anyways...sorry I can't tell you guys about it. Just feel it would be better for all parties if the story wasn't mentioned. Anywho... he called me about 20498230982423.9 times before going in at 1 to tell me everything I need to do in case they set a bail for him to get out instead of just letting him out on his own. *yawn*
I'm tired already. I don't wanna go to no one's freakin jail and wait for my boyfriend to get out. This is soooo not the kind of life I wanna live. So I've fussed at him already and he promised that he wont get himself into this situation again.

Anywho... it's been kind of stressful dealing with this mess for a week. Police woes, job woes, money woes...it's too much.

Then my mother... *sigh*. Lord, that's a whole different set of problems. Sometimes I feel like I'm the parent and it just shouldn't be. I haven't seen anyone as old as she make so many financial mistakes. I don't even know if I can still call them mistakes. More like bad habits. She's starting to irritate me now.
Like I vented before, my folks are in bad financial shape. They've been struggling for a while and I try to help them when I can. Well, last month, for the first time in a while, my mother didn't ask me for money. I was happy. I thought that all my help must have paid off and they were finally back on their feet. What helped my assumption was the fact that every saturday, my mom was at the mall buying her a new outfit for Church. I've told ya'll my mom is a leo. We some flashy folks...us leos. lol So, my mom is always decked out. Nothing but the best for her. I know each suit she bought was over $200 because that's just how she is. So i'm like, cool... they're doing good. *shrug*

Um, no.

Last night
8:30pm
home phone rings

Me: Hey ma!
Her: Hey princess. You got company?
Me: Nope. Just me. What's up?
Her: Uh...nothing *voice changing* um...you get paid this week right?
Me: *dang!* Yeah (i know where this is going)
Her: Good *sighing with relief* Um do you have to pay alot of bills this week because I need
some money.
Me: Umm...well yeah I do have to pay alot. How much you need?
Her: How much can you spare?
Me: None. You know things are tight for me right now. I give you some bill money if you just
need it right now, then you can give it back when you get paid so I can pay the bill.
Will that work?
Her: Well I guess it will have to. Just let me know how much you can spare on friday.
Me: *frustrated* Alright.

Why does she do this???? If she wasn't going out to eat and buying new outfits everyweek for the last month, she'd have more than enough money to take care of whatever it is she need my money for. It's soooo frustrating. Then she mentioned the other day that she bought this thing from online that is supposed to be a system to help you learn how to read faster.

Now... I'm not one to discourage self-improvement, but this ish cost about $150.

When you got bills.... this is the LAST thing your behind need to be buying. It could have waited. And instead of controlling her spending, she calls ME to come help her out and she know I'm struggling my darn self. Shoot! She seen my hair...it's a mess. My nails look ragedy. I have no idea what a mall look like. Cuz I'm not spending money I don't have right now. Yet she do what she wanna do, then get in a bind and ask me for money.

I AM FURIOUS! This has GOT TO STOP!!!!!

But I don't know how to tell her. Usher says I'm a lollipop (ie: sucker) when it comes to my mom. He's probably right. But I just can't bring myself to talk to her because all she gonna do is remind me of all of the 30403948 u times she sacrificed for me during my years of living there and etc.
But I gotta tell her. I'll pray on an effective way to tell her that she's a freakin nut and she has a spending problem. *whoooooosaaaahhhhh* lol

Anyways... I should go. I gotta go home and get ready to bail my retarded boyfriend out of jail. Later.

Everyday there's a Miracle

Man,

days like this I really wish I wouldn't have downgraded my phone. I sure needed my picture phone today. I felt like such an outcast.

For those of you who live in Ga, I'm sure you've heard about the tornados that hit Atlanta this weekend. Well I work in Downtown Atlanta and judging from the weekend news, I figured that our building would be completely wrecked. My building, like many of the ones down here, is a completely glass structure. After seeing how devastating the CNN building and the Phillips Arena parking lot was, I was soooooo sure our building was demolished. I usually walk to the CNN building for lunch, that's how close I am to it. I kept wanting the camera man to do a nice panoramic view of where he was because I knew I'd easily be able to see my building, but he never did. Last night after dinner, My parents, Usher, and I sat in the living room and watched the news again when it dawned on me that I may not have to work today if my building is all messed up. With excitement I ran to the computer to see if there was any updates.

Miraculously, our building was unscathed. Work would resume as normal.

How's that possible? I wondered. I'm sure there are a few windows broken. *shrug*

When I got in this morning, the whole situation was sooooo uncanny. I went to get my morning tea and looked out the window over downtown. I was up close and personal with the aftereffects of the tornado. It's one thing to see on television, but another to look out your window. The huge olympic torches were down in centennial park. (These are 2 of the torches I'm talking about. One is by the blue patch.)





And the CNN center had sooo many windows boarded up since the tornado blew out almost all of them. The Westin was looking a mess. The Tabernacle was completely demolished. It looked crazy.

At noon, my co-worker and I decided to get an even closer look. We strolled down the street we've walked up and down so many times and felt like visitors to a new place. There were so many people out on the streets looking around in awe just like we were. Channel 2, 5 and 46 were out videotaping everything. Everyone had their digital cameras and camera phones out looking up at the holes where windows once were. I look at my building....there's not one window out.

Amazing. The building to the right of us had windows out everywhere...the park to the other side of us had trees uprooted, columns down, fences bent. Our building...Perfect.


I was fascinated by it all. How can every building around mine be affected and our completely glass building stand without one window broken?


Wild huh?



Makes for great lesson:


Your fate is not always determined by what's going on around you.

Even when everything else is broken, you can come out of the storm with out so much as a scratch.

The weakest structure can withstand the strongest forces when God protects it.



Happy Monday everyone.

Skip Day

So I played hookey from work yesterday. My parents are such bad influences. Monday I get a call at work from my mom to say that she and my dad won’t be reachable for a few hours (in case I called) because they were going to the movies. I look at the clock.

It’s 1:50 in the freakin afternoon!!!

Um…*blink* Don’t ya’ll neegro’s need to be at work?

“We’re playing hookey” my mom laughs into the phone.

They are so crazy! lol They are the cutest couple. Still playing hookey to go out on dates… and they have been married for over half of their lives. It’s cute.

But err um, I was salty that no one told me that Monday was national skip day. 5 people from my office called in that day as well. Boo everyone!

I’ll show them.


*cough, cough* Uh… yeah. I won’t be in today. *cough* Okay see you tomorrow. Click!

Aaahhhh! Free at last!

I slept until about noon and got up only to sit on my couch and open all the windows and blinds and stare out into the beautiful world before me. I love days like this. No plans. No “to do’s”.

I wish that I took off like this last friday after my two little babies (my cousin's kids) came to visit me the night before. From the time those little rugrats came in the door they were taking off their coats and chasing me around the living room. At 1.5 and 3, they have waaaay more energy than I do and I soon became dizzy and tired. My feet hurt! Ouch! Which one of ya'll lil people stepped on my foot?!?! Why are you hitting my thigh? Did you just jump on my stomach? For 4 hours they beat the crap out of me. I needed a rest day then. But I'll take it today. It's cool.

At about 2, Usher calls me to ask me why I wasn’t at work.

“I wanted to play hookey.” I whined.

“Well look, both of us can’t be losing our job. You better take yo’ butt to work”. He says jokingly.

I didn’t think it was funny.

Usher had called me the night before saying that he’d been suspended from his job for 2 days for something I refuse to talk about on here. I listened to his story while watching American Idol and shook my head.

Is this chile EVER going to grow up. I told him that in a few years he’ll be 40…this kind of behavior is just unacceptable.

He got a little pissed at me because “as his girl, I should have his back, not fuss at him like I’m his momma.”

This pissed me off a little because I’d loooove to have his back and not act like his momma, but to do that, I need him to stop acting like a child.

Anyways… we squashed it the night before and I said a little prayer hoping that he didn’t get fired behind this stupid stuff.

“So…since you off… lets go to that Fish and Shrimp place today. You dressed or you sitting around there naked?”

I smile. I can’t help that one of my guilty pleasures is to be naked all the time when I’m alone. What I need clothes for? Of course anytime he stops by with someone unannounced, he calls me while walking up to the door and tells me to put on some clothes cause he KNOW I don’t have on any. Sometimes it's kinda embarrassing. People looking at me all crosseyed like they wanna ask...why you sitting in here naked?

Cause i like it. Shoot! It's my place...And????

Usher's used to it. He just make sure he calls before just opening the front door to give me time to put something on.

“Sway, you the only chick I know that like to walk around naked all the time.”

*shrug* It’s just my thing. I make sure I sit on my own personal fleece blanket so no one is exposed to anything they don’t wanna be when they sit on my furniture. lol I like to be naked, but I'm not nasty! lol Okay TMI.

Anywho… I shower and throw on my favorite wig and I’m out. It was such a gorgeous day yesterday. I threw on my stunner shades and let the wind almost blow my wig off on the expressway. Whoops!

I really hope this food is good. This is our 3rd time trying to go. The first time was two Friday’s ago when he moved, but it was closed by the time we got over there. Then we planned to go last Sunday after Church, but it's closed on Sundays. Dang…when is this place open?

So we went to Red Lobster instead. We had a great time together Sunday. He took me to the Ghetto Mall up the street from him (ie. South Dekalb Mall for those in Ga) and we bought some crazy t-shirts to show our hood-ness. lol Then we stopped at Dairy Queen because I was whining about wanting dessert. I was a happy camper after that. :)

Anyway, I get to his house yesterday and he’s standing at the door with some multi colored-boxers, navy blue church socks pulled up his calves like somebody’s granddaddy, and a small apple-juice box. He looked retarded! I was in tears!

“Why are you looking like that?”

He’s silly. I hope he finally gets his act together because his dream of being a comedian could really work. He’s just silly for no reason.

He throws on something and we head to the Fish and Shrimp place.

It’s open! What a miracle. He orders a 4 pc. Whiting, and 20 shrimp for us.

When I say that those were the BEST SHRIMP I’ve ever had…I am soooo not kidding. My mouth is watering just thinking about them. These fried jumbo shrimp needed NOTHING. No ketchup, cocktail sauce or tartar sauce. I had to bite one shrimp about 3 or 4 times just to finish it. Whew! I gotta get back there.

Anywho…we kinda hung out for the rest of the day and had crazy conversations about dating someone vs. being married, mari.ju.ana, washing clothes, and who we thought was the prettiest of the girls on ANTM. We’re random. What can I say.

Overall, it was a pretty nice day. I was happy that I played hookey. Now I’m back to the drawing board. *sigh* Good thing tomorrow’s Friday. :) Woo-hooo!

You can't tell me He doesn't come through

Thank GOD it's friday!!!!

You guys just don't know. These last two weeks have been very trying financially speaking. I get paid every other week and on payday 2 fridays ago, I knew I was in trouble.

I gotta stop getting myself into these situations.

My folks have been going through a rough financial time. My mom lost her job last year and was out of work for a little over 6 months. During that time, their bills accured so much that even when she did start working, they were very behind on their bills. Well me being their only child and loving them the way I do, hated to see them struggling...even though I wasn't balling myself. I had 2 jobs and was making enough to pay my own bills and store a small stash away for the "just in case". Well...even though I wasn't experiencing any "rainy days" personally, my family was and I started helping them out by sliding them money every week or two.

Unfortunately, some unexpected stuff came up last month and I had no "extra money" to take care of that plus all my bills...which led me to be late on some stuff.

So here I am 2 fridays ago, looking at my check and my "to pay" bills and I have negative $53 to take care of everything. And this isn't including food, gas or my MARTA card for the train. I took a deep breath and paid all the "musts" first. Rent, Insurance...etc. But 2 weeks without money was going to be hard. Usher was moving and all his money was tied up in that. My parents are just now getting on their feet enough to call themselves "caught up". All my friends are struggling too. It was just one of those hard times. I couldn't see how everything was going to get paid. I couldn't see how I was going to get to work with no gas or card. I didn't know what I was going to eat. I only had about 4 days of food in my place and I needed at least 13 days worth.

But God is good.

I'm still amazed at how He multiplied my pennies and allowed EVERYTHING to be paid ON TIME, my gas tank is full, and I haven't missed one meal these past two weeks.

Ask me how.

I can only just point up to God. I literally have NO IDEA how He did it. lol
I can add and subtract just fine. I've looked over and over at my check, my checking account, my bills...and every day all day it adds up to me having -$53. But everything is paid. lol

I may be confused about alot of things.
But the Goodness of God isn't one.
He's still working miracles.

Have a Happy Friday Ya'll!
It's payday! *whew*

I think...

...I’m bi-polar.

One day I’m in a super friggin good mood for no apparent reason, and the next day I’m just down in the dumps. That’s not normal is it?

It’s like… I dunno, my hormones are playing an april fools joke on me every day. I get up and have no idea how I’m going to be feeling by the time I get home. It’s kinda crazy.

Anyways… it’s Wednesday and the IT guy just came by my desk to give me a new computer. I’ve been computer-less since noon yesterday and I've been bored out of my mind! I didn’t realize how much of my work requires me to be on my PC. My junk just froze yesterday when I was about to go to I-Tunes and wouldn’t cut off. I finally cut the power source and waited a few before cutting the source back on. My computer didn’t reboot. I stared at a black screen for 15 minutes before calling the IT guy. Shoot! I hate computer problems. The IT guy came by and did a few tricks.

Nothing.

He wrinkled his brow and finally decided to take my junk back to his lab for tests.

Great. *sigh* I spent the remainder of the day cleaning my desk, strolling around the office, bothering my co-workers who were trying to work, and watching the clock. By the end of the day, I still had no computer. I figured he’d be done before morning.

Wrong.

I spent the entire first half of today thumbing through magazines and re-organizing my pencils. It was a mess. I was sooooo happy when he came back carrying my PC. Only…it wasn’t my PC.

Please don’t tell me I lost everything!!!

Good news is that he took my hard drive from my old computer and put into this new one. So I have all my pics, and files… and documents.


Whew!

So I’m finally back in business. Hooray!

Of course my first order of business was to blog. Not that I have much to blog about. But do I ever? lol

The weekend was cool. Usher moved Friday.
I doubt he reads my blog, but it almost felt like he did. He asked me Thursday night if I wanted to come when he moved his stuff. Not that I could help much anyways because I’m a little wuss when it comes to moving heavy furniture…but the fact that he asked made me feel… Special. *blushing*

I asked him what time he was going and prepared myself to go in to work early so that I could take off early without having to use any of my personal time (PTO days).

I get home around 1:30pm and change into something more comfortable. I figured I could lend a hand once he’s moved in by decorating or cleaning, or helping him with his clothes. I sit in my recliner and look out the window. It is such a beautiful day. Perfect weather for moving. My place is quiet except for the faint chirps from birds outside. I open a book and continue where I left off the day before. I am zapped out of my story an hour later by my cell. A breathless Usher asks me if I can hurry to his old apartment asap! I fling my book, pick up my keys and cell and quickly dash out the door. I had no idea that the rest of the day was going to go just like that. I probably used an entire tank of gas that evening: His old place, back to my place, to his friends place, to his new place, to his Mom’s house, back to his old place, to his friends place, back to my place, to his friends place again, and finally…his new place. CRAZY!

Anyways, upon getting to his place the first time, we sit in the office as a heavy set older lady begins skimming through the lease papers. She looks from me to him as she explains things. While he’s signing the papers she studies me for a second.

“You guys make a really nice couple. But if he gives you any trouble, you let me know. I’m an ex-marine.” She says sternly, then allows a haggard smile to creep to the left side of her lips.

She walks us over to his new place and gives us a quick walk through of the place. It was spacious. Upstairs and down. Nice floorplan. I thought to myself.

“Okay sir, if you’ll sign here stating that we did a walk through today, I’ll give you your keys and we’re done” She said.


It was already close to 5 and my stomach was growling. I hadn’t eaten anything all day!
We’re in my old 'hood now, so I know where all the good spots are. I planned to take him to get some fried fish as soon as everything was moved in.

“Here Sway.” Usher said as he held 2 keys out to me. “In case I lock myself out or something.” He smiled jokingly.

I smiled back.

I wasn’t expecting keys. I figured he’d give his extras to his best friend. I’m always talking about how gay they are and how they are really the ones in the relationship. But nevertheless, I got the keys. Maybe things are changing after all.

We move in the small stuff while waiting on his cousin to come and help with the bed and living room suites.

The cable guy came while they were moving and so did Usher’s friend Mike. He already had a party going on and hadn’t been in his new place for a good 3 hours yet.

Around 7:30, I thought I was going to die of hunger. His friend and cousin finally left after Usher had everything situated perfectly and the cable was up and running.

“I know you hungry, but I gotta go by my momma’s house to pick up something. We can go to that fish and shrimp spot I told you about last time. Is that cool?”

All I heard was fish and I was sold.

We drive 30 minutes to his folks house and they were eating tuna sandwiches.

“If I knew ya’ll were coming, I would have cooked something.” His mom says while fixing us both a sandwich. I was grateful.


We all chatted for a while and finally we were on our way. I could taste the fish as we head towards the restaurant.


Closed.


Dang we must have stayed at his folks house longer than we thought. We finish running errands and finally ordered Chinese food later on that evening.
As we settled down, we realized that none of us remembered to get soap. Before long, we had a whole list of things he needed and we found ourselves at Club Walmart at 2:30 in the morning. To make it even worse, there was actually a line.

“Dang, why everybody out this late?” I mumble while frowning at the massive lines bulging from both open lanes.

We fight to stay awake and finally make it back to his place.

“So you wanted to spend your first night here with me huh? You can’t keep away can ya?” I joke.

As soon as our heads hit the pillow, we are both out like a light. He had work the next day, and I was heading to my folks house to spend the day with them. I’ve decided to move back home and save some money once my lease is up. Renting sucks. I figure next time I move, it’ll be into my own house. At least that’s my plan.

People always say, “If you wanna hear God laugh, tell Him your plans.”
We’ll see. *shrug*

Saturday came and went way too fast. I skipped Church on Sunday. I was supposed to go visit Free Spirit, but felt the weight of the last few days pressing on me. I needed a day of rest. What better day than Sunday.

I really enjoyed my “me” time. I love living alone. And just think, Usher and I actually discussed moving in together last year. Like…he was...uh...we were serious. I found out a lot about myself after that conversation because contrary to how I thought I’d feel if he ever asked me to move in, I was really apprehensive about it. I guess I realized that I’m not ready for that yet.

Well…I’ve lollygagged long enough. Guess I need to get to work. Later.