Holiday Teasing

Thursday Dec 27th, 2007
6:45pm
Cell rings.


Cousin: Hey girl. What u doin?

Me: Nothing much. Enjoying my time off. I love not having to work!

Cousin: So we still on for tonight?

Me: racking my brain trying to figure out what she’s talking about. Ummm…

Cousin: I KNEW you were gonna forget! Girl, we supposed to be going to the strip club tonight!!

Me: Oh yeah. I was so not excited. Okay I did forget. What time again?

Cousin: I’ll be over there at 8. Be ready. Click.

Dang. How do I get myself into these things? I don’t feel like doing anything really. Especially giving some stinky sweaty men my money. But…I remember telling her I’d go. She was soooo excited that I can’t back out now.

I sigh and continue watching TV until I hear a knock on my door.

She here already? I look at the clock. 8:07pm. Wow. Time flies.

She comes in and heads straight to the refrigerator as usual. That girl can eat. I’m so jealous. When I eat, it goes to my stomach and back. When she eats… straight to her butt. Not cool!

Anyways… she helps me pick out an outfit while showing me the two she brought over. She settled on a red velvet cat suit. It was tight. Literally. I doubt she could sit with out bursting out of it. She picked me out a black mini skirt, my long black and silver baby phat boots and a silver low cut top. I was kind of self conscious. I haven’t worn a mini skirt in 5 years. She did our hair and chatted about how much fun she had last time she was there.

We finally finished and headed to the club. It was a homely place located in the shopping center I drive by all the time. I never knew this place existed…and I’ve gotten my hair done two doors down.

We get there and she whips out her cell. “You here yet?” She purrs into the phone. She and her best friend are so gay!! Okay not really, but they act like it sometimes. I’ve never had a female best friend so I don’t know what it’s like to be that close. Mika waves to us from her car, which is parked behind us, and we head inside.

The place was dark, but it was a nice group of people there. We got there early so that we didn’t have to pay the $10 cover charge.

“You want some wings?” My cousin shouts over the music. A DJ was in a high booth across from the red restroom sign.

“Naw, I’m good.” I yell back. I wasn’t too fond of the idea of eating while men fling the body parts over my plate.

We find a table dead center. Wow. We’re not going to miss anything huh? I sit down and look around. I see women. All shapes, sizes, looks. Some looking like they just came from a science convention, others look like they may be going on stage right after the men. It was funny to see how no one really wanted to look anyone else in the eye. As if we all thought it was dirty to be in here.

My cousin came back with an apple martini.
“I know it’s your favorite” She smiles. “Besides they’re $3!!”

I laugh.

“Thanks girl.” I say before Eve’s “Tamborine” song comes on. Something about that song makes me crazy! I can’t just sit and not dance to it. I try to keep my composure, but my cousin is the poster child for fun.

“Sway let’s dance!” She says while gyrating her hips. She loves to be the center of attention. And when we’re out, I always let her. I shake my head and nudge her to do her thang by herself.

I sip on my martini and loosen up a bit. The DJ continues to play some upbeat tunes and I find it harder and harder to sit. I get up and do a cute little two step by my chair. She immediately steps her game up. She’s dippin low and playing with the zipper on her catsuit. Some of the ladies at the other tables look at us like we’re crazy and quickly look away.

Mika comes back from the bar and asks us if we want to take pictures. I shake my head no, but before I could even mouthed the words, they both were pulling me to the corner of the club. There wasn’t a line. I’m guessing no one really wanted to take a picture with an airbrushed “Atlanta” backdrop. Oh how I’ve laughed at those people who put those type of pictures up on their web pages. Now I’m one of those people. Sigh.

“Hey ladies. Ya’ll look good tonight.” A toothy, coffee colored man beamed. “Ya’ll gonna take pictures together or separate? They’re $5 a piece.”

“TOGETHER” we exclaimed.

My cousin positioned herself in the middle of course. We posed and he snapped.

“I don’t like that one. My gut is hanging out. I gotta suck it up.” My cousin said.

Um…what gut? I wanted to say looking at myself in the picture. We took it over again and she was happy.

By the time we got to our table, Mika’s wings were there. They smelled GOOD!

“Want one?” She said as she bit into a wing.

I thanked her as I hungrily took a drumette and consumed it.

Yeah. I’mma need my own order. I'll be done way before the men come out! We ate and drank. I personally had 2 apple martini’s, a strawberry daiquiri, and a margarita. Sad thing is…I drank the least.

By the time the strippers err…exotic dancers (as they like to be called) came out, we were all very tipsy.

Can I just say…. I have a new appreciation for dancers. They did things I never knew was possible. At times I wanted to close my eyes. I’m too young to see this!!! Other times, I couldn’t close my mouth. Oh, I GOTTA see this.

During one of the mediocre dances, a short buff dude made his way through the tables passing out his card. Apparently he was scheduled to dance the next week and wanted everyone to come back to support him. He had smooth skin and bright eyes. If he was anything like the guys I’d seen tonight, I was going to make it my life’s goal to get back here next week. I looked at his card.

“Desire.” It read. I gave him another glance and got back to my girls. We danced more than the dancers.

As the night went on, my cousin became more and more drunk. I think she enjoyed the attention. The more she talked, the more people laughed…and strangely… the more she sounded like Elmo. I’ve never heard someone morphing into Elmo before. It was quite odd.

At the end of the night all the women went on stage to shake their groove thang. One by one, the place started emptying. About 2:30 in the morning, a regular at the club, my cousin, Mika and I were the only ladies left. They had turned the lights on and everything. But we were tipsy! We didn’t care. We had fun all by ourselves. And they had the nerve to have mirrored walls. Pffh. If they kept playing music, we were going to continue to dance. Although I'll admit, by the last song I soooo was tired. My bangs stuck to my sweat-ridden forehead. My feet hurt from those boots. And my thighs were cramping from all the dippin I had done in the last hour and a half.

The picture man was still smiling at us as he packed his equipment.

“Ya’ll sure do like to have a good time.” He said to me as I plopped down in one of the chairs and waited for my drunk friends to finish flirting with the strippers.

“Yeah. Every once in a while it’s nice to let your hair down.” I smiled back.

“I’m Brian by the way.” He extended his hand towards me.

I took it. “Sway.”

I looked around to find my cousin and Mika. I was quickly regretting that I rode with her. The last thing I saw her do was unzip her catsuit all the way down to her navel. She and Mika went to the VIP room with some of the guys.

Times like this I remember why we don’t hang out much. People usually group us together even though we’re nothing alike.


Brian chatted it up with me as the remaining club workers scurried around and cleaned up. He was a personal trainer and did photography on the side. He said that he’d been watching me all night and liked how I could balance having fun and not being too out there.

I knew it was a stab at my friends, but what could I say.

A few minutes passed and my drunk friends came from out of the VIP room. Desire had them both by the arms and looked me in my eyes while telling me that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea for either of them to drive. I agreed. I was tipsy…but nowhere near tore up.

I called my cousin’s “friend” to come get us and he graciously took all three of us home. I was dropped off first and you wouldn’t believe how grateful I was to get into my bed. I didn’t even shower first. Nasty! I know. lol

I was awakened by my cell phone. It was 10:30am and I was perplexed at the idea that someone would call me before noon. I didn’t recognize the number.

“Hello?” I said agitated.

“Wake up Beautiful! It’s a wonderful morning!” A loud chipper voice boomed in my ear.

Ugh! Why is this person so freakin loud!

“Who is this” I snapped. Anyone who knows me, KNOW I don’t play about being awakened for foolishness.

“Briiiiian! The Pictureman!” I could hear him smiling. That’s amazing.

But what’s even more amazing is how the heck Briiiian got my number! I didn’t give it to him.

To be continued...