Holiday Date

Friday Dec 28th, 2007
continued...

“Ummmm. Hooow did you get my number?” I questioned.

“Your cousin gave it to me.” He said confidently.

Great! So he has both of our numbers??? WTH?

As if sensing my confusion, he began explaining that she had took a few more “provocative” pictures towards the end of the night and he wasn’t able to develop them then. She gave him her number so she could pick them up at a later time. Apparently he called her this morning to tell her that her pictures were ready and to ask for my number.

I should kill her.

“Oh. Okay?” I said impatiently. I am soooo irritated at my cousin. And his chipperness was not helping.

“Well, I was wondering if you were busy tonight. I’d love to take you out.” He shouted.

Why is this dude so LOUD!!!

“Well I dunno…” I started. But I couldn’t really make up a good lie.

“Aww. Come on Sway. It’ll be fun. We’ll just go out and have some fun. Nothing heavy.” He beamed.

“Ummm…well call me later. I’m still sleep now. I won’t remember this convo very well.”

He said okay and we hung up.

After immediately calling my cousin and chewing her out, I decided that I couldn’t sleep anymore. I hate when my sleep is interrupted. I walk over to my venetian blinds and let the sunshine overtake my living room. Wow…what a beautiful day. I squinted as I looked out my windows at the cars driving by.

I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go out on a mini-date. Besides, I need to get my mind off of Usher. Since Christmas, he’s been calling. He knows how upset I was about Miss. Semi-Naked Girl on his phone. I guess he was just trying to get back in my good graces. That’s what I hate about loving someone. Even though I know he’s lying and I really hate him sometimes, I still really love him…and can’t seem to tear myself away from our usual routines.

I spent the day alone, pondering all of the craziness that is my life for the last month or so, and I feel empty. I was not happy. I hated feeling so disconnected from God. I hated not having a Church home. I hated loving a man that showed ambiguous emotions towards me. I felt so alone. Especially after last night.

Going out for a night on the town with my girls always seem to remind me of the fact that I come home to an empty place. I guess because all my friends have someone waiting for them at home and I always notice that when it’s time to end our festivities, they all seem genuinely happy to do so. I never really am.

My place is a mess still! I have been procrastinating all week about cleaning. And today would be the perfect time to get things in order. I began to clean and talk out loud to God about how I’m feeling. After pouring out my heart I feel a bit lighter. Just a bit. Before long, Brian calls back and I agree to meet him at Barnacles (not the same one as this incident). I take a long, hot shower and take my time getting ready for this date. I have no real interest in him, but I felt like this was a good step towards moving on. I had to start going out…right?

I throw on some jeans and a black fitted shirt with a big black belt. I swear I’d wear that belt everyday if I could. It fits perfectly over my midsection and it gives me the appearance of having an hour glass shape. lol

He wasn’t that tall was he? I ponder this while trying to decide on heels or flats.

Flats!

I put on some black atheleisure shoes and was on my way. He was outside when I pulled up.

Wow. He’s definitely more ripped than I remember. He was dressed in one of those black body shirts which I hate on men. But he actually filled his out, so I was cool with it. He had on a button down shirt over it… opened of course, so you could see his mucsles bulging from his body shirt…and some jeans.

“Heeeeey Beautiful!” He exclaimed. That man knows he loves to smile.

We hug and walk in together. The place was packed. What did I expect…it WAS Friday night!

We find a table and he asks me if I want a drink. I declined. I’m really not that big of a drinker… but I guess he wouldn’t know that from the way I was guzzling them down the night before.

I look around while he looks at the menu. Dang there’s a lot of men here!! Now I’m wishing that I came here with my girls. That’s the thing about going out on dates with people you’re not really interested in… you always find someone else while you’re out that you wish you were with instead.
I felt guilty for checking out the guys while he was in front of me…so I directed my attention towards him.

“So…Brian…what else do you do besides pick up women at the strip club?” I joke.

We began chatting for a while. We ordered, ate, and he drank a few beers.
While with him, I kept thinking to myself, he reminds me of someone.

By the end of the night… I knew. He was the real live version of the UBS guy (Phil LaMarr) from Mad TV. lol














He was fidgety. He couldn’t just sit and talk. He was loud, and moving around and tapping the table… it was a mess! lol

After we ate, he suggested that we go somewhere where we can be a little more active. He admitted that he was a very hyper person. (gee…really? lol) I told him that I couldn’t stay out too long because my girlfriends and I were getting up early tomorrow for a late Christmas surprise.

He looked as if he didn’t believe me, and reluctantly said okay.

We danced for a while at a place call Chit Chat. They had a house band that was straight rocking! I’m definitely into old school music, so I enjoyed myself. I must admit that all the dancing the night before had taken a toll on my body and I couldn’t get down as much as I wanted to. He was a wierd dancer. Not bad really, just wierd. He kept holding his shirt out while he danced. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with that. Are you gonna wrap me up in your shirt dude? Are you taking it off? No wait, you're putting it back on. Um... what you want me to feel your stomach? Wait, what are you doing?

Before long, it was getting late…and I really did need to get home. My girlfriend from New York was in town and had a surprise planned for 3 of my other girlfriends and I. She wouldn’t tell us what it was but I kinda had a clue. Her “surprise” required us to be at a certain address at 8:00 in the morning. Ya’ll KNOW I wasn’t feeling that! That means I have to be up at about 6:30am on a SATURDAY??? Only for her. lol

I told Brian that I had a nice time. I did. We hugged and I was relieved that he didn’t try to kiss me or convince me to come to his place. Maybe he realized that there was no chemistry between us too.

As I got in my car, I saw that I had 4 missed calls. One was from one of my friend who left a voicemail asking about tomorrow’s logistics. The other three were from the same number. I didn’t know who the number belonged to…and they didn’t leave a message. Hey…whatever!

I went home and was pleased when I walked in and remembered how nice my place looks when it’s clean.

I smiled as I went to bed. I can’t wait until tomorrow! I love my girls! I thought.


To be continued…

Holiday Teasing

Thursday Dec 27th, 2007
6:45pm
Cell rings.


Cousin: Hey girl. What u doin?

Me: Nothing much. Enjoying my time off. I love not having to work!

Cousin: So we still on for tonight?

Me: racking my brain trying to figure out what she’s talking about. Ummm…

Cousin: I KNEW you were gonna forget! Girl, we supposed to be going to the strip club tonight!!

Me: Oh yeah. I was so not excited. Okay I did forget. What time again?

Cousin: I’ll be over there at 8. Be ready. Click.

Dang. How do I get myself into these things? I don’t feel like doing anything really. Especially giving some stinky sweaty men my money. But…I remember telling her I’d go. She was soooo excited that I can’t back out now.

I sigh and continue watching TV until I hear a knock on my door.

She here already? I look at the clock. 8:07pm. Wow. Time flies.

She comes in and heads straight to the refrigerator as usual. That girl can eat. I’m so jealous. When I eat, it goes to my stomach and back. When she eats… straight to her butt. Not cool!

Anyways… she helps me pick out an outfit while showing me the two she brought over. She settled on a red velvet cat suit. It was tight. Literally. I doubt she could sit with out bursting out of it. She picked me out a black mini skirt, my long black and silver baby phat boots and a silver low cut top. I was kind of self conscious. I haven’t worn a mini skirt in 5 years. She did our hair and chatted about how much fun she had last time she was there.

We finally finished and headed to the club. It was a homely place located in the shopping center I drive by all the time. I never knew this place existed…and I’ve gotten my hair done two doors down.

We get there and she whips out her cell. “You here yet?” She purrs into the phone. She and her best friend are so gay!! Okay not really, but they act like it sometimes. I’ve never had a female best friend so I don’t know what it’s like to be that close. Mika waves to us from her car, which is parked behind us, and we head inside.

The place was dark, but it was a nice group of people there. We got there early so that we didn’t have to pay the $10 cover charge.

“You want some wings?” My cousin shouts over the music. A DJ was in a high booth across from the red restroom sign.

“Naw, I’m good.” I yell back. I wasn’t too fond of the idea of eating while men fling the body parts over my plate.

We find a table dead center. Wow. We’re not going to miss anything huh? I sit down and look around. I see women. All shapes, sizes, looks. Some looking like they just came from a science convention, others look like they may be going on stage right after the men. It was funny to see how no one really wanted to look anyone else in the eye. As if we all thought it was dirty to be in here.

My cousin came back with an apple martini.
“I know it’s your favorite” She smiles. “Besides they’re $3!!”

I laugh.

“Thanks girl.” I say before Eve’s “Tamborine” song comes on. Something about that song makes me crazy! I can’t just sit and not dance to it. I try to keep my composure, but my cousin is the poster child for fun.

“Sway let’s dance!” She says while gyrating her hips. She loves to be the center of attention. And when we’re out, I always let her. I shake my head and nudge her to do her thang by herself.

I sip on my martini and loosen up a bit. The DJ continues to play some upbeat tunes and I find it harder and harder to sit. I get up and do a cute little two step by my chair. She immediately steps her game up. She’s dippin low and playing with the zipper on her catsuit. Some of the ladies at the other tables look at us like we’re crazy and quickly look away.

Mika comes back from the bar and asks us if we want to take pictures. I shake my head no, but before I could even mouthed the words, they both were pulling me to the corner of the club. There wasn’t a line. I’m guessing no one really wanted to take a picture with an airbrushed “Atlanta” backdrop. Oh how I’ve laughed at those people who put those type of pictures up on their web pages. Now I’m one of those people. Sigh.

“Hey ladies. Ya’ll look good tonight.” A toothy, coffee colored man beamed. “Ya’ll gonna take pictures together or separate? They’re $5 a piece.”

“TOGETHER” we exclaimed.

My cousin positioned herself in the middle of course. We posed and he snapped.

“I don’t like that one. My gut is hanging out. I gotta suck it up.” My cousin said.

Um…what gut? I wanted to say looking at myself in the picture. We took it over again and she was happy.

By the time we got to our table, Mika’s wings were there. They smelled GOOD!

“Want one?” She said as she bit into a wing.

I thanked her as I hungrily took a drumette and consumed it.

Yeah. I’mma need my own order. I'll be done way before the men come out! We ate and drank. I personally had 2 apple martini’s, a strawberry daiquiri, and a margarita. Sad thing is…I drank the least.

By the time the strippers err…exotic dancers (as they like to be called) came out, we were all very tipsy.

Can I just say…. I have a new appreciation for dancers. They did things I never knew was possible. At times I wanted to close my eyes. I’m too young to see this!!! Other times, I couldn’t close my mouth. Oh, I GOTTA see this.

During one of the mediocre dances, a short buff dude made his way through the tables passing out his card. Apparently he was scheduled to dance the next week and wanted everyone to come back to support him. He had smooth skin and bright eyes. If he was anything like the guys I’d seen tonight, I was going to make it my life’s goal to get back here next week. I looked at his card.

“Desire.” It read. I gave him another glance and got back to my girls. We danced more than the dancers.

As the night went on, my cousin became more and more drunk. I think she enjoyed the attention. The more she talked, the more people laughed…and strangely… the more she sounded like Elmo. I’ve never heard someone morphing into Elmo before. It was quite odd.

At the end of the night all the women went on stage to shake their groove thang. One by one, the place started emptying. About 2:30 in the morning, a regular at the club, my cousin, Mika and I were the only ladies left. They had turned the lights on and everything. But we were tipsy! We didn’t care. We had fun all by ourselves. And they had the nerve to have mirrored walls. Pffh. If they kept playing music, we were going to continue to dance. Although I'll admit, by the last song I soooo was tired. My bangs stuck to my sweat-ridden forehead. My feet hurt from those boots. And my thighs were cramping from all the dippin I had done in the last hour and a half.

The picture man was still smiling at us as he packed his equipment.

“Ya’ll sure do like to have a good time.” He said to me as I plopped down in one of the chairs and waited for my drunk friends to finish flirting with the strippers.

“Yeah. Every once in a while it’s nice to let your hair down.” I smiled back.

“I’m Brian by the way.” He extended his hand towards me.

I took it. “Sway.”

I looked around to find my cousin and Mika. I was quickly regretting that I rode with her. The last thing I saw her do was unzip her catsuit all the way down to her navel. She and Mika went to the VIP room with some of the guys.

Times like this I remember why we don’t hang out much. People usually group us together even though we’re nothing alike.


Brian chatted it up with me as the remaining club workers scurried around and cleaned up. He was a personal trainer and did photography on the side. He said that he’d been watching me all night and liked how I could balance having fun and not being too out there.

I knew it was a stab at my friends, but what could I say.

A few minutes passed and my drunk friends came from out of the VIP room. Desire had them both by the arms and looked me in my eyes while telling me that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea for either of them to drive. I agreed. I was tipsy…but nowhere near tore up.

I called my cousin’s “friend” to come get us and he graciously took all three of us home. I was dropped off first and you wouldn’t believe how grateful I was to get into my bed. I didn’t even shower first. Nasty! I know. lol

I was awakened by my cell phone. It was 10:30am and I was perplexed at the idea that someone would call me before noon. I didn’t recognize the number.

“Hello?” I said agitated.

“Wake up Beautiful! It’s a wonderful morning!” A loud chipper voice boomed in my ear.

Ugh! Why is this person so freakin loud!

“Who is this” I snapped. Anyone who knows me, KNOW I don’t play about being awakened for foolishness.

“Briiiiian! The Pictureman!” I could hear him smiling. That’s amazing.

But what’s even more amazing is how the heck Briiiian got my number! I didn’t give it to him.

To be continued...

Merry Christmas

Tuesday Dec 25th
Christmas Morning

"MERRY CHRISTMAS BABYGIRL! " My dad yells from the hall.

Wow, he’s in a good mood. He didn’t really want to go the mountains either so I guess he’s happy now. We usually go to Church on Christmas Day but since our cabin plans fell through at the last minute and we don’t have a Church home anymore, we slept in for the first time ever.

I look around and find my phone. It’s 12:22pm. Dang we slept late.

I slowly edge out of the bed, nursing my sore body. That old mattress is the worst! I can’t believe I used to sleep so peacefully on it.

I open my door to see my fully dressed dad snapping pictures of me in my ragedy pj’s.

"Merry Christmas daddy." I say grouchily, even though I’m not.

I give him a hug and head to the bathroom to make myself presentable.

My mom was preparing for our family dinner when I finally came downstairs. I was planning to leave in about 2.5 hours and I hadn’t even told her yet. Our dinner was at 3pm. I figured I’d stay until 3:30…get to Usher’s folks house at about 4:05... mingle for an hour…and come on back home. My folks would be good and full and ready to play some games. It could definitely work!


“What?” My mom said all confused. She gets these wrinkles in the middle of her forehead when she frowns. “Why are you going over Usher’s folks house? Ya’ll broke up!”

“I know ma.” How could I explain this when I honestly didn’t have a rational answer myself. “He invited me and…his momma has a gift for me… I’ll be back before you know it. I’m only gonna be there for a minute. Promise!” I plead with her.

I give her my “babygirl” look and she softens.

“Alright. But don’t be staying over there all night. We got all these people coming over here.”

Whew! I continue helping her prepare for the dinner I’m getting ready to miss and time starts to fly. We hadn’t even opened our gifts! I gather my parents downstairs and we do our gift exchange. Everyone was happy! I got everything I wanted. Well almost. My parents couldn’t buy me a good man. Guess I'll have to wait for that one. We finish opening our gifts and realize that it’s 3:15. I should have known my family wouldn’t start on time. Not one person was there! I can’t wait for them. I headed upstairs and changed. By the time I put on my new stretch jeans, winter white sweater with matching winter white boots and applied my makeup, it was 3:34pm. I rush down the stairs and tell my mom that this is even better.

"Since no one is here yet, you guys will start late, which will give me more time to get on back before ya’ll even finish dinner! "

I was happy! I am making this work! I rush out the door to my car and see the first few cars pulling up.

I wave excitedly to my family, wish them a merry Christmas, and zoom off!

When I get out of my parents subdivision, I see that I have a voicemail message.

“Call me when you get this.” Usher said.

I hit him back immediately.

“Hey, I’m on my way to your folks house now.” I breathlessly blurt in to the phone.

“Um…can you stop by and pick me up. I figured that if you have to leave early, that will give me an excuse to leave early too. Plus you gotta pass me to get to her house.”

“Aight, I’ll be there in a few.”

This whole thing is getting way to couple-y for me. I don’t know what to think.

We get to his aunt’s house at the same time his sister and parents do. It’s 4:07pm. We’re all late…but not as late as my family. lol

Just as he said, everyone was so happy to see me. I fought to push back tears, knowing this is probably the last time I’ll see them. I really love his crazy family.

Dinner was nice. A lot of trash talking. A lot of laughs. I really enjoyed myself. Except for the fact that dinner wasn’t served until 6. Yes SIX! I ate and they passed out presents. Before I know it…it’s 8pm.

“Where are you?” My mom screamed in the phone. She was very agitated. “Do you know what time it is? Everybody’s waiting on you?”

“Um…I know. I’m still here. I’ll call you on my way back.” I say cautiously. Everyone in Usher’s family was eavesdropping on my convo.

“You’ve been gone 5 HOURS! You don’t wanna come home?” My mom snapped.

“Not yet.” I said pleasantly. I wasn’t gonna do this with her in front of everybody.

“Aight. Fine.” She hung up with a loud click.

She’ll be aight.

Usher knew I needed to get home, so he started wrapping things up there.

As we were hugging everyone, his mom hugged me tightly and whispered “I love you, Sway. You will always be family to us. You hear me?”

“Thanks” was all I could manage to say without bursting into tears. I really thought I'd be apart of their family one day.

We get in the car and I get ready to call my mom. Usher’s phone is in the place I usually keep my phone and I flip his phone open by mistake.

A half naked woman stared back at me.

“Who is this?” I say shocked. The last thing I expected to see was this.

“Who is who?” He says looking over at me, then seeing that I had his phone flipped open looking at his screensaver.

Usher always remains calm. That’s what makes him a pretty good liar. He scoops his phone out of my hand and looks at his own screensaver as if he had no idea who was on there.

He really thinks I’m dumb huh?

“Sway, she’s no one in particular.” He says casually and puts his phone back in the place where I picked it up from.

“No one in particular?” I repeat back with much skepticism in my voice. I looked at him like he was crazy, then shrugged. I had to remember, I’m not his girlfriend anymore. What does it matter?

We got back to his house about 20 minutes later and he hugged me as I got out of the car to go to the driver’s side.

“Just for the record Sway, I know that I don’t have to tell you this, but it’s not what you think. The girl on my phone is named Tequana Pettiford. We work together. I’m not dating her, I’m not having sex with her, NOTHING. She just asked me to put her pic on my phone and she comes by my desk to check and see if it’s on there. That’s all.” He says.

I MUST look stupid. While remaining calm makes him a good liar, logic makes him a bad one.

You mean to tell me that we dated seriously for almost two years and you wouldn’t even put my pictures up on your nightstand in the privacy of your own home even after me asking you too on many occasions, but this chick whom you’ve known for less than 3 months tells you to put her picture on a phone you flip open 2043280938 times a day and you do it? That’s nothing? She means nothing? Really? And ya’ll aren’t attracted to each other? So your co-worker sends all the men in the office half naked pictures of herself? And they all put her on their screensaver? That’s what co-workers do huh? Riiiiiight.

I smell BS.


I look at him. Smile. And get in my car. In my mind, he just made it very clear to me that we are not together.

I drive off speedily, hoping that my family was still at my house.

I get home around 9. I burst in the door to find everyone laughing and having a good time.

I smile. I should have been here all along. With people who really love me.

My 3 year old cosin Zoe runs to me and gives me the biggest hug.

"I missed you." She says.

I believed her.

I vow to myself to stop believing everything Usher says to me. I vowed to start looking at his actions.
His actions tell me to move on. And I will.

I’ll make sure I’m with my family for New Years.

To be continued...

Life and Death

Life is happening faster than I can type. I have so much to say. So much has happened. So many emotions are surfacing. I wish I could just spend my days writing. I need to get it all out.

I'm sure I will. It's just taking longer than I thought.

Before I leave for the day... I just wanted to update you on something I didn't think could wait any longer.

Although it may be a while before I really write about it, I wanted you to know that the Bishop of the Church I just left (after 15 years)...

DIED friday.

The pastor I spoke of ...his wife...

DEVASTATED.

Please keep her, his children, and the rest of their family and congregation in your prayers.

Holiday Madness (part 2 of ??)

Dec 23rd, 2007 5:20pm

I shut my apartment door and let out a long sigh of relief as I leaned up against it.

Finally home.

My parents act as if they aren’t going to see me everyday all day for the next 5 days in the cabins. I am soooooo not looking forward to this.

I strip off my Church clothes as I make my way to my closet. I hadn’t even started packing yet…and we were supposed to be leaving in a few hours. Church wasn’t that great. We visited a small C.O.G.I.C. Church up the street from my parent’s house. They sang old songs that no one knew but them, and the preacher did a lot of hoopin’ but had no real "message". I knew I should have stayed home and packed like I wanted to.

5 days in a cabin…with 32 other family members. Lord help me.

I begin throwing some things in my suitcase when my phone rang.

“Babygirl?”

“Yeah.” I said back. I was thinking…who else would be answering my phone mom? I live by myself.

“Well I got some news… your uncle just got up to the cabins and the people up there can’t find our reservations. I just wanted to let you know. You might wanna hold off on the packing until they can sort it out.”


“Wow. Okay then. Well just let me know.” I hang up.

YES! I plop down on my couch and begin flipping the stations. I really didn’t want to go in the first place. But I had psyched myself up to make the best of the next few days with my family. I’m sure parts of it would be fun. Plus I was kind of sad for my folks. Mostly everyone was excited about it. I felt bad for feeling relieved.

About an hour later, my mom said that my uncle ‘nem (lol) were heading back home. Apparently they still couldn’t find record of us reserving a cabin. And even if they did, we wouldn’t be able to stay because they were all booked.

Well, I got my wish. No cabins to reminisce about Usher in. Hooray!

I bummed through the rest of the night. Doing nothing but watching tv and eating ice cream by myself.

So this is what it’s like to not have a second job huh?

I like it.


Dec 24th Christmas Eve
10am
Text message

“So how are the cabins?”

I wiped my sleepy eyes and stared at the text again. Usher. He has a way of not calling a lot so I can remember that we’re not together, but calling enough to remind me that he’s still around.

“Didn’t go. I’m @ home.” I text back.

Within seconds my phone is vibrating vigorously.

“So your plans fell through too huh?” He smirks.

“What you mean by ‘too’?” I sit up and prop my pillows on my back. I love not having to get up right when I wake up.

“My daughter’s not coming for Christmas like we planned.”

“What!” I exclaimed. I’m now fully awake. He’s been planning this since last year. “Why isn’t she coming?”

“Well…Her momma tried that fu** sh**. Tambout she’ll let me get my daughter if I think about reconciling with her. She trying to get back together and sh**. I ain’t with that. I done told her. I’m done. So I told her if that was the terms…then I guess I wouldn’t be seeing my daughter. It’s no biggie. I’ve been by myself for Christmas before.” He said non-chalantly.

“That is a mess!” I whispered. I didn’t know what else to say. I know him well enough to know that although he's playing the "I don't care" role, this is really getting to him.

“So you want some company? I got the whole week off. I guess I’ll go to my folks house tomorrow for dinner.” He rambled.

“Uh….sure. Okay.” I scrambled out of bed. I rushed to the living room while we talked. My place was a mess! I worked sooooo hard all last week, then the weekend was spent shopping and hanging out. I hadn’t had time to clean. My half-packed suitcase was still in the middle of the floor.

I have 7 minutes.

I rush to brush my teeth, wash my face and privates and put my hair in a quick puff.

I open the door and hug him. He smelled of nice cologne, mint, and green. I knew he had some on him.

“Hey baby.” He cooed in my ear.

Why does he still call me baby. It's sooooo not what I need to hear when we're no longer together.

“Hey” I coolly replied and sat on the couch.

I still love him. I hate that I’m in love with him.

“So where’s my present?” I joke.

“Right here.” He says pointing to the bag of green he pulls from his pocket.

Very funny. He knows I don’t smoke.

“So you gonna smoke with me today?” He joked.

I have no idea why I said yeah, but I did. I just felt like doing something crazy.
He was stunned!!!!
Actually, I was stunned too. Did I just say that? lol

“For real?” He looked in my eyes…searching for a hint of laughter.

“Yeah. For real. It’s the holidays… I don’t have anything to do. Why not.” I rationalized.

In hindsight, it was a DUMB idea. I guess I’m not as mature as I’d like to think.

So we sat on the couch watching old re-runs of something and got high.

Correction: I got high.

He’s been smoking for almost 20 years. He doesn’t get high anymore. But me… well it was an experience from hell!

I laughed my behind off at absolutely NOTHING for about 15-20 minutes and I really couldn't stop. Like, the more I tried to stop...the funnier everything became. Then I finally came down. But not “down” in the back to normal sense. No, no, no. I mean “down” like… the BLUES down.

A sista was LOW! I started crying uncontrollably. I mean I felt like I was having an outer body experience. I was asking myself “Why in the heck are you crying?” But the more I tried to figure it out, the more I cried.

I finally “came to” and realized I was squeezing the life out of Usher’s waist….as if I didn’t want him to ever leave. I quickly let him go and looked at his face. He had tears on his cheeks too.

“Why are you crying?” I asked him.

His eyes were red and he was staring at the TV.

“Because I know I hurt you Sway.”

That’s all it took to send me over the edge again. I was a wreck. Although we both agreed to stop seeing each other, we both know that it hurt me the most to be put in the situation of letting it go. I'd still be with him if he would just do the one thing I asked him to do. I don’t know how long I cried…or what else was said… or when he left…or how I got to my bed. But I woke up around 6pm. My home phone was ringing.

“Hello”

“Babygirl, you still sleep? What time you planning on coming over here? You know your daddy’s waiting on you to put up the tree!”

“What tree ma?” I question. I was confused. We didn’t have a tree.

“The tree yo’ daddy got today since we're not going to the mountains. We can’t have Christmas here with no tree! Now get up and come on. Bring your clothes 'cause you staying over tonight.”

“Yes ma’am”. I hang up.

Dang!

I get up and feel much better. I guess I slept my high away. I hurriedly pack my stuff and dash out the door.

My parents’ house looked festive. I was just here yesterday and it looked like a regular house. My dad has been busy!

The rest of the night felt like Christmas Eve. I wrapped presents, decorated the tree, sang along to my favorite Christmas tunes, and of course helped my mother cook Christmas dinner.

I get ready to lay down after this long, awkward day and see that I have a text. It was from Usher.

“So, now that you’re probably back to normal, are we still on?”

On? On what? What was he talking about?

“I WILL NEVER SMOKE EVER AGAIN IN LIFE!” I vowed!

“On for what?” I texted.

“For dinner tomorrow. I asked if you’d come to Christmas Dinner with me and my family. You said yes earlier...so?”

Oh no!

I called him. After sitting on my bed for 5 minutes focusing on today’s…now yesterday’s craziness…. I do remember him asking me about going to dinner. I also remember being really serious about going. Dang. This is a dilemma.

So…I’m supposed to tell my family who wants me to be with them that I’m ditching them to go to dinner with a man I’m still in love with but separated from whose family is in denial and wants us to get married. Is that it?

On one hand I really wanna go. I mean, I’ve been down this holiday season because I wanted to spend my Christmas with him, and now I can. But on the other hand, we’re not together and my whole family will be at my parents house…how can I not be there?

“I told my mom and aunt that you were coming with me. They were so happy. I think my mom bought you a present and was gonna mail it to you…but now you can just get it.” Usher said.

“Um…okay. I’m only going to stay for a second because everyone will be at my house, so I gotta get back. I’ll drive myself.” I find myself saying.

We hang up and I drift off to sleep thinking about how to tell my folks that I’m spending Christmas with my ex.

To be continued...

Holiday Happenings (part 1 of ??)

Friday Dec 21st 2:30pm

I slung my bag over my shoulder and looked back at my desk.

Spotless.

I wanted to have a clean desk to come to in the new year. With a sigh, I proceeded down the hall and on my way home for the holidays. Tonight was my last night at Target and only 3 people knew. I’m not sure why I’m so secretive. I didn’t mean for it to be, but, I didn’t want a whole lot of hoopla. I just wanted to sneak out as quietly as I snuck in. Plus, I wasn’t really in a celebrating mood. I’m just not happy. *sigh* Last year this time, Usher and I were getting ready to go to the cabins with my family. We had such a great time together bonding with each other and my family…I know his presence will be missed this year. It’s gotten me quite down. That…coupled with the fact that we spent the entire new years eve/day together. Just us…a bottle of champagne…and events that easily made it one of my most memorable new years ever. How can I top that this year…alone.

I was in full blown depression. Wishing I could click my heels and these next two weeks would be over.

Saturday Dec 22nd

Why are there soooo many people in the freakin mall?

I thought everyone would have purchased their Christmas gifts by now. The only reason my crazy self is just STARTING my shopping is because I’ve been working non-stop for the last few weeks. I don’t have much to purchase this year. And God blessed me to win a $100 gift card from work two days ago. That definitely helps. Maybe I could buy myself a lil something something.

I spent the entire day shopping. I was so tired when I got home, I just flung myself on the bed and sunk in. I barely noticed my cell vibrating on my dresser.

“Hello?” I said.

“Giiirl you sleep?” Shay beemed. “Only you would be in the bed at 8 o’damn clock.”

“I’m not sleep”. I lied. “What’s up with ya”. I stifled a yawn.

“Nothing much. What u doin tonight?” She questioned.

“Girl, nothing. Why?”

“Well I was hoping that you’d go to Barnacles with me. You know I’m leaving for NY next week.” She coaxed.

“For real? Awwww I’m gone miss you girl. Which Barnacles you trying to go to?” I said sitting up and looking at myself in the mirror. I look a hot mess.

“The one on Jimmy Carter. That’s close to you right?”

“Yeah. What time you talking ‘bout?” I knew I needed to shower and brush my teeth.

“9-ish. Is that good?” She aked.

“9 is cool. Call me when you on your way. I’m closer… oh wait…do you need a ride?” I forget sometimes that she doesn’t have a car here.

“ Um naw… uh… actually my friiiiend is coming to get me and um… he’s um…bringing his friend too…so…”

Awww hell. I think to myself.

“…they can like… be our dates for the night. I’ll call you when we get close.” She stumbles.

“Shay I’m gone kill you!” I scream before she says bye and quickly hangs up the phone.

I HATE blind dates. I did damage control by making sure that she told him before we got there that I’m NOT his date… we just all hanging.

I’m SOOOOOOO glad I did.

When I got to the table, I almost did a seamless u-turn right back out that door. I was not feeling what I saw.

This is gonna be a loooong night!

But you know me. I tried to make the best of it. My girl seemed genuinely happy to be out with us, so for that it was all worth it.

I drank a little to help loosen up.

Apple Martini please!

Gulp. Ahhh!

It helped.

I talked to him and found out that he was from Ghana. His family won the lottery and he moved here because this is where everyone told him to come. His friend kept saying how RICH my “date” was… as if that would spark my interest.

Um…no.

We had some wangs (wings) and they were slammin. I feel MUCH better.

This ain’t bad after all.

I felt sorry for our waitress. They were working that poor girl. I was sitting with a bunch of hungry alcoholics.

Um…can you get me a drank please?

Yeah, me too!

Hey wait, when you come back, can you put in an order for more lemon pepper wings?

How much are ya’ll shots?

She earned her tip. I mean we closed the thang DOWN. They were looking at us all cross-eyed because we were the only ones still there. I had to stand up, put on my coat, and wait 2 minutes before anyone else even moved.

All in all, I thought they were a pretty cool group.

Until….

Shay’s friend tells my “date” that he should go back in and kick ole girl in the mouth for what she said.

“What did she say?” Shay asked when we were all walking to our car.

“She was talking to the bartender tam’bout ‘Do you want my dollar too? I have enough to share.’ What she trying to say? That ish ain’t funny”

“Wait, ya’ll only gave her one dollar?” Me and Shay say almost simultaneously.

“Yeah. He (my "date") was supposed to give her the tip. I paid. But still, she ain’t have to say nothing. She act like we was wrong.”

Neegro. Ya’ll WAS wrong.

I couldn’t believe it. I turned around with the intent of giving ole girl a better tip, but they had locked the doors. No one was around.
Dang, that was low. How you gonna run up a hundred dollar tab and give your waitress a dollar? A mess. I was done. Rich my @$$!

I hugged my girl and told her to call me when she got to NY. I was tired. I went home and got ready for Sunday. I had no idea how Church would be nowadays since we’re still visiting. To be honest, I really didn’t want to go to Church at all. We were leaving for the cabins after Service and I had yet to pack. I was hoping to just wake up late and do it.

I guess in hindsight it all worked out the way it was supposed to.

To Be Continued…

I'm BACK!!!

Wow!

What a holiday! This may have been one of the best holiday's yet!!!! Not that much happened... but I don't know. Maybe it was so wonderful because I expected it to be bad.

I mean, I really had low expectations. I was downright not looking forward to it. But I'm so glad that everything worked out right.

Since I decided to come to work today instead of starting back next monday, I figured I'd go ahead and check my 408398434 work emails and get started catching up. But I do plan to give a recap of my holiday.

I hope everyone had a safe and fun holiday too. :)

Later!