Jesus loves the Strippers

interesting story. just wanted to see what you all thought about it.


http://www.beliefnet.com/story/185/story_18586_1.html#cont


Happy Friday!


quote of the day: "don't be sorry ho, be careful" - money mike

Fighting Temptations

9:38 am

I'm walking from the restroom and see this big bowl of laffy taffys, sweet tarts, runts, and bottle caps for the taking. My oh my i have such a sweet tooth!! I grab a few of each and take it to my desk. I'm so hungry. I'll just eat that when i get back...
No wait... I'm fasting today. *having temper tantrum inside*

Okay...i'm good. I'll just put those in my desk and eat them tomorrow. Out of sight... out of mind, right? Whew! Close call. I almost gave up on my vow and it's not even 10am yet.

11:21am

co-worker: guuurl look at this. *bringing me a menu from this jamaican spot* don't that look good! We should go there.

me: *drooling and reading... mmm... chicken pieces shimmered with potatoes in our aromatic curry sauce* Wow... girl that sounds good.

co-worker: Yeah, let's go at noon. You down?

me: *contemplating* Uh... um.. err..see.. well... *looking at the jumbo wings for only $4* How about we go friday? We get paid then and we can really enjoy ourselves cuz...it's friday!

co-worker: Aight. Friday it is. I can't wait.

me: *mumbling* me neither, TRUST me.

12:23 pm
A good friend of mine decides to call on my lunch break... which was cool since i wasn't doing anything anyways... but while we're talking, she's like.. "hold on girl, i'm at burger king"... "uh can i get a whopper with cheese and ..."
LAWD LAWD. Help a sista. lol

1:15pm
I'm thinking YES! I've passed my normal lunch hour. I'm halfway there!! I'm jammin to Launchcast Gospel channel when I smell something AMAZING. I try to ignore it but it's sooooooo strong. *stomach growling* Frank (bka: homegirl), sashays over here and says,
"hey sway, did you eat? there's a TON of food out here, come get some!"

Ahh, so THAT's what I'm smelling. I walk right out of my officle only to find that we have free catered food at the break station which is RIGHT outside my office. And I'm not talking about those cute lil turkey sammiches and chips they usually serve us at meetings. No, No, NO!
I'm talking about salads, rolls, pastas, and some kinda of really delicious looking chicken contraption with sauteed onions, mushrooms, and squash. *drooling profusly* I left immediately. I knew i was in trouble. I came back to my desk to started on this post about my conspiracy theory on food and fasting. But the aroma was getting to me. So this is how a crackhead feels? I gathered. A sista was shakin, and breathin hard. You'd think after fasting for a while you'd get used to not eating... but NO. not.true. lol

Then Frank came around again talkin bout... "girl if you don't GO get some food!!"
So there he is ....at my desk waiting for me to get my tail up. I do. I grab a plate and hook it UP! Get to my desk and stare at it. Moment of truth. Am I gonna just end my fast early and tear into this deliciousness? I began to think, how could this lil stuff have so much control over me? I look at it and smile. When 8pm comes, I'mma tear that food up! lol
I cover it and place it on my desk behind me. Whew. I can't even lick the salad dressing? Man. Aight. I know. I can't. Thanks God for self control.

3:00pm
There's an ice cream social. It seems we ALWAYS have these on the days I decide to fast. lol. It's not quite 3 yet. But I've already decided that I shouldn't even go. I'm not THAT strong! lol

I guess that's why it's better not to even be in the presence of temptation when you can help it. Why do that to yourself? *shrug*

I guess the reason for this post wasn't to share with everyone that i'm fasting... but just to point out how slick the enemy think he is. He's always there to tempt you at your weakest hour. Always trying to make you break your vow to God. To cause you to renege on what you've told God you'd do. He wants to make you a liar. He wants you to bite the hand that feeds you. Oh how many times I've failed the test. I can count the numerous times i've given in with the excuse that "God knows my heart. He'll understand". But not today. I will be strong. I will prove to God that I need Him. That I can be trusted. That my word is bond. That I won't turn back. I'm determined. That even through adversity, He can count on me to do what I said i'll do. And even though this may not seem like much to others in the carnal... the principle is enormous in the spiritual. What I'm standing for goes beyond chicken and ice cream and a laffy taffy. It's about so much more. So I encourage each of you to push the plate back a day or two... pray everytime you feel hungry and think about food. Show God that you care more about what He has to say to you than how good that pasta salad would be going down your belly. A small gesture like that can open up a spiritual blessing like none you've ever imagined. Try it. Then tell me about it. :)

God Bless!

You know how i do...

My goodness it's beautiful today. These past two days has had me excited about the spring. I love warm weather. I guess it's the clothes-hater in me. Coats and sweaters and boots make me VERY irritated. I feel all bulky and restricted. I like to be free. FREE, I say!

It's too bad i haven't been able to go out and enjoy the weather. I can tell it's wonderful out there by looking out of my office window. For the last 30 minutes I've been watching folks stroll, looking at building construction accross the street, and admiring the trees dancing in the light, crisp air. I love looking outside. I always get lost in my thoughts. I looked out today and reminisced about the many phone conversations TG and I had during my lunch hour at that very window seal. I smiled.

Wow. I'm really getting better. Not that i thought I wouldn't. But it's amazing the peace God's been giving me. I agree with our old pastor. It IS much easier to heal and move on without contact. I haven't heard from TG since i told him that Baby was gone.
Of course it did a lil something to my ego that the neegro didn't even call back to see how a sista was, lol.. but i am really glad i don't hear from him or see him. It's easier to move on this way.

Did you know that there are more cars on the road with sunroofs than not?
Okay well... i'm not sure how true that is, but from my year worth of looking down at cars from this window... that's what i've come up with.
Please don't ask why i'm rambling about sunroofs. lol

I dunno. I'm in such a good mood for valentines to have just been tuesday and a sista did nothing but go to dinner with her parents. lol.

I'm actually happy these days. I like it. I'm finally beginning to enjoy life. A sista done got her hair did... nails and toes did... bought a few outfits... and now that the sun's not playing peek-a-boo anymore... I think some new shades are in order. I wanna be straight Diva'd out this spring. Now all i gotta do is get back in that gym. I haven't done a curl or sit up since September and it shows. lol :( But I'm gonna get it together. I'm back people!

The SWAY IS BACK! *running around the office and trying to pop the valentine's day balloons*


WHUUT!!!

You

Fave posted a something last week that pulled at the strings in my heart. I went home and cried for his lost... and for my own.

I never thought i'd publically share this part of my life, but I had to get it out...

This is for you, baby...

Some folks really don't change

Sent: Wednesday, February 8, 2006 3:47:28 pm
To: prvbs31_woman
From: xxxxxxxx xxx
Subject: Anthony Bxxxx

Hi you dont know me but I saw you on anthony friends list. I just wanted to let you know that Anthony Bxxxx is a liar and a cheater. He have 2 kids and live with his baby mother. You may not be messing with him but I am sending this message to everyone he knows. He goes around the net and try to get to know women so he can sleep with them. So please beware of Anthony bxxxx from Arkansas. Lying bastard like him.


This is the email I received yesterday in my yahoo mailbox. Out of curiosity, I looked on Anthony’s yahoo list just to see how many people was on his list and got this message.

53 women.

After laughing for a while, I shook my head in approval. Hopefully this little mass email was effective. I’m sure he was probably messing with at least 30 of them as we speak. Using some for sex. Others for money. Some for both. Some for back ups…since he has to keep his pimp game alive. Wouldn’t want to run out of cash flow…or sex flow. Yup. That’s the Anthony I knew. I figured he would have grown up a bit by now, but it seems that Anthony, my sweet charming Anthony, is the same piece of *insert choice word here* he was when we were dating.

You DO remember Anthony don’t you? AB. Mr. Ethereal. Mr. Prince Charming himself? Or the real him, "Mr. 3rd Least important person i'll ever meet"? Yup. This neegro ain’t changed.

I wanted to put him on blast like this when he hurt me. But I figured vengeance was Gods and I’d let God deal with him. Well this sista said to hell with all that. She gonna do her part to warn other women of him. Hey…I ain’t mad at her. Women need to know about no good people like Anthony. I hope it works though. *sigh*

I remember Anthony all too well. Smooth Talker. Nice lil southern drawl. Very attentive and curteous. The type of man that’ll ask you the right questions to give you the opportunity to start talking and sharing… in turn giving him the opportunity to show you he’s interested, and he’s a great listener. The type of man that tells you instead of coming to his house for a late night dinner and movie (which would lead to some other late night activities) he’d suggest that you two go out to a park and let him read to you his favorite book. He was the type of man that would look at you longingly and run to search his trusty dictionary to find the perfect word to describe you. He was the type of man who would tell you his dreams, his fears, his strengths and his weaknesses.

He was the perfect romancer.

I guess that’s why we ALL loved him. And who was he to turn away such beautiful loving women? *eye roll*

What scares me about this whole ordeal is that now that I’m reminiscing on how smooth, sexy, and laid back he was…I am not so confident that this little email will put an end his game. I hope some of the women will have strong enough will power to resist being sucked back in, but I got this sinking feeling in my stomach that at least half the women on that list will still mess with Anthony. And how many more didn't even recieve this message. I remember the night he accidentally left his phone at the house while driving MY car to the store. It rang so many times back to back that I got irritated and just wanted to see WHO and WHY was this person calling BACK TO BACK TO BACK for someone who obviously isn't gonna answer.

I was so surprised when his missed call list had different phone numbers each time. Going against my "never scroll through my man's phone" rule. I looked in his phone book. To this day, i have NEVER seen that many female names and numbers in my life. I only got to the letter D before he came back home. Anthony is on some ole... Wilt Chamberlin mess.

Either way… I pray for all those who come in contact with him. *lawd help them*
Cuz the sad part is that I know for a fact that what she know is only HALF the story. He had more that 2 kids when I knew him. So I can only imagine what he’s done since then cuz he isn’t too fond of protection …and the neegro won’t be too quick to do a pull out. *letting that sink in* Got-sta be mo’ careful. *smh*


So ladies…Men… I want your honest opinion about this. How do you feel about putting someone on blast like ole girl did? Do you think it was her place to do it? You think she was wrong? Let me know, I’m interested in hearing your opinion.

Sing a little song, Do a little dance, Watch a little FB

Okay its 9:30 on a Monday morning and I’m sitting at my desk looking out the window at the raindrops and bare trees. I’m at peace right now, which is amazing because on my hour+ commute to work today I sprinkled my cheeks with tears. I always feel a little sad after TG calls me. I didn’t answer this time, and I didn’t call him back, which is a good sign I’m getting better. But now I’m at work, and I didn’t want to start the work week off crying…so I sucked it up, walked in …and surprisingly, I feel better.

For the first time in over a year, I’ve finished ALL of my work. I feel…well… who am I kidding… I’m boooooooored!! lol Not in the, “I-hate-that-I-am-here-please-let-me-go-home” kind of bored cuz honestly, I can’t think of one place I’d actually want to be right now. *shrug* It’s okay I guess. I’m content with sitting here. Looking bored. Listening to launchcast. Hoping someone will email me or call... or give me a new project to work on. At least I wasn’t bored this weekend. I actually had a really nice weekend. :)
How about I give you a rundown…

Friday- I went to church. The leader/recruiter in the singing group in which TG and I met and eventually quit wants me to come back to the group now that they’ve heard TG and I are no longer together. I guess they thought that he was somehow manipulating me and making me quit …which was SOOOO not the case. I guess they’ll be surprised next week when I don’t show up for practice. lol Anywho…the leader/recruiter called me a few weeks back and invited me to come to his church on Friday nights. He felt like it would be good for me. I said no thanks for 3 weeks in a row but every week he’d call again. So I finally said okay just to get him off my back. Lord knows I really didn’t want to go. But you know what, I’m sooo glad I did. It was a really small church off of Memorial Drive. I was the first one there besides the Pastor, his wife, and their “I don’t know why but you’re kinda cute to me” son. After 10 minutes or so… people began to fill in and church started. I must say, I really enjoyed myself. I don’t EVER remember a time where I’ve pressed my way to church and wasn’t fulfilled after I got there. I guess that’s what I love about God and church… I am ALWAYS uplifted if I can just get my tail there.

So I go, and I’m very content with sitting in the middle row singing just loud enough that I’m audible to myself and Jesus…when all of a sudden I’m pulled out of my worship experience by someone on the mic beckoning for me to come up and finish the song. Startled by hearing my name, I open my eyes and I make my way up to the front of these familiar strangers and began nervously singing praises to The Almighty. Before you know it, I’m all into it, and I had to practically pull myself away from the mic because I could have stayed up there all night. That’s where I need to be. That’s where I’m comfortable. Singing to my Lord. Being allowed to Bless Him publicly, and also knowing that someone is being blessed by the gift God has given me. It really made me happy.

I thought that was it for the night, but before the Pastor spoke, he called me up to do another selection. I thought I was caught off guard before. *whew* I didn’t even have a song in mind. Then God reminded me of the song He’d given me a few weeks ago. So I found myself singing an original song for the first time for someone other than my reflection and teddy bears. Pastor’s son wasn’t even gonna ATTEMPT to follow me on the board so I was mega comfortable since I’m used to singing with out music anyways. lol.

After that, Pastor brought The Word, which was good. It needs its own post. Remind me to write about it.

I got in line for prayer after the preaching and happened to get the Pastor's Wife. It’s amazing how God works. I love it when He uses people that don’t know me from Eve to speak to me about my current situation. She just began praying for me…then she started to speak to me about my current state of loneliness...and trust me, I didn't look lonely friday night. Ya girl was too cute...and i felt good too...so i really didn't think i gave off the "lonely" or "single" vibe. Then she grabbed my face and said, "Honey, it's got-ta be the right man. You hear me? It's GOT-TA BE THE R-IIIII-G-H-T M-AAAAA-N!! When your husband find you, and HE WILL find YOOOOU! He's gonna find you busy. You'll already be working honey. Let God do it cuz any man just won't do. You are special... don't settle ya hear me..." and you get the picture. And it just really spoke to me because my mom just told me the SAME thing the day before…but it didn’t register as well because she’s my mom. Of COURSE she’s gonna say that. lol But I was able to receive it better from someone that had no idea if I was married or not… lonely or not…looking or not. She said a lot to me that I’d rather keep to myself, but everything she said was on point. I needed that. It refreshed me. I went to bed very grateful for God’s Word.

Saturday was an interesting day. I went to see Alvin Ailey with the ministry TG and I were in together. I knew before hand that women only were going, so I felt better knowing that I didn’t have to see him. I must admit, I LOOOOOVE that church and the people there. I hate that things with TG and I panned out the way they did because I really wanted to continue in that ministry. Everything has it’s time and purpose so I’ll just let God lead me as to what to do about that.

Alvin Ailey was cool. To be honest, it wasn’t my favorite performance from them, but it was good nonetheless. I’m still gonna try to go again next year. It’s becoming a tradition for me. After that, all 28 of us went to Mick’s on Peachtree to sit and run our chatterbox. Of course a lot of the women wanted to know what happened. Only a few asked. lol Most just said they missed me alot and asked where i've been. I guess they wanted me to start spilling my guts but I kept it really simple. I know they’ve all noticed I haven’t been there… and Karen (TG’s new/old woman) HAS been there… from what I’ve heard…sitting in what they have deemed “MY” seat. lol. So of course there were a lot of confused people since TG kinda left it “undone”. I played clean though. I just said I was fine, and TG and I decided to go our separate ways. If I said anything more, he would have been wondering why all the ladies at church were rolling their eyes at him Sunday.

I did confide in the first lady and her neice (which was my dance partner there) a week ago about what REALLY happened.

note: A lot of things I don’t share with you guys (sorry faithful readers) just because I have NOOOO idea who reads this blog and by me not knowing if people i interact with on a daily basis read my blog... i don't feel comfortable sharing ERRYTHANG. lol. There are some things I just don’t want ERRYBODY knowing. If you just REALLY WANNA KNOW...hit me up via email or yahoo IM. end note

However, I shared it all with them. So of course when they did get a chance to chat face to face with me Saturday, they wanted me to know that I will always be a part of that church and it’s just as much my church as it is TG’s. I’m still praying about things because honestly, they want me to continue being in the dance ministry…and I REALLY want to. I just don’t know how that will work out right now, so I told them I want to, but I’m gonna give it a few months first. I want Karen to feel comfortable there…and I want to feel comfortable too…and I don’t think either of us would feel comfortable right now both being in love with the same man.

I was happy we all went out though. It was very nice receiving love from what I still call my church home. Though I’m not there on Sundays physically, I’m there in spirit. And it’s nice to know that people care.

Sunday was WONDERFUL. I can’t even begin to talk about Sunday, but thank you so much to the sweet person I was blessed to have spent time with ( you know who you are). It’s good to have friends that truly care for you and encourage you. It’s good to be able to just be you around folks. I needed that... And I think they did too. I’m glad we could help each other. Plus the steelers won. I’m not gonna front like I am sooo super crunk about it cuz really I don’t care for either team. But I really do like THE BUS ( he looks like my eye doctor) and I wanted to see him get a ring before he retired. So it was a nice ending to a nice day.

Anyways… I’ve managed to waste an hour and a half already (yippee). Now maybe I can walk around the building, use the restroom, play solitaire, eat, and read a few blogs and the day will be over. lol Happy Monday everyone!

Last post about my feelings. I promise! lol

"Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself;I am large, I contain multitudes."
-Walt Whitman


Isn’t it amazing how we are less likely to take our own advice? It always fascinates me on how well I and others can tell someone else what they should do when about a certain situation and when we face the same or similar situation, we are completely lost. lol. I guess it IS true. There is no real reality. There’s only one’s perception of it. And unfortunately our perception is skewed by our past experiences and egocentric attitudes. Meaning… My problems are ALWAYS worse than yours no matter if it’s the same problem simply because they are MY problems. lol

We are soooo self absorbed aren’t we? I find myself in that predicament as I type. One thing I like about myself is my ability to realize my negative traits…laugh at myself… then really work to fix it. I’ve realized that I am SO self absorbed…and what’s even worse than that is that I still don’t listen to my own self. This problem I really hope I fix. I usually find myself in the encouraging position of situations. People come to me with all types of problems and I listen and feel compelled to give them SOMETHING. That’s the reason I became so fixated on Psychological Studies Institute. I wanted to become a Licensed Professional Christian Counselor with emphasis in marriage and family. (try saying that in one breath) And I still do. But it’s amazing that now I’m on the receiving end of the encouragement and words of advice from people I didn’t even know cared. It’s been nice and I must say, everyone has helped me in this long process to recovery and I am so grateful.

However, I’ve learned something about myself. I am very stubborn and hardheaded. When I wanna do something, I do it. And unfortunately, most of the words of advice and encouragement I’ve gotten, while grateful for it, I still felt horrible. I answered his calls, when the leading advice was to have no contact with him for a while. And then I wondered why I felt so bad. lol I’m grieving and moping, and wishing and trying to figure out what went wrong…when EVERYONE including myself has said… to just let it go. God doesn’t make mistakes. God knows what He’s doing. Lean not unto your OWN understanding Sway. I know I know. I hear it. I say it. I even believe it. But I find myself still wondering why? Still crying over old news. Still trying to figure out if I can ever get that back. *sigh* I feel crazy cuz I don’t even take my OWN advice. lol.

I wanna start.

My favorite quote for a broken heart was “Don’t cry because it’s over, Smile because it happened.”

Oh how I loooooove that quote. Oh how I wanted to live my life by that. And I’m trying. When I pray now, I thank God for the small time He allowed TG and I to find true love in each other. Well… I can’t speak for TG. So I thank God for allowing me to experience true love. I have WONDERFUL memories. I wouldn’t change one day with TG. Never have a felt so special and so at peace. Never have I smiled for no reason so much. Never did I praise God for allowing me to feel pure bliss. It was great while it lasted. And my only regret is that I couldn’t put that feeling in a bottle and save it.

But somehow, even after I smile… MY reality set in… knowing that what we had is no more…and the sadness of not having that sometimes overwhelm the fact that I was blessed to have even experienced something as wonderful as that. And in true human fashion, it goes in one ear and out the other when people say that they know exactly what I’m going through. When they say they’ve been here. I know in my head they have…but my heart tells a different story. I feel like no one could possibly know how I feel. I know it is gonna take me longer than a month to get over my true love. I know it’ll sting for a while to know that he’s fine without me. But even grief has its stages. And I really feel like I’m tired of crying. I might still hurt, but I don’t wanna shed another depressed tear for what was. I’m ready to look forward. I’m ready to smile with out immediately crying. I’m ready to accept that THAT particular gift from God was not for a lifetime, it was only for a season. And just because it was for a season makes it no less special, and no less of a blessing.

So, I will try to stop contradicting myself in this area of my life. I will take my own advice. I will smile because it happened. I’m tired of telling folks that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose, then having the audacity to be afraid of what my future will hold. I’m tired of saying that God has so many great things in store for others, and not believing anything better can come along in my life. I can’t believe how many times I’ve told folks not to lean to their understanding but in all ways acknowledge God and He'll direct their path, and I’ve been racking my brain trying to understand WHY things are this way and HOW this could happen. I must believe my own words for my own life. Only then will I be able to have any kind of peace. God’s ways are not like ours. Our understanding is limited. His is infinite. Only God knows why things shifted. And I should leave it to Him to continue guiding me the right way. If and when He decides to reveal it to me, then and only then will I know. So my prayer is to be content not being able to look in the mirror and see what it is God is doing. As long as He’s driving, I know I can’t be lost. I know I’m in safe hands. Now if I can just get that in my heart I'll be great!