Foreshadowing

A week after I wrote my last post, Usher and I parted.

As with any break-up from someone you truly love, this devastated me.

I'd imagine that I'd be a pro with heartbreaks by now, but each time it gets harder and more painful.

This is a man I never thought I would fall in love with. And once I did, I never thought our love would end. Well my love for him still hasn't ended, but our relationship did.

I am not sure how to feel about this. I mean he says it's for our best...and in a way I agree. Everyone knows how crazy our time together was. We was always arguing and trying to get the other to see it our way. But I loved that about us... it was challenging.
Challenging...yet... no love was ever lost. I loved this man so much. Still do. Yet I have to let him go. And I don't really know how. How can you let go of someone who you don't want to let go of? How do I keep it moving knowing that nothing really went wrong to cause us to break up...we just...did?

I hate being so close to him and knowing I can't have him. I hate sitting on the couch where we cuddled on so many times. Cooking in the kitchen he'd sing to me in while I was dishes. I hate laying in the sheets that still smell like him. Looking at the pottery he put his ashes in...driving in and out the complex I moved in just to be closer to him.

It's a nightmare that everywhere I look, everything I hear, every voice I hear reminds me of the love I have for this man that I can no longer express to him.

Lord, I really hope that I recover from this.

This was a turning point for me.

I'm so tired of breaking up.

So tired.