Never know...

Sunday evening
April 23rd


“You’re leaving me now?”

“Yeah” I quietly sighed as I arose from my seat. “I got tickets to this UMOJA concert, so I’ll be back down on Tuesday.”

“Well thanks for coming to see me. I love you.” she said as she smiled and leaned from her hospital bed to give me a hug.

“I love you too Grandma”.

I didn’t want to look at her. It’s something about seeing her here that made my flesh crawl. I don’t hate hospitals or anything, but I dunno… I didn’t want to look at her until she was out of this place. Driving her oh-so-fresh silver 2005 Cadillac, decked out in her “Sunday-Go-To-Meeting” clothes, telling all of us how she wanted us to take her to Red Lobster. For a small lady, Grandma can eat!

I walked out with the intentions of walking back in that room on Tuesday after her surgery and giving her my usual, “Heeeeey Grandma” greeting.

I had no clue that the conversation above would be the last one we’d ever have.

I prayed for her when I woke up last Tuesday morning. I’ve never known anyone who had undergone heart surgery, so I didn’t know what to expect. My mother and her sister had read up on it and was confident that this surgery would end with my grandmother not having to worry about a shortened life due to the heart leakage she was presently experiencing.

I didn’t even know she was ill. The smile she wore and her quiet confidence that awed every woman lucky enough to be graced by her presence would not even allow her to look as if she was not not at the top of her game. My grandmother was tight with hers. If she felt pain, you’d never know.

My mom stayed at the hospital with her Monday night. I called mom when I got to work. Grandma’s surgery was supposed to be at 9am. The prep started at 6am. My mom informed me that Grandma was about to be wheeled in to the operating room in any minute.

I asked my mom how Grandma looked. She replied, “I’ve never seen someone go into surgery as if they are just going on a Walmart run or something. Your grandma is fine honey.”

I smiled. Before I hung up, I told my mom to call me when the surgery was over. The hospital was only 10 minutes away from work, so I figured I could dash on over and be there right when grandma woke up.

Before I knew it, it was noon. No call from mom. I began to wonder what was taking so long. I didn’t know that heart surgeries take about 4-6 hours, so I was buggin. I was watching my phone like a hawk. For the first time, the reality of the situation set in for me.

My SEVENTY-THREE year old grandmother is getting HEART SURGERY! I couldn’t even function. My mouth became dry. I couldn’t take being here not knowing why no one was calling me. I called my mom again at about 12:10. She said they hadn’t heard much yet and that she’d call when Grandma was out. I was okay with that. So I continued to work.

For some reason, at about 3:10, I felt this wave of anxiety overcoming me. Something was wrong. Very wrong.

But….mom would have called if something happened….right?

I dialed my mom’s cell at 3:14pm.

“Ma, is grandma ok?”

“uh…did somebody call you?”

“Huh” I frowned. “naw…why?”

“no one called you?” She asked again.

“Ma. NO! Why?”

“You sure?” she questioned, unbelievingly.

“Yeah, momma why? What’s up.”

“Well…the doctor just came out and told us it’s not looking too well. Just pray for her because the doctor said it will take a miracle for her to pull through this.”

I was crushed. I hung up the phone…and couldn’t sit here any longer.

She’s lying. I thought.

She’s lying…she’s lying…she’s lying.

She’s such a horrible lier. I’m just like her… we can’t hide anything. The truth always seeps through somehow.

I knew my grandmother was gone. She didn't tell me, but i knew.

A rush of tears had flooded my eyes and consumed my cheeks before I could reach for a tissue. I had to go.

I told my new boss that my grandma was at Emory/Crawford Long hospital and that I needed the rest of the day off. I got to the hospital around 3:30 and saw almost ALL of my family down there. I knew by their faces that my suspicions were true.

No more than 10 minutes later, someone came out to tell us that we can view Grandma’s body. I felt so numb. This was like some kind of crazy nightmare. How can she be dead? MY GRANDMOTHER?! No!!

But when I saw her laying there… face swollen from the surgery... Frozen in that last position...I knew it was real. She was gone.

I’ll miss her dearly. But now looking back at all that’s happened since last week this time, I know it was Divine. That was God’s will. It was her time.

She will always be loved and missed, but I’m glad she’s now at peace.

To be absent from the body...is to be present with the Lord.
~2 Cor 5:8

I love you grandma. RIP