You ever feel like you need to write a post for the sole purpose of updating your readers? I mean after all, they come by...so you feel guilty for not having anything for them to read right?
I’ve been feeling like that a lot lately. I mean, I dunno. I have a lot to share…but I’ve shared so much with you guys over the last 3 years that… I feel like I’m all shared out. I’m tired of logging my failed attempts at love… complaining about moving when really, it’s not that hard for me to just do so… making comments about the randomness that goes on in my head. What for? *shrug* Today… blogging seems pointless.
Yet I can’t stop.
Cuz tomorrow I know I’ll feel completely different. So I trudge on… erasing and starting posts over for 30 minutes straight. Then finally giving up and looking for old writings I started but never finished.
I ran across something I probably wrote early February while still dealing with the TG and Baby situation. As much as I’m looking at it like a poem now… I don’t think that was my intent at the time. I just started flowing from where I was with life. I never finished…and honestly, I’m not going to…so it doesn’t really end… but, I figured I’d share it anyways. It still logs how I felt at that moment. After all, that’s why I started blogging in the first place. Right? Right. K, here goes.
Life is….
So unpredictable.
The day you get it together, is the day it all slips away.
Loving the unlovable.
Working the Imposible.
How can I be happy when the very thing I need… is the worse kind of disease.
Eating away at the very core of me.
Being the source of every sore I see.
Love.
I thought I had that ish figured out.
Give it when you want it and it gotta come…no doubt.
I was wrong…very wrong.
That seems to be my M.O. these days.
My certainties in life
Are the very things that go astray.
Life and love.
2 things that constantly bring me pain.
So easy to come forth.
So hard to maintain.
I’m hurt, I’m sad.
I’m confused, I’m mad.
Feel like my heart is experiencing
The worst kind of bad.
The kind where you KNOW ya’ll was right.
You staying up all night…
Trying to figure out how the plight..
Became so wrong.
Became long gone.
Became every sad song
You’ve ever heard.
Every bad sight,
every bad word.
How can a circle end?
How can it end when it didn’t even get a chance to begin.
It’s unfair,
To hurt the way I do.
To love someone so completely
That you’d cut out your own heart if you knew it would bring them to you.
How can I live with out a heart?
I feel like I’m breathing to death.
How can I go with no defined start?
With the way things are, I feel like I’m wasting my breath.
Life is…
So unpredictable.
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