Chaos Perfected

So....it took me FOREVER to remember how to log into blogger.  It keeps wanting me to link with Google and I REFUSE to do that. 

Nope.

No traffic is needed here!  I love having a place I can come and spew out any little thought that passes through this noggin of mine. 

Earlier this year I read through some of my posts and was astonished.  I never realized how young, naïve, and immature I was. lol  I couldn't believe that I felt and thought the way I did.  It's amazing how one can grow and change.

Nevertheless, I appreciate having a tangible way of accessing some of my memories from years past.  I'm so grateful for the experiences and wisdom that life has given me over the years! 

I celebrated my 37th birthday yesterday and I couldn't be happier!  Not because everything is perfect in my life...but more so because I've finally learned to accept things as they are and celebrate the moment.  I feel as though I used most of my vibrant twenties trying to catch love and be hostage to it.  I wanted so badly to be married and have kids....to move out on my own...to loose weight...to "start life" for a lack of a better term.  Of course now I realize that I wasted so many years looking ahead and wishing instead of enjoying the present that laid before me.  Oh if I could turn back the hands of time! *sigh*


Life has taught me that I'm not in control of anything except my reactions to situations in life. 

I've had so many friends pass away around my age that my own mortality frequents my thought more than I would like.  Of course my first reaction is to shake it off.  But the reminder does help me realize how short life can be.  It forces me to be grateful for every single moment on this earth.  It makes me appreciate where I am and what I have.  Living in the moment has helped me embrace the chaos around me and look at it for what it is.  No need to worry.  Experience has taught me that God will always take care of me.  I'm perfecting my perception of chaos and I couldn't have done a better thing for myself! :)


I've decided that I won't apologize for not blogging.

In the past, I'd scold myself for not recording more of my life and giving more updates as I once did.  But I realize that I'm often too busy living to stop and record every little detail.

I've also decided I will never stop blogging.  Finding these posts have inspired me to continue living, learning, experiencing, and growing. Whenever BlogSpot comes across my mind, I hope I can find a way to remember my password and just post whatever I'm feeling that day...that year... that moment. 

Today....it's gratefulness. 

Fullness.

Peace.

Until next time.