Reminiscin'......

TD was the closest thing to a boyfriend I've had since my '02 fiance fiasco. I talked briefly about him when I began my blog.
Even though I haven't mentioned him since December, I think about him every blue moon. Certain songs make me think of him...like anything by Patti LaBelle, Beyonce, or TI. And since it's been getting warm, memories of us last summer have been filling my head quite frequently. Upon thinking about our good and bad times, I'll smile and sometimes laugh quietly, then I move on.

Out of the blue, he called me saturday night just to say hi and to hear my voice. It stirred some things in me that I didn't realize was still there. How can love be dormant? How could all of the feelings I thought left when he left re-surface as soon as I hear his voice. We talked for hours about everything. I think we talked more saturday and sunday then we did the entire 6 months we were together. When we hung up, I felt like I was reliving his departure all over again. I wanted to cry and while I know why I don't really understand why. Why do I still have feelings for him? I've moved on...he's moved on. But "it's" still there... I still feel it for him...and I can tell he still feels it for me. I recently visited a blog talking about chemistry, but I don't remember whose blog it was ...and I'm to lazy to go through all my dailies to find out... but they posed a really good question about it. Does the chemistry between two people ever really go away? I mean I've liked the guys I've dated/am dating since TD and I split, but I haven't felt THIS kinda connection with ANYONE. And I don't know WHY i'm so drawn to HIM. We weren't good for each other. He didn't bring the best out in me, didn't treat me like I should have been treated, and didn't give his all. We didn't really complement each other and I'd almost swear we are from opposite ends of the earth...yet He's the one I was absolutely CRAZY IN LOVE with. Love is funny.
The guys I that seem to fit me so perfectly I never fall for...

This says more about me than I could....

You are Psalms.


Which book of the Bible are you?
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Sad Sad Day...

The Kings lost last night. I'm sad. That's all. :(

Aight...it's long... real long... but here goes...

Well whenever I say "i'll tell you tomorrow"... just know that tomorrow = the next time I can write.

I told myself that I'd never step foot into a club again. A few of the reasons are already expressed in young females' blogs everywhere. I HATE the smokey atmosphere...inhaling all that garbage...ugh! It makes me sick to my stomach. Then to top it off, a few jealous females have burned my arms with the butt of their cigarette on a few occassions. I hate the brotha who buys you a drink and think ya'll should be together for the rest of the night. I hate being grabbed and called "lil Shawty" and blah blah blah...

But the biggest reason I hate going to clubs is this....I've realized that I have an "Attention all crazy, psycho, stalker guys: I really want you to come over and talk to me because I feel you're my soulmate" sign tattoo'ed on my forehead! I KNOW I do. It's just too much for it to be a coincidence that this crazy stuff ALWAYS happens to me. No matter when, what club, who i'm with, what i'm wearing, how i look, I am ALWAYS approached within 3 minutes of my stepping that first toe into the club by a guy who "saw me and the world stopped for him". I mean this isn't a new phenomenon for me... this has been happening my entire life!! I'm talking about even when I was rocking the not-so-fresh glasses and braces.

A guy will see me, approach me, wanna talk all night... buy me a million drinks (and my friends drinks), try to keep me on the dance floor with him all night, won't let me out of his sight, tell me how he wants me to meet his mamma... wanna hug and kiss on me, wanna tell me his life story and everything else on his mind,wanna hold my hand, want me to meet all his friends he came to the club with, wanna fight any dude that comes up to me.. (even if that's the dude I came with), wanna follow my scared behind all the way to the ladies room door and wait for me to come back out, wanna give me his number(s) and email adress and business card and home address, wanna take pictures with me, wanna follow me to my car, wanna make me get out of my car and get in his, and even wanna stand in front of my car so i won't leave the club..I'm talking bout they be crazy in love and don't even KNOW me.... just craziness. One time a guy even got up and sung a song in the middle of a doggone private party my friend was having at the club and had the nerve to dedicate it to me. ugh. Why me. WHY ME. My friends even start betting on how long it will take for that one "i'm looking for a wifey" guy to come up to ME once we step in the club. The longest was 3 minutes and 36 seconds.

Having said this, guess what happens when AM convinced me to go to the "happy hour" with him and Omar at Club Chaos 2 thursdays ago??? Yup that's right.. some craziness.

So after 30 minutes of AM begging me to come to the club cause he wanted to finish talking to me, I said alright. He knows I don't drink so my only reason for going WAS to be in his company for a while. Well... we get there and of course it's about 16 people total up in there b/c we got there at like 10 on a thursday. (omar wanted to get his drank on early) So AM, Omar and I walked in together and we all go to the bar. They order something, I don't. There were about 4 other girls there and the rest were guys who had the same idea Omar had. So, I'm standing with my back to the bar looking around, waiting for AM and Omar to do what they do, so AM and I can chat for a while and I could go home. There was this guy standing to my right whom I didn't even notice was there until he whispered in my ear, "dang u cute." So I look at him and casually say thanks. He looked like he was waiting for more... but I didn't give it to him. He was one of those guys that seem like he never has to do any work to get women b/c THEY hit on HIM all the time. He didn't respond to well to the fact that I was completely ignoring him.

AM sipped on something clear and walked off into the dark. I asked Omar where AM was going and he just shrugged. So I just leaned back on the bar and looked at the empty dance floor wondering how long I'd have to be there. I made a mistake. A BIG MISTAKE. I... I.... I glanced at him. Yeah... i glanced to my right just to see what was going on over there... and ole boy was still there just staring at me. Of course he glanced off as soon as I turned my head his way which is what really shifted my eyes to him. Anyway, I kinda smirked b/c he looked so funny staring at absolutely nothing in my direction...and he thought my smirk was an opportunity to say something else to me. He asked me to dance about 15 times before I finally decided to do it. I am a sucker for persistence. I give in way too fast if I'm tired of someone asking me the same thing over and over. It's one of my many flaws.

So we're dancing.... well he's dancing and I'm half laughing, half looking for AM, and half enjoying this IDIOT dancing around me like he's a stripper and I'm the bride-to-be. You can tell he DEFINITELY loved the spotlight. The one time I did look at him before the "Drama", he was actually kinda cute. Nice light eyes, strong jaw bone, full lips... a little slender for my taste but who cares... I sure didn't. I tried to dance as little as possible so he'd get bored and stop wanting and asking to dance with me . But just my luck, my lack of interest in dancing and him seemed to turn him on more. He start talking while we were on the floor and before I know it, he's pretty much giving me that, "i think we have a really deep connection" line. I tried to completely stop dancing but, the less I moved the closer he got so he could move me himself. At one point, I was standing still looking at Omar hoping he'd see my face and rescue me, while ole dancing dude just kept on swirling around me dancing like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. and that's when it happened....
AM came back...with a new drink and a weird look on his face. He watched me and "John Travolta" for about a good 8 minutes before whispering something to Omar and walking to the VIP section. About 3 minutes later, I told ole dude that I was tired and that I was gonna check on my friends. Sadly he said okay and FOLLOWED me to Omar and stood there while I talked to Omar. The crowd was still scarce, heck.. he and I were the ONLY ones on the floor...lol. But more ppl had filled in since we first got there. I asked Omar where AM was, he nodded to the couches in the VIP section..and I (with john travolta trailing me) went to AM. I sat down beside him and told him I was sleepy. That's when I noticed his eyes half closed.

Me: Are you drunk?
AM: hahahahhaa
Me: o...k... you're drunk. *plopping back in my seat w/my arms folded* Great!
AM: you know what sway... i'm so drunk right now. hahaha. the room is spinning. you should try this. *holding his glass out to me*
Me: That's aight. I'm good.
John Travolta: *leans over from behind the couch on the other side of me and whispers* You rested yet?
Me: *shaking my head no* Naw, I'm through for tonight. Imma stay over here with my friend.
John Travolta: *looking disappointed and kinda mad* Alright I'll be back later.
AM: Who is that duck a$$ dude you was dancing with?
Me: What does it matter?
AM: *after taking a sip and a letting out a loud sigh* Sway, I gotta tell you something.
Me: Yeah
AM: I'm gonna start sellin. I can't take this bullsh** job anymore. I used to make in a month what I make in a year....
Me: whoa, whoa... hold up. You jokin right.. I mean...
AM: Naw I'm fo real. Man, I tried to do the right thing. I was going to church and errthang.. but it just aint workin fo me. Sellin is in my blood. I dream about that sh**. Man, I calclualted how much I'd make when I get my PhD and it's depressin. I can't live like this. I need...
Me: But what if you get caught? A... you not thinking straight. This is crazy. *getting all worked up*
AM: I aint gone get caught, I got folks to sell fo me. I'm just gone make some calls...and i'm out the game baby. Simple as.....Sway are you crying?
Me: *with tears in my eyes cuz I'm sooo mad at him* NO

So he gives me this big hug and tells me he's so sorry for making me cry. He's not gonna sell, he just said that to see what I'd do and if I cared. He kept hugging me and telling me he loved me and he's sorry for testing me. He claims the reason he got so distant earlier this year was b/c he was really falling for me and was scared and needed to sort out his feelings. But he loves me and he just wanted to know if I loved him and he wants to get back together and blah blah blah (i charge this entire conversation to the alcohol). All while he's doing that, I'm letting the few tears fall and I am getting more and more upset at him for taking me through this and I'm trying to get away from his grip...but he's way too strong for me. About this time, John Travolta comes back around and taps me (in mid hug with AM) on the shoulder for the 4th time since me and AM had been sitting there...
AM gets up and pushes John Travolta talking about "Can't you see I'm with my woman. She said she don't wanna dance with you." AM was completely wasted and you could tell b/c he was so loud with it and he could hardly keep his balance. I dunno if John Travolta grew some Kahunas to save face since everyone in the VIP section was looking or what but he stepped right up to AM...and this dude was way smaller than AM. So they go to pushing each other and saying some crazy remarks and the guy was like, "nigg@ she don't want you, she want me" and AM punches him square in the jaw. The ppl in VIP all scream and gasp and a bigger crowd draws near while Omar comes pushing through. AM and John Travolta are on the ground and AM is drunkingly tussling with this lil guy. The security come about 3 punches into it and throws us all out the club and all AM does is laugh. I was soooo HOT. I went off on him and got in my car and left him and Omar there. Omar said he ended up driving back because AM was too gone to even open his own door. That was such a turn off for me. You probably won't be hearing me talk much about him anymore. I haven't talked to him since then even though he's called a few times. I'm still upset about that. I'll let you know what happens if I ever do accept his call.

So when did blogger (blogspot) change it's site?

I guess I've been gone for a while. I am just realizing everything's different here. I think I like it better. I'm not sure yet. Anyway... I've been scared to write. There's been plenty of things to shoot the breeze about but sometime in the last week, I've become fairly superstitious. I mean not about everything, but I think I've been so afraid to write about what's been going on because it seems that everytime I write about something or someone....things change...and I don't want things to change.

I met a guy. The first time our eyes met they locked and neither of us could shift our gaze. There were no fireworks or butterflies. No floating feeling or sweaty palms... but something was there. We conversed for a while and on a whim, I gave him my info.

We would talk every once in a while and I became more and more interested in him, well at least until I found out he was younger than I. This has always been an issue for me. I don't know why I have this complex...but I just WON'T date a younger guy... it immediately turns me off. So, I started to distance myself from him and I think he sensed it because the further I strayed, the harder he tried to pull me back in. Well finally I agreed to see him again, to just chill or what not the saturday b4 last and I had the best time I've had in a long while. When I saw him again, I instantly remembered why I gave him my number in the first place. He's a real down to earth cat and I didn't even notice the age difference...which is VERY rare for me b/c usually it's all I can think about.

I felt like I was at home. I got so comfortable there that I kicked off my shoes, curled up on the couch and just layed there and talked to him for nearly the entire afternoon. It felt good to meet someone that noticed and appreciated the little things about me. Like.. he realized that I have two small freckles/moles/i dunno..... on my face.. one close to my lip and one by my left eye. I mean they are sooooo small you'd have to practically be IN my skin to see them, but he noticed. He also noticed that I blink twice really fast before I blush. I thought it was cute that he was so attentive. I left his house before sunset and hoped he thought of me as much as i thought of him.

HE CALLED the next day to say he was thinking of me. I didn't know guys still did that. I was happy to learn otherwise. I didn't have time to talk for long, but all day, I thought of him. He said that he had to see me again. So we decided to go to the Najee concert at Centennial Park together. I was so excited. See, when I daydream between working and blogging, I often picture myself on a warm day at the park with someone special, just relaxing...enjoying nature and each other. So this was really special for me.

AB, (who happens to have the same first name as my last love interest,AM) was waiting outside for me when I got to his house. I wanted to meet him there b/c I wanted an excuse to come back there once we left the concert. It was just that cozy. :) I must say, that wednesday outing with AB was exactly what I needed. We kissed goodnight and I smiled all the way home.

My high ended that night when I received a phone call from AM. Yup. A freakin M . This so and so hadn't called me in like 2 weeks before that saturday I went out with AB. And he just so happen to call at the times AB and I were out or talking to one another... so I'd always tell him that I'll call him back. I guess the harsh reality hit him that Sway wasn't paying him any attention anymore b/c she's now intersted in someone else... well like a true brotha....his little feelings were hurt that I wasn't stroking his ego and wasn't there for him as much...so he brought out his A game to try and "win" me back. So thursday afternoon, AM shows up at my job with "just because" flowers and he asked me if I had plans for that night. He asked if I'd hang with him b/c he missed my company and he begin to explain why he's been distant lately. I listened... I'm not sure if I should have.

Anyway, he drove me to his place after work and we chilled with Omar for a while. Around 10, i asked him to take me back to get my car so I could head home. He wasn't trying to hear it. He wanted me to come with him and Omar to the club for a little while. After 30 minutes of him begging and me saying no, i finally said okay. Let me tell you that was the craziest experience I had in a long time. I'll tell you about it tomorrow. I'm sure that story will take up a whole post. So til then...

Better late than never....

...or is it? *seriously contemplating whether or not i should even post this ish so late in the game*

Oh well... i took the time to do it... so whatever. I really don't know who to credit for it since EVERY blooger i know has one. So... I'll credit it to everyone!! Woo-hoo. Anyway, it isn't as good as others... I guess my life's kinda boring... but nevertheless... it's my life. :) So here goes...

100 things about Sway