Just when i thought...

I had it all figured out...


Friday March 17th
TGIF restaurant 8:16pm

Him: So how you been sweetheart.
Me: *glaring at him & wondering why I agreed to have dinner with him* I've been great.
Him: Well you definitely look great. *smiling*
Me: *dryly* Thanks.
Him: So... I just wanted to tell you a few things since it's been a while since we've talked. I wasn't gonna call you anymore since you told me not to. But it's funny how life works.
Me: *looking uninterested*
Him: Well, I just wanted to start off by saying that Sway, baby, I love you so much. No matter what ever happens between us or what the future holds for you, or me, or... Uuuuuus.... Just know that I never meant to hurt you and i never fell out of love with you. You and I both know that we are soulmates... and whether we be together in the future or not, no one or nothing can change that fact. We fit. You're still my rib. Always have been, always will be.
Me: *struggling with everything inside of me to not hit him dead in his mouth* mmm-hmmm.

So he goes on and on about the real reason for him going back to Columbus and yadda yadda yadda...
The story made sense. Alot more than what he gave me when we first broke up. But the fact remained that he left me. And he went back to Karen!!! NOT ACCEPTABLE.

I remained quiet because I wanted him to say all he had to say in order for me to blast him with everything i've been holding in for the last 3.5 months. It was just the week before that I had realized how angry i was and magically, he's here in front of me. And i can really say all of this to him. I guess that's why i really wanted to go. I needed closure. I know he know how i felt, but i wanted to say it to him. I wanted him to know he was dead wrong for what he did. I needed closure.

I didn't get it.

Him: blah blah blah blah blah.
Me: *thinking..."will you shut up so i can tell you how I feel."*
Him: blah blah blah...and so since you and i both know that, I want you to have this. *pulling out a small, black velvet, heart-shaped box*
Me: Now tuning back in...and fully aware that I now have a black shaped box in front of me... Huh? *looking at him and at back down at the box.

I was confused. I KNOW this neegro didn't pull out no ring box.

Him: Open it.
Me: *still looking at him with the gas face*

Pause...

Sighing, I open the box. In it was an engagement ring.

What irony.

When I want to marry him, he leaves. When i'm ready to leave, he wants to marry me. *smh*

I guess he expected me to be happy. I mean really, we did have a fairy tale love. I've never experienced a relationship like the one I had with TG. I'd be lying if I told you that I don't still love him. And I know he knows that I'm still in love with him. But I'd be a fool to marry him after what he just did to me. I'd be a fool to just bury it all under the rug and take him back with no questions and open arms.

And you know what, I don't feel like being a fool.

But i do still love him. lol

So these emotions and thoughts were running through my head for so long, I didn't realize that I had been staring at the ring for quite sometime.

I guess he finally figured out that this wouldn't be as easy as he thought, so he told me that I didn't have to give him an answer right now. And he said that he wanted me to keep the ring no matter what because it was rightfully mine. He also gave me "my" wedding band (it was a set) and showed me his matching one.

Him: "i'll keep this on my middle finger until the day you decide to take me back, then i'll put it where it really belongs"

lol.. This man is something else.

I closed the box with the rings in it. And put it in my purse. I had no intentions of telling him yes. But i couldn't bring myself to tell him no either.

I needed to run this by my friends... even though i already knew what they would say. lol

I know at the end of the day... unless God Himself comes back and tells me that TG's the one, I will move on...and so will he.

~~

I've always wanted to steal Cymple's idea of doing a "through the years" picture blog.
Well as you all know, I'm lazy. lol But I figured I'd at least start.

I think my momma hid all my pictures... so these are just a few.

I'll be back with more later. Hope you enjoy!


--->click here<---

I know someone's sorry...

...that SWAY has a blog. I know they wish they could sift through crazy spazzed-out bloggers like myself who have NOTHING to talk about, but wanna take up space writing stuff. lol. Oh well. Too late now.

I'zz back ya'll. Ya girls been on the grind. I've been wanting to write, but
I've been too busy to get the posts finished and out. Right now, I have about 8 unfinished posts in a word document right now from just last week alone. lol. I wish I had a transcriber. Work has picked up dramatically, and life is moving faster than I can type… so I figured instead of attempting to write a zillion posts about each little thing… I’d just share my random thoughts over the last 2 weeks and a little of what’s been up with me…plus whatever pops into my head. Aight here we go…



~White men stare at booty’s too.
I was on my way to work last Friday and saw an all white construction crew working on the traffic lights one street down from my building. Now, traffic was thick obviously because the traffic lights didn’t work. So I’m just sitting in my car jamming to some ole skool funk…and I happen to glance over at the construction workers. A skinny white girl, probably an Emory student, was doing her morning run coming across the street towards them. The people watcher in me just HAD to see their reaction to her. So I look at one of them noticing her, and nudging the others to prepare themselves for her arrival. They all see her coming, then quickly get back to what they were doing and as SOON as home girl passed them, these doggone white men stopped working and gawked at her booty like she was Ki Toy or Kenya Moore… I mean they stared so hard that I even tried to look back to see what the heck they were looking at. lol I guess everyone can enjoy a nice booty. *shrug*

~People notice when your socks don’t match. (whut? It was dark in my room and I was in a hurry.)


~ "The Ex" called.
Monica’s Knock, Knock song comes to mind.
"It’s funny how the tables turn...tuuurn…tuuuurn."
TG has decided to call me and “clear the air”. Telling me he misses me, he still thinks we’re soulmates and have expressed wanting to see me. I don’t care to discuss the rest right now. Just know that he’s called everyday since last Wednesday.

~Blair Underwood could get it.
I’ve been digging him for over 10 years now, but he seems to get better with age. My goodness… I saw that man on one of those old reruns of Sex and the City… (though it’s all new to me since I didn’t watch it until it was no longer running) and I could not contain myself. I was officially lusting. That man is down right BEAUTIFUL.


Whew. *fainting* I knew it was over for me when I saw him in Madea’s Family Reunion and STILL liked him even though he was a *insert choice word* in that movie. Ole trifflin self. But lawd he fine!! I think he may be one of the only men I’d be a groupie for. If God grants my prayer request last week and hook me up with a Blair Underwood look alike… I will have no problem populating the earth by myself. No one else needs to have children until after I’m 45-50. k, thanks!

~I actually traveled 34 miles to get some doggone $2 "Want Want" Senbei .
Have anyone ever had those? Want Want’s senbei are sooooooo good. I’m addicted. I eat about 3 packs a day. (6) They crunch and look a bit like rice cakes u can buy at krogers, but wayyy more delicious. It’s the best tasting air I’ve EVER HAD!! *jumping up and down thinking about them* I had to go to China Town to get them… aka Buford Hwy. I felt real weird being the only darkie in the store. I was trying to ask them where I could get these “Want Wants”… and they had no idea what I was talking about cuz they didn’t speak English AT. ALL! They looking at me funny and pointing to fish and vegetables… and I’m like NOOOO..the cookies… coooooo- kiiiiieeeeesss? You understand? I want “WANT WAAAANT! lol
Finally I just went looking through the aisles myself and finally found something that LOOKED like it, but it was written in Chinese, so I had no idea if this was really it or not. I took a chance… got in the car and opened up one… YES! It’s good. Ahhh.. I can drive 34 miles back home in satisfaction. :)

~Dave Chapelle’s “Block Party” was really good!
I went to see it last friday with my girls and was laughing and jammin the WHOLE TIME. I wish he’d come down here to tha dirty dirty and do something like that. I wonder if it would be as cool as it was up there. I mean they had Common * I never realized that my ex TD, remember him, looks a LOT like him*, Mos Def *fainting…lawd I lubb that man* Erykah Badu, Jill Scott, The Roots, Talib Kweli, The Fugees, Big Daddy Kane... and the list goes on and on… I was like… MAN! This concert is HOTTT!!

Now imagine who he’d have to get if he came to like… Spring Street or something and got our folks… we’d have who? T.I.


*fainting... In the words of Daman from Friday after next... "That nigga is magically delicious!"
The CAST… *man I love outcast!!* Brang (not bring… gotta get DECATUR on ya’ll for this post. lol) Now where was I? Oh yeah… brang KILO back and Too-Short (although he’s Okland-based) Goodie Mobb, Young Bloodz, My tennessee folks 8 ball and MJG… we can even have Xscape do something. We ain’t seen them in a grip. Then brang it back current with Dem Franchise boys…oh… ya’ll I’m sorry… I could go on for days with this…lol Aight… you get the point, it would be soooo very gangsta! I think we need to write Dave and ask him to make it happen for us.


~I’m going to Africa.
I came to this conclusion after seeing this neegro RAT HUURRR at The UniverSOUL Circus a few Fridays ago. *fainting twice*


that should be ME making him laugh


he's the one dead center. *lusting*


whew dip it low...


Okay lemme tell you. These pictures do them NO justice. They were dancing during the parts they weren’t “performing” and those sexy men were getting it. I KNOW he can work it out. LAWD LAWD. I couldn’t help myself. He was so fine, and could move…and he was SKRONG. I could overlook the fact that he's employed by the CIRCUS! lol… I made up my mind that a vacation in some African country should be my next move. lol

~ Cornbread tastes good at breakfast time.
I don’t feel like discussing why I had cornbread for breakfast. *blink* I mean… it was supposed to be for my lunch, but I was hungry at 8. And..well…it was just staring at me, and I felt like it needed some attention, so I warmed it up and looked around hoping no one would ask me why I’m eating cornbread at 8 in the morning, and took a big bite. OH MY GOODNESS…that was the BEST breakfast I had in a while. Mmmm…

~I hate hurting someone’s feelings JUST as much as I hate someone hurting mine.
There’s this guy who I met in December that was feeling me, but never tried me since he knew I was with TG. I thought he was cute, but wasn’t really interested in him like that. So anyways…TG and I broke up and ole dude figured this was “fate” because he’d always felt that I should have been his girl. Now I never knew this, so when he asked me out, I was like, okay. *shrug* I figured we were just hanging. He finally tells me how he’s really feeling and I express to him that I’m not feeling him that way. He’d be hurt to the point of tears being in his eyes and he’d say okay. He’d continue to call and we’d go out more, and he’d say it again. I finally realized that he really thinks I’m gonna change my mind about not wanting to be with him. So I tried to break it down as simple as possible with out being mean about it cuz I really do like him, just not as a boyfriend. The last time I told him I didn’t want to be with him like that, he said okay, then burst out crying. Now mind you, this dude ain’t no lil punk. If u saw this neegro in the streets, you’d clutch your purse and cross the street to the other sidewalk. So I was stunned to see this man spit water out his eyes like that. I could tell he was trying his best to hold them back, but it wasn’t working. That thang really hurt my heart. To know that someone is hurting because they wanna be with me, but I have NO feelings for them at all. Just sad. I hate being the source of someone’s pain. Especially when I’m in pain myself.

~We have free cake at work in our cafe every 1st Monday of the month…and I never knew.
Now THIS ish pissed me off. For REAL. I’ve been here 3 years. I felt a little hurt about this lack of knowledge. How they gonna keep this from me? That’s something HR should have told me on my first day. I would have been at the cafe door at 11:55 waiting for that thang to open. Don’t they know I like cake? Don’t I LOOK like I like cake? How you gonna have free cake and not tell a sista. Then when one of my co-workers came up from the café a few weeks ago and decided to share with the department that the birthday cake was down stairs, everyone had already knew and got them a piece.*trifflin bleeps* I’m like, yall neeegro’s knew about this? And no one said anything to me??? *getting furious* Okay… it’s all fun and games until Sway makes a surprise stew for our next pot luck. Payback is a mutha. lol

Aight… I’ve ran my mouth enough. I’ll touch back later! Yup!

Just Interesting

Good Morning sweety. U were just on my mind and wanted to take a min. b4 work to let u know that u're blessed and highly favored. luv always yours truly T****** G****** Sr.

From: TG
3/08/06 6:16am


I hit “delete” as I rode in silence this morning to work. It’s weird how I haven’t heard from him since the whole baby situation, but this particular morning, he texts me. I guess one thing hasn’t changed. He still feels my moods. I guess I threw out such strong vibes yesterday that he had to feel it. lol

Last night was interesting for me. It started off normal, I ended up doing about 3 days worth of work in 4 hours, which exhausted me, but I was fine once I got off. I took my friend to kinko’s and all was well. Got home and did my usual routine of checking messages, showering, watching Bernie Mac and finding my lounge-around-the-house shirt. I blindly reached into my drawer without a care in the world, grabbed a white shirt and attempt to put it on. As I pulled it over my head a familiar smell filled my nose. I knew that smell well. I immediately looked down at the shirt I just put on and realized that it was TG’s shirt. I have no idea how he gets his clothes to smell like that, but it’s very distinct, and it doesn’t go away until after 2-3 washes.
It had T****** spelled out right on the front. I didn’t know I still had that shirt. I made every effort to give him back or hide all of his things, but somehow this one was overlooked. Maybe because it was turned inside out and I figured it was mine. *shrug* But looking at myself in the mirror with this shirt on… one I wore SO MANY nights at his house because I joked that I was his number one cheerleader, sponsor, and head of the TG fanclub… floods of memories came back. I was no longer in my house, in my room. I was there in his place. And it stung.

It was at that moment last night that I realized that I haven’t been honest with myself. I’ve allowed myself to be hurt, to grieve, to wonder why, to cry…and all that comes with breakups except for that one thing. The one emotion that I’ve suppressed and made excuses for him so that I didn’t have to feel. The very thing I don’t know how to express. That thing that bubbled up in my so explosively last night until I could no longer deny it. I had to be honest. And for the first time, I looked in the mirror at myself with tears in my eyes and softly said.

"I’m angry."

I couldn’t stop saying it. I couldn’t stop feeling it. Rage felt like it was oozing out of my pores and I didn’t know what to do with it. Before I knew it, I found myself throwing pillows at my head board between uncontrollable sobs and fierce yelling the air. I told him everything I REALLY felt. I told him how mad I really was. I told him how much I resented him for leaving me at the time i needed him the most. I told him how I really blamed him for losing baby. I told him how much I loathed the lies he told me.
The more I yelled, the more I cried. The more I cried, the more I felt all of the hurt that was still VERY present and VERY real. The more hurt I felt, the angrier I was that he was the source of this pain.

I yelled until I made myself hoarse. I cried until I choked, coughed and almost threw up. I kicked, punched the bed, and threw pillows until I was too exhausted to move. I collapsed on the bed in a big puddle of tears. I was tired, my face was puffy, my eyes were red…I had a bruise on my leg and I had no idea how I just hurt it. I layed there and allowed myself to find it’s normal state of peace again.
I hoped that my words resonated through the air and down to Columbus. I hoped as he laid by her, his eyes popped open and my voice filled his head. I hoped that at least one second of his day was filled with remorse on how he did me and Baby. I knew that my hopes were probably unrequited.

I was okay with that. I said my peace and fell asleep easily.

Imagine my surprise upon waking up and finding a text from him.

Nothing major was said. Nothing to read into. But..

It was … interesting. Just interesting.

Ode to a friend... (u know who u are)

It's been 3 days, 10 hours, and 32 minutes since I last spoke with you...
I've never been good with goodbyes, it's something i'd rather not do.

There were no hugs exchanged, no glances back to see if the other was walking away.
No akward silences or merciless begging to make the other one stay...

Just a little while longer.

We've only been best friends for less than 2 months,
but now that you're gone, I'm not even gonna front...

I miss you.

Our reason for separation is vaild and i understand...
I know you have to let me go in order to be her man.

And that's cool. I like her. I think she's good for you.
It's just that i didn't realize what your going away would do...

to me.

You see, dates are a dime a dozen... i can kick with any guy

but a true friend like you... they're so very hard to come by

But i wish you well, I pray for your happiness, love, and peace

And with these few words, and a few extra tears, from you i'm finally released...

Goodbye you. *hug*

I appreciate you...

How very much better it is to appreciate the good things you have while you still have them. For then, not only can you appreciate them, you can put them to positive and productive use. So begin each day by counting your many blessings. Pay particular attention to the ones so overwhelmingly a part of you that you might otherwise take them for granted. True abundance and gratitude are solidly linked. The more you appreciate the good things, the more numerous they will be.

I am not sure where i got that from but i was cleaning out my "documents" folder and I along with a bizillion blog posts i've started and never finished/posted over the years, I ran across this. I know I found it somewhere around the end of last year and so i figured i'd share it with you all since i liked it so much.

And also...I just wanted to take the time out today to say thank you to all of you. Those words up there made me realize how much i take you for granted. Sometimes I forget people actually peep into me daily, or weekly...or whenever. Sometimes I overlook how much effort some of you put in your comments. So thanks. :)
Close friends whom I talk to on the regular, thanks for still coming here and reading my shananigans although you probably know everything there is to know before you get here. lol
Blog friends i've met along the way, I appreciate you reading and sometimes commenting (or not) on the things that I write. You all have been wonderful.
And lurkers whom i've never met and have no knowledge of when, where, or how much you read my blog, I thank you too. Although I'd love to know that you're there... i can understand if you just wanna read and go. :) I thank you too.

*hugs all around*

Okay enough mushyness... enjoy your day!

Wednesday ramblings

Okay…so I got a lot on my mind these days… which means that I may be writing a little more frequently. Well let me not say that… a sista will get lazy and stop writing in a heartbeat! I do have a lot to say.. .I just don’t know how much of it will get said… so we shall see.

Today though... I don’t wanna talk about much of anythang. Everything on my mind is of NO importance or intellectual value whatsoever! Who wanna be deep when its THIIIIS wonderful outside?!?! I hope this is a premonition of what the rest March will bring. I’m happy these days just cuz the sun is out and I don’t have to wear suede and leather just to keep warm.

Oh yeah… I just remembered why I got on here…I wanted to just update you on the little Anthony thing. I wrote about it here…

And I know a few of you commented on the email not doing any good. Guess what, ya’ll were right.
Amazingly the day after I wrote that post, Anthony found me on my newly created myspace page.

He was charming as usual…asking me about my marriage date and telling me how it was TG’s loss cuz i'm such a great woman, after I casually told him that I wasn’t getting married.

I went to his myspace page, just to see what was poppin there. Nothing stood out about it. It looked and SAID exactly what his black planet and yahoo spaces said. Then I saw his favorite catch phrase... “I want what’s coming to me”.

Isn’t that some bold ish to say when you go around playing folks and breaking hearts and screwing women out of money, time, and innocence?

Anyways… he had 214 women as friends there. All of them thick with big breast. lol I guess that’s his thing. *shrug* So I go down to read the comments on his page… and I find something quite interesting. Ole girl that blasted him on yahoo…also blasted him on his myspace page. I guess she sent notes to those 214 women saying the same stuff she said to us on yahoo. I was very tickled…until I saw most of the comments left about ole girls attempt to call Anthony out. Here are a few…


~Just dropping by to say hey...It looks like you have a little drama on your page...LOL...Hit me up when you get a chance.


~Yo, yall got that message too?!?!?!?!?!?!? LMAO LOL, LMAO... Well, damn she must have a lot of time (being that there are nearly 200 girls in your friends list) and emotions... hope it all works out.


~You know I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt but I can honestly say that you have crossed the STUPID line. Hell you and POP are right up there together wouldn't know a good thing if it sat on your face! You need to get your mind right nigga and make it ASAP! Cause clearly you playing games right now and about to lose the best thing that has happened to you. If you think its a game call POP and ask him what I told him. BITCH GET YOUR MIND RIGHT!

~I recieved a message and hope you good ! Handle ya buisness homie! Two Fingahs

~Hey Anthony - Having a stalkers not easy huh??? lmao. Anyway, just wanted to come by and say hello to you. Good LUCK!!!

~lol I SEE U GOT A STALKER ON YA HANDS ANTHONY LOL HANDLE THAT HOMIE ! LOL


So out of 6 comments… only one girl was upset. lol. I guess she was one of the many that thought she was his main chick.

What’s gets me is that instead of these women having red flags about this neegro going off in their head…or maybe even thinking…wow… she might have a point, they all pretty much take his side and think that she’s either crazy, a stalker, or desperate.

Crazy stuff to me. Just thought I’d share.

I guess he’s still pimpin. What a shame.