HE Changed Me

There was a guy.

With me there's always a guy.

I’ve always been that girlfriend who keeps herself a man. I know men aren’t accessories, but looking back, I guess I did kinda change them out like purses or shoes or something. When one man got old and worn out…I'd go get another one. I didn’t spend too much of my life single. Sometimes I feel that’s a good thing…Most times I feel it’s not. *shrug*

I never planned it that way…or got ansy when one relationship ended and I found myself by myself. I enjoyed my “ME” time… and I guess that genuine contentment radiated through me. Men were drawn to it. They wanted to get to know me and I happily let them into my life. Just like that, a relationship was born.




It was 1996 and I was starting a new school along with the rest of my classmates. Our our old high school was being converted into a middle school and it illicited many emotions from all 1500+ of us. Half of us went to Lakeside, the other half went to Tucker. I was excited to know that all my friends would be coming with me to experience our Junior year at Lakeside. It was like having the best of both worlds…having a whole new pool of people to meet without the awkwardness of being a freshman. It was the perfect blend of old and new. It gave me something to look forward to.

Well, a few weeks before the start of school, my first love decided to trade our 1.5 year relationship for the possibility of new opportunities. It hurt like hell because he was the only guy (to this day) that I saw for the first time and decided I was totally, madly, and head over heels gaga about. He was my “love-at-first-sight”. And he wanted to... explore his options. *smh* So I started school with a broken heart…and was thankful that my 3 best friends would be here with me to help me deal with that.



I never quite fit perfectly into the defined "groups" in High School. I was known, but I wouldn't call myself popular. I was in all advanced classes, but I didn't really hang with the "nerds". I guess you can say...I was a band geek although at my school, band was a respectable group to be a part of... *shrug* lol

My 8th and 9th grade years were spent playing the clarinet in marching band. When GT (my first love mentioned above) and I started dating, I decided that I wanted to join the drum core (drumline) to be closer to him at practices and games. So my 10th grade year, I did just that. Around that time I shed my “tomboy” appearance and by the time I hit my junior year….I was all woman. I felt like showing the new me off by joining the dance team. My old high school never won any football games, but you wouldn’t have known it by the way the band showed out in the stands. I knew nothing about this new school, but I did know that Friday nights wouldn’t be the same if I wasn’t still showing out at the games.

Our dance team practiced just as much, if not more, than the band. Some of the girls were cool…and the others took our “Royal Divas” name to heart. One particular girl earned the name “Nosebleed” from my friends because we figured she MUST have had one to be holding her head and nose in the air that high all the time.

Anyways, I loved dance team. I was still apart of the band and got into games for free….but we had cool, sexy outfits…and I was able to do something I genuinely loved. It was even better to have experienced it with my girls . Being a part of the dance team was a little different than playing an instrument because ALL through the game we had to perform. We had no breaks. We enjoyed the game…but we always had to keep one eye open on our captain because we never knew what was coming. We were continuously dancing. Even when we were sitting we were doing some kind of subtle dance movement. It was also different because we stood out. The band motto was the same as in the movie Drumline… ONE BAND, ONE SOUND. Band members all looked alike. There was no room for individuality there. On dance team however…we strived on being a part of the group, but being distinctly different from the next dancer. We each got a chance in the spotlight. There was a "favorite" girl for everyone. People actually looked at each of our faces... our shapes...our movements. We stood out. I stood out.

That’s how HE first saw me.



The merging of the two schools proved to be profitable for football. We had somehow managed to win almost every game that season. Our reward was being able to play our regional game at the Georgia Dome. Coming from a losing school…this was HUGE for us. I was WAY more hype than I ever could have imagined. There were camera crews everywhere and the excitement of being in the Dome just put all of us over the edge.

Halftime came and I was already exhausted from all the jumping I was doing in the stands.

Wow! I’m dancing at the DOME!! I thought to myself as I posed on the sideline.

I was sooooo excited. The crowd went wild as the beat of the drum filled the place.

Is that us??? We sound GREAT!

I began high stepping on the field.

This place is HUUUUGE! I’m soooo excited.

Since I'm “vertically challenged”, I'm always in the front. It proved to be a wonderful thing that day though.

The camera caught me in the middle of our routine and my adrenaline rushed into high gear. My kicks became higher... smile was brighter... I shook my hips like I was about to break something. I tell you the truth, that camera man was getting a SHOW from me. So much so that when we went back to the stands…he followed us and continued to get shots of us dancing throughout the 3rd and 4th quarters. That’s when I found out that we were up on the big screens at the Dome for everyone to see.

“I saw you dancing girl….who taught you how to dance like that?” My dad joked as we went to eat after our exhilarating victory.

“Momma” I said laughing… knowing she’d try her best to do a two step while my dad roll his eyes and tell me for the umpteenth time how she has no rhythm and he’s the dancer in the family.

The big screen made me a celebrity that day. I got plenty of screen time and everyone who knew me had come to tell me how crunk I looked up there.

I had no idea HE was there.

I didn’t even know who HE was.

But that night…while on the sidelines, HE saw me on the big screen.

And that night…HE asked around and found out everything he could about me.

I was being watched…talked about…and admired by someone I never knew existed.

I was oblivious to his growing attraction to me. He'd watched me the entire night act a plum fool in the stands...and I knew nothing.

I didn't know that moment would affect my life 10 years later...


to be continued...