Just like family...

I’m from Decatur. Anybody that knows anything about Decatur knows that we are some Ghetto-fied folks. Lol. I know this about myself. I can be a little… um err... ghetto at times. However, I was fortunate to get out of Decatur and see how other folks live. I am glad to say that today I stand before you reformed and refined. Don’t get me wrong… Keisha comes out every so often….and try to run thangs…but usually I have a tight grip on her.

The rest of my family was not so fortunate. Decatur is deep in their blood. It’s all they know. So unfortunately even normal things are turned into madness when they get involved. Take for instance my cousins wedding Saturday. I have NEVER seen a wedding so friggin ghetto. EVER! I can’t even believe some of the things I saw. *smh* I won’t go into ALL of the really off the wall ghettoness i saw…but I’ve compiled a small list of things I witnessed at their wedding that I think are important for everyone to know NOT to do. Please take heed.


Tips from the Ghettoness I saw Saturday

if you gonna have a wedding…

1. do NOT wait til 2 days before the wedding to ask a preacher to “do your wedding”! The man had to work saturday…he didn’t e’een KNOW about the wedding. Then you call him on Thursday night askin him to just show up for your wedding. Didn’t even give him a time! Just come. And then when he called Friday to ask the father of the groom what time the wedding… HE didn’t even know!

2. do NOT underestimate the elegance and importance of formal invitations. Calling everybody in your phone book a week before you get married and leaving a voicemail saying “hey, we getting married Saturday, ya’ll need to come through” is NEVER acceptable. EVER. Like this is a barbeque or something. How you gone “come through” a wedding? *smh*

3. Please have a wedding rehearsal. Just do it. Telling the preacher, singers, wedding party and etc…what to do AS the wedding is going on will definitely NOT run smoothly.

4. do NOT allow for your groomsmen or bridesmaids to wear their suits and dresses to their prom (yes they were young) the night before and then have the nerves to walk up in the Chuuuch with sweat and punch stains all on their rentals. WTH? Baby blue and Cream with a red punch stain on the front is NOT a good look.

5. do NOT seat folks that were late AFTER the wedding party has started coming in. I mean, it was crazy to see about 4...5 kinfolks rush in all loud, sayin hey to errybody like they early and sit their behind down right in between the entrance of the bridesmaids and flower girl. What a shame.

6. Please try to refrain from consuming the bride’s entire face in your mouth for 5 minutes while onlookers gasp cuz they feel like they are looking at the beginning of a porno tape. Especially when the preacher man is only about a foot away. Dang…save that ish for later.

7. Please Please PLEASE give better directions on when the doggone singer is ‘sposed to sang… Don’t let her get halfway through her song then have an usher from all the way in the back…walk his bubble behind up through the wedding party (pushing folks...'scuse me...'scuse me) and tap her on the shoulder during her high note to tell her to quit singing cuz it aint time yet! Especially if she’s ME! lol. *smh* I had to start that ish ova again and I WASN’T happy about it. lol

8. Never EVER have Luke playing as background music at church while we wait for the wedding to start.

And finally,

9. I know yo’ feet hurt…and I KNOW you wanna see Man Man and Junebug…but brides… PLEASE please PLEASE PLE.ASE PuuuhLEASE!!!! don’t come out and be chillin with the guests before the wedding with your wedding dress and some house shoes on. Don’t do it!

Strange love...

“if this is what it feels like when we hug and hold each other… then *whew*, we'd probably die if we were to make love…. ”
~ TG 4/16/05


The hug goodnight was so magnetic it took all we had to tear ourselves away from each other. He claims that when I left… I took apart of him with me. I'm pretty sure i did. Because when i got home I still felt the rise and fall of his chest as i rested my head on him, i still smelled his burberry cologne and ban deodorant, i still heard his voice randomly thanking God for his gift. He was still with me. I was still with him. Our souls were amalgamated. Never to return to back to our original state again.

This is weird. I’ll be the first to admit it. lol

But weird follows me. I've had my share of situations that everyone else upon hearing it would just be like.... um...okay sway that's weird. lol

But never has anything like this happened to me before. Most of my weird situations can be explained although unusual in nature. This… however, is just extra-ordinarily peculiar.

I promise my blog won’t turn into a chronicle of TG and my journey towards our destiny…but I just had to share with you guys that our first date was everything I thought it would be. He’s quite a bit older than I, which I am enjoying because he’s still a bit old fashioned. He still believes in chivalry…and courtship.

We left practice and went to his house so that I could leave my car and he could drive us to our destination. Our date was mostly filled with conversation. It’s crazy how our lives coincide. I mean after many in-depth convos…we realized that when certain things were happening to him, they were happening to me too…and vice versa. I mean, it’s eerie almost. Unreal. And I’m no talking about things like… “uh…were you sad around valentines day? Yeah me too.” lol.. Nothing like that… I mean like… being on different sides of the world within the same month of '03 and having a lady prophesy to him in the club the same time a bouncer was propehesying to me in a club…and having our prophesies being almost verbatim. In fact, on Saturday before our date , we both were prophesied to at practice…he was in one corner ...and while I saw this lady talking to him, I didn’t know he was being spoken into because I was across the room being spoken into as well. And unknowingly both prophets were saying pretty much the same things to us. Our futures matched. His prophesy and mine were complimentary. Now add in about 43084309843 more of those kinda stories and prophesies…and you’ll be where we were on Saturday. When we asked for our exact match…we had no idea how deep it would go. lol

Plus…okay… this might sound a little crazy…heck…all of this sounds crazy so neva mind. Just go with me here. lol
I used to pray for my husband. I mean, not like “Lord please give me a husband”. lol I mean I used to pray FOR him... like I knew him. I prayed for his health and his safe travel, and that God strengthen him...the whole nine. I mean, I prayed like he was in my life already. Like I knew what he was going through. Like his life depended on it. The reason was because some days, as crazy as it seemed, I FELT his struggle although I didn’t know who he was. I felt in the spirit that he was going through some serious warfare. So I prayed. Now talking to TG…and going back over the past few years, its crazy that the times I told him I prayed were the times he was really going through some things. Our convo was very intriguing. Timing of events in our life was uncanny.


I must admit…I’m scared. After all of this talk about wanting someone to see me and know me. He finds me… and I’m scared. I’m not really scared about our future…I know it’ll be fine…so maybe I’m using the wrong word. I’m…. I’m kinda nervous about his past. His past is very…colorful. More colorful than I've ever imagined a guy I date having. I know what’s in the past is in the past. Lord knows I wouldn’t want to be judged by my decorated past either. However, the past sometimes IS a good predictor of future things. It’s not for sure of course…but I’d be a fool not to look at the entire picture.

He’s divorced. Has been so for a while… but that whole thing still makes me nervous. Being a second wife has never crossed my mind as a possibility for my future. How will I measure up? How will his first marriage affect ours? How will my insecurities about infidelity play into our relationship when I know that they are still cordial? This kept me up last night. I was nervous. Of course our date Saturday just confirmed for him (he was already confident before then) that we are meant to be. So he’s on “Go” trying to prepare himself financially, spiritually, emotionally…etc. for me. He’s not as nervous as I. I doubt if he knows I’m even nervous. It’s like… when I’m speaking with him…or about him… doubt completely leaves. I know what’s happening…everything is clear... nervousness subsides…

But… in the midnight hours…this whole thing makes me a little nervous. I WILL listen to my body.

Only time will tell if this is right or not. I’m feeling 95% sure about him. But that 5% is holding on STRONG…so until I’m 100% sure… I’m taking it slow. Keeping my options open. Praying a lot. I know God won’t steer me wrong.

The Rang...and some other thangs...

Alright… so many of you have commented on the rang thang. lol After re-reading my post, I realized that I did kinda just leave that hanging. lol. I apologize. Things are just happening so fast and so many thoughts are permeating my mind that I forget to tie up all the loose ends.

*sigh* I don’t even know where to begin. lol.

TG gave me his number on Saturday and asked me to call him. I was already rushing to another engagement, so I said okay and ran to the car. My mind was working overtime on the way to my next singing gig because I wondered what he wanted to talk about and why all of a sudden he wanted me to give him a call. For a brief second I thought that his sister had gotten to him and told him that I was asking about him, but I knew that couldn’t be because she was sitting next to me... and not once did she get up to go chat with him.

*Rewind*

After I saw his ring and tried to shrug off his marital status… I still couldn’t stop thinking about it. What does his wife look like? How long has he been married? Does he even find me attractive at least?
The longer we stayed in practice, the more his status intrigued me. I’ve never seen the ring before today. And it really doesn’t look like a wedding ring. *I convince myself* Actually…it looks like a class ring. And ooh ooh… he has one on the other hand too …same position. Maaaaayybbeeee????? Hmmm.
I couldn’t take it any more. I asked his younger sister, who was sitting beside me. I knew it would seem a little odd if I asked, but I couldn’t just NOT know. I just had to know for some reason. During a small break I casually struck up a convo with her…and worked in a way to ask her about him. She told me that he’s been single every since his divorce two years ago.
*thinking DIVORCED??? Dang…this neegro doesn’t even look a day over 26…and he’s already divorced*

She gave me an odd look…as to say “why, you interested?” But before she could ask me anything I replied. “Oh okay. I was just wondering…so what about you, you dating anyone?” Her face softened a little as she did what everyone seems to love to do… she talked about herself.

She talked and talked…and the more she talked…the more I drowned her out. My thoughts were on T.G. …… “… so he’s single”. Hmmmmm.

*Fast forward*

So I’m in the car thinking about him and why he just randomly gave me his number. I wanted to call asap! But couldn’t. I couldn't call until Monday. My schedule for church was so packed that Sunday I came home and fell asleep almost upon entering.

In our first conversation, we were already vibing like nobody’s business. There wasn’t any of the “getting to know you” questions most people start their conversations with. I have NO idea what his favorite color is, or what kind of movies he likes to watch. Nor does he know who my favorite singer is and what I like to do on the weekends. I guess that conversation will have to wait. It’s amazing how things transpired. After saying hi, we just kinda dove right into the nucleus of each others soul. We began talking about our past and how that’s shaped us for where we are now. We talked about our calling and our gifts from God. We poured out our souls. Filling each other in on our fears, our weaknesses, and our hurts. We talked about our future…and how we…yes WE fit into each other’s lives. We connected on a level I’ve never connected on before. We didn’t feel the butterflies in our stomach. We felt our souls merge. We were spiritual soulmates. He told me that he felt something that he’s never felt before…and I did too. I couldn’t describe that feeling with words if I tried. Like i said last time... if completion was a feeling...that's what would describe what i felt best. He said that for him, it felt like how you know, a kid asks for this one toy all year long and then when christmas is a week away, he unexpectedly walks in on his momma wrapping that toy...and he's just ESTATIC to know that he got the toy he's been asking for all year... now he's just trying to patiently wait u ntil Christmas so that he can unwrap and play with his gift. lol. I felt him on this. I feel that way too.
I was always told that when you find that one, you’ll just know. I thought it was a big load of crap. lol. But I don’t know…there may be something to that. I’m not saying right now that this is it. But I will say that the connection we felt with each other was not based on physical attraction. In fact... the attraction we have for each other HAS to be something in the spirit because that's all i see when I see him. His spirit. Sometimes when I see his spirit, I see me. I see the part of me that I’ve been missing. I see his soul. I see his soul seeing my soul. His wavy hair and dimples faded on Saturday. And since then, all I’ve been able to see was his soul. Our attraction to each other is on a level I’ve never seen before. I’ve never felt before. Sure the man is fine. Sure his voice is smooth as cranberry colored satin sheets… and yes that’s why I called. But once we talked to each other… we both knew.
Well…actually HE knew. I didn’t know WHAT was going on…though I felt that pull... I still didn’t KNOW. I considered it…but I didn’t KNOW it. Feel me?

We’ve talked every single day this week. Easily talking at least 4 hours a day since our first convo. He told me that he had fell in love with my spirit a few weeks back, and just couldn’t shake me. He knew there was something about me that was drawing him to me… he just didn’t know what it was until we talked…and once we talked, he said “his spirit began to jump”. This man thinks I’m his Eve…his Rib. He says he’s never been sprung off of just conversation and a person's aura/spirit before. lol. Attracted yes…but sprung… neva that. I understand where he’s coming from too. It’s like… we have both gotten some confirmations about our future…now we just have to get to know the person we already know we’re gonna spend the rest of our lives with. lol. Weird. Very weird.

I know I know…this is a lot to grasp. It’s hard to understand. Logically this makes no sense. Yes Yes I know. *smh* It doesn't even make logical sense to us!! I was scratching my head and asking God what was up all of Tuesday and most of Wednesday… but what can I say. We can't deny what's there. I’m gonna take it slow…and proceed with caution. I'm no fool. I'm not gonna just go marry this man tomorrow. But ya'll I'm kinda thinking this may be my one. *slowly realizing what i just typed*
I mean, ya’ll, this man is SOOOO confident. I’ve never seen anyone as confident about our future as he is. I would feel better if I was as confident ya know? It would make things even easier if I could just believe him wholeheartedly. However, with me…I’ve been burnt a few times… been set up for the okie doke…been sold the pipe dream… so I’m cautious. Not so cautious that I’ll miss my boat…but cautious enough to bring a life jacket. So…while he’s on “GO…run…full speed”..... I’m on that… “go…but lets stroll”. lol


So we shall see. Our first date is tomorrow. lol. Pray for me. :)
Gone.

Changing lanes...

It's now 10 a.m.

I am the only one in the office. *insert heavy silence* Why you ask? Well my OTHER co-workers are all downstairs preparing for the "Big Day". Make-up on POINT... hurrrr is DONE...they are all dressed to the nines! Silk ties, kasper and larry levine suits, stacy adams, nine west, and even a few prada shoes...they're all down there. Today is picture day. I've known for about a week that it was coming. 2 minutes before work ended yesterday...a blast email reminder was sent. I put in on my calendar. Both calendars. No one can forget picture day. It's only the BIGGEST day besides Christmas and Mother's day. lol This picture will be blown up into a poster and hung at our nationwide conference that we are hosting next friday. This is BIG stuff. It's the picture that's going in newspapers and journals with articles talking about our research. NO ONE forgets picture day. Well...no one but me. *holding head in shame* I'm sitting at my desk with two afro puff ponytails...looking all of 3 years old. No make up to cover my poofy sleepy eyes, jeans all comfortable and un-ironed, a pink t-shirt that looks like i just woke up and put it on (which i kinda did...after showering of course) and some dingy silver nikes. *smh* I really wasn't feeling dressing up today. I was SOOOO ANTI dressing up. lol. Which is crazy cuz I'm usually ALWAYS in business attire. My co-workers usually call me, MS. BRC - fashion diva. lol I guess I got that title revoked today. I just completely forgot about picture day. I look a HOT MESS! I wasn't actually planning on coming in. I didn't sleep last night, so when my alarm went off, i decided that i'd just take the day off. I had such a mentally and emotionally intense night last night that this morning i was out of it. But i sucked it up and decided about 10 minutes before i was supposed to BE here...that i should get out of the bed and come to work. So, I hurriedly showered and put on the first thing I saw. Now i sit here....kinda hurt that i forgot ...but glad no on made me go take a picture looking like this.

Then...as I start typing this doggone post... while they were all gone... My co-worker/friend and boss rushes back up stairs and over to my desk with a black suit jacket 2 sizes too small and as I try to run past them, my boss grabs my shirt, clips me and tackles me to the floor while my co-worker works the jacket on to me. (okay not really...but they might as well have) Then they force me into the elevator, and draaaaaag me outside with the other suits and skirts and prada heels. They slap me DEAD CENTER in the picture.... Right smack in the front. ME! Looking like a broke down punky brewster....am now the poster child for the american cancer society!!! *smh* It's a sad day for uppity black folks everywhere. I just set us back a good 10 years.

So as I defeatedly take this picture. I smile. Though i look a mess. I feel great. See... the reason i didn't want to come to work this morning is because I stayed up all night. The reason i stayed up all night is because i couldn't stop thinking about the events that had just taken place earlier that evening.

Someone met me.

His name is TG. I've been silent about what's been going on in the land of Sway for a while, partly because I felt like no one really wanted to hear about my million and a half church services...and partly because everytime i get ready to write... something else comes up and i just get further and further behind. I meant to tell you guys about my singing group AGES ago. Actually it was the reason I wrote about my stalker. I was setting you guys up for what's happening now. But i never got around to it. So... i'll just cut all the background info and jump right into it. I'm in a gospel "ensemble". In the summer...we will begin recording original songs and singing them around the US and London. The Lord has already given us favor. It's amazing. We've been on TBN already...and in July we are going to sing at Former President Clinton's library. I'm excited. Anywho.... there's a young man that plays the drums for the group. The first rehearsal I went to I saw him. He looked familiar. He was cute. I remember thinking... dang...i'm so glad i have some eye candy. lol. But that's all remember about him. He was quiet. Suave. Laid Back. Chill. He was all that. And me... well i came to sing. So my attention quickly shifted from him and his drumset back to the purpose of my being there.

Every saturday at 5, we would meet for rehearsal. I never said hi to him, I never even shook his hand. I'd glance over at him every so often...wondering if he was married. Wondering if he thought i was cute. Wondering which of his parents he got his wavy hair from. Then i'd remember that my focus should be on God....and I'd tell God sorry...and continue to praise Him.

Saturday, I saw a ring. *dang*
He's married i muttered under my breath. With a shrug...and tight knot at the center of my stomach... i paid him no mind. I had to leave rehearsal early because i had another engagement. Before I could excuse myself, a little girl came to me and gave me a card. On the card was TG's number. I looked at him before exiting. He motioned for me to call him.

I smiled in the car.

Yesterday i called him. Let me tell you... his account of meeting me was MUCH different from my account of meeting him (which i just gave you above). He saw something in me. He met me. Maybe when the awe dies down i'll be able to repeat his words to me.

When he finished telling me his account of our meeting. I felt something i've never felt before. It wasn't an emotion I've ever felt. It almost felt like.... completion. I know that sounds weird. lol.

Something he said stuck in my head all night long. As we were talking he stopped in mid-sentence and said, "Sway, you feel it too don't you? you already know. i know you know because i feel it too."

Now on the real.... if anybody just stops mid sentence and say that....most people would be like W.T.H? What are you talking about. Feel what? Know what neegro? Huh? Huh?

But the crazy thing was that i DID know. i did feel it. Feel what? *shrug* beats me... but i felt it. lol
i don't know what i know...but i know it. lol I'm not making ANY sense right now. lol But at the same time...it all makes perfect sense. Somethings happening. I don't want to jump the gun on this...but he's gonna play a major role in my life.

WHY!!!!!!!

America says farewell to Nikko





I no longer have a reason to watch american idol. :(

Yeah Yeeaayeeee

“Just waking up in the morning gotta thank GodI don't know but today seems kinda oddNo barking from the dogs, no smog, And momma cooked a breakfast with no hog…”

~Ice Cube


So it’s Wednesday and I am soooo amped! Friday is payday, the weather is oh so nice, and everything is going pretty well in the land of Sway. It seems like everything is flowing my way. Ive been on a high for a month now. It’s the best. It’s like Erryweek is great. I’m loving it.
Aight… I know I’ve been slacking with the posting and all. I just haven’t had anything to write about. Still don’t really. Every since I pretty much let all my fun friends go… My life has been….simple. Work, Church, Gym, Home. That’s it. lol But err uh… I know it’s about to be on since spring is ‘round tha corner…and you KNOW your girl can’t resist being out and about when it’s nice out.


Work

Mane….how come my office smell like corn chips and feet? I mean I came in here one morning and the odor just hit me smack in the face. I’m all scrunching up my nose… trying to find the smell. Going around to people’s desk making sure they got their shoes on. So I get out my Lysol and start spraying everywhere. Especially around those offices where funk just seemed to hang out. They were looking at me crazy…but I KNOW I can’t be the only one smelling it. And they BETTER be glad I didn’t spray them. *smh* Some of these people REALLY need to think about letting that soap hit them a little longer. *taking in a deep whiff of air* Ahh… much better.

Other than that minor mal-odor, I’m striz-ate. *sorry, I spent a little too much time last night with my cousin and his snoop CD lol*

I’ll probably come back later this week to talk about my upcoming conference that I am EXCITED to be apart of. :)


Church

Aight… I love church. Everyone that knows me…know that. BUT… I’m wondering… how many services is TOO many. Right now, Church has my schedule on LOCK! I’m talking about…it’s a full time job AND my new boyfriend. I’m there for 7:30 service, Sunday school, 10:30 and 4pm services on Sunday. I’m there for 6pm intercessory prayer and 7pm Bible Study on Wednesdays…and I’m there for 7:30 service on Friday. NOT to mention my Thursday and Saturday choir rehearsals. *sigh* I’m Tiiide! *yawning* And I have until the end of may before that schedule changes. lol


Gym

Well thanks to God…and a new heavy duty sports bra… I haven’t had any more “incidents” like I did a few months back. *whew* My toppers have been politely staying in their place…even while doing jumping jacks. I’m quite proud. Lol Yesterday afternoon, I even went running. ME! SWAY! Went R.U.N.N.I.N.G. !!! Can you believe it? (I know, me neither) It has got to be the weather. I went to the track behind the closest school to my house… put on my shorts and emory visor and started trucking along. I was DOG tired after about 2 laps. lol. So much for my “I’m in shape” theory. Lol I still continued. I had to at least do my mile. But lord knows it took all I had. Lol. Guess I should run more. lol It felt pretty good. In fact, after running, I did ‘bout 100 jumping jacks for good measure. Ahhh I love spring. *looking googly eyed*


Home

Home life is…. Always interesting. I’m usually not there much except to eat, shower, and sleep. However, lately I’ve managed to stay at the house a little more. With gas being ridiculously high…and my friend list dwindling down to about 4 people… lol …I’ve been spending much more of my free time…. At the house. So these are some things I’ve realized since I’ve been there.

- Bill collectors call ENTIRELY too much. Neegro…if I didn’t answer at 7…I won’t answer at 7:05 or 7:15.

- I have WAYYY to many types of hair products. Lol For somebody that claims to hate hair and everything associated with it… I sure do have a lot of products. I mean… I got it all. The beauty supply store IS my bathroom. I got stuff for permed hair, texturized hair, colored hair… and I don’t have any of that. lol. *smh* I got wigs, weaves, ponytails and hair caps…and don’t wear any of it. *smh* I got stuff to make my hair curly…got stuff to make my hair straight… and I STILL can’t seem to figure out to do with this ish. Look at it.. just look!!!




- Nothing good comes on tv any more.
- Jumping on the bed at 24 is NOT as fun as it was at 4. :( (what? Nobody told me.)
- Boredom WILL cause you to dial a number of a person you really DON’T wanna talk to.
- Though there may be a house full of food, there’s never anything there that I wanna eat. Lol
- Dancing in the mirror while blasting some music is still fun.
- I really miss living alone.
- Termites are the spawn of satan. (right next to menstrual cramps and ppl who keep their blinkers on too long)
- I really do hate clothes.
- I won’t get in the bed on time even if I have absolutely nothing stopping me.

Okay…think I’m done now. I got another meeting to attend. So I’ll be back around to talk about nothing later. Gone.

Today is...

waaaaaay too beautiful outside to be stuck in an office. *sigh* I knew from the moment I woke up that today would be one of those days that I couldn’t pass up basking outside in the sun. So I did what every 9-5 working soul sista would do. I called in sick. *cough cough*

I couldn’t take off for an entire day unfortunately because I have soooo much on my plate right now. But I DID drag my behind in at about noon. lol. This morning it was just me and nature. I went to a park close to my house. Not many people out…but more than I expected at 9:30am. I forgot that the chullins…err…children were out on spring break. So a few lil hot mamas and their hot boyfriends were out there making me all jealous. lol. It was peaceful though. I hated that I couldn’t have stayed longer. I loved having a chance to just sit and enjoy the wonderful scenery that God has so graciously allowed me to experience. Sometimes in a world full of chaos, it’s easy to get lost in the MJ case, Terri Schiavo incedent, Johnny Cocran and the Pope's death, and the 150 wars going on at any given moment each day. But I bet if people just got away for a second and allowed themselves to really inhale the serenity of nature…our lives would be all the better. I know my life is. *happy sigh*

Even if I’m back in the office… cooped up between four suffocating walls with deadlines, reports, conference calls and unexpected computer crashes. I’m still the better just knowing that peace is only a few trees away…

FAVENITE dot.....

Aight....

I was over at FAVE's spot for my usual daily read...and I saw that he has created a radio blog. You GOTTA check him out.

***** WARNING*****
*EXTREME SWEAT MODE*
This brotha is doing it WAAAAY BIG ya'll. *getting all hype* He's displaying some of his work. Open ya eyes ya'll ...his radio blog is the new hotness!! Great vocals, great accompanyment, great lyrics. FAVE got it goinz on! Nuff Said!
*END SWEAT MODE*